The Counseling Session & Be Careful Who You Tell!!!

[Teresa]

Nikki,
I see the problem is more complicated because it's your second marriage and you are trying to keep this one together. Even so you still need Nikki time , being forced back into the closet and piling on the lies you've already been accused is going to get harder. As you are seeing a counsellor you both accept there are issues to be sorted and obviously a need for some understanding and acceptance , you are doing it because you love her and care about her feelings doesn't she feel enough for you to give you some space .


Jenny,
Good to see you dropping in again , how are you doing, maybe PM me to bring me up to date .

[Robbin_Sinclair]

My wife was devastated when she learned. She may have talked to a person she trusted...I hope so. Our solution was put all the clothes in a suitcase (had to throw out a few things to fit) and "we will talk about it in a month". That was in 2013.

Frankly, I could not live with a person like the one you describe but love is love. I am 60-ish now but would still be out the door. I still make my fem side apparent once in a while. Kilts, kilt blouses, miniskirt under baggy pants, occasionally bra & forms but I'm subtle and clearly eccentric. Most people are too caught up in their own lives to give a flying quack about me.

Quit to save the marriage, if you must. Just don't lose this CD site address...you'll be back. If nothing else, it is best place to chat.

That said, is anybody thinking about coming to the US Virgin Islands soon? St Thomas or St. John? I need to meet some real people who are like me. I am finally ready. PM me if you wish.

Robbin Sinclair at your service!

[JeanTG]

As one more or less in the same boat, you have my sympathy and my prayers. It's a tough row to hoe.

[MsKim2888]

Thank you all for the advice and words of encouragement and support. I truly understand the pros and cons of all this. I will add that I'm not putting it away and storing it forever and never to be seen or heard of again. I guess as one put it "back in the closet". I've had this part of me in the closet for years and I thought with the happiness and closeness my wife and I shared this was something else I could share with her. I was wrong. That being said I have to put it back in the closet again and leave it there. I do agree it's not fair to me, my feelings, and emotions. But in the greater scheme of things I do have to pick the lesser of two evils. I don't like the ultimatum and I do agree a marriage should be a give and take relationship not a dictatorship. But in the end we have children together and they are the most important part of my life. This is also my second marriage and we've been married almost 14 years in January. I've already seen what divorce has done to my oldest 3 and the effects and I'm not willing to put my younger ones through that nor can I myself emotionally handle another divorce. So I think I'm going to be the bigger and better person here and suck it up and drive on. It is hard I know but I'll live.
Nikki

All the best and good luck. This is all I can say.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I usually have something to say, some possible solution, a hopefully helpful suggestion, but I got nothing....I am so sorry and I hope you both have a soft landing however it turns out.

[abby054]

Crooked therapist alert! My wife did the same thing long ago. She insisted upon marriage counseling for our problems. She knew that I dressed but it was not near the top of the list of issues at the time. She chose the therapist. I smelled a rat right away, but when she chose a male therapist, I foolishly went along. By the second session, it was so obvious the I had been set up that even someone as dumb as I am could figure it out. I quit the therapy and told her the reason is that her (emphasis on female singular adjective) therapist is a crook. Then the bills came in, proving that he was indeed a crook. A clean exit was expensive.

Not to be discouraged, she tried again. This time, she chose the therapist's wife. It was a husband-wife therapy business. No way would I go along with such a brazen setup. Ever since then, I am the bad guy in my wife's eyes because I will not submit to marriage counseling. Never mind winning, I have no hope of breaking even in this marriage counseling racket.

Your therapist goes along with her ultimatum. You, my friend, have the symptoms of a crooked therapist. Get out of the quack therapy while you still have some of your wallet.

I understand staying together for the children. I did likewise. Just before our youngest left the nest, my wife developed an incurable autoimmune disease that will eventually kill her in her 80s. I know the disease well because my mother spent a lifetime as a nurse caring for patients of this and similar diseases. It is honest. I am not such a horrible person that I could leave a sick woman. So we remain together, her issuing demands from time to time and me ignoring most of them. I spend most of my time at work or in my garden several blocks away. I rent a heated storage unit where I have an impressive femme wardrobe. She thinks she ended my dressing with a successful ultimatum. (If she had a clue, she would be yelling a lot louder.). You risk winding up like me if you agree to her ultimatum.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nikki , I think that there are two kinds of Therapist's,

The one that tells your wife what she wants to hear and,

The one that tells you what you want to hear. >Orchid......

[Jenny Elwood]

I have to concur with Blue... That is about as honest an assessment as you can find. ;-)

[Teresa]

Blue,
There is a third kind, when they are the same size they donate some lovely clothes to give a nudge out the door !