An Interesting Observation

[Alice B]

As I have posted before, my wife accepts that I like to dress and sometimes go out and even at home. At those times she avoids looking directly at me, but will carryon a conversation. The avoidance of eye contact bothers me, but I have learned to live with it. Last night I dressed and went out to SRO for a while. Same reaction as in thr past.

But this morning when I got up I wore my bra and forms under at tee shirt with full make up still on and went down for coffee, breakfast and to read the paper. She reacted as if it were a normal morning. Full eye contact, conversation, etc. Have stayed dressed into this afternoon, extended eye contact and normal conversations. Will stay dressed until it is time to shower to go out for dinner with family this evening. I am certain it the wearing of a wig that boithers her. Your thoughts?

[docrobbysherry]

No guesses from me about your SO, Alice. I had to deal with my own DADT situation last nite, when I arrived home dressed at the same time as my daughter. I waited awhile, then went in thru the garage. She was in the bathroom just inside. We talked thru the door. Which she didn't open because she knew I was out dressed!

[Vikky]

Hi Alice
I wish my SO would do that.
Vikky

[Teresa]

Alice,
I was faced with this problem even though it hasn't progressed to my wife seeing me at all dressed but early on I asked if she sat with me while dressing what point would she stop me . She replied not at all , end of story so the easiest thing to do is not assume what she likes or dislikes but just ask her . She may also appreciate the honest question , OK if she makes you take a step back it may not be what you want to hear but at least you won't go on trying to mind read .

[Tamsin Secret]

Hi Alice,

Having just come out to my wife I now have the long journey of 'unknown' ahead of me. Would i take what you have now forever more? Yes is the easy answer.

But I feel, just from your post, that we both feel the same inside.

We want to share this with our SO's to perhaps a level they will never be able accept.

Your avatar looks fab. You are pushing major boundaries to which some will only dream of.

I will always remind myself that I brought this to my relationship. However she decides to deal with things (if it's the wig/bra/whatever) is up to her and ultimately we need to be at peace with ourselves sometimes to understand the thoughts of our SO's.

Saying that 'we' need to be happy so it's a give and take thing as long as tolerance is an option.

X

[Dana44]

It may take her time to see you with the wig. So don't get discouraged. I know that my SO always have my hair push aside at night when she puts her hand on my shoulder. She does not like to feel my hair but we have no problems talking with eye contact at all.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Alice, That was interesting, Just don't overwhelm her now.>Orchid......

[AllieSF]

Just ask her and let us know what she replies. How can we third parties on this site read your wife's mind? Everyone guesses and most of the time they are not close to the truth.

Sounds like it is time to start those conversations again instead of you dressing in front of her and she ignoring it, which bothers you. I wish you the best of luck. I couldn't function in a situation like that.

[Alice B]

Several thoughts. First, she has seen me dressed with 4 different wigs for several years. Always the same reaction. We arrived at our arrangement from the very beggining and as time went on I got more and more feeedom to dress, go out and attend DLV. But still no direct eye contact. I always ask if she minds if I dress, being careful to be selective on my choice. It might also be possible that if I am wearing a male "T" shirt and not a female top she is more at ease. I am presenting as a female, except for the wig. We did have this discussion once, but she had no ideal she acts that way. Maybe I will bring it up again.

Sherry. Your daughter has known for years. Have you talked to her about it? I can't remember if she saw me dressed the time I stayed with you. Did she have a reaction to that time?

[April Rose]

My Wife fully accepts me dressing at home, but, for some reason, hates my wig. She says it makes me look like my mother. So I just don't wear it at home, and only wear it to my support group meetings. I have my own, past shoulder length hair, but I am bald on top, and hate the "bald guy in a dress" look, which is why I prefer to wear a wig when dressing as a woman.

[Alice B]

April,

Good to know that I am not alone in this situation

[Teresa]

April,
I totally agree with you , I do have a reasonable amount of hair but for me it can never work the same as a wig.

My daughter thinks I look like my older sister , but a slimmed down version , we all share the same facial shape, that is my mother, sister and daughter, so obviously with a wig and makeup it's a logical outcome. It's better than being told I look like male members of the family !

[Rayleen]

When I decide to dress with a top, skirt, lipstick and with a wig at home, I notice she looks at me too, and most of the time she says I look pretty.She approves in the house, but coming outside might be another matter. Never spoke to her yet about it. We don't do nails, she hates it...don't know why.

[Sarah Doepner]

Alice,

This is just conjecture on my part and you can decide on it's validity.

When I dress my wig is one of the last things I put on. I do the forms, makeup, clothes and jewelry first and through that time I am still a guy wearing those things. The "magic" happens when I put on my hair and it brings the whole thing together. I don't just look different but I feel different as well. My guess is that the wig completes the package for your wife as well. At that point you become more convincingly female in her eyes and that is what bothers her. Maybe, maybe not.

[char GG]

Just a suggestion: Check your eye makeup. Some of the members of my husband's group wear so much eye makeup (particularly bright blue all the way up to the eyebrow) and dramatic cat eyeliner for daytime wear, that it's almost comical. A GG stranger told one member of the group that she had too much eye make up; the next time I saw her, she had toned it down (ditched the blue) and looked 100% better and more believable. If your eye makeup is very dramatic or vivid, maybe she has a hard time looking at it.

Obviously you know her best, if you think it's your wig, it probably is.

It may be easier to just tell her about your observation and see how she responds.

[Pat]

It's often noted that a wig changes a crossdresser's appearance dramatically -- to the point where people who know them will not recognize them. Perhaps your wife is just not comfortable having you "disappear" like that. It seems a small accommodation to give her some comfort - are you dysphoric without the wig?

[docrobbysherry]

Alice,
My daughter has no problem with T's or CD's. She just doesn't wish to see or think of her dad presenting that way!

[Stephanie47]

I have to agree with the wig making the difference. A bra with forms would appear to be somewhat concealed. If the makeup is light maybe to her you just look like a guy wearing makeup. I think the wig changes the facial features, and, totally wipes out any hint of masculinity. A lot may have to do with how she feels her sexuality is threatened by you appearing en femme to varying degrees. Some women are totally turned off by her man even intimating he wants to dress up, while others openly participate. Sometimes I watch the Youtube videos of women with their cross dressing husbands/boyfriends and think those women must be really confident in their own sexuality.

[Alice B]

Some interesting comments. For example, she cme in the other night while I was getting ready. Was in a skirt, bra with forms and make up completed. Looked at me and we had a short discussion. This has happened before when I am in my bra, with forms. Seems natural.I do not wear excessive make up, especially around the eyes. She will never make a comment that I look pretty, but at the same time has never made a negative comment other than she does not like the lipstick color I have worn at times. She is a very consertative dresser and has a totally different skin tone that I have, so I just let it slide. I am more an more convinced that it is the wig, but Sarag may be right that the wig completes the transformation, thus she no onger sees me as her husband. Makes things interesting. Sherry, I see your point. Almost like your daughter reacts as a wife would.

[Teresa]

Char,
That is one thing I will have to learn , getting makeup right for everyday wearing , I don't do as you describe anyway with eye makeup ,it's a matter of deciding how little we need to cover our beard growth or shaving shadow.

Pat,
To me the wig is the make or break moment , that's when I discovered the man disappears , but I can't go out as MIAD . At home I still dress when my wife is out so she's never seen me , I do find that frustrating because she makes all the jibes about my CDing without knowing what I look like .

[Krisi]

My wife told me she didn't like my wig. I bought another one in a different style and color. Nothing more was ever said about it.

What has worked for me is to change things slowly. Let her get used to something and then move on to the next step. A wig is a big step of course, but without a wig, most of us are just a man in a dress.