Being a crossdresser in today's generation

[Emily Myers]

Being on the younger end in this forum, 19 year old college student, I feel a sense of peace that my generation is much more open minded than older one's, and more accepting. However I often feel pushed back inside my box from older generations, especially under the current US administration. I feel there is so much potential for my age group, but I don't have the confidence yet to start being more of an advocate. I have faith in my generation that we will be pioneers in the way the world see's sexuality, gender identity, etc. I just wish I had more courage to fight for it. This forum has been really helpful in feeling united! It is my dream that soon our society will be so accepting that there would be no issues in me crossdressing publicly, and that it will be the norm so to say. I would love to get dressed at school, but my community college isn't the most accepting. I'm hoping when I transfer afterwards I will be on a more liberal campus! I would love to hear the thoughts of other girls in my generation on this!

-Emily ✌️💖😁

[Periwinkle]

Oooooh boy. I really feel ya there. I'm 20, and I definitely feel like others in my own generation generally don't really care what I wear. But people from even my parents' generation make me exceedingly nervous. Anybody who has a problem with people like me is usually way older than me, so that limits where I'm willing to go when I'm dressed. I hardly ever go out in my own town because all the older people here know me... I go all the way to the next town over because I'm afraid of their judgment. I wish I lived in a bigger town or even a city so I could blend in better and just wear what I want.

[Janine cd]

For this generation, I wish to assure you that there are older generations that have experienced the same anxieties that you are feeling now. I am 78 years old and have been crossdressing since I was 11. I,too, have had issues about going out while dressed.
The outcome has never been devastating. Most people never pay attention to anyone dressed as a female.

[Ineke Vashon]

Emily, Periwinkle, you are the new generation, with more liberties than our older generation. You'll find your pace and place as you gain experience and wisdom. And certainly you will outlive the current US administration.

Good luck, from an 83 year old supporter,

Ineke

[Dana44]

I am a young CD at 66. LOL Yeah the kids have it better than we did. I knew something was different about me at a young age. But we had to be men. I had to beat to my own drum and figure myself out. But as I go out now., I never had any problems. Most people keep to themselves and I had some wonderful talks with waitresses.

[Alice_2014_B]

I totally agree.

I even get some disagreeable comments when out in a basic black Utilikilt, though very few, from older generations (more old fashioned you could say).

The Pacific Northwest, for the most part, is very accepting of such, even of doing stand-up en femme.

[deebra]

Great post, I also read your profile. When you get more self confidence you can go in the women's dept. and pick out clothes and take them to the men's dept. dressing room and try them, I do it all the time. Try it. Body hair, just shave it.

I was in a busy mall today and saw 3 b**** dudes that looked so ?????? I do have to admire their self confidence to dress like that or they are just very very not smart. I had to think if their apperance was accepted CDing would be a million times nicer..

[Julie Slowinski]

Hi Emily,
I have to agree that your generation seems to have it easier - a society that appears to be more accepting and most definitely you have greater access to information and a supportive online community. However, the similarly with other generations is the internal struggle and self acceptance challenges. I am expecting you younger girls will get there faster than us old birds, but you should not expect it to happen overnight. I actually think it's a double edged sword for you. Many of us old birds think it would have been great to grow up in today's society, but do we really? If I was 19 now and was exposed to all these online girls going out and having a great time or seeing girls transitioning left and right, I would have been so so confused. I actually feel blessed that I seemed to have fewer options and just had to wait things out until I started to understand myself better. I probably waited too long, but remember that we all have our own journey and should never do anything until we are, in our hearts, ready to take the next step.

So my advice to you is to take it slow (I know ... easier said than done). But, give yourself some time to figure out who you are. From another thread it looks like you have come out partially to your mom and sister. Maybe come out to them fully - they can help you talk through your feelings and maybe help you find a counselor. In fact, your University most likely offers free counseling, and while they might not be gender specialists they can help and if need be can refer you to someone with more experience.

If the urge to go out is really strong, then just do it. But, do it in a smart way. Don't just show up in your community college classes en femme (without warning) and more importantly without any experience on your part. You need to build experience and confidence by going out to safe venues with supportive people - a tg support group or maybe just out to dinner (in a safe neighborhood) with some of your LGBT friends. Even if you already have LGBT friends, you should think about joining the LGBT student group on campus, just to broaden your circle of support. As you are seeing with this site, support can make a world of difference. But, off-line support from 'real' people is actually much more effective.

That said, I should caution you not to take the advice of any one person too seriously. Remember that it is YOUR journey and you should not make the mistake of trying to emulate anyone else. Seek out a multitude of opinions, even those of older folks (they may seem like they don't understand your situation, but more than likely they have been there before). Then, just follow your heart. Remember that at the end of the day, the only person you will have to answer to is yourself.

I hope this helps ...

💋💋💋 Julie

[MakeupRox]

Julie,

Well said, very well said. Yes, I have thought...how would i b different if i were borne in 1999, other than bing associates with the great party song that prince made way back in the day. Yes, I might have made choices earlier than i have today, or even, more of them. As i see it, it has all worked out pretty well to this point, just as it is suposed to.

all the best,
Miranda

[Cherylgyno]

First off is a comment for Julie... Old bird? Awe come on, I resemble that remark.
Emily, those of us that are ready to be an advocate at your age are few and far between. If you are comfortable here, then be an advocate here. I wouldn't call myself an advocate and I am more than 3 times your age. Do what is best for you. There's an old saying "Either lead, follow or get out of the way.". Some are born to lead, others to follow. If someone is a muggle that person needs to get out of the way.

[Stephanie Nicole]

Being 46 years old I fall in the middle of this conversation age wise. I was raised in a strict Catholic family where gender definitions were very clear. up until she passed away my mother ( and then my sister) did the cooking, cleaning etc.. (anything that would have been deemed women's work) while my father and I did the men's stuff ( cut the grass, fixed the cars, home repairs) and unless there were extreme circumstances those lines were firm. And I am sure some of the older ladies in this group can agree with me that this is how most of the older generations were raised. Emily you are fortunate enough to come along at a time of wondrous social and technological advances which makes dressing more accepting due to the Internet and being able to see and talk to other people outside of your local community, something alot of us didnt have when we were your age. As for the confidence and courage, that comes with age, wisdom and experience and you will get there someday. My suggestion look into some LGBT clubs or groups in your area and talk to them and I am sure they will help you witht he answers you are looking for.

[Maria 60]

The way I see it is there's always going to be that group of people, it's hard to believe in this century the KKK is still around. There always that one person with nothing better to do in there live but to case shit. Don't get me wrong the world has come along way with a lot of different things, but we have to except that there's always going to be that person or group. We can only hope.

[Charona]

In many ways a college campus may be the best place to start public crossdressing. Odds are they have a lot of Title IX policies and likely also LGBT policies. Their staff undoubtedly has been told repeatedly they are not supposed to "see" such things as race or gender.

However I think I would want to start gradually. I would observe what the women, both staff and students, are wearing. I would then attempt to blend in with them. The transition to women's shirts and pants could go almost unnoticed, depending on style. Skirts or dresses will attract immediate attention, partly because not that many women wear them either. Heels will attract attention, and you will probably find them impractical if you have to do much walking between classes. Except in the gym, no one is likely to notice your underwear unless you wear an obvious bra. It will be much harder to hide from your roommate.

Lots of luck.

[Allisa]

Sounds like a post I may have made when I was 19 way back in 1973 if we had PC's back then and some of the issues may have been different but the same basic idea. I believe we had a saying back then "never trust anyone over 30".I think my generation is more open minded than you think, just look at the site your posting on. I believe the best way to be an advocate is to be seen, yes there are pitfalls but change takes time. I know I'll never see your dream come true but I'll campaign for it as long as I can because I'll never go back into hiding again, please be true to yourself and keep on keeping on.

[Rhian]

I think if I came out as a crossdresser people would accept it but they would perceive me differently. I think it would reduce peoples respect for me and be considered a great topic for humour. I left university 3 years ago and didn't find it to be a particularly accepting place (Or maybe it was just the groups I hung around with.) The point I'm making is while we are less likely to experience violence or harassment I think we would still be seen as less than a non crossdresser.

[Ressie]

True, it's 2017, but I think millennials are expecting too many changes too soon.

[Stephanie47]

You made a comment concerning the "current US administration." Yes, there is a lot of negativity coming from the White House concerning transgender men and women as relates to military service and civil rights. There is nothing to stop anyone from writing to their elective representatives, including the President, to voice his or her opinion on these matters. You do not have to get dolled up and stroll the malls to bring support for transgender men and women. If you sit silent you can see how that turned out in Germany in the 1930's. I am fortunate to live in Washington State where the laws have been supportive of gays, lesbians and the spectrum of transgender men and women, including cross dressers since 2005. That does not mean the "bathroom protectors" do not scream and yell and try to overturn these laws through the initiative process.

As to the younger generation being more accepting. It sounds good, but, is it factual? Just because nobody confronts a transgender man or woman or a cross dresser that does not confer acceptance. One of my friend's grandson was totally discriminated against by his high school peers to the extent he was driven from his high school band. He lost all his male friends. His only high school friends were females. It does not matter what age group you're in. Group dynamics will bring group thuggery. In your post you indicate life isn't too accepting at the community college level. As you progress through life you're going to find other age groups are not so accepting too. There is still a lot of social isolation when it comes to transgender men and women. I hate to use the phrase but it is applicable. "Birds of a feather flock together." Keep in mind laws do not confer acceptance. However, laws give you legal status to live the life as you want.

I don't want to be "Debbie Downer" but that is what I have seen and experienced over my seventy years on the planet.

[docrobbysherry]

Emily, first off, this isn't about "your generation" or old people stifling u. Life is all about stifling yourself or freeing yourself!

Us old folks won't be around forever. But, if u need excuses to not be yourself and not live the life u want, you'll find them at whatever age you're at!

My advice:
Find out who u r and what u want to do/be in your life. (It takes into our 30's or 40's for some). Then, forget what others think of u. Find what makes u happy then, just DO IT! If you're not hurting anyone or doing something illegal, most folks won't mind!

[Beverley Sims]

When I was nineteen I had others of my age encouraging me to dress.

Yes, I did look good and was very successful at what I did until the testosterone took over, I was 25 then.

Still good at it though. :-)

[Jaylyn]

Hey I was in school in the 60's, we had life by the tail or so we thought. You talk about acceptance those coming back from the war then and the one that was fresh on everyone's mind was our parents in WWII, there was zero acceptance even to males wearing hair touching their ears. No earrings were seen on males. I believe and I'm glad it happens because diversity is good for the country but changing and still keeping an open mind to others needs is something that seldom happens. I agree you have it easier today because of our struggles from the former years. You too will find the same true in your life when you get to your late 60s. Keep thinking, trying out the limits, but also think everything thru for every one and a change could happen.

[Nikki A.]

As a member of the older generation, I am a bit envious that the younger generation does seem to have an easier time in being accepted by their peers. However as far as the older generation, I do believe while there is an bit of resistance in that it is different to them. However once they get to know you and realize that you're not a bad person they can and do accept. When I started to attend church, there were some who had very little to say or do with me. As I continued to attend and sit and talk with more and more people things have definitely changed and more and more people have accepted and treat me normally.
There was another girl who used to attend, that quit coming. I was told by one member that the difference between us was that she defined herself as TG and that was all she spoke about. In my case I may be a dresser, but I don't make it an issue and also have other interests in my life. Basically if you don't make an issue of it, it will not be.

[Melissa&Proudofit]

Well hi group

Now, i don't think it's a fact of ages or generations, i think it's one of self belief, and in the fact we are what we are, and who we are is who we are ok. Now when i go out dressed, which for me is really no big shake as i have been at it for many years now. I have become rather bald, though even shrugged at that, i don't wear a wig, as it is physically part of me, no false breasts as again same reason. i wear minimal make up and wear lip stick, my best perfume and walk the walk, getting by rather well. Here is now Our generation alongside of the new generation, they have got no better than us, to think that is being like saying that the grass is greener for them, which in fact is not true. If anything life might be tougher for them. We have made things happen in ouyr life, but they still have not the focus or achieved their aspired positions in life yet. so on that we have our atvantage of experience too. I am not jealous of them, and I am most certainly happy not to be one of them, so happy with who i am and my place in my life. what people see is the true me, the me i am happy to be, no plastic, nor sythetic wigs, no falsies of any kind as i feel thats deception just very light make up lippy and a nice dress and panties, no false glasses just my face.. you see.. belief in onceself and others believe in you too..


Best Regards

Melissa

[Robertacd]

Your age group needs to get their butts involved and VOTE even if it means having to choose the lesser of two evils!

Remember, that older generation that wants to push you back into your box, all vote.

[Rachel Anne]

I would love to be in THIS generation. No one cares what you do or how you look, and there is help and information everywhere you turn. Even as late as the 90s there was still a huge macho thing going on, and while more relaxed, it was only a bit looser than it had been and people were still on an island. These days, it's the OLD way of thinking that puts people on islands, and that's a much better circumstance.

I've known since I was really little, and for years suffered under the delusion I was the only one. That is a burden I wouldn't wish on anyone, and thankfully these days they don't.

[Jayne44C]

I don't consider myself "old". I can't say I know what it's like to live as a TG younger person, in 2017. I am comfortable saying it's probably not a "walk in the park" for these young people today. I am envious of them because I believe that the lines of communication, the availability of information and the ability to meet/network with others are so much greater than when I came up. Too many face discrimination and prejudice still but, I like to think things have gotten better, even if marginally so.