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Thread: Wife Compromises A Bit

  1. #1
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    Wife Compromises A Bit

    My wife and I have had some issues lately with my clothes and my dressing. For those of you that have followed me or responded you'll know what I'm talking about. My wife and I talked about my clothes and my dressing. At first she was giving me an ultimatum. The clothes needed to go or else we were going to make some changes to our relationship. I really had to do some thinking as to what I was going to do. My thoughts were I had lived 41 of 44 years with i being a secret and she was the only one that knew. I thought to myself for a while and told her that I was going to get rid of the clothes and that I've kept it a secret for that long I can keep it a secret again and to save our relationship I was willing to do so. As I told her she responded by saying and explaining that she knows that it's a piece of me and that I can't just get rid of it. She understands that. As she explained it to me and now it makes complete sense was it goes along with some of her other things I know about her. She has a really hard time watching news because of all the bad. She has a hard time watching horror movies because of the violence and anything with a woman being abused. THose things she can't handle. So she said when it comes to my dressing that she doesn't want to or can see it. Not that they're in the same category but she just can't handle it. She also said she was afraid that I was taking a risk at my health and then putting her health at risk too. I said no way and whatever preconceptions you have regarding that though (and I didn't bother to ask) are wrong. She said what put her over the edge was when she went into the closet and moved some of my dress shirts around and found a lot more women's clothes than what she expected or could imagine. She knew that I had clothes in the closet and that I have a plastic bin that I kept them in. Well I was storing more clothes than could fit into the bin but they were all covered up by my guy clothes.

    After we spoke which was productive, she said and we both agreed that I could keep clothes in the bin but no more. She said I had way too many but also realized that it was a part of me. So I agreed to cut back on the clothes and get rid of a lot but I'd keep it in the bin only. So that's what I'm going to be doing.

    On the flip side I still am going to proceed with caution. I really am going to cut back to the bin but also still go back into the "closet". I'm glad we can come to a compromise with this and I don't have to completely get rid of it all.

    Nikki

  2. #2
    Member Genni's Avatar
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    It sounds like she's doing the best she can do understand and accept. It may not be the full support we all want, but I hope it is a compromise that can satisfy you both! Best of luck to you both!

  3. #3
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    sounds like she has difficulty dealing with the real world, good luck.

  4. #4
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    Good luck to you. I hope you have a big bin. Your narrative also suggests to me that your wife may need some therapy for issues other than your crossdressing. My wife has issues brought by her life before I even met her. She realizes her issues have affected our marriage. Sometimes what a person does is to take it out on the wrong person over the wrong thing. Yes, your wife and my wife may not be on board with a man wearing women's clothing, but, that does not give her license to dump all her issues at our doorstep. My wife refuses to go to counseling for her issues. I cannot force her, but, I also do not let her dump it on me. I always find it rather strange that a secret kept for four decades then revealed negates everything a husband was over those decades. Just remember your secret is now a secret shared and that knowledge will still be knocking around in her head and having an effect on how she acts toward you.

  5. #5
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    I agree. My wife had always lived in a bit of fantasy world. I’m not sure where it comes from and I never saw it when we got married. It’s something that has come out over the years. She does have a hard tim with reality and is oblivious to the world. And she says she’s completely ok with that. However for me I’m very open and non judgemental (for the most part). I agree that she does need to see a therapist but how do you suggest that without being a D$&k. It’s taboo. In any case I’m glad she’s at least compromising which is something I can live with.
    Nikki

  6. #6
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    I have issues with the stuff your wife does, Nikki.

    Here are some coping mechanisms she may want to consider:

    Obtain news on current events from reputable websites and/or print media. This allows her to control what she sees. It's the pictures that sometimes sends me a bit over the edge. While the events of September 11 are long since over, one view of the of the towers collapsing was more than enough for me.

    If what she is seeing on TV is distressing her, turn the switch off or change channels.

    Stay away from horror movies, and any other 'entertainment' that causes distress.

    She may find some benefit in one-on-one counselling and/or group counselling with a duly qualified and licensed mental health professional. Perhaps the counsellor can provide more insight to your crossdressing from someone who is professionally qualified to do so.

    While I am not a psychiatrist, your description of your wife's issues bear similarity to post traumatic stress disorder. A PTSD diagnosis, or any mental health diagnosis, can be issued only by a psychiatrist who has examined your wife. I found a diagnosis provided some relief for my issues.

    Edit: Maybe a joint appointment with her primary care physician can get the ball rolling. If you both use the same one, a word or two with them about your concerns will provide a basis of some relevant questions on the physician's part as s/he sees fit. I'm guessing your wife is having some troubling thoughts and may want to find a way to reduce the frequency of same.
    Last edited by giuseppina; 11-03-2017 at 04:35 PM.

  7. #7
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    Bless your heart Nikki you are a good husband. It seems that the wife is scared of something or trying to be acceptable but on her terms. It seems to me she doesn't want your dressing to go too far and she is going to keep it n check. I hope you and her find a solution you both can live with. Good luck to you Nikki.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Leelou's Avatar
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    Wow, Nikki, that is great news after your counseling and ultimatum thread! It's a whole world of difference between DADT and the forced purge. I know it's not ideal, but it sure beats the alternatives. You will be able to express yourself at times and that will be so much better!

    I also admire your courage and willingness to get rid of your clothes to save the marriage and for the children. I'd say she respected that and rethought her original position. Best wishes to you all.

  9. #9
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    That is great news Nikki, That is a wife trying to understand. So it would be a good time to really have an adult talk.
    Part Time Girl

  10. #10
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Nikki

    I congratulate you on an effective compromise.

    Quote Originally Posted by Leelou View Post
    Wow, Nikki, that is great news after your counseling and ultimatum thread! It's a whole world of difference between DADT and the forced purge. I know it's not ideal, but it sure beats the alternatives.
    But sometimes, I personally wonder if it does beat the alternative. For me!
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  11. #11
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Hope you both continue to grow together - you love each other greatly

  12. #12
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Nikki, I'm glad that you came to a compromise. Though, the believe that all CDs are gay, "putting health at risk" is disturbing.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  13. #13
    Senior Member Abbey11's Avatar
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    Good luck, small slow steps forward ... hope all goes well
    OMG!! Owning my femininity .... and I LOVE it!

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