Where to start?

[Jessicaa]

My name is Jessica,

My birth gender is male but I need to transition to female. For as long as I can remember I have been interested in feminine things, even as a child I chose to play with female friends over my male friends. I have been cross dressing since I was very little and I still regularly do today, I just see myself being much happier and more authentic living as a woman. I don’t know how much longer I can take living as male, my depression and anxiety are through the roof.
As any woman in transition I am worried about passing and coming out to my family. Currently, the only one who knows that I crossdress is my S.O. and I know she would instantly leave me if she knew I was trans because we have “jokingly” talked about it before. I know I would encounter some resistance from certain family members but losing my S.O. would hurt severely. On top of all of that, I feel like I’ll never pass. I am 6’1, skinny, balding, big feet and big hands and needless to say I am not femininely proportioned at all.

I guess I’m here asking for advice, I feel a strong need to transition.... where can I start? Who do I talk to? Will I ever pass?

[Rachael Leigh]

Jessica, hi I’m Rachael. Yes it’s very difficult when one is considering transistion so you are right to feel cautious about this
I’m 56 and just beginning this journey. I’m going through a divorce and my family while they say they love me really have
no interest in seeing me as Rachael.
This part of us is difficult for many it can be a tough road but if this is truly your path my first advise is get some professional help as in a gender therapist and begin to talk it out.
Also I’ve found that there are some really good YouTube videos of girls going through this process
The best one I’ve seen the girl Madison Kate
Just know this is a tough decision but you need to figure out is this right
I hope I’ve helped
Rachael Leigh

[Heidi Stevens]

Hi Jessica. I wish you luck as you try to find your true self. I am going to repeat the old mantra that I tell others in your position: get professional counciling from a therapist or psychiatrist. They can help you find out where you are and where you should be headed. They will also help with your relationships and how what you are doing will effect them too.

[Persephone]

Hi Jessica!
You are at one of the tough spots along this path. I agree with the previous posters, a good gender therapist or psychologist type can help. But each individual therapist/psychologist can have their own view and their own personality so find out if they have experience with transpeople and are positively inclined towards positive care. When they are, then they can be of considerable help to you.
Also, if possible, find trans individuals who can serve as positive role models and who can "teach you the ropes." Too many in our community are negative nay sayers so avoid those, go for the people charged with positive energy.
And look to this forum for help and support. We never agree on anything but at least you will get a range of opinions.
Hugs,
Persephone.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You can start right down the block from Philadelphia

https://www.micheleangello.com/

You really need a professional to talk to and if she is not available maybe she will have some ideas.

[Jessicaa]

Thank you all for your advice, especially Kaitlyn! Thank you for taking the time to look up a therapist for me, that was so thoughtful! Their office is extremely close so I will definitely be giving them a call.

I guess this is really the first step...

[Evie82]

Hi Jessica. I'm just starting my journey too. I've been to see a therapist for around 6 weeks now and it really does help. Just being able to talk to someone supportive and non-judgmental is amazing.
As far as passing goes, don't worry - I think it's more about how you carry yourself. I'm 6'5 so I completely understand the tall issue, but the fact is there are a lot of tall women in the world and there's no rule that says a woman can't be over 6' tall. I understand the family issues too, as I'm sure many others here do too. All I can say is don't rush things, talk to your therapist and your SO and be honest with both. It's natural to expect the worst from people and it makes things harder when you apply that assumption to people you love, but remember that you owe yourself happiness so you need to work towards knowing what you truly want. But like I say, there's no swiftly approaching deadline on this.
I truly wish you all the very best. You'll always find support here too - I've asked questions and let off steam here plenty of times and everyone has been amazing. Take care :-)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

No Problem Jessica!

Actually I have another for you..

I went to Dr Maureen Osborne who was wonderful... she was in Paoli....however she retired two years ago

calling her on the phone took me about 9 months...literally... i couldnt do it because i knew what that would lead to, i "just knew", and it was one of hardest calls in my life LOL
anyway, one of her clients, a TS woman took over her practice.. so i have personal experience with her..i dont see her currently its too far away

http://www.alaketherapy.com/

One thing to focus on is that transsexuals and other people with gender issues run the gamut, and transsexuals have all kinds of outcomes from transition to learning to cope... a good therapist has seen it all.

You need info, those folks are great sources.


I'm 6'2. I transitioned. To be fair, i did go thought surgery on my face that was very helpful, so your money and health situation will have an impact..the other major help for appearance was that i lost a ton of weight and that really helped too as the HRT kicked in over the years i a teeny tiny amount of curves that gives me great comfort as my dysphoria was very much body related..

i hope this helps

[Nicole Erin]

You should decide how you want to live and then live it.
yes you could go to a "therapist", spend a fortune, and they will tell you what you want to hear. I mean if you are spending money, do you REALLY think they are gonna say, "Nope, you are not really a TS, give it up". No, they gonna stroke your ego as long as you keep coming back, spending $100 for not even an hour's worth of them telling you what you want to hear.

As far as passing - people do that to certain degrees but keep this in mind - Photos and in some cases even videos of TS do not tell the whole story. Some of the best looking and/or most established TS on here sometimes turn out to be complete fakes or what they look and act like in real life isn't "quite" as glamorous.

If you want to go to a therapist that is great but do you really need to pay someone to tell you something you already know?

[jentay1367]

My name is Jessica,

I feel like I’ll never pass. I am 6’1, skinny, balding, big feet and big hands and needless to say I am not femininely proportioned at all.

I guess I’m here asking for advice, I feel a strong need to transition.... where can I start? Who do I talk to? Will I ever pass?

You can't let what makes you whole stop you. As Nicole points out, don't let others on these forums dissuade you. In a world of "FaceApp's" I assure you, the world out there is not what's presented on the net. There are a number of natal women that are homely and barely or don't "pass" themselves. Yet they live rich beautiful lives as the woman they are. There's also a number of "Trans" imposters that are gorgeous but are no more women than Tom Selleck is. Not between their ears and in their hearts. This is about your core identity...what's in your heart....how you identify yourself. If it's for any other reason, you need to take pause. If all the things I mentioned prior are where your head is at, everything else will eventually fall into place. I agree again with Nicole in the Therapist Dept. You either generally know, or you don't. You sure aren't looking to be convinced. Many therapoists are happy to take your precious transitioning resources, eat them up fast too. So consider that, consider everything. Think long and hard. On the other hand, if you have LOT'S of money, therapist's are nice. They're a neutral party to share with and can be very cathartic. But if you think they're going to tell you if you're trans or not? They won't, they can't. Anyways, I maintain that you already know. Act on your knowledge and remember that this is serious business. This is your life and your identity. As someone who was very wise that used to post here would say, "once you pull the pin on the tranny grenade, you can't put it back. Be careful and good luck.

[Pat]

You should decide how you want to live and then live it.
yes you could go to a "therapist", spend a fortune, and they will tell you what you want to hear. I mean if you are spending money, do you REALLY think they are gonna say, "Nope, you are not really a TS, give it up".

WOW. That is astonishingly cynical. I don't think I can respond further than that and stay polite. Have you actually been to a therapist?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Yes WOW
Especially because its aimed at someone that is clearly trying to start figuring things out.

It's mean spirited , ignorant, filled with envy, and just flat out wrong..
serves no purpose...just a platitude of "do what you want" "live your life"....meaningless

Unfortunately Jessica you are gonna meet alot of bitter disappointed people in this game, and one of your challenges is to sort that stuff out..


It's true that you have to ultimately diagnose yourself. But it seems you already have, you already know. So all you need is somebody to show you the ropes, gather your resources and resolve, and to give you good feedback ,
and be constructive about your options...handling family, handling work, local resources and groups and to point out your habits that arent helping you.
MUCH BETTER feedback than "live your life"

If you cant afford a therapist, actually there are free services at places like the Mazzoni Center in philadelphia and other cities as well...
If you have insurance, a co pay and diagnosis of General anxiety are often used..

[Rachel Smith]

I would have NEVER made it w/o my therapist, all 3 of them. Then again maybe I am just not woman enough to woman up on my own.

Read Kaitlyn's 4th paragraph. There is much more to this then putting on a dress and walking out the door.

Rachel