So my wife suggested I take a two week break from all dressing Inc underdressing to see how I feel. So the first day started out ok but feeling pretty average right now. I think its good though so she can monitor my behavior patterns and see if there is a real change before we go down the gender therapist route
I think so too, sometimes you get dressed and it feels normal, thinking you are a women. I take a break to see what are my feelings. Also when shopping in guys mode, I notice I can shop and don't care who's watching and not scared someone finds out like I would like approval that I pass as a girl.
Hi Scarlett
I took a break from dressing, as usual, when I went on holiday for 2 weeks, however my wife asked that I extend the period as she wasn't happy with the amount I was dressing. It lasted for an additional week, after that I was so stressed and agitated I had to start dressing again.
Jennie
Jennie x
Breaks can make us appreciate our time that we get to dress and too long a break can make me agitated and hard to live with. What always gets me is if I've been extremely busy and haven't had time to dress in a while I become tense and fully agitated about everything from politics to the shower taking too long to heat up. It's the little things that just irritates me. If I haven't dressed in a while and I watch my wife dressing and applying her makeup it triggers a mad in me and I have to leave the room. When I dress at least once a week or underdress im not that way. I was watching a show on tv several nights ago and there was a lipstick commercial it triggered something inside that the very next morning I woke up and after my wife left for work I had to get my lipstick out and wear it for a while as I drank my morning protein shake. Sometimes just the smallest things can trigger a reaction in mood swings from just an application of lipstick to full blown dressing for an hour or so. Long breaks just make me want it more. Good luck with your break.
I don't understand the getting agitated thing because you can't dress.
Before you started dressing it wasn't a problem was it, you functioned just fine right?
Maybe some answers from others will help me get a better understanding.
Tracii
I get what u are saying. But I cant remember a time since I was a preteen that I havent dressed in some form. Soo I really cant give a valid answer. I can say I function better when dressed. I dont dread doing the small things in life as much because I can be wholly me when doing them. To some extent. If I go a while without I feel like part of me is missing. Do I function yes, do I do what I have to do yes, do I wish I could feel more me yes. I feel like part of me is missing is it the clothes nope, its part of me. Is that part still there YEP and I miss being in touch w that part of me.
Tracii, I believe for some it becomes a stress reliever. And some can get so accustomed perhaps it takes on an addiction like quality to it. Rather than an expression of our inner self it becomes a form of escapism.
Ive never had those feelings of agitation from however long of time. If I'm not dressing much or at all its from being occupied with whatever else is going on with my life. I'm not saying I never think about it or not miss it. But I don't get the agitated state either. But I like you don't transform into anything, I just dress in women's clothes when it's convenient to do so. Same person, I'm never in guy mode or girl mode regardless of how I'm dressed.
I have take a break from dressing before and my wife told I had changed. She said I wasn't my normal self. She said that I wasn't as happy and it appeared that my mind was somewhere else.
But Tracii I think if I am right your point is the clothes arent what make a person.
Again, it's different for different people and probably dependent on the reason underlying the dressing. For me I can't remember a time when I didn't want to dress. It's part of me. It defines who I am. Maybe I am satisfying an addiction but the only way I can stop myself wanting to dress is by dressing.
To bring this back to the original question, I don't think that I have, or could go for a two week period, since the age of 4. When we go away on our two week holidays I have to take this into account. I don't get irritable, and I'm perfectly able to function normally but it's just that the urge grows and grows.
Fortunately my SO can cope with me however I am.
Scarlett,
I did this same experiment back in August & Sept.
I'm a little over a year from coming out to the Wife. The announcement and my prolific dressing put stress on my 40 yr marriage. We made peace at last, but I took the opportunity to "put Ilene's things away".
I did it for myself more than The Wife. I still needed to see if this CD infatuation was as real as it felt; if it was more than just a fetish, fancy or phase. I ended up putting away my girl things for almost 40 days. Some of those days were spent on vacation far away from my lady clothes but I avoided taking clothes with me. I did, however, purchase female clothing on that extended beach stay. They were shoes (IN MY SIZE!), 2 pair, on sale that I stumbled across. Only a fool would have walked away from that deal.
Here's what I learned.
The full crossdressing I did for over a year was real. My desire to do it wasn't something I just made up in my head. It was a real need, deeply seated. I actually came out of my Ilene Exile, and spending a lot of time pondering my gender orientation, sexual orientation (again, still), the motivations and reasons why I dressed, with the realization that I was likely transgender. I was more convinced than ever that I have always wanted to be a woman. The dressing was real because (at long last) it was me.
This also highlighted another aspect of my respite. The first days of putting away my clothes was painful. I actually wept went on the day I stashed everything away in suitcases, and was despondent for several days after. It was like grieving the loss of a loved one. Things settled down and I went about daily life feeling alright about being "normal', but after a couple weeks I started to become preoccupied with thoughts of wearing my women's clothing. I was feeling the Pink Fever more than ever.
So no... it doesn't go away. That's what I found out. It was also what my wife found out. She saw me squirming and having anxiety dealing with it a bit. She also confessed to "deliberately and devilishly torturing me" during vacation by taking me shopping in the women's section of several dept stores. She knew it would possibly drive me nuts, and she wanted to see how much I would sweat. So ornery, she is.
There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.
I am somewhat in this situation at the moment. After a major row or two I'm living under an ultimatum: no more dressing, except for panties, and keep them plain. I can say it is tough. She's created the very anxiety that is controlled by dressing. But it's that or divorce, and being alone in my 60s was never in my plans (we otherwise get along fine). But she has this blind spot about my proclivities. It occurred to me that I cannot promise her I will never dress again. I can only promise that I won't dress today, and take it one day at a time. I don't know where this will lead, I just hope it won't be a mental hospital.
My clothes have been "purged" into a hard-to-reach storage area for over two months now.
Scarlett, Old Socrates said "The unexamined life is not worth living.", so finding out what makes you tick is a noble effort and worth your time. It's also good that your wife is involved in the process. I'm sure there are a lot of us here who will be waiting to hear how the process goes for you, should you decide to share.Originally Posted by Scarlett1975
Tracii and Gendermutt, I wish I could answer in a detailed way that would provide an answer for you. I am one of those who get agitated when I don't get the chance to spend time en femme. Although I lived for years during my late 20's though my early 40's with only occasional crossdressing sessions, since the desire returned it has remained in place. I was fully functional with no significant issues for that time, but when the feelings returned, they seemed to be independent of everything else I understood. Those feelings have grown stronger over the years and I can't tell you why. Is it because I allowed them and catered to them and found relief? Or is it something that would have grown stronger even though I might have attempted to suppress and deny them? I don't know. When I couldn't dress for periods of time I would get anxious and often just be a cranky idiot around my family. I tried a variety of things to address that, but the things that worked were worse than dressing. Alcohol and drugs and being aggressive didn't help the whole picture and definitely didn't help my family. The science of observation and controlling the experiment, changing one thing at a time seemed to indicate the best response was to just get dressed.
The theory I've been thinking about is this; I have gender dysphoria and I have the ability to "self-medicate" by dressing to relieve the anxiety it brings. The nature and strength of the dysphoria varies from time to time. Sometimes obligations and activities are sufficient to keep it in the background but not always and when the dysphoria is not being suppressed but not being addressed either, we get anxious or angry. This just might be the time when the Pink Fog begins as well. Each person finds their appropriate "dose" to keep the dysphoria in check. Some get by with occasional dressing or underdressing, some need to fully dress with makeup and hair, others need to present fully female (as close as they can) and venture out and for some none of this is sufficient and transition is the only way to deal with it.
The first step in dealing with it seems to be accepting that aspect of your life. I think that's where Tracii and Gendermutt have one up on me. I say I've accepted it and I've even come out to some family but there is still a reluctance to incorporate the presentation that I think I need into daily life. I know I'm the same person, but there is something else comforting in the presentation. Maybe I just haven't taken the next step of getting past the "shame" that society expresses. Then we move on and hopefully are happy and content. I'm sure this isn't the case for everyone, YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary), but it seems to help me explain to myself what is going on when I dress or don't and my behavior changes as a result. Finding the balance point where dysphoria is held in check while meeting the other needs in life, like work and family, should be a simple process. But the external expectations around us continue to change and make that balance difficult, so we end up stressed as we fear falling off the tightrope we walk.
Anyway, this is what can happen when you "examine life", you just might get wordy and hijack other peoples threads. Sorry. Good luck Scarlett.
Sarah
Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
It's an interesting experiment, I guess, but I'd suggest you not check in here during the two weeks because you're not really separated from it if you come here.
Tracii -- I don't think it's a thing where there's a canonical right answer. You don't really have to understand why some people get angsty if they stop dressing for their feelings to be what they are. I don't think folks come here looking to be fixed, just heard.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
Frankly, I think your little experiment is flawed. You have self imposed the break. How are you suppose to gauge the effect when you consciously know you're the one controlling the experiment. I think the experiment would have more validity if an inability to dress was imposed by some external force. Maybe, a house full of guests stay for two months. Or, if in a DADT marriage a wife for medical reasons does not go to work for 18 months. That's what happened to me. My wife was off from work due to a spinal back operation. When she was through with physical therapy she was diagnosed with breast cancer which meant chemo, surgery and then radiation. I weathered the storm because there was a very valid reason for not being able to dress. Maybe your experiment should also bar participating in this forum since it is a reminder of an identity issue.
I find that , being retired..If I'm not busy, More time to think about CD. But for if busy its less a problems .Other times, seem I need to dress and can't, I get frustrated and agitated like some of you. I don't have the answer either.
My SO said one time to take a break. Two weeks. I made it one week. Naturally dressed the second week and nothing was said.
Part Time Girl
I think if not crossdressing for two weeks causes you emotional stress, you have a problem and should find a way to deal with it.
I like to dress and in fact am dressed as I post this but my wife and I go on trips and I don't bring my woman's clothes, boobs, etc. with me. The longest was two and a half months, others have been two months and I haven't had any issues. I dress again when we get home.
Krisi
I am into a self regulated two week + period with out dressing. I am getting the urge again to dress and go to the club.
At the club I take photos of the Drag Queens while the perform (with the club and the Queens permission). Then I come home and process the photos. The next day or so, I deliver the prints to the club.
As others have said, if busy with a project, then the urge is less,
I have been designing/building coloring books for the kids as Christmas Presents, and doing Scrimshaw pendents for a couple GG friends. (you don't relize how shinny a piece lf bone can get till you try it.)
Leslie Mary Shy
Remember this:
You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
_________________________
Why waste time? It’ll be back...bet on it.
Scarlett,
Taking a break from CDing is far easier if you're not in a DADT situation , if it doesn't work or you find it stressful to stop your wife can just tell you to start again . These
experiments are much harder to prove in a DADT situation ,no one knows why you are touchy some days, no one will say never mind go dress , you gave it a shot.
Again all this revolves around letting a wife or partner take control, you are still being influenced by another, she is saying when you can or can't deal with you inner needs . Do you do the same to her ? I would say the answer is no !
If you feel you need counselling go and do it, they won't bite ! I have no regrets about seeing a counsellor , despite my wife not wanting to know anything about it. In my case I was the one with the problem it was for me to get it fixed. The problem is the fix has resorted to a separation , maybe things might have been different if she'd been on board .
It shouldn't have to be an "experiment". You should honor your wife's request--after all, she (presumably) married a MAN. And I never have been able to figure out the obsession with the underdressing thing.
Jon
I appreciate the responses and some make perfect sense so I get it to a certain degree but Krisi made a good point maybe its not the lack of dressing but an underlying resentment issue that is causing the agitation.
I have been married twice so I understand agitation and resentment very well.
Stephanie 47 in post #15 makes some excellent points too if you really want a more valid test result cut all ties to the forum as well,no CD sites or pictures,no shopping for girl clothes or looking as sale adds.
Cold turkey so to speak. It would make for a interesting test.
Well test didn't last long (2 days) before my wife told me to dress again. I became quite grumpy apparently and she didn't like it much. I know some don't understand the agitation thing but I've suffered from clinical depression for most of my life. Cross dressing for some reason is a release, so I guess we will see if my mood improves or just stays the same. I don't like being depressed and if dressing helps a bit then I'm happy, if not then that's fine too. Thanks for all the replies
Scarlett1975 if you and your wife were raised in a society where it was normal and accepted to wear either genders clothes I'm pretty sure having grown up with it she would have no problem with you wearing female clothes. I think she grew up in our present society where it is taught men don't wear women's clothes it's unmanly, being weak like women and shameful to do so. Women are raised to want a Marlboro man, men are raised to be a rough, tough physical being, a protector of the weaker female. 10 years ago women were complaining they wanted men to be softer, gentler and more in touch with their emotions. Women should learn that just because a male is born with a D and B's doesn't mean he should not like the softer, pretty, sexy clothing that manufacturers market just for women. They wanted a softer, gentler man like them but he can't want softer, gentler clothes like them? Another thread said as we see more different presentations if CDing is put out there it will just become normal like all the other styles. Maybe the devil in her just wants to screw with you a little bit????
Me, I'm right to crossdress, it's society that's wrong if any disapprove. No body has the right to tell someone else how to dress if they are dressed descent.
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