Can you survive as a MIAD (man in a dress) after being passable?

[ClosetED]

One more (horrifying) thought - she wants a picture of you dressed, made up, and with facial hair? If she has divorce papers prepared I assume she has retained a lawyer - any chance the dirty tricks department in their matrimonial area suggested that this would be a nice lever in alimony/communal property discussions.

No, she wanted the pictures i am proud of - my prettiest, sexy, sweet.
She said she paid a lawyer $500 dollars 2 years ago, but nothing came of it. It is not illegal to CD and in this state, illegal to discriminate based on TG. You can threaten to post and share with everyone I know, but most would not believe it or if they found it was true, it is true. They would find her actions probably more disgusting than mine. And this state is not 50/50, it is based on fairness. I earned 95% of the income when she has the education to earn significant and I never asked her to not work, so asset allocation might be up to the judge.

[Jenny22]

Suggestions abound, so here's mine .... separate for 6 months, and try to not see each other during that time. Tell your adult children of your CDing and what you've both been through and why. If there is a divorce, they are likely to find out anyway.
The separation will give each of you time to think out things without the others input (keep a journal of all thoughts), and each of you will then find out whether or not the marriage has a chance to succeed with possibly some type of DADT agreement, possibly including some Ellen time each week.
The song,"When there's love at home," suggests that love can work. If you truly love each other, the marriage can be saved.

[Alice B]

A very tough question to answer. I can only speak for what I would do. If your wife is totally against your dressing and wants a divorce I would go that way because you will never be able to totally stop. If she seems to be more accepting thhan stick it out and see where the road goes. It is common for wifes getting a divorce or even shortly afterward to want to get together, but that seldom lasts. I speak from experience.

[Tracii G]

You are being being played it looks like but as you say if she tells she tells and you are fine with that.
So why then don't you do the divorce and come out as TG to the world?
Why stay with her and be ridden like a rented mule and told what you can and cannot do?
I understand you may still love her but how can you love someone that emotionally drains you and doesn't allow you to be you or respect you as a person?
In both my cases I was the last to know what all my wife was doing and saying behind my back.
I was trying to be the nice guy and be understanding but all I got was laughed at for being a fool while my wife was banging all my friends.
You can remain with her if you want but you are on your own just remember you had the choice to be free.

[lingerieLiz]

None of us can give you an answer as to what you should do. When I was young, passed, liked getting all dolled up my answer would have been different than today. Ninety percent of my clothes are women's. I wear lingerie full time. On the other hand I don't try to fool anyone. BUT, I don't wear dresses anymore. I wear the same clothes my wife and the other women in our age group do. I would stay married, but then I no longer need to pass.

[Sherlyn]

I agree with Tracii ...makes no sense with the picture thing
Is anyone else aware of your crossdressing..?

[Lilly Diadem]

You have to do what is best for you as anything less will not be being true to yourself and will result in misery and resentment.

Pictures and legal action sounds like thinly veiled manipulation and blackmail from anoutsider perspective.

Good luck with however you choose to proceed.

[ClosetED]

I agree with Tracii ...makes no sense with the picture thing
Is anyone else aware of your crossdressing..?

Just Forum people and those from the local support group, the Tiffany Club, from those I shared with. She has made claims to have told several people, yet when I saw some of them they made no hint about it and later she told me she did not tell them. Possibly hoping I would out myself in the belief they already knew. I don't have the need to come out to the world as TG-I don't have a desire to go out and risk any confrontation, which is something I usually avoid, to my detriment. I know more and more we hear stories where society cares a lot less than we imagine. I think I would try with supportive people with me, such as the support group or if wife ever did support me like she claimed she would.
I have no suspicions she is having sex with other men, but she has told me other men like her, so please free her to seek these real men.

Since her return from NY, she was happy I did not shave and did not ask if I dressed. That night we were intimate. She has not mentioned divorce or status of application. She did not find the marriage certificate needed which she earlier said she would locate and we both know where it is kept. Bt she has not suggested I do any dressing, but also did not say no or any consequences if I do. The pictures are still in the closed closet. If it desensitizes her, great. If it inflames her disgust, so be it. It is the truth. She did realize I am in love with myself, as I have all these pictures and show such joy. What we here call AGP. But I also remind her there are pictures of male me on a thumb drive, posing in male bedroom costumes, with great smiles as well. Yes, I like how I can be handsome and pretty at different times and don't feel society (including her) has the right to limit me in my own home.

My question for this thread was just to collect personal experiences with those who got to the point of looking realistic (aka passing, even if not out in public) and then trying to back away due to ultimatum, rather than by choice of having accomplished all they wanted.

Hugs, Ellen

[Taylor186]

My wife tolerates my CDing but doesn't encourage it. Over the years we have developed a few ground rules that work for us. I shave my face and legs and trim my arms year round but only shave my chest during the summer months. Being retired I might wait a day or two or three between face shaves but no more than that and I'll always shave before we go out to dinner or visit friends or when I crossdress with makeup. I crossdress with makeup no more than once a month. If my wife liked the scruffy look (she doesn't and hates beards) she could have it most days of the week but I present as clean shaved--male or en femme--to the public. So I win one (no facial hair) and lose one (hairy chest for 6-7 months), which is a compromise I'm ok with. I have passed before, surprisingly to me, but only after dark from a distance.

[ClosetED]

So still no support of dressing despite keeping the facial hair. She got herself upset when she wanted pantyhose to wear for work and her 4 pair were all dirty. She saw my dozens of hose and that mad her sad. I did offer them to her, even ones still in the package, but no. Last week she complained about her bra, needing a push-up bra. I offered mine-I usually get 38B and hers may be 36B, but no dice. Today she complained about that there seems to be more hair on my hand and fingers than before, meaning I must have been reducing that in the past and that is bad at the current time.
Hugs, Ellen

[Kayliedaskope]

Just me, but it appears like she's finding excuses to be miserable now, and using you as the scapegoat because of your "hobby." This does not sound like it is going to turn out well . ....

[Jamie390]

You have to figure what is right for you. For me, it's #1. My wife is DADT all the way and does not want to see me dressed at all. However, I am madly in love with her would want to loose her for anything.

[Tina Davis]

Ellen, I have to agree with Kaylie that your wife is just looking for reasons to complain about your CD activity. More hair on your hands? So what. If she doesn't have a bra or hose, offer to buy her what she needs, but don't offer any of your things. There's a storm coming, you need to be ready for it. Sending you big hugs , Tina