Tips to being a more accepting SO... with help from those in the know

[Littleg2]

Hi Ladies,

I have (out of curiosity) read through the entire thread about tips to an SO's acceptance, and read through threads how to accept yourselves, but am wondering if you can help me with ways to become an even more accepting SO of a CDer? What would that look like to you?

It's not that I don't think I show ways of acceptance (and I am not trying so hard that I am shoving it down his/her throat), I am just looking for other tips and hints that I, and perhaps other SO's, who are supportive of their partners dressing can do to make them feel loved, comfortable, open and more accepted.

Here are a few of the things I have done, but I am sure there are many, many others that can be suggested, which is why I thought I would go right to the best resource... All of you.

My list;
> Expressed interest in seeing my partner dressed (Still have not seen her entirely transformed, but we're working up to that.)
> Communication - talking about CD'ing with her occasionally, raising any questions I have and letting her know that I love all of who s/he is, because it's what makes the whole person that I love.
> I offered to let her bring all her femme clothes to my house when moving, so they could be washed and stored because there was no room for them in the new place.
> Went through my intimate items (after seeing all her things and noticing a lack of bra's, actually) and gave her some things that I had held on to that were in really good shape that I couldn't wear anymore after having kids. (6 bras with matching panties. It's funny that we're the same size on top pre-kids {with forms}, and wear the same size bottoms, because I need a little more room the back and she needs a little more room in the front. )
> Buying female items that I know she would like, some presented as gifts, some just little surprises
> I took her shopping for nail polish so that I could give us matching pedicures (Pretty painted toes are very important to me, and as it turns out her as well!)
> I have written her the occasional poem to express my acceptance
> Trying to give tips and information on how gg's do or wear things to "teach" her (as she puts it).
> Overall just doing my best to have an open mind and heart about it all and take it as it comes

I am sure there are more, but can't think of any right now. And please, I am trying to genuinely look for other ideas, so as always, any responses, advice and comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
-g

[Pat]

Sounds like you're doing so much right. I think the only other thing you have to give is time -- it will take a while for her to unwind from the defensive stance she's had to have all of her life. It's kind of like gentling a feral cat. But do keep the lines of communication open. If you can get her to talk and keep her talking it will all happen much sooner.

Good luck.

[cdtraveler]

what a great.list and great expression of your desire to know and love the entire range of the person you share your life with. Many of us could only wish to be this fortunate. Being closeted is not any easy gear to shift out of. don't forget levity as a.means of communication and breaking down walls. only other thing I can think of is maybe find a book or two on the subject of coming out and so interaction you might read at the same time and use to discuss things?

all my best to you both. Amanda

[Kayliedaskope]

Littleg, marry me????

You are the dream of all us girls here. Someone who is accepting, considerate, supportive ... where were you back when I started looking ????


Seriously though, Pat has it right. After all the negatives that we as CD'ers have to deal with in today's society, it's hard to open ourselves back up again. We've all built suits of battleship armor to keep ourselves safe, but at the same time we also keep everyone else out. Just keep doing what you're doing, honey ...it will take time and patience and love, and you're showing all three.

[KimberlyJean]

I think another thing to consider, and some people will argue, but how far along is your SO. 10 years ago I would have wanted different things than I want now. So maybe find out where on the journey she is and take your cue from there.

[Alice K]

What a wonderful list from an apparently wonderful person. Re-reading multiple times brought me to tears.

Adding to your list: calling her by her femme name might be helpful.

Alice

[greeneyes]

Hey LL!
I think you have the most important ingredient already, acceptance and communication! The only thing I could add is maybe, depending on your SO...going out shopping, either en femme or not. It seems like it is a lot easier to go shopping with a GG sometimes, they can avoid any awkward stares.
The other thing is to just plan a night out. Even if it is just for a drive, if that is something your SO would like.
I am glad to see another GG having fun with this! It can add a lot to a relationship!

[Jackie7]

Yes, look for ways for you to have fun with it. My darling wife discovered, for example, that we two ladies out for dinner were always very well treated in good restaurants, and if we go clubbing we get let right in no standing in line. Not to mention the laughs we have thrift-shopping together, we take all our finds into the largest dressing room and try everything on, usually with photos. Of course I always make sure she gets some good things for herself, on my grateful nickel, she loves that part.

[SaraLin]

g,

It sounds like you're doing wonderfully and your SO is so-o-o-o lucky to have you!

About the only thing I would comment on is based on MY personal feelings, so you'll have to decide if it applies in your case...

If I were in your SO's shoes, I'd want you to spend less time telling me how much you love and accept me - and more time of your simply doing it.
Sorry - that sounded a bit harsh, and that's not what I meant to do.

What I'm trying to say is that every time someone in my life said "I accept you", to me, it always seemed to really mean "I know you're -um- diffferent, but I care enough to stick around and support your choices." That always stung a bit. I knew they meant well, but I also knew that they still viewed it as 'other-than-normal'.

If you want to TRULY accept, I'd suggest that you don't make a big deal out of it either way. If he shows up in jeans and a tee shirt, or she shows up in an evening gown, treat him/her accordingly. And yes, you can comment on the wardrobe: whether it looks nice (cute skirt), too sloppy (no, you're NOT wearing cut-offs to the play), or even overdone (Sweetie, a wedding gown isn't a good outfit for grocery shopping).

And don't push it either way (though pretty little gifts are always appreciated )

YMMV,
Sara

[LeannS]

Littleg You my dear are a gem your SO doesn't know how good she has it. You are doing everything right to me just wish my wife would be like you even a little bit would be nice. keep up the encouragement

Leann

[Jaylyn]

Wow you are doing everything a SO could hope for. I'd say that to just keep on and your love for each other will grow also as you and your SO learn the deeper feelings and love you have for each other. Strive to always understand the others feelings no the depth of them.
Your are a blessing to your SO Littleg2

[audreyinalbany]

how could anyone disagree with the wonderful comments made so far? It sounds to me like you're doing everything right. The thing I find most important..and my wife and I still not quite there yet...is to have a sense of humor about crossdressing. Not 'funny, ha ha,' but not getting all bent out of shape about it & keeping the discussion light. Hugs to ya, LL...you're doing great!!

[KymG]

Litlleg2, Your So is very lucky to have you.
Whilst i cant add to the list, i want to thank you for taking the time on here to find out more.

Best wishes Kym.

[Dana44]

Littleg, Wow you are super GG and I have a nice GG also. But there are some quirks and she had always called me a he when out. But on my birthday she called me a her and at the restaurant they asked my fem name and age I gave it to them and they sung me a happy birthday. So acceptance is really nice. I would also say give her time as we all had a few tough years. but today is much better and take her shopping. You both will enjoy it. .

[Littleg2]

Thank you all for your responses, suggestions and kind words.

KimberlyJean: She has been dressing, to some degree, for about 25 years, but only really came out about a year ago or so. I think, as it seems, it is ever changing and evolving, but as long as we have openness, trust and communicate about how our needs and such change, we should be good.

Alice K: Using her name is a great idea! Thank you. I do occasionally, but will make an effort to do so when she presents.

SaraLin: I don't think I have ever used the phrase "I accept you" with her, specifically. I know I have told her I love all of who she is, because it makes the whole of the person that I love, but will be careful, as I do understand what you are getting at. I think that's why I am also looking for *ways* to show acceptance, so that it can be unspoken and just exist. I equate it all to loving someone, there are many different ways to show love, I don't ever just count on words, I like and try to use all methods.

There are other great ideas as well, so thank you for that. Shopping. Time. Humor. Love. The last is what it really comes down to for me, even more so than acceptance, as it is the most important part to the equation. Without love, the rest doesn't matter.

-g

[~Joanne~]

It's funny but I come up with absolutely nothing to add to this thread. Your listed is pretty good now as it is and is more than what a lot of us here could ever dream for so I would say your doing a excellent job as it is without being over bearing. Just don't forget that you have wants and needs also that should never be taken out of consideration. It does sound like your on the right track though and it will become more "normal" as time progresses.

If walks are your thing, maybe a couple of girls could enjoy a nightly stroll

[TheHiddenMe]

My wife usually leaves her pajamas under her pillow. Occasionally, she would leave panties or a nightie or me under mine. You could try that.

Also, I've asked her sometimes, when she is going out, to leave an outfit on the bed for me; shoes, nylons, panties, bra, everything. She hasn't done it in a while, but I would love for her to go it again.

Both of these acts are a symbol to me that I have permission to dress, and permission is a step towards approval.

Just my 2 cents.

[Tina_gm]

Hi. It certainly sounds to me in the way of actions to show support you have pretty much all the based covered. If your partner still feels you are not doing enough then that would be monumentally selfish on their part.

So ant what else's would come from communication, getting to know how your partner feels about where they are at wit it all, how the future may look to them, at least now. What is also important is how you feel about it. Is there a point where you could no longer be supportive in the manner of being a couple? You may always be supportive of them no matter where the gender issues lead to, if anywhere other than dressing, but as a couple.... I think that there's nothing more important than good honest communication. I'm not saying you are not accomplishing this, I'm just saying ultimately it is what is most important.

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Ugh, sorry, my phone has a mind of its own at times, sorry for the typos.

[Becky Blue]

Hi Littleg
Best advice I could give you is send your SO on here to read about how many non-accepting/DADT SO's there are on here. Your SO will know what an amazing partner they have and perhaps that will encourage them to share more with you. I think you are every TGals dream SO!!

[Cherylgyno]

Little G. You appear to be doing everything correct. The problem probably lays with bigotry in society. I was the one with a problem when my wife caught me many years ago. That was because of what I had been taught.
My wife broke through the barrier by talking to me as I was speechless. She explained how much that she loved me and that my being a cross dresser just strengthened her love for me.

[Beverley Sims]

To answer your question, to advance further....

Go out more often dressed driving is good as you remain less visible, get out of the car walk the streets, window shop and occasionally you interact with sales assistants until your partner gets used to being close to strangers. I think your only obstacle is getting out an meeting others.

This could take three months or more and yes, do offer opinions on presentations, being cruel occasionally is being kind really.

Discourage her from being adventurous with fashion and appearance except on Halloween.

Hey!

That's just around the corner. :-)

[Littleg2]

Thank you for the new responses. Again, it is really appreciated to get your viewpoints and suggestions.

Just to clarify, gendermutt, she has never told me or made me feel like what I do is not enough, and I honestly don't think she feels that way at all. But when I ask what else I can do, I think it's a matter that the level of acceptance already exceeds expectation that she really doesn't know what else to say or suggest. There is no 'list' or a lot of articles on 'How to be a better partner to the MTF Crossdresser in my life' out there, so that's why I thought I would come here and ask the real Mc-Coy (s), as it were.

-g

[ShelbyDawn]

Littleg,

How wonderful that you are doing so much to be supportive. I can only offer one thing as I believe you are proving your love and acceptance over and over again from your list.

Rather than asking us, ask her.

She is lucky to have found you.