I’m just curious as to how to get my wife to be more accepting and help me with my dressing instead of being so mega I’ve about it. She knows I’ve wanted to crossdress since I was like 10. But she’s still not very accepting of it and doesn’t want me fully dressing. She’s ok with panties and bras and stockings. But she’s 100% against any makeup or dresses or heels.
There is probably no good answer and her attitude towards dressing may never change. One suggestion, and it's a long shot, but perhaps you're making it all about you and your wants. You might try enticing her to participate, ask her opinion, try to add a little "between us girls" humor. Try to make her part of it.
Indeed many wife don't support and I agree with Jackie on getting her more involved. ,
Part Time Girl
I try to do that a lot while talking about it. But things never really go any further then they are right now. Like I try to have a day out shopping for both of us and ask her if she would like to get matching dresses and things like that. I’ve even asked her about a compromise and us just do some drag shows so I can fully dress and that would hold my urges back to just a few times a year instead of me wanting to dress all the time. I told her she could help me get ready and do my makeup and that I think we could have a lot of fun with it
There is a sticky for SO acceptance at the top of the index page. You know your wife best; so you will know what would have the best chance.
I am not married, but I suspected that if your wife is not accepting, then it would be unlikely that she would want to get more involved. I was thinking to maybe try and show the positives of what CDing brings to your guy mode versus her friends' guys. But she might hate that it affects your guy mode at all.
A difficult situation. Generally, you can't make someone do what they don't want to.
I think you are on the horns of a dilemma. Actually, she is accepting, but with only three items? My wife is 100% accepting. Neither of us understand why she's OK with partial dressing. Maybe some reading, conversations, honesty, etc. and she'll realize that we, especially those of us that started early in life, cannot accept partial acceptance. Can she explain "why" she rejects makeup, heels, wigs, etc. Hopefully, she'll realize and accept all your needs. Best
Panties, bras and stockings are a pretty good start. Maybe try some counselling. Getting her involved is a great idea.
generally, it depends on how you define 'accepting.' Do you want her to go out with you while dressed? Or do you just want her to accept that this is something you do from time to time without necessarily participating? I'm one of many who is not sure what I want from my wife. I don't THINK I want her to go out to dinner with me dressed, yet I can't say the idea is completely out of possibility. My wife currently knows. She tolerates my going away for a long weekend now and again and accepts that I dress up when she's gone for the day without giving me a ton of s**t about it. So, for her, that's being 'accepting' So far, that's been enough for me, but everybody's different so I guess you have to do some introspection and decide what it is you want from her.
Jackie makes a great point. Involve her.
My wife is 100 o/o supportive. She caught me soon after we wed. She criticized my makeup, that was her o ly complaint.
Make it a point to show your affection toward her. Always open doors for her. Tell her those 3 magic words as often as possible. Whisper sweet things in her ear when opportunity knocks. In short be Donna Juan.
Looking back at my experience with my ex, Daniel? I'd say u have 5 choices:
1. Discuss ALL of both your issues deeply and completely. Work out compromises u both can live with for ALL your issues.
2. Get a good, experienced counselor to help u work out #1.
3. Separate, probably get divorced eventually, and both of u can live as u like.
4. Sneak dress, get caught, then do #3.
5. Or, do what I did. We did whatever she wanted. I build up resentment and hostility. We tried #1. Then, #2. But, it was too late and we ended up doing #3.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
It is unlikely that you can do much to change her opinion. She might change over time as long as you do not do things that will upset her even more. I think that you should continue to do the things with which she is OK and, perhaps, her attitude will soften over time.
Hugs, Carole
Daniel, you indicate what she is accepting of, i.e., bra, panty and stockings. However, you did not indicate whether this is underdressing or you sit in the livingroom watching television in a bra, panty and hosiery. You haven't said whether you have asked her why she feels that way or if you have, you did not state it in your thread.
Perhaps, if you did wear dresses, heels and makeup (wig???) the transformation would erase any vestige of your maleness and throw her mind into lesbian mode. Generally, women marry men for their maleness. You're asking her to change the dynamics of the relationship.
Maybe you can convince her to let you dress as a woman on Halloween.
Jack-ie just pretty much said it all when she said try and let her have some input, if she is ok with the things you mentioned then you are way ahead of most. I seem to have the opposite problem she was very accepting at first even helped me with makeup and has even painted my toes n nails. Now she doesn't want anything to do with it, so once again I say take your time and let her grow with you.
I get the feeling you are possibly pushing too hard.
Some women have a limit and she seems to have a bra and panties hose limit.
If all you talk about is crossdressing maybe she is tired of hearing about what YOU want and not what she wants.
Maybe she doesn't want to be forced into participating in all of this?
How would you feel if she wanted to dress like a man and have you put on her hair piece or fake beard?
Force you to talk all about how she wants to dress and act like a man.Pretty sure you would get tired of that pretty quickly.
I'm just guessing but I have seen lots of posts here over the years that sounded a lot like this one and the guys were pushing too hard.
I agree with this, except the Donna part. Stick with Don Juan and give her her loving husband 99% of the time. My wife is very accepting, but has no interest in participating (no shopping together for Julie clothes, no sharing makeup and definitely not interested in joining me on en femme outings). Before I started going out, I would dress with her around maybe one or two weekends a month and maybe twice as often when she was not around. Now that I've started going out, I dress even less in her presence, but have made it a point to be extra loving, say those three little words as often as I can and just be an engaged husband as much as I can. This makes things a lot easier when I do dress in front of her or when I tell her my plans for going out. By the way, I tell her my plans for going out, first cuz I want her to know what I'm up to (which is more important to me than her), but on a more practical level just to make sure it fits with the family schedule. The bottom line is that I never want her to feel that Julie comes before wife and family.Originally Posted by Cherylgyno
My advice is to is start with making sure she is aware of how much you appreciate her and then have some frank discussions about how you can both get your needs met. Maybe the solution is to just find some times for you to be able to dress while she is not around - could be her out of the house for a while or maybe Daniel takes a trip, even if only to to spend a night or two alone in a hotel room.
Oh! You Pretty Things ... Come join us for:
Paint the Town Chicago (Feb 23-26, 2023)
More info here -> https://linktr.ee/PtT2023
Unfortunately, you cannot make her be more accepting. That is a journey she has to make under her own power and at her own pace. However, you can support and aid in the journey.
As for getting her more involved, start slow. Start by listening. Listen to truly understand and not listen so you can explain or defend. Do not make it all about you. Allow her to ask questions. You may have to nudge some questions out of her. Find out her fears regarding your crossdressing. Address those fears so she can better understand. Don't address those fears by telling her what think or how she should look at things. You can provide clarity and facts where she may be guessing or assuming.
As a last thought, I am speculating that she is processing bras, panties and pantyhose more as fetish items and less as crossdressing. Whereas makeup, clothes and heels cross the line into crossdressing territory and are more external and readily visible. This could be a reason for what appears to be partial acceptance or tolerance.
My guess is she thinks bra and panties on a man equals sexual fetish whereas clothes and shoes means transgenderism/transitioning. She thinks she will lose her man if you proceed further. The best policy is to make her talk and ask her to explain herself and discuss her fears. Then it is up to you to demonstrate her fears are groundless. This is a slow process that will take months and years to progress.
I want to be judged for who I am not what I am. Thank you for listening.
It is obviously a big problem for many of us and it has no easy solution. Lots of good suggestions here.
My wife wants nothing to do with it and knowing how she is that is not likely to change, even after a gift of the finest chocolate ever. I guess it is a matter of adapting as well as you can to what you would like and what her expectations are. Limits of how much is acceptable seems to be common. I think Sue brings up an excellent point regarding a sense of loss. Based on reading so many posts here the fear of her husband transitioning is a powerful force in her mind. She married a man and she wants a man and not a man who becomes a woman sometimes or, dread the thought, all the time. It impacts her sense of position in society with all the fears that comes with that. Some overcome that; others won't even go down that road. We are all different and tradition can be a big thing to a woman and wife. I think as Julie says, be a super husband to her and as a man help her in ways that a woman would help her. If she asks about the feminine things you do to help just tell her that you do those things because the woman in you wants to do those things and that complements the man in you that is also there. Then gently slip into the matter of gender expression (dressing) as a part of that feminine part of you. Maybe she will connect the two and be more open to that if there is benefit for her. Is this the way to do it? I have no idea. Hasn't generated much for me, but then we are all different. Worth a try. I guess the main point I am making is to somehow make it a benefit for her to allow you to express that part of you. Not by telling but by doing.
You can’t “make” her accept anything. It’s about finding something that works for both of you, not changing her so you get your way.
Hi Mickey, I can sympathise with your predicament. I am a Closet CD, I have been married for over 40 years and secretly crossdressing a lot longer, If my Wife found out she probably would go to pieces, a risk I have to take by being very selective where and when I dress so the case for not telling her about my trait is definately a no no. In your case I would make a deal not to fully crossdress in her presence. Hope this has helped. Good Luck.
Melissa Rose has it right. Sound logic from my experience.
Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.
I don't have any experience with an SO, but when I was living with my parents I found that, unfortunately, a DADT situation was the only compromise. They wouldn't bother me about it, as long as I kept it completely private. Some people can't be convinced.
One thing that helped my wife was educating her on crossdressing. Many people have gross misconceptions about it. I just recommended several on line articles on the subject. It really helped calm her fears (i.e. Wanting to become a woman, being gay etc...). It was good for her to learn more about crossdressing
From a nonbiased source.
Matching dresses! Eck! I think that would be a big turn off. Even GG's don't want to wear matching dresses!
Also, drag shows may be a little bit much if she hasn't even seen you dressed yet.
Maybe your idea of fun by having her help you get ready and help with makeup is not her idea of fun. Maybe go to a make up salon for a makeover to give you some pointers.
I agree with many who have said you may be pushing too hard. My suggestion is to back off a bit.
Last edited by char GG; 10-10-2017 at 10:43 AM.
I'm basically in a DADT but my wife is ok with me wearing plain women's jeans as my only ones are now such. In fact the same as hers and she also tolerates my plain black Hane's microfiber panties along with a few other things. Well the last time I needed panties i could not find them in black so I asked her if any other colors would be OK and she wrinkled up her nose and said, "Like what? Not any pastels or prints." Her comfort level was met so i hunted a bit more and found some plain black ones, very similar.
I think you need to ease up and be happy with what she is OK with and as char GG said "eew, matching dresses!" The problem with drag shows are that she will get a mixed message about where you are possibly headed.
Posting Permissions
