I didn't ask for this

[Maria 60]

We were out and about today on this beautiful hot day, we stopped at a patio bar and my wife asked me to get a table while she went to the ladies room. She sat down and told me she had to ask me something, she was walking to our table and looked at my shoes and sitting down my pant leg went up and thought she seen that I was wearing pantyhose. I didn't say a word and just looked at her, she told me I would have to be crazy to be wearing pantyhose with this heat. She said that I always told her that I didn't ask for Maria but after today she finally believes me and told me what a sacrifice it must be dressed like that today. I wasn't really answering her and she said "Wow! Its like im a prisoner to myself, I could be nice and comfortable instead I'm dying of heat and doesn't understand why I have to suffer like that. I told her for me this is what I want, I haven't had much time at home and,I guess dying of heat is what I'm willing to do and I'm not complaining. She said she hopes I'm enjoying it and worth it and doesn't believe anyone would ask to wear pantyhose in this heat and told me at times she feels sorry for me having to live with this. I told her it isn't fun but it makes it easier that she's supportive because if she wasn't it would have been even worse.
Well I guess she never believed until today that I didn't really ask for this.

[Tracii G]

Maria I don't know any one that asked for this.
You may have hit a milestone in understanding with her.

[PushupBraBro]

Great story. Thanks for sharing. Sometimes it seems like so much of life is out of our hands. CDing is one of those things, but we get to make what we will of it. Good for you for doing what you need and good for your wife for understanding!

[Teresa]

Maria,
It looks like you can really educate her now, I would spend some time and write an honest account of it all going right back to how it started. I did this but only part of it was read but it does make the point that you're not fooling her, like most of us you were probably born that way and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Underneath my wife knows all this , she just can't deal with it but to me she's making it harder for herself, the denial is have a similar effect on her as it does on us. I'm sure she feels ashamed and guilty because she has inflicted an almost unworkable DADT situation on both of us , she know our separation is the only sensible answer .

[Bobbi46]

Understanding is everything at the end of the day and I think you have found a degree of understanding in all of this, frome here you can move forward and expand the understanding between you both.

[alwayshave]

Maria, I didn't ask for this, it has always been part of me. When I was younger I wished and prayed that it would go away. Now that I have accepted myself, I just flow with it. I don't feel like I'm a prisoner to myself though.....

[sometimes_miss]

I actually heard this type of response first from none other than Rush Limbaugh. I don't remember when, but it was certainly a very long time ago (I think right after his first visit to rehab for addiction to pain meds). It was the very first time I had heard a conservative anything, admit that being gay was not a choice. His rational? No one would choose this. Why would they? Why choose a life that was exceedingly more difficult in so many ways? To be ostracized by so many of their friends, relatives, to open themselves up to discrimination at work, housing, and make them targets for violent angry people? Therefore, it simply cannot be a choice.
So even those who are filled with hate, sometimes come around.
It seemed so odd, to hear this coming from someone who preached acceptance of so many awful behaviors towards so many groups of people. So there's hope, yet.

[mechamoose]

Who on earth would choose to be in a marginalized, shamed, persecuted community?

We are who we are, and accepting that who you are is just YOU is important. You are not broken or deviant or wrong.. you are just you.

Hopefully this understanding will help both you and your wife.

<3

- MM

[Dana44]

I do think you have a deep understating with her. I know that we never asked for this. Yet my SO asked why I always wear a skirt out.When many women don't. Why do we do this. I guess it is the way we is. We embrace womanhood at a deeper thought as we think they should be. But it is what it is.

[NancySue]

Ditto. with alwayshave. It is what it is...love it, embrace it, enjoy it. I didn't ask for this at age 10. I've never "suffered or sacrificed" wearing hose of any kind, or anything else, regardless of weather. My wife chides me when I wear hose and/or underwire bras, but supports me. Hopefully your wife will too.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria , It is funny that you started this thread as I was out with myWife today and I am sure that
she knew I was wearing Pantyhose and the temp in Baltimore was 89deg. today......

[Tonya Renee]

I actually have used this phrase recently. I used this first in my counseling sessions and then with my wife. It is a very true statement but my my therapist and my wife already knew this to be a true statement. The problem is that this just seems like a rationalization to the bigger issue. I have found that speaking from your heart and explaining your true thoughts works best and it will keep communication open and honest but this is one of the most true and honest statements ever! Not one person here asked for this but it is who we are no matter where you fit in the gender spectrum.

[Nikki A.]

I hate to admit it, but I wore p/h on Sunday also since I was too lazy to fully shave my legs. But at least I was wearing a dress.

[docrobbysherry]

Interesting post, Maria. We have something in common! When I dress I LIKE and EXPECT to be uncomfortable.

If I want to be comfortable, nothing beats my loose, cotton, men's things!

[Alice B]

There is acceptance and there is acceptance. Your wife shows total acceptance. reat story

[Ginni]

It would be hard for someone that is not a CD to understand why we wear panty hose regardless of temperature. I don't understand why women don't wear panty hose all he time. I love them and love wearing them.

[CarlaWestin]

Well, even though IT's not a choice, you are free to choose when you dress and what you wear. On my last daytime outing, I decided to be a rather well endowed blondie.
It was a typical desert day over 100 degrees. And, although my outfit was light and summery, I could only take a couple of hours out in the heat.