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Thread: Tips to accepting yourself?

  1. #26
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    How to accept yourself? I was going to tell you to see a therapist, but you covered that. You are battling an entire lifetime of toxic masculinity conditioning and don't feel safe letting it go.

    First, looking at your avatar (that IS you, right?) You are much younger and better looking than I am. If I looked that good, I would ditch my male clothes forever.

    Second, you are who you are. Your femme side has just as much right to exist as your male side. And it was gifted to you for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, for you or me, but God does not make mistakes.

    Third, you were put on this earth to learn something AND to teach something. Again, I don't know what those things are; everyone situation is different. You need to open your eyes and look around.

    For additional therapy, I suggest you go clothes shopping. They don't call it retail therapy for nothing! I have gotten an absolute ton of affirmation from the sales ladies who taught me how to pick me out the right clothes for me. And the better you are at putting an outfit together, the more confidence it gives you. You can go either dressed or drab, but I recommend dressed.

  2. #27
    Peatey wheatstraw Tracii G's Avatar
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    Not sure if I would use the current buzz word toxic masculinity.
    Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  3. #28
    Junior Member Deborah2B's Avatar
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    I know that I like dressing up as a woman. I have been doing it most of my life. My wife does not like me crossdressing and is very much against it. She has caught me dressed up or found my hidden clothes several times throughout our marriage. I have purged each time that happened. Her position is that she married a man not a woman. She fears I want to become a woman permanently and have sex with men. I am straight and have no desire to transition. I will say that some women want nothing to do with their guy wanting to wear their kind of clothes. Arianna Renee I will tell you that I have chosen to not dress in order to keep my wife since I love her dearly. I wish you the best in your decision.
    Deborah

    My desire is to create an illusion that is a compliment to all women. It is not meant to demean women or their struggles. It is not a threat to their femininity. It is meant to uphold and celebrate their presence and beauty. I try to accomplish that goal each time.

  4. #29
    genderfluid BiancaEstrella's Avatar
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    One thing I don't want to do is disappoint myself. Everyone else -- or some subset thereto -- can feel whatever it is they feel about me, then not have to worry about me.

    I have to face me every day of my life, and I want to be proud of the person I'm facing. I do that best by answering my self.
    "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
    Oscar Wilde

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  5. #30
    Senior Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    What a great OP and thread so many thoughtful and deep answers. i have always considered that I have totally accepted who i am and embraced my 'inner girl' but I have decided not to tell my wife much as I know its not something that she will accept at this stage. I do not believe that in my case the two are linked but one can never be sure of course.

    I can't offer any tips for self acceptance, but one interesting point is you call yourself a crossdresser, but it sounds like you may be a bit further along the gender continuim?
    Last edited by Becky Blue; 10-13-2017 at 12:22 AM.
    Becky Alyce Blue
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  6. #31
    Member patti1569's Avatar
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    Like some others have already posted, I started feeling much better about myself when I started coming out to friends and family. There is something very freeing in know that I'm not hiding anymore. I'm still not totally out, but the more people I share with, the less I have negative feelings about myself!

  7. #32
    Member AriannaRenee's Avatar
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    Wow! So many amazing responses to this thread. I don't have time to comment on them, but thank you all for sharing, and let's keep the discussion going!

    I do feel like maybe I'm grasping at straws with this. It could be I'm just a big chicken, and looking for an excuse. There was a time when the guilt was so overwhelming, and every time I dressed I swore it would be the last. So, maybe I'm more accepting of myself now than I realize. I dress up now pretty much whenever I have the chance, rather than agonizing about it. The guilt I feel is really more about the fact that I've kept it from my wife. Therefore, the only way out of this is to have the "talk." I just wish I wouldn't chicken out every time!

    To the question about if I'm more than just a crossdresser, I don't know. All I know is wearing women's clothes makes me really happy, and the closer I look to a real woman, the better it makes me feel. But I also know that I have no desire for any kind of transition. I don't hate being male, I just prefer appearing female. Not sure what you call that!

    Cheers, girls!

  8. #33
    Transgender Person Pat (aka Jennie)'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AriannaRenee View Post
    The guilt I feel is really more about the fact that I've kept it from my wife. Therefore, the only way out of this is to have the "talk." I just wish I wouldn't chicken out every time!
    The disclosure vs discovery conundrum. My sense from everything I've read on this site and elsewhere is that discovery by an unsuspecting spouse is always worse than disclosure. If nothing else, when you choose to disclose, you know it's about to happen. There are some stories of disclosure causing the end of a relationship and some stories where the relationship survives, but there are very few stories of discovery that have a happy ending. Good luck.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  9. #34
    Silver Member gendermutt's Avatar
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    Hi. I'm among those like yourself who has and occasionally still agonize over it all. I waged a battle within myself from my teenage years through till the age of 48. I gave up, thinking I had finally accepted myself. Well, I sorta did. What I really had done was acknowledged myself, and gave up trying to change myself.

    Over the last 4 years I have been, and still am in the process of acceptance. More than likely I will to some degree always be in the process.

    I have come a long way. My biggest accomplishment is no longer having self hatred. I still agonize occasionally, but not with hatred. Guilt that I had kept it a secret from my wife. She knows now but struggles with it.

    I think for many of us, we are striving for the balance of what we are, or who we are. Likely many of us feel more torn than need be as to how feminine we are and all. One of the reasons I feel so many of us enjoy it the way we do is that many of us don't actually dress anywhere near what our balance is. Let's say it's an exact 50-50 split. Do we spend half our entire existence dressed? Some do, but many of us don't. 8, 10, 12 hrs of work a day, then come home to our wives, kids, spend time with friends and family.

    Even if our wives know, and have a general acceptance of it, we really aren't likely coming close to our actual balance. And I believe for many of us it is at least half, if not even more. As that amount is probably the biggest factor to allowing ourselves to dress or share with anyone about our gender issues. It takes a lot for most of us to go against society and deal with the rejection of society.

    Basic tips.... go easy on yourself. It's ok to have bad days with all this. It's ok to not be sure who you are with it all. It's ok to wish you were more normal. Go easy on yourself with your expectations of how much you accept yourself. It's not a race. Moving fwd is simply that. Your individual circumstance makes whatever your actions are, right for you. Including not telling others, including your wife. I'm not encouraging you to lie and keep secrets, but if you are not ready to handle it, it will blow up in you. Your wife may not ever be able to handle it. Some on here know this about their wives, and they accept that too. It's not easy having gender variance, but it doesn't make us any less of a good person.

  10. #35
    Retired Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    I spent almost 50 years in denial, fighting the urge, always swearing "this is the last time" or "I just need to get this out of my system". I hated the compulsion and never, ever, referred to myself as a crossdresser. Then almost four years ago I had an epiphany. I admitted to myself that indeed I am a crossdresser and I set about trying to enjoy it (never did so before). Lo and behold, I did. Now I had to tell my wife and in what is the single greatest moment of my life outside of the obvious ones (wedding, birth of children), she was fine with it, only wishing for my happiness. But the key was self-acceptance. Unfortunately, that is a very personal thing, what makes one accept themselves. Understand one thing, you are not the only one out there with these feelings and the truth of the matter is that they are a gift. Society may not, as a whole, agree, but they truly are. My life view, my ability to love, my ability to interact differently with others, my willingness to give of myself in ways I never previously contemplated, all stem from the woman swimming around inside of me. Now I am solidly a CD, as I am lucky enough to be equally comfortable in either male or female modes, but I am proud of myself in ways I never dreamed of. You will reach the point where you stop fighting and the sooner you get there, the richer your life will be. God speed!!
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  11. #36
    Member Cherylgyno's Avatar
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    Arianna. My wife caught me red dressed (literally) admiring myself in a full length mirror 1 month after we wed maaaaaaany years ago. I was the one with a problem about being a cross dresser. I wasn't able to get out 1 word. I knew in my own mind that I am a cross dresser and I'm okay. I was so afraid that I had lost her. My wife gave me a good talking to about the fact that I am a cross dresser and that it is cool with her.
    After doing something magical for both of us to relax my wife went to make dinner. I started to get undressed and my wife came back and asked me what I thought I was doing. I told her that I was going to put male clothes on. She asked where I was going. I said nowhere. She asked why I didn't stay dressed as me. Having no argument what so ever I put my dress back on and went to dinner.
    We spent the evening together arm in arm after dinner until bed time neared. My wife said that she would walk our dog. I told her that I could do it. I threw on a t-shirt and jeans, changed my heels for sneakers, my birdseed boobs still where they belonged in my bra. Put our dog on the leash and out we went. As we walked she asked me why I removed my heels but left my boobs in. I told her that I didn't walk on my boobs.
    Like my wife did, I believe your wife will accept you being you.

  12. #37
    Member AriannaRenee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
    I gave up, thinking I had finally accepted myself. Well, I sorta did. What I really had done was acknowledged myself, and gave up trying to change myself.
    This. Out of everything I've read so far, this statement best sums up where I'm at with all this. I still remember the night when I had that realization - that this part of me was never going to ever go away, no matter what I do. Up until that point, despite all evidence to the contrary, I still believe I could stop crossdressing. A band I was in that had started with such promise recently crashed and burned pretty spectacularly, and I retreated back into the "online" world of reading about crossdressing and looking at pictures of others that I admired, and it struck me: this is me. It's not going to change, so I might as well try to live with it. And that's what started me on this journey. Before that, telling my wife about crossdressing was not even a consideration. I was completely convinced that she would take the kids and leave me. Not that there was any evidence of this, but purely my own paranoia that there was no way any woman would accept a man that like to wear women's clothes. This site has been a huge help in changing my own perceptions of what it means to be a crossdresser. There's a lot of screwed up things in my head, and I'm slowly but surely unraveling them. I just get really impatient sometimes.

    You all are beautiful. Thanks again.
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  13. #38
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    I agree with many of the opinions made in this thread. Like many others I struggled to understand what these feelings and urges to dress enfemme were all about. Year after year these feelings ebbed and flowed through my mind. Slowly but surely after learning through sites like this one I came to accept that I would never gain the insight and answer to the "why do I desire this?". So my first break through was accepting that I have this desire and it was not going away. I, like others went through many phases of denial and pushing these thoughts away only for them to come flooding back. After I accepted my situation the next break through was the "big talk" with my wife. I wish I could say I had the courage to start this conversation but I did not. Many years of DADT until my wife confronted me once and for all. (I like others believed DADT was some form of acceptance) The big talk with my wife was not easy and was extremely awkward but after tears and talk I came to understand that for my wife my secret and having only her assumptions as to what this dressing secret was to me and how I engaged in it was worse than not knowing for her. I know that every family has their own dynamic and one answer does not fit all. For me self acceptance and being open and honest with my wife was a huge improvement. Since the "Big Talk" my wife and I are much closer and loving. We have boundaries and limits but they seem fair to me and I believe we have reached a fair compromise.

    As crossdressers we engage in some measure of risk of being caught each time we wear female attire. Taking a similar risk to share ourselves with our loved ones is just another risk crossdressers need to consider. Taking this risk is likely not a decision that will be right for all of us, however it is a risk decision that, like it or not, we are all likely to face eventually.

    Best wishes to you as you go on.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  14. #39
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AriannaRenee View Post
    . . . .To the question about if I'm more than just a crossdresser, I don't know. All I know is wearing women's clothes makes me really happy, and the closer I look to a real woman, the better it makes me feel. But I also know that I have no desire for any kind of transition. I don't hate being male, I just prefer appearing female. Not sure what you call that!

    Cheers, girls!
    Arianna,

    It seems humans love to wonder "what it?". We can't see the future and have no ability to change the past. You are what you are right now and that may or may not change.

    As I said earlier, the only real control you have is limited to the decisions you make and how you deal with the consequences, good, bad or indifferent. Right now appearing female is something that makes you feel better. It sounds like you are interested in having a few more opportunities to do that, but that will require sharing this information with your wife. You are not broken, just different than she understands you from the past. But in revealing yourself to her, confident and trusting and loving her you will be attempting to let her know you better than ever before. I would hope she is not just supportive of diversity but an advocate for it. I hope she loves you and understands part of the reason you held back is out of fear you would lose her love and support.

    It may not dawn on her immediately that this is an improvement, but that can happen as well.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
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  15. #40
    Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    I'm not sure I can give you any tips.

    I realized very young I had a fascination with wearing dresses. A few years later I wanted to try on pantyhose and I was surprised when I had a strong male reaction (read between the lines).

    During my high school debate days, while researching the real topics at the library, I would often detour into reading about transvestism. As I read, I realized I wasn't the only one, and there wasn't a real why, so I just tended to accept it as a part of being me (and I've always been pretty happy being me). So I have never felt guilt, or the idea I wasn't normal (and from years reading Dan Savage I believe all guys, and many women, have a kink, and cross dressing is mine).

    Now, if anyone can give me tips on how to cure the yips while putting, I'm all ears.

  16. #41
    Member AriannaRenee's Avatar
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    I had a fascinating session with my therapist today, where we discussed my theory that it's a lack of acceptance of myself as a crossdresser that is holding me back. I think we may have gotten to the bottom (or at least much closer) to what my real issues are, and perhaps it really isn't that after all. As I mentioned earlier, this is more smoke and mirrors on my end, trying to cover up the deep rooted fears I have about sharing too much of myself. I won't bore you with all the details, but the theory we've worked out is that I have spent so much of my life suppressing my anger, in any form, that it's affected my self confidence. Basically, that paranoid voice inside that whispers all your worst fears and insecurities always wins, because there's no "inner anger" to tell that guy to go f--- himself! This makes a lot of sense for me, and really has affected many areas of my life. Just having that realization helps, because I would get so crazy trying to figure out why after all this time, I still can't get over this hump! I feel like now I have something to work towards.

    I was thinking about something Tracii said (may have been in a different thread) about how her being an alpha male amongst other alpha males should've made it more difficult to accept this feminine side, yet that isn't the case at all for her. But really, that illustrates my point perfectly. The inner strength and confidence associated with alpha-type personalities would make it easier to just say, "the heck with it, this is who I am and I could give a rats ass what other people think." And that is SO not me.

    So yes, I'm feeling more accepting of my feminine self again, thanks to this thread (and to my therapist). I'm hopeful that this newfound realization will help me be more like Tracii!
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  17. #42
    Silver Member gendermutt's Avatar
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    My 2 cents- your last post, that's s lot of technical analyzing. I find the less of that I do the better off I am. I'm not trying to come down on you, just that if you read from members who do well to accept themselves, most don't go through all that. I used to.... like a mad scientist. Now, for me, it's becoming as simple and as basic that I am a feminine person. Physically male, in some ways internally as well, but I'm feminine much like most females are. Doesn't mean I am one, or not one, it only means I'm feminine, and that it's obvious that being a feminine person. The reason truly doesn't matter, but being so will cause me to like feminine things, clothing, interests, have feminine mannerisms. And it just all comes down to me accepting I'm a feminine person, roughly half the people on the planet are feminine, just very few men are and mostly women are, and that's ok.

  18. #43
    Transgender Person Pat (aka Jennie)'s Avatar
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    Arianna, I think you're right on track. Early-on there's a LOT of navel-gazing going on. Gendermutt -- you even say you used to do it. I know I used to. I think there's a lot of stuff you have to suss out before you hit the point of just living it.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  19. #44
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    Self acceptance is great, and it must be accomplished to be whole.
    However, if you are like the vast (vast!) majority of us humans, you need intimacy in your life, and that means someone else who accepts you for who you are.

    There a lots of narcissistic people out there who not only accept themselves, but love everything about themselves(!) and they are no fun to be around.

    I seek contentedness in this life instead of happiness. Happiness is wonderful (and I love it!!), but it's transient. I'm not happy for example when I see someone I love pass on, but I can accept that it's the nature of this life and this world, and know that I am richer for having shared time with him or her. That leaves me feeling content even when I'm not happy (or perhaps sad).

    Don't give up on finding others who accept you, support you and wish you well in life. We certainly do that for each other here on this forum, and you deserve that in your life.

    Chris

  20. #45
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Having grown up in a time (60's and 70's) when it was even more of a terrible thing for a boy to be anything girly, the amount of guilt and shame we felt was tremendous. I can't speak for anyone else, but I simply tried not to think about it at all. hating school, I buried myself into comic books, both super hero and Archie series. And, of course, I wanted to be both the boy and girl characters, though I leaned mostly towards supergirl. And while I was actually more sort of like Jughead, I wanted to be Betty; again, to resolve the sexual identity issue.

    I came to accept myself much, much later in life, as I learned and understood that what happened to me was not my fault. All too often, we are made to feel that we are to blame for this, that it's something we chose to happen to us. Even today, there's still a lingering little bit inside, making me wonder if I really tried hard enough to prevent it all. But then I come back to reality, that I was just a little kid, and I didn't have the knowledge or ability to control my own fate during those years of my life. It was the adults who were at fault, and they were the ones who screwed up my life. One was simply evil, the others simply weren't paying attention to the child that was under their care.

    NOT MY FAULT, WORLD. I DIDN'T CHOOSE THIS. I'M JUST MAKING THE BEST OUT OF IT THAT I CAN.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  21. #46
    New Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Similar to Micki_Finn , accepting myself and being accepted by my understanding wife, it brings a better relationship closer together.

  22. #47
    Aspiring Member Scarlett398's Avatar
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    Hi Arianna...It took me about 14 years to finally have "The Talk" with my wife about my thrill I get from cross dressing. I told her I couldn't ever give it up again and it's just part of my personality and basically always has been since I was a young boy around 8 or 9 years old. Not full up girly mode back then with makeup and wigs but just wearing some of moms sexy stuff when the whole family was out of the house for at least a couple of hours.

    My therapist doesn't know about my cross dressing and will never know! His nurse knows and she keeps things very private just between here and me.

    I told my wife the reason why most women don't get men's desire to cross dress is because so few women have the desire to put on a pair of khaki shorts with a T Shirt and a pair of Sperry's! Not much excitement going in that direction. But for a guy to put on sexy panties like stretch lace black in a hipster, thong, or even high cut and then the tights, boots or booties, with a short skirt and a snug fitting top with the accessories of jewelry such as bracelets, rings, purses, wigs, bras, fake breast that look so real, even the shape wear and makeup. My wife still doesn't understand the thrill and never will. I don't think most wives out there really understand our desire to cross dress.

    My wife came home unannounced two hours early from work and caught me in full up Scarlett mode. She didn't know what to say or how to react. She just went into a silent mode for a day and that was it. Date night rolled around two nights later and all went super and we came home and had a super love making session. The subject of my desire to cross dress never came up. I wanted it to but it never did. I still have a need to ask her if she has any additional questions she would like to ask me about my cross dressing desire but she prefers not to address the subject and when I get my girl on, I can't do it in her presence. I respect her opinion here and only dress up when she's not around.

    My hair girl at Sports Clips knows. As a matter of fact, she's about to trim two wigs for me that are the same length and style I currently wear only one of the two is a bit more auburn in color! She's very understanding and so are the rest of the girls at Sports Clips. They are a very open and accepting bunch because the see and hear all kinds of stuff from their regular customers.

    I have total acceptance of my cross dressing desire. I purged a couple of times - once for religious reasons and another time when I got caught by my then non accepting wife who's still my wife and still prefers me to do it in private and not while she's around.

    That's plenty from me tonight. I hope anything here can be of help to you Arianna. Love ya girl friend and I think you make a beautiful girl! You're very feminine and pretty and should be proud of your cross dressing skills! XOXOXO Scarlett

  23. #48
    Member AriannaRenee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scarlett398 View Post
    My therapist doesn't know about my cross dressing and will never know! His nurse knows and she keeps things very private just between here and me.

    Love ya girl friend and I think you make a beautiful girl! You're very feminine and pretty and should be proud of your cross dressing skills! XOXOXO Scarlett
    Thanks, Scarlett! I'm curious, though, why so adamant that your therapist will never know? Wouldn't that be a helpful bit of information? (Not that I know why you see a therapist...)

    Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
    My 2 cents- your last post, that's s lot of technical analyzing. I find the less of that I do the better off I am. I'm not trying to come down on you, just that if you read from members who do well to accept themselves, most don't go through all that. I used to.... like a mad scientist. .
    It's funny that you say this, because when I first told my therapist about the crossdressing, he went out of his way to get me to stop over-intellectualizing it. He just wanted me to focus on how it made me feel, and not worry about "what it all means." I tend to agree with you, but the real reason for this current spate of analysis is really aimed at trying to get past this "stuck point" I have when it comes to telling my wife. It's really just kind of stupid that I've belly aching about this for so long now. It's more my fault then his by this point, he's probably sick and tired of covering the same ground with me!
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