Sliding Doors

[Becky Blue]

When i was aged about 4 i invented a game, it was called 'pretend I was a girl'. I had no siblings yet (a baby brother was soon to arrive) and at my request my mother put a ribbon in my short hair. I have no recall as to how often i played the game but it was quite often I think and went on for quite a few years. I even called myself Karen... I probably freaked my parents out at the time, but I do recall my mother indulging me with the ribbon.

I have often wondered how my life could have turned out differently if I had an older sister, I am guessing I would probably have wanted to wear her clothes and who knows what that could have led to...

Do any others of you have moments or circumstances that you now look back on and wonder. We moved countries when I was about 7 and i think that is when I stopped the game, the interesting part is it is only one of two games I can recall playing as a kid... makes one think doesn't it.

[Diane Smith]

When I was little, my mother liked to play around with putting lipstick and nail polish on me. My first memory of this (or just about anything) was at age 2-1/2 or so. Later, she would sometimes add clip-on earrings and, much later, pantyhose. She allowed me to get my ears pierced at an early age, and took me downtown shopping for my first pair of heels when I was 12.

But after that, she never acknowledged or participated in any cross-gender activities with me at all, or wanted to talk about what had come before. And her interest had definite limits -- no outer clothes of any kind, lingerie other than the pantyhose, nor makeup beyond a coat of lipstick.

I've never understood how or why she so suddenly lost interest, or why her perception of what was appropriate to do with me had such strict borders. Maybe it was wanting to help me fit in with my peers as I entered middle school and puberty. Perhaps she actually kind of shocked herself during that last outing, escorting me into the downtown department store shoe department in my hose, nails, lipstick and earrings. But whatever the reason, a kind of special bond between us was broken, and I was always sorry about that.

- Diane

[Aemilie]

I've been thinking a lot along the lines of "if things had been different" lately, and while I was young no one knew I liked pulling on the odd bit of female clothing, well my mother obviously did as she once found my tiny stash of stuff while I was in school and it had gone when I next looked for it and it was never mentioned!, any way back to the point, I've been wondering what would have happened if my mother had confronted me about it, or rather what if it happened now ie not the eighties but me being 11 years old in 2017, and I think, or rather I like to think people are more open minded now and a bit more accepting so perhaps I would have been encouraged to be more open with my female side and not shut it away from the world, I certainly would have been happier.

[Stacy Darling]

Sliding Doors!

Stacy!

[Laura912]

When I was about 8, my mother was remodeling a dress for a cousin, and I was the model to check fit and length. I knew boys were not to wear dresses and despite inner feelings to the contrary, I stridently protested. It felt too risky to enjoy the moment. What would have happened if someone found out?! Probably nothing.

[BillieJoEllen]

to Laura 912, I was often used as a dress model by my mother. My mother always told me she was making a dress for a girl cousin. I always protested but always to no avail. I always secretly wanted to be a girl but I never wanted anyone to find out. My father was always furious when he found out that I was a 'model'. A curios thing though, after my mother passed away we found all of those dresses in the attic. My cousin never did get those dresses. Did my mother know about my inner feelings and do all that sewing for me?

[Christina Cross]

In 1978 I was working with a band at a cabaret cliub. One evening the manager asked the bandleader if he could use my services for 1 hour, he agreed to this. The manager then escorted me to the cabaret dressing room where a friend who ran a thrift /charity shop was waiting with the resident DJ. My friend then proceeded to transform us into Females, I was so taken aback by this that me and the dj didn't protest, we just laughed and went with the flow.WE ENJOYED IT.

[Jaylyn]

Becky my story that I wonder about is very similar to yours but some different. My mom wanted a baby girl for her first born so bad that she actually had already made several flour sack dresses for her up coming baby. Dad was working all the time and mom sewed all their clothes and some for her new and first baby. When was born mom I'm thinking ( as I don't know ) was very disappointed. She even had a few old black and white faded pictures of me in those dresses. They were all different colors and kind of patch work looking but color photos were not there yet. She kept sewing me dresses and I stayed in a dress and she wouldn't cut my blonde hair. It's a wonder she didn't cut my private male parts off, just kidding but she was disturbed because she just knew she was having a girl. Finally one day around age four or five dad put his foot down and took me to a barber to cut all my hair off he made mom stop dressing me as a girl. She used to let me play in her old lipsticks, old powder, and she had at several times painted my toe nails, finger nails and helped me with her old lipsticks. She always wore a red lipstick and red nail polish. I was her baby girl till dad had all of it he was gonna put up with.
Yes I wonder if that dressing me for several years made me want or had anything to do with my wanting to today.

[CD Tammy]

I wish that my stepmother was accepting and helped me with crossdressing but that isn’t the case. I wore many things of hers over the years. The number of pairs of pantyhose alone that swiped was many. When I was about twelve I swiped a white full slip from dry cleaning bag. Wearing that and pantyhose, I felt so girly. Somehow she noticed this one item missing and went off. She looked high and low, for that slip. She chewed out the dry cleaner and searched the trunk of the car numerous times in vain.

[sometimes_miss]

I have often wondered how my life could have turned out differently if I had an older sister, I am guessing I would probably have wanted to wear her clothes and who knows what that could have led to.

I put on some of my sister's clothes once when I was 4, because I envied the attention my mom gave my sister every day when she got her ready for school. So I put on some of my sister's clothes, walked out to them and said 'I'm ready to go to school too!'. Mom changed me back, we walked sis to school and came home, and mom asked me if I really wanted to wear the dress; but said it in a way that inferred that I shouldn't want to, so that's how i responded. Later that afternoon, when my sister came home from school, she beat me terribly, yelling that I should never ever touch her things again. It would be many years before I dared to borrow any of her current wardrobe items. I did, however, borrow her old clothes from up in the attic, which she never knew about.

Older siblings aren't always good to younger ones. I think it's still referred to as the dethroned monarch syndrome, where the older sibling hates the younger because the parent's attention shifts to the newer, younger baby that needs so much care. With my sister, it seemed she hated me forever; even to this day. When I came out to her about my crossdressing, she was horrified, and now barely speaks to me, other than when she absolutely has to.

My mom dressed me as a girl when I was very young; toddler age. Supposedly to save money on boy specific clothes; as soon as dad and sis were out of the house, bam, changed into my sister's old clothes. She told me it was so I wouldn't ruin my 'good boy clothes', but she did other things that made me know she had really wanted another girl. Dad caught on when he came home early for lunch one day, and he blew a gasket. Mom was much more careful after that. Even with that, I didn't self identify as female, and continued to like boy specific play (Tonka toys, building blocks, trains, cars, toy guns, etc.). I didn't start playing with girl things until I was older, and they were introduced to me by others.