Sorry for the length of the post but I just needed to let this out. The interesting part starts with paragraph 2 so you can start there if you want. So how should I start? I’ve been crossdressing for more than 6 decades, but mostly in the closet. I just didn’t have the confidence to expose myself dressed fem to the outside world until recently. Yes, I’d occasionally sneak outside the house for a minute or 2 when dark or I knew the neighbors couldn’t see me, but even that was rare. When I’ve read so many positive experiences about going out from ladies here on the forum I was so envious. How could you be so confident? I guess the turning point was when Pat recommended a book by Dara Hoffman-Fox titled “You and your gender identity, a guide to discovery”. Going through the book, page by page and answering the questions it asked gave me some understanding of me, why I am like I am and what to do about it. Chapter 13 on “Actively exploring your gender identity” really helped prepare me to meet the world as my feminine "me. I decided, my “ordeal” as Dara calls it, would be going out enfem and actively interacting with other people. This needed months of preparation for me. First, I needed a good quality wig so I built up the courage and made an appointment with a wig shop where I bought my first true quality wig (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...t-wig-shopping!). Yes I did go enfem so technically I was out, but I didn’t think of it being out enfem since I drove to the shop in my car and had only a short walk to the safety of an accepting establishment. There was no real interaction with the general public. My new wig really helped raise my confidence to a new level. Over the next few months, when home alone, I would dress up to blend (jeans, top, flats) and go for half-hour walks in the neighborhood. Passing people on the street raised my blood pressure at first, but then I noticed that as we passed people would just ignore me or politely say “Hi” - no pitchforks and torches, no tar and feathers! After taking short walks over these few months I felt confident enough to take on my “ordeal” and actually go out and interact with people.
My plan was to go secondhand store shopping as Gigi (my feminine “me”). I chose a Saturday not only because I’d be interacting with many more people, but also almost everything would be on sale at 50% off! I got up early and got everything together. The only other person in the house would be my youngest son, who sleeps in late anyway. Maybe I should say something about me first. Visually, I’m rather nondescript. My family says I’d have made a great spy because I there’s nothing really distinctive about and I easily blend into the populace. For instance, my height is on the short side for a man and not overly tall for a woman either. My physical build is similar. I’m not built like a linebacker nor like a ballerina, just average. So I can blend as not being particularly masculine nor feminine if my appearance is properly modified. After a shower and close shave I put on my fem shape – a longline bra to narrow the lower ribs some with C forms, a waistcincher to narrow the waist a bit and smooth out any bulges and padded panties to add to the rear where I’m sadly lacking. Other than that no modifications. I dressed like I did when wig shopping: in black jeans (GV Amandas, love them), a simple white cammie, red long-sleeved knit top with front zipper, and black flats. Makeup was simple: light foundation, blush, powder, mascara, and lipstick. I accessorized everything with white & gold hoop earrings, a ladies watch, short gold chain, a small cocktail ring on the right hand and an engagement ring right above my own wedding band. I’ve been married for over 45 years you see and I never take my wedding band off unless it could be dangerous to wear or could get really messy. I grabbed a bag with my wig, purse (with money and fem glasses, etc.), and guy clothes, donned a cream colored zipper-front sweater, gave a light spritz of perfume, and headed out door. From a distance, with my male windbreaker hiding my fem features no one who saw me from a distance would see anything much different from normal. I got in the car and drove to a secluded spot in a mall parking lot. There, I removed my windbreaker, put on and brushed out my wig and put on my feminine sunglasses. Looking in the mirror, the smile on my face said it all. There was Gigi me looking back. I drove to my planned stop, a secondhand store I’d never been in before. I parked far enough out in the parking lot that it forced me to walk long enough to get my girl persona on. I got to the door, replaced my sunglasses with my fem glasses, took a deep breath and entered. No, the world didn’t end. Actually, no one seemed to notice a crossdresser in their midst. My heart rate returned to normal and I started perusing the aisles. First I checked the shoe section. I wanted some athletic shoes for casual walking. Although my loafers didn’t look too much out of the ordinary, we all know that ladies out shopping go for something even more comfortable. I found a nice pair of New Balance cross-trainers, white with aqua trim, in my size 9 that fit great. At 50% off they were less than $4.00! My next stop was looking for a narrow red belt to accessorize one of my dresses. I found one, not exactly what I wanted but for $3.00 I grabbed it. Next I looked at short-sleeved blouses for summer but didn’t see anything I liked. Skirts, ditto. Next was dresses. Again nothing inspiring. Finally, to jewelry where I was looking particularly for a gold bracelet and fine gold choker. No luck so I took my shoes and belt to check-out. The gentleman at the check-out counter didn’t take a second look at me. He asked if I’d found what I was looking for and I answered, “Pretty much” in the fem voice I’d been practicing for a while. Still no second look or surprise. He rung me up and asked if I’d like to “round up” my purchase to the next dollar for their charity. I agreed. I paid him and he bagged the item and wished me a nice day. Walking out of the store I thought, “That wasn’t hard at all!” I got back to the car where I put on my new shoes. I had so much confidence now that I decided to go to another store where I go regularly. This store had even more people in it, but still I saw no strange looks. This store had a lovely red short-sleeve blouse with open-scallop trim on the collar I just had to have. Cost was $3.50. I didn’t find anything else I just had to have so went into the line to the check-out. I was behind a couple with two little girls and in front of a couple of 20-something men. I got no reactions from either. My turn at check-out came and I went up to a lady who’d checked me out in male mode several times. I got no recognition from her. She said, “Hi, Hon, find what you wanted?” I replied, “Yes, I think so.” She rang me us and asked the standard “round up for charity” question, to which I replied, “Sure, go ahead.” She replied “Great, that’ll be $4.00 dear.” I paid for my purchase and she gave me the bag saying, “Have a great rest of you day Hon.” I might have thought that she was over-doing the endearments but on leaving the lady who was next in line received the same “Hon and dears”. I was thinking it couldn’t get much better, but as I was walking to the door a young man rushed to open it for me! Of course, I thanked him. Now that was a first and I was over the moon!
So, what did I learn? First, like so many here have said, people are so in their own zone that they ignore anything that isn’t really out of the ordinary. Second, the more crowded the place, the less likely you’ll be clocked. There are just so many people to see. You just fade into the masses. And finally it is true, as many here have stated, own it the only real fear is fear itself (to paraphrase FDR). Thanks to so many of you and to Dara’s book, I’ve found my confidence to be “me”!
Originally Posted by Gigi
