At peace soon.

[Amy Lynn3]

Alice, we are all humans and every one of us are important. Think of it as a chain. If one link goes missing we all fail. You are a link in our never ending chain and we all want you to keep pulling, because we are pulling for you. Remember, when you are down, look up. You will see God and all of us willing to help in any way possible.

Concerning your sister. It sure sounds if she needs both mental and physical help and will not seek either on her own. May I suggest, that if you ask her doctor to order home healthcare for her, a nurse will be sent to her home on a regular basis. If she is old enough for Medicare they will pay for it. That will take the burden off you and your brother.

[suzy1]

Thinking of you Alice. You were here when I joined all those years ago and the place wont be the same without you.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I am just over whelmed by all the stress, lack of sleep, crisis after crisis, and feeling helpless, and dealing with my own codependency and emotional illness.

You're clear about the causes of your present emotional state Alice, and that's a very positive thing. It's much better to have that insight than just to feel miserable and hopeless without understanding why.

Recognizing that part of your problems are caused by codependency is surely the first step towards moving forward? Your family have given you a focus, a function, an occupation for many years. But they've also cost you dearly.

Perhaps some detachment would help you catch up on the missed sleep?

Thanks for keeping us in the picture, I hope you've found some comfort at least from the expressions of affection and support you've found here.

[Jenny22]

Alice, as has been suggested, go to social services and get their help!! That's why they are there. Its possible that they will institutionalize your sister thus relieving you of that burden. Then, drift away or go away from your brother. A change of venue for you would be very positive. Discuss suggested options with your VA counselor, who may be able to step in and take some form of positive action on your behalf. Don't hurt yourself in any way. "Tomorrow" can be a much brighter day for you, if you take charge of your life anew. We, your loving sisters, are your family, and we care about you to the max. Good luck, Alice. Your new wonderland awaits. Hugs and love.

[Erin Lafleur]

Well said Jenny,.. excellent advice...
Alice, I think many of us here have had similar "dark nights of the soul," I know that I have.
I have always found the following quotation to be helpful for me, I hope that you will find it helpful as well...

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” – Harriet Beecher Stowe

[Julie Denier]

So much good advice here. Please be well, friend

[Kayliedaskope]

Alice, I have also struggled with ending it all. At 27, I was broke, all alone, in debt to the tune of $25k, felt like there was no one who gave a damn about me, and I was sitting in my garage looking down the barrel of a .38 Special. I wanted to end it all, just to be out of pain and misery, but I pulled myself back from the brink. This is something I do not tell people lightly, as it cost me a HELL of a lot of mental and emotional pain for many, many years afterwards. It still hurts to think how close I came to just ending it all. I didn't have any support, no one to go to, no one who cared at all .... I had to fight through it all alone.

Get your sister to assisted living NOW! She's too big a load for you to handle on your own. You are not trained to take care of someone like this - the people at assisted living ARE. She is the main cause of your problems and grief, so it is HER that you have to get rid of, not yourself.

Please, ask for help and then ACT on it. Don't let them continue to poison your life like this.

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Alice,

There's probably not much I can add here that someone hasn't said already or said better, but it was such a relief to see that you're still here. Take care and I hope things get better for you.

Elizabeth

[debbeelee1]

Alice, you're to the point that the only person you need to take care of is YOU. Let someone else take care of your family. That is what social services is for. Don't let them drive you over the edge. Do whatever you can to separate them from you, even if it means moving.

[Bobbi46]

I have just had PM from Alice she is taking it a step at a time. But we must keep our messages going if only to save Alice from harm!

[Rachael Leigh]

Oh Bobbie that is such good news, yes I hope she can feel better and hang in there

[Lana Mae]

You can do this, Alice! One step at a time! Onward! Best wishes Hugs! Lana Mae

[StarrOfDelite]

Please, please, please take the advice of your friends on this message board and seek professional help! Call the Prevention Hotline, please.

1-800-273-8255

The counselors on the hotline also have experience in referring people to other professionals who can help. If you would feel more comfortable texting or emailing instead of speaking directly on the phone, those options are also available. Life is to precious, even when it is hard, to think about giving it away.

[Alice B]

This is the most depressing message I have ever seen. Don't do it. Get help. It has already been pointed out who to contact. :Life will get better. It always does. Hang in there. We all love you.

[Bobbi46]

Another thought, if we put PM high on the list to send to Alice we will at least keep in touch but a personal touch like that can do so much help for her

[Sometimes Steffi]

Maybe you can find some time for you, or some respite care.

Alzheimer's runs in my family, and there came a time when the person with alzheimer's became too much to care for.

I had the same problem with my mother. My brother lived near her and took care of most of her needs. He needed a break, so J went up to stay with my mother for a week. I can barely even talk about all that happened while I was there. And this is not the place to talk about it.

Short story is that the wasn't acting well and I ended up taking her to the ER. My brother had subordinated hi health care power of attorney to me. After the visit to the ER, she wanted to go home. She flunked the mini mental exam. She was asked who the president was. She said Ronald Reagan. This was in 2004. This activated the HCPA, and I told the doctors she was staying until they could better evaluate the problem.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that maybe it's time for you sister to be under professional care. If finance are problem, she should qualify for Medicaid. If nothing else, she can get evaluated, you can get some rest and perspective.

[sarah_hillcrest]

Hey ALice, there is a great song by the White Stripes called Little Acorns which I think you should listen too here's the lyrics.

When problems overwhelm us and sadness smothers us, where do we find the will and the courage to continue? Well, the answer may come in the caring voice of a friend, a chance encounter with a book, or from a personal faith. For Janet help came from her faith, but it also from a squirrel. Shortly after her divorce, Janet lost her father, then she lost her job. She had mounting money problems. But Janet not only survived, she worked her way out of despondency and now she says, life is good again. How could this happen? She told me that late one Autumn day when she was at her lowest she watched a squirrel storing up nuts for the winter, one at a time he would take them to the nest. And she thought, if that squirrel can take care of himself with the harsh winter coming along, then so can I. Once I broke my problems into small pieces I was able to carry them, just like those acorns, one at a time.

Take all your problems And rip 'em apart,
Carry them off in a shopping cart,
And another thing you should've known from the start,
The problems in hand are lighter than at heart,
Be like the squirrel girl, be like the squirrel,
Give it a whirl girl, be like the squirrel,
And another thing you have to know in this world,
Cut up your hair, straighten your curls,
Well, your problems hide in your curls.

[cdtraveler]

Alice My Dear,
You are loved and accepted here.. as. you. are. Reach out and ask for help my dear you deserve it. We all do.and I will be praying for you!

Amanda

[Becky Blue]

Hi Alice, can't add much to all the wonderful posts above except to say we are all here for you sister and feel your pain... see if you can get some professional help!!

[Kellitgdet]

Alice,
You are a sister in our community and you are loved by us. Please continue to reach out for help. Life can be unbearable, but you have shown great strength. Draw on your strength and this community.
Kelli

[GretchenJ]

Hey Alice,

By reading the posts and support from the members here should tell you that you are centainly not alone my friend ! I agree with the others here, that you have taken care of others for a very long time, now is the time to start taking care of yourself!

[Alice Torn]

sorry for the silence. Had to be gone the last day and night. I see my VA therapist soon, and will go to a 12 step meeting for codependency Sat Morn. Amazing thing happened. Went to the food bank, and sat down til my number came up. People at the table were discussing dogs. One woman said she know a man who badly wants beagle. I told them about my sisters beagle pup who is tearing up the house, and my sister is unable to care for it. Well, after i got my food, the woman followed me to pick up the beagle and give it to a good home today!!! I text sister, and she is upset, but i did the right thing. I ate a good meal today, and am on my way back up to moving out of the very dark place, but i know with my issues it is one day at a time, even one second at a time. I am not suicidal at present, partly due to all the support from you people. With my bipolar, and disorders, it is one day at a time. Thankfully, my sister is at a nursing home for several days, and i am not visiting her , she is getting phys therapy, and my brother gets back tomorrow afternoon! I will have to face her anger, but i explained it well, and she will be reimbursed for the $300 she spent on the beagle. Beagles are not good indoor pets. They are hunters, and hyper. There is no way she can care for it, in her condition. She has been spoiled and coddled all her life. She need a wake up call. She does not have empathy for me and my struggles at all, partly because i am a man. Cleaned up my apt for county inspection today. Again thank for all the great replies, PM's and support. This was about the fifth time i came very close to ending it all in this life. Last December i was put in the Madison Wis VA mental section for 4 days, and had a month pf group meetings. That helped a lot. I had to seek help in 1990 when i was a helper for a q4 quadriplegic man for a year, and gave him rides for six years, plus doing my window washing business! Burned out. One minute, hour and day at a time, in this screwed up world, which is getting much worse since the total eclipse of the sun.

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I hope to take a little mini vacation real soon!

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I remember a saying, "Sorrow and misery may last all night, bu joy comes in the morning." I am a fighter, and this will not wipe me out. I am feeling better, and mus t never give up. AS i have been through many hellish times and did not give up totally.

[Tracii G]

I am so glad you are doing better Alice.

[Sarah Doepner]

Good news. Relax while you can and take time to breathe deeply. I will look forward to more positive notes in the future.

[aprilgirl]

Hi Alice,

One day at a time is key, so keep looking ahead. Good on you for finding a nice home for your sister's pet. Beagles (all dogs are good) are notorious for being runners, and considering your sister's situation, it wasn't a good fit for either. Speaking of pets, have you considered adopting another cat? I was saddened by your recent loss of Minnie, and though she can't be replaced, I'm sure one would steal a place in your kind heart. Kim