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Thread: Instincts were followed

  1. #26
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
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    I'm pleased for you, MissSecret! It sounds like a delicate time for you both, though. I hope your relationship pulls through it and emerges stronger.

    Hmm . . you're going to need a new forum name .

    All the best for the future! .

    - Lydianne.

  2. #27
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    MissSecret, I am really impressed with the way you are handling all this. After reading so many coming out stories on this site over the years, yours has captured and utilized all the best and recommended practices, in my opinion. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences in this sometimes very difficult coming out, being honest process..

  3. #28
    Member Michelle_NY's Avatar
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    I went thru the same thing as you did hon. Its been about 5 yrs now and she still hates my hobby

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member KymG's Avatar
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    Well done for finding the courage to do so, and i hope it works out well for you.

  5. #30
    Hellion on Heels Kayliedaskope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle_NY View Post
    I went thru the same thing as you did hon. Its been about 5 yrs now and she still hates my hobby
    But, it's not really a "hobby", is it? It's part of who you are. Reducing it to a "hobby" puts it on the same level as remote-controlled vehicles or knitting or model trains.

  6. #31
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Keep in mind this coming out does not give you free reign to do nothing but talk CDing all the time.
    She will get tired of that in a hurry trust me.
    Just remain your guy self most of the time for now and especially when she needs you to be the guy she married.
    Worse thing you can do is push too hard at this point.Let her adjust to it all in her time.
    I don't think it could be said any better than how Tracii said it. My own experiences with my wife certainly mirror this absolutely.

    I will say that you are off to a great start. My wife felt similar to how your wife is feeling, or what she is expressing so far. It will likely be a bit bumpy emotionally for her. Please be prepared for this. Give her the time and space to work through it.

    My advice, on the better days, don't take that as a way to charge ahead like crazy. No 2 point conversions. Trust me it will back up and blow up if you do. Time is ultimately what will bring her more security. You can say all the right things, and that does help, but she will need to see and feel over time that her worst fears won't become a reality. And for yourself, watch for the pink fog, or just such a major rush. Having her know is such a feeling of relief. Enjoy that, but please be careful not to focus on that alone. Keep all of the things that are on the front burner where they are.

  7. #32
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    That's a very moving post MissSecret.

    You've both been extremely brave and honest.

    What should you do? What can you do but wait, and be the best husband to her you can.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Nikki
    I used to have a short attention spa

  8. #33
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    MissSecret, congratulations on the big reveal. Sounds like post reveal things are going well. Take it slow.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  9. #34
    Aspiring Member LaurenS's Avatar
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    Thank you for sharing. Have a feeling everything will work out.
    You are you. You are beautiful. Labels are worthless.

  10. #35
    Aspiring Member
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    So it's been 3 weeks since I spoke to my wife and she still isn't ready to talk. We have been messaging loads which as I said before is a generational thing I believe but not my preferred way of communicating especially with something as important as this.

    I am however satisfied that it is at least a way to keep some sort of communication open with her about it but I fear currently she is pulling the duvet over her head a little.

    I'm sure you will see from the segment's (my responses) of messages that I am trying my hardest to reassure where I can but at the same time be honest so as to not disappoint further down the line causing a back track on any progress we may make.

    I haven't included whole messages and again these are all my words. I didn't feel it appropriate to plaster our conversations all over here but wanted two things from this post.
    1 seek comments on whether my tone/approach seems right?
    2 if it is or isn't may help others if they ever find themselves in the same position.

    I still hope we will make progress in the future as a couple with this but in the meantime I will spend the time reflecting and encouraging where I can so this can be a workable thing for us both whether on my own with it or with her support.

    I know you're not ready to talk and again that's ok by me. I will always want to talk and share but i understand that you don't.

    I do need some me time though. I'm not sure how you would want that to work but again I said at the outset of this I didn't want to lie or sneak around you anymore so i'm just saying that I need that time.


    Messaging is fine if it's a way we can communicate about things. You are not driving me to do it more it is what I am feeling I need to do.

    The dressing is not about you!!!

    You have done nothing wrong, it's not what you do, it's not what you say, it's not about comparisons it's none of the anxieties you may have.
    It is about me and how I feel inside me.
    That's probably harsh and hard to understand but it's so true.

    You fit into this by being exactly the same as you were. My wife. That will never change for me.

    You are beautiful, kind, the best mum, hard working, honest the list is endless. This is not your fault or the result of anything you have done.

    You don't have to talk to anyone else, I just wanted to give you the option as I didn't want you to feel trapped and with noone to turn to if you couldn't talk to me.

    I don't want you to feel low and don't feel like you need to. Remember that you don't have to have anything to do with it if you choose not to.

    I can only say again that this is not seedy or perverted. It's unique/quirky and different I will give you that but it's harmless and is about expression of something inside of me that has manifested itself in this way.

    I enjoy it and it's a rush but once it's done it's packed away and I get on with being me again, husband, father, BLOKE!

    You should bombard me whenever you need to. I'm here for you about anything as well as trying to support you in your understanding of this so never ever feel like you can't.

    Right from the start I knew this could impact us. I had to accept that you may not be able to deal with it and there could be all sorts of consequences attached.

    I want us be together, I want us to be husband and wife and I want us to be happy. I also realise that all of the above doesn't necessarily come easy but that's not a reason to feel anxious about our future.

    My thing is more than a hobby or interest as it's part of me but what I'm trying to say it's not all of me (far from it).

    I know you don't want to see me but I wish you could. That way you could make your judgement based on a little bit of reality rather than imagination which could be very different to what is actual.

    It's ok to never want to see me like it. It's ok to feel the way you do. None of its wrong and the feelings I'm sure are very real and raw.

    Your not hurting my feelings with any of it. Because IT isn't something me and you share. It's something that can be boxed and put away and therefore compartmentalized for me so as we are typing and reading I'm doing so as me and not the person you think I might be when i'm dressed if you know what I mean.


    Miss S

  11. #36
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Best of luck. As others have said, continue to be the same guy to her that you've always been. Let HER decide if she ever wants to see you dressed or not, and let her be the one to decide when and if to talk about it. The fear of losing 'her man' is probably the biggest problem that we face. Take it slow. And stay out of the bad ole' PINK FOG!
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  12. #37
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    *update*
    I've tried to stay as consistent as I can with my support and how I'm being with her.

    I have recently been a little down about this new scenario. Should I have spoken, now I have but I can't talk anymore as she doesn't want to. It's so strange. At the same time my urge to dress has not decreased.

    The other night I was quiet and when asked my mind didn't think and I just said 'you won't want to talk about it's.

    I immediately apologized but the damage was already done.

    We messaged again the next day. Same as before, her trying to deal with the emotions but not knowing how and not wanting to talk about it even though she was worried she was hurting my feelings..... God what have I done.

    But then one of the later messages came through saying she was going to be out at a certain point in the weekend and even though she has said she doesn't want to know when I do it she is doing this hoping it will make me happier.

    Jaw on floor

    I haven't prompted for this directly and am quite frankly in awe of what she has just done.

    She has warned that she may be quiet when she is back (knowing that I was dressed in her absence).

    Do you know what, this eve when I got in we kissed, cuddled and the atmosphere was markedly better.

    I won't push this, it maybe a one off, but I have said that until we can talk moments like she is offering I will be forever grateful for.

    Miss S

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