Bigot bought me a drink tonight...

[Ceera]

One of the few social things I still do in male mode is competitive darts throwing, with a historical reenactment group (the SCA). We meet about 4 times a month at 2 local taverns to compete, alternating locations, and I am ranked 4th in the Pacific Northwest region in our competitions. I present male while there, but I have my fingernails done in femme style, I am wearing gold ball stud earrings, and tonight, like most nights, I am wearing women’s suede boots, a women’s belt, and women’s jeans with silver-embroidered hip pockets. The barmaids all know me as a regular customer who is invariably polite to everyone and a good tipper - and they think my painted nails look fantastic.

Well, tonight I was standing at the bar for a while, getting drinks and an appetizer for myself and my daughter, and then I went to the back room for darts. A moment later one of my friends came in, and he was mad as hell! He told me a guy at the bar had been trying to show one of the barmaids a picture on his phone, and was making off-color comments about the photo and trying to get her to agree with him. She told him flat out that she thought he was being an ass. Then he showed my friend the photo and tried to get his reaction.

It was a picture of MY backside, showing the feminine embroidered back pockets.

My friend knows and accepts my feminine side. He is also a disabled Army veteran and weighs over 300 pounds. He bristled angrily and growled, “That guy happens to be my best friend. You got a problem with that?” He was almost ready to hit the guy, but refrained and came to the back room, leaving the bigot stammering.

A moment later the bar manager came back and talked to both of us. I told her I couldn’t care less what anyone else thought of me, let alone that idiot. And I told my friend I appreciated him standing up for me, but was glad he had not started a fight over it. The bar manager said she would talk to the guy.

She came back a few minutes later and told me, “You have a free drink in the well at the bar.” Apparently she chewed the guy out and assured him that while we were not going to do anything about his rude behavior, he should finish his beer and leave before we came back out. He sheepishly apologized to her and tossed her enough money to pay his tab plus pay for anything I wanted to drink, as an apology to me.

(Note: Put it in this section because even though I was presenting male, I definitely was cross-dressed at the time. The only 'male' clothing I had on was an arguably unisex t-shirt and ball cap.)

[IleneD]

The big take-away I got from the tale was that you were good looking enough in jeans to attract his attention. Good on you, Ceera.
The guy thinks it odd? Hey, he's the one shooting photos of your tush.

[Pat]

I'm with Ilene -- the creepy person in the room was the one photographing people's butts. Geeze.

[suzanne]

Does that not make you feel like opinions are turning in our favor (albeit slowly at times). Even though bigoted bullies think they have the floor these days, they can still be pushed back by those who have not lost their humanity. Bravo for your best friend, but kudos to all the others in the bar who know you personally and just don't think your femininity is a big issue.

[Tracii G]

I'll bet he was more embarrassed that he was caught looking at your butt and for taking a picture of it was even more embarrassing when people called him on it.
I went with a GG friend to a bar for karaoke night and there were several what I call pseudo hard core bikers or hard core wannabes.
Anyway she got up and sang a song and when she came back to our table she said some of the biker guys were talking about me (I was enfemme).
She said that one was going to chat me up and try and get in my pants.
10 min later he came over and said I want to dance with you. I said wow that was rude you should have asked me first.
He said come on lets dance baby I said I am not your baby and I don't want to dance.
He turned around and went back to his table.
When he learned I was the local tranny the howls and screams were deafening on that side of the bar.

[Aunt Kelly]

Does that not make you feel like opinions are turning in our favor (albeit slowly at times). Even though bigoted bullies think they have the floor these days, they can still be pushed back by those who have not lost their humanity. Bravo for your best friend, but kudos to all the others in the bar who know you personally and just don't think your femininity is a big issue.

My sentiments exactly. Every one of them.
The asshole's consciousness was "raised" by others calling out the boor for his behavior, but so too was the collective consciousness of your community raised slightly that night. That's how progress comes, most of the time - in small increments.

Great share.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Ceera]

Yeah, if he initially only looked below my waist, from behind my backside and legs are easily as nice as any of the ladies there. But when he saw my head and short hair, and then saw me from the front, it probably jolted him a bit.

I haven't yet gone to that bar en-femme, but I probably will next year, because I intend to start next season doing my SCA darts (and archery) activities as Ceera. I doubt the bar staff will even raise an eyebrow, nor will most of the customers. And I hope that the other SCA darts players (and archers), who do not yet know that I have a feminine persona as well in the SCA, will accept me as a woman. I've attended several local SCA events en-femme already, and even people who have known me as a male for decades didn't bat an eye. They just accepted Cerra at face value, as a woman.

I am out and about all over this town, in both male and female modes. As a male I still show femme traits, with no excuses. As a woman I pass pretty well, and most people treat me as I am presenting. Either way, I strive to maintain an excellent reputation. So when a situation like this arises, the establishment's staff should usually have my back.

[Becky Blue]

Good story Ceera, hopefully thats one less hater in the world and great to see how much support you have !!

[Linda P.]

I think it was great that the bigot found only opposition to his bigotry when he was expecting agreement. Hopefully that will give him something to think about so that whenever again faced with a similar situation he'll have the memory of the negative response to his prejudice and will not repeat his act.

[Nicole Erin]

Next time wear some leopard or other animal patterned stretch pants. He will end up taking at least 50 photos to complain about then

He might even want to play a one on one game of "darts". Not the throwing kind though.

[redtea]

Such a nice story, Change will only happen when close minded people get humiliated by their own opinions.

Close minded people are allowed to have any opinion they want, But if they expect everyone else to join them in their quest of shaming someone, they better be prepared to have the tables turn quickly on them.

[Sarah Doepner]

I am impressed by the support your friend and the bar staff showed. Be sure to let them know that you have friends here who admire and respect them very much.

[Jean 103]

This is the kinda support i have at the bar I go to. I think you will find that you will be more popular as a woman. Good luck.

[scarlett]

What is "SCA"?

[Kayliedaskope]

If I remember right, SCA is the Society for Creative Anachronisms. Very often, when you go to a renaissance faire, the people who are doing the events - street performers, jousters, knights, and the like - all those people are generally SCA members. They make their own costumes, build their own props, create their own items for sale or barter, and it becomes a live-action roleplaying event. (Think Dungeons and Dragons, or Game of Thrones, with you immersed in the middle of it. Fun times.)

Very often, members of the SCA are also members of other societies, like steampunk, etc. I know several steampunkers who are also SCA members, and travel a lot for events. (Shameless plug: Wild Wild West Con, a mixture of Wild West and Steampunk, is being held the first weekend of March here in Tucson.)

[Ceera]

Society for Creative Anachronism. It is a group that was founded in the 1960’s, a non-profit educational organization that studies and recreates the positive aspects of life from the time period 500 AD to 1600 AD. We have people who recreate tournament combat, using real armor and wooden swords. We have artisans of all kinds who do dance, cooking, costuming, blacksmithing, archery, etc... and we do reenactment-like events where we pretend to be a person who could have existed in those times, to compete with those historical skills or enjoy them as spectators. The group also does demonstrations for schools and at public events, such as showing off dance skills and fighting skills at a county fair. More info at www.sca.org .