My wife and I have had a lot of family issues within this last year. To make a long story short her ex husband, to whom she was only married to for two years and had a child with, finally decided to move closer to us to be with his son, of which I have no problems with. Now she and I have been married almost 14 years in January. The problem arose when this guy had no place to stay, no job lined up, and not even a single plan in place before departing. What made things even worse was when her parents decided to let the guy move in and live with them. He stayed with them for about 3 months before moving out on his own. Now a little over a year later, because of him moving here and and her parents taking in this guy and supporting this guy like he's been part of the family forever, mind you that this guy has seen his son less than a handful of times over the 14 years we've been married, the relationship between her parents and I have gone from really great to non-existent. Well now they have decided to move several states away from us and one of the main reasons they have stated they are moving is because they and I can't get along. And oh by the way when her parents move the Ex is moving in there. So that's issue #1.
Issue #2 is that the relationship between my step-son and I have always been rocky. I have never treated him any different than my own kids as I've always seen him as one of my own since I've raised him since he was 2. But I've become the bad guy over the last several years because he's done things that I don't support or agree on and I've tried to discipline him. Things like failing grades, excessive time on the phone doing unknown (aka youtube, snapchat), staying up late hours, and lack of study habits, etc. Now I know some of those are typical teenage things but when they interfere with grades and other things I put my foot down. When I do so he usually runs to the grandparents and whine to them about what I've done and then they give him what he wants. He truly is not a bad kid and stays out of trouble and I discipline him with or try to with limiting his phone and or electronic usage and/or also make him study. But the problem comes down to when I try and discipline him and what he does afterwards and runs to his grandparents. That's issue #2
So then we talk about issue #3. My wife knows I cross dress. She knows I have clothes and shoes and make-up and nail polish etc. She has only seen me try on a pair of women's shorts once but has never seen anything else. Not even seen my toes painted, pictures of me dressed up or anything. I have simply told her and nothing else. At times she has been ok with it and other times she has a hard time with it. And at other times it's not even a concern.
I know things have been stressful for her because she works a lot of hours, having to deal with her parents, having to deal with a family at home, etc. We live a life just like everyone else does. I've asked her a few times if she loves me and her response has been pretty questionable. So I was getting ready to leave and said I love you and she said I love you too. I asked are you sure and she says yes and then she proceeds to follow it with we need to go see marriage counseling. I said ok for what? She said the relationship between you and my parents is broken and I can't deal with it and I'm having a hard time with you because of it and one of the main reasons their moving is because of you. She continues to say that the relationship between you and (kids name goes here) has really been strained as well too and I can't handle that either. Plus you and all the women's clothing and dressing I've had enough and I can't take it.
So here are my thoughts, I've spoken to some of my really good friends and mutual friends about everything that has gone on over the last year and a half and they are just floored by the things that have gone on. A lot of them say I have a lot more understanding and patience then they. I've explained the whole story to them (I'm giving you some cliff notes here) and have held nothing back. I have not met one person or spoken to anyone that says hey dude you need to back off or you need to get a grip cause you're all jacked up. They're like your in laws sound like a piece of work. No one has said I'm in the wrong and I'd be the first to admit if I was wrong and I'd be more than happy to take blame. But none of this is my fault. And then her to throw in the "I cna't handle you and dressing with all the clothes", my response has been and will be, who am I hurting? No one. I don't gamble, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't abuse you or the kids, I'm a well respected member in our community, I can hang drywall, cut a tree down, sew, build things, draw things and be creative and I can do it all with my hands dirty and greasy and even with a skirt and high heels on. But it doesn't make me any less of a man or person.
I see a lot of posts people put here with "we had to go to the counselor" and most follow up with the counselor says ok and? And a lot of you post here any good counselor would just say that's not really an issue if you want to call it that it's more of what else is going on that's more important. I'm all for going to a counselor and telling them me dressing is not that big of a deal and once again who is it hurting but more importantly is what a f-ed up set of in-laws I have.
I know of said a lot here and if you get this far reading thanks for reading. I apologize for it being so long as I had no intention of it being more than a paragraph. Any thoughts, comments, or feedback is greatly appreciated and thanks in advance.
Nikki