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Thread: At peace soon.

  1. 10-09-2017, 06:10 PM #1
    Alice Torn
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    At peace soon.

    My tortured life is almost over and i will find peace and rest at at last in the dust of the earth. I cannot take any more of religious guilt, and family oppression , having to take care of my evil sister, who is a devil, and being an old loner guy, which are the most vulnerable to mass murders. I do not want to hurt others like the Las Vegas shooter. I will put myself to sleep, and unwanted lonely tormented tortured man who crossdressed, never got to enjoy a mate or family, and was so utterly odd and misunderstood. I only hope for mercy and healing and love in the next world. The pain and agony and torture and torment lately from family and others is too much, and rather than hurt others i will go to sleep.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 10-09-2017 at 07:02 PM.
  2. 10-09-2017, 06:31 PM #2
    Petra1
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    I hope you mean you will go to sleep for the night and wake up tomorrow.
  3. 10-09-2017, 06:35 PM #3
    josie_S
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    same. please mean go to sleep for the night and wake up tomorrow.
  4. 10-09-2017, 06:35 PM #4
    Lisa Roberts
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    Um.... does anyone personally know you from this Forum. PLEASE REACH OUT TO THEM.
    Please tell me this is a poem or something.
    Lisa
  5. 10-09-2017, 06:41 PM #5
    Traci H
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    Alice you sound like you are in a dark place at the moment. Please consider that you have friends here and all feel your pain. Please do not do anything that would hurt yourself and maybe seek some counseling if at all possible. God loves you in whatever form no matter what some religious types will tell you. You are unique and this world is yours to enjoy.
    Traci
  6. 10-09-2017, 06:44 PM #6
    Kayliedaskope
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    Please, Alice .... don't do anything to hurt yourself. You are among people who care here.
  7. 10-09-2017, 06:45 PM #7
    Tracii G
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    I'm an old loner guy with a very very bad past and have hurt a lot of people mentally and physically but I found my peace why can't you do it too.
    From this day forward be the best person you can be regardless of what is going on around you.
    Don't let those people or entities drain the goodness of your heart Alice.
    Sure we all carry burdens and have to live with what we have done I am no different.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 10-11-2017 at 01:37 AM. Reason: No religion, no exceptions
  8. 10-09-2017, 06:48 PM #8
    Joan_CD
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    Alice we all feel that way from time to time. IT WILL PASS. Please Alice step back and take a breath. Reach out to a hotline or a professional. We have all been in your dark place. Please know you are a good person and can’t allow others to decide your life. We follow your life here and we care. PLEASE!
  9. 10-09-2017, 06:49 PM #9
    Jean 103
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    No please no no. Pm me any time please no
  10. 10-09-2017, 07:03 PM #10
    VivienneH
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    Stay safe. Please.

    Best wishes. Xxx.
  11. 10-09-2017, 07:09 PM #11
    GretchenJ
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    Alice, on days like these, you have to take things one day at a time. Do not resort to rash decisions, and please reach out to a friend, or a therapist for help.

    Things will definitely get better.
  12. 10-09-2017, 07:09 PM #12
    Tina June
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    Alice - All of us here love you and will help you in any way we can. Please hang in there.
    There is always hope.
  13. 10-09-2017, 07:37 PM #13
    JocelynJames
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    For every one of us that reaches out there are dozens more that would like to. We all care and enjoy your posts and your wit. I agree we've all been in a similar dark place. If there is one place you can rely it's here. Not just friends , but family. We want you here and to feel you belong here. I want you here and to continue to see your statuesque figure in each piece you've acquired. Sometimes we feel like no one understands, I think here....we understand more than anybody. Stay and thrive in this community. We love you Alice!
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss
  14. 10-09-2017, 07:43 PM #14
    Rachael Leigh
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    Alice you are loved here and while that may not mean much we do care.
    We all have our sad days. My decision recently to go full time has made me think a lot how could I hurt many this way
    But I know this is who I am.
    We are all beautiful in our own way you included
    Please be safe
    Rachael
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 10-11-2017 at 01:38 AM. Reason: No religion, no exceptions
  15. 10-09-2017, 07:43 PM #15
    mykell
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    think of the folks like us that care about you. The pain, agony, torture and torment lately from family and others is too much, and rather than hurt others i will go to sleep.....please enjoy the dressing in spite of this....its part of who you are, the hope, mercy, healing and love in the next world can wait for you....dont make any hasty decisions....please hang in there.....i think it best someone else cares for your sister, she seams toxic to you.....please hang in theyre alice
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that
  16. 10-09-2017, 08:02 PM #16
    CarlaWestin
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    Alice, If you need someone to talk to please call 1-800-273-TALK. There is always someone there to listen.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
  17. 10-09-2017, 08:16 PM #17
    Pantyhose Queen
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    Alice, tomorrow is a new day!! Please seek some help from either a therapist, friend or even spend some time volunteering with the cats at the shelter -- they need you!!

    Walk away from the trauma and don't look back!!

    PS, keep the leg posts coming
  18. 10-09-2017, 08:19 PM #18
    patti1569
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    Alice, we have all been in a dark place at one point or another. Please, please don't do anything rash. Life is beautiful and so are you!! Just reach out for help. There is nothing that you can not overcome. Trust me, I have been there too! Just another day, just another moment!!
  19. 10-09-2017, 08:29 PM #19
    Lana Mae
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    Alice, you are a wonderful person! Do not do anything rash! You took time out of your life to care for your father and now your sister! It's about who you are and not what others think! We all love you too! Go to sleep but wake up tomorrow! Hugs Lana Mae
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 10-11-2017 at 01:42 AM. Reason: No religion, no exceptions
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  20. 10-09-2017, 08:34 PM #20
    DIANEF
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    Alice, please don't do anything hasty. Look at all the messages here. You are not alone.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....
  21. 10-09-2017, 09:10 PM #21
    Dana44
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    Alice, please don't do anything rash. You have taken care of your family and that is great love towards them. Don't let anything they tell you as toxic. let it roll off and wake up tomorrow for a nice day.
    Last edited by Dana44; 10-09-2017 at 11:20 PM.
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  22. 10-09-2017, 11:13 PM #22
    OCCarly
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    My goodness Alice please don't harm yourself. Please talk to someone. To me you have always been a heroine and an inspiration. I have had my own problems with mentally ill family members and with my father. I always look forward to reading your posts. Please, please don't do anything to hurt yourself.
    Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.
  23. 10-09-2017, 11:17 PM #23
    karenph
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    Alice - please reach out to someone on this board. please be safe.
  24. 10-09-2017, 11:46 PM #24
    Stephanie47
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    Alice, I hope you are only referring to advancing age. Over the years I have read many of your threads. You mentioned not too long ago that you were seeing a female counselor with the Veterans' Administration. I suggest you should contact her. I'm a veterans who sees a female counselor for issues other than cross dressing or sexual identity. She does not know I am a cross dresser. However, we have had some discussions within the context of current political events and hatred some people display towards people who are not like them. It is her opinion that every man and woman is born with some degree of dna of the opposite sex. Depending on the genetics the pull is greater in some than others. Over the years many of your posts indicate you have listened to people, including your toxic (your word) family, who seem to be just plain ignorant or hateful. I can see this has had a negative impact on you. Please call the VA crisis line.

    As to your toxic family. Your brother, who is not in jail as opposed to the one in jail. is hateful. Your sister is toxic. Hanging around these toxic people will always have a negative impact on you. Please try to make arrangements to live elsewhere. You are being held hostage by them. Sometimes it is difficult to make a clean break, but, it is necessary. Personally, I experienced a lot of pain because my mother totally rejected my wonderful wife. Not based on anything my wife did or did not do, but, because she was a mentally ill woman. I saw her sickness was affecting my family. It's not easy to turn away from flesh and blood, but, sometimes it is necessary.

    Not intending to get into the religious aspect of your life, but, over the years you have mentioned your church is very conservative. "Conservative" may not be the best description, but, I think we can see this has caused you a lot of turmoil. I use to attend a conservative church. All I heard from the pulpit was hate for others and condemnation for a lot of people I knew who were good people. People who were my friends and family members.

    I hope you and those reading do not think I am preaching. Reach out to your old counselor. Call that crisis line the VA maintains. Please!
  25. 10-10-2017, 01:15 AM #25
    Nikkilovesdresses
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    Such a sad post Alice. It's easy for others to think, why can't she just walk away from this family of hers? - but I know you are driven by a conscience that is powerful and which sees walking away as an impossibility.

    I hope you find the strength to keep going and that you'll be here with us many years more. As so many others have said, you are a valued part of this forum and although we are spread around the whole world, we are a community.

    Hugs and best wishes,

    Nikki
    I used to have a short attention spa
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