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Thread: Integrating Steffi into my boy mode

  1. #1
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Integrating Steffi into my boy mode

    I had to give a 3-minute public speech a couple of weeks ago. My wife was there, and she complimented me on my speech. However, she said that I looked like a girl giving the speech. I asked her what she meant, what looked feminine, and she wouldn't answer me.

    I have been trying to bring some of the good parts of Steffi into my boy mode. I've learned that if I look GGs in the eye and smile at them, the will almost invariably smile back, even when I'm in boy mode. But lately, there have been a lot of GGs who smile at me first. Maybe I'm bringing more of Steffi into my boy mode than I thought.
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 11-19-2017 at 09:02 PM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

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    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Is that good or bad or just an observation? If the parts of Steffi that you're bringing over to your boy mode are parts that make you feel more yourself, then it seems good to me. It's hard to imagine it could be wrong to integrate into one person.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

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    You do know most women don't like girly men right?
    I think you are misinterpreting things here.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    You do know most women don't like girly men right?
    I think you are misinterpreting things here.
    I think it depends on the way he see it. Maybe they are smiling because they can sense the "Steffi" and it's in a more comforting/accepting (maybe not the right words?) way? I do agree most women are not attracted sexually to "girly" men, but not all thankfully.

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    Exactly, its how he sees it and thats thinking with the man brain and assuming things that may not be true.
    Do these women know he is a CD? No. Do they know Steffi is showing thru? No.
    Could be the women think he is gay and that I do have experience in.

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    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Of course, I don't have any idea what she was talking about, but I suspect she may be referring to mannerisms. I notice this a lot in myself. When I am in femme phase I unconsciously use a lot of feminine mannerisms such as using my hands a lot, how I walk or sit, the way I look at something and the facial expressions I use, and the way I say things. All kinds of things. I suspect it is, to some extent, a kind of a mimicry type of behavior. We are identifying as feminine/female and we have learned the way women are and so we unconsciously or sometimes consciously use visible mannerisms typical of females.

    I know what you mean about the eye contact and messages we send when two strangers meet without words. Women are very tuned into those kinds of expressions; much more so than men. When I am in Gretchen mode even when fully dressed in drab the reactions are different. But, in addition, I have noticed that a lot of men ignore me because it appears to me that they pick up on some of those things as well. When I am in the other mode men are more friendly and women a bit less friendly. I think there really is something to this, even though I also think we may tend to exaggerate to some extent the effect in our own minds. We want to be recognized for who we are and so we accentuate any response that provides a positive feed back. But I do not believe that is at the root of our perception. Women may not appreciate crossdressing, but they do appreciate the more sensitive and compassionate feminine male.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GretchenM View Post
    When I am in femme phase I unconsciously use a lot of feminine mannerisms such as using my hands a lot, how I walk or sit, the way I look at something and the facial expressions I use, and the way I say things. All kinds of things. I suspect it is, to some extent, a kind of a mimicry type of behavior. We are identifying as feminine/female and we have learned the way women are and so we unconsciously or sometimes consciously use visible mannerisms typical of females
    This happens to me too! Lol The other day I was in local court for a minor traffic infringement and as I was standing at the podium, back faced to the rest of the court room, I noticed I was standing with one hand on my hip, sticking my bum out while using my other hand for excessive hand gestures while I spoke. I realised how I must have looked half way through and had to reposture myself. I knew I shouldn't have worn those pantyhose under my pants! Made me feel too damn sexy!

  8. #8
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    You do know most women don't like girly men right?
    I think you are misinterpreting things here.
    Not sure who that's addressed to. If Steffi, I didn't see anything in her post suggesting she's on the prowl. And if she were, would your advice really be to learn to pretend she's something she's not so she can fool more women into liking her?
    Last edited by Pat; 11-06-2017 at 08:45 AM.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

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    would your advice really be to learn to pretend she's something she's not so she can fool more women into liking her?
    I didn't see Tracii G suggest anywhere in her post that anybody should learn to pretend to be anything. I'm not sure how you came to that extreme.
    Last edited by Kas; 11-06-2017 at 08:56 AM.

  10. #10
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Perhaps I'm being too telegraphic. The thread title says Steffi is integrating into her boy mode. Tracii's advice (if it's to Steffi and not me) is that "most women don't like girlly men" -- to me, the implication is you'll attract more women by not being girly. Which seems to advocate adjusting your behavior to attract more women. The question mark at the end of my post leaves it open for Tracii to tell me I misread it (Tracii and I have a long history of disagreement but manage to stay civil. Sometimes what I read is not what she wrote and we work it out.)
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  11. #11
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    Steffi,
    I know I would love to know what prompted her to say that so you must be really curious. You are DADT right, but she does know you dabble, right? So she has that idea in her mind already so maybe if you were a bit nervous some of your expressions and mannerisms were not masculine as opposed to being feminine, but she knows about Steffi so her eye may have read more into those.
    I also wonder if Yoga may be a contributing factor. I know, What? You are in a female lead class so the pose demos are likely elegant and soft which you may be carrying over at times. In just a few barre classes, I noticed that my posture is better (women tend to stand more upright, shoulders back than men), many of the exercises have me with my elbows tucked in near my body unlike out and looking broader... Just a thought.

    Back in high school (anyone who doesn't think those experiences stay with you is wrong) an English teacher (why I don't recall) planned to go around the room and asked each person to look at their fingernails. I, very unfortunately went first and apparently looking at them with my palm down and fingers straight was , and I quote him "You just did it the way girls do it." He blurted that out almost immediately so only a few others were asked to demo their method which oddly followed his theory.
    My point is you may have just done a few little things that no one else would notice but your wife did.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    You only have to adopt a few mannerisms to look different to others.

    Walking straight up, small steps, looking at your hands with palms down and smiling at women that you make eye contact with will give the game away all the time.

    Yep! Tell me something else I do all the time. :-)
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  13. #13
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    In my late teens and early 20s I received comments from guys about how I walked and sat etc. in guy mode. In fem mode it was easy for me to pass. My actions were not overstated, but similar to my GG contemporaries. Even today there are some things that my wife notices.

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    I am seventy years old. My wife does not drive due to a depth perception problem, so for our entire marriage I have done the grocery shopping without my wife in tow. She has zero idea where anything is located in any store or the prices. Anyway, I intentionally make a lot of eye contact with women. Women of all ages. I'd say at least 75% of the time we exchange smiles or a passing pleasantry. I suspect women interact with me and probably Steffi because at our ages we look "safe." I do not look like a disheveled threat to their safety. I don't look as if I'm try to "pick" her up. If you've been around long enough you do gain some experience gauging men and women. It's mannerism, poise or lack thereof, it's the intangibles that are not evident. Oh, I guess there are mannerisms a cross dresser who tries to emulate a woman can carry over into his male behavior....smaller steps when walking rather than long strides......sitting with legs crossed at the knees rather than splayed out all over and tripping people..... whisking a loose hair away from the face.

    Perhaps Steffi's wife made her comment because she was mentally comparing his/her current behavior/mannerism to a prior time, and, ascribes the change to cross dressing.

  15. #15
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GretchenM View Post
    Of course, I don't have any idea what she was talking about, but I suspect she may be referring to mannerisms. I notice this a lot in myself. When I am in femme phase I unconsciously use a lot of feminine mannerisms such as using my hands a lot, how I walk or sit, the way I look at something and the facial expressions I use, and the way I say things. All kinds of things. I suspect it is, to some extent, a kind of a mimicry type of behavior. We are identifying as feminine/female and we have learned the way women are and so we unconsciously or sometimes consciously use visible mannerisms typical of females.
    Ding, ding, ding. I think we have a winner. While she never would give me an answer, I inferred that "I unconsciously use a lot of feminine mannerisms such as using my hands a lot". I guess I didn't even notice it, but she must have.

    Quote Originally Posted by GretchenM View Post
    I know what you mean about the eye contact and messages we send when two strangers meet without words. Women are very tuned into those kinds of expressions; much more so than men. When I am in Gretchen mode even when fully dressed in drab the reactions are different. But, in addition, I have noticed that a lot of men ignore me because it appears to me that they pick up on some of those things as well. When I am in the other mode men are more friendly and women a bit less friendly. I think there really is something to this, even though I also think we may tend to exaggerate to some extent the effect in our own minds. We want to be recognized for who we are and so we accentuate any response that provides a positive feedback. But I do not believe that is at the root of our perception. Women may not appreciate crossdressing, but they do appreciate the more sensitive and compassionate feminine male.
    Another winner. In the past, women would just walk past me as if I was invisible. But, now, when I look them in the eyes as we're walking towards each other, I quite often get a smile from women of all ages. It could be that I see their smile because I'm looking at them. It could be that they smile because I don't look threatening to them. But, I believe that they smile at me because at some conscious or unconscious level, they perceive some of Steffi's female mannerisms looking right at them. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarasometimes View Post
    Steffi,
    I know I would love to know what prompted her to say that so you must be really curious. You are DADT right, but she does know you dabble, right? So she has that idea in her mind already so maybe if you were a bit nervous some of your expressions and mannerisms were not masculine as opposed to being feminine, but she knows about Steffi so her eye may have read more into those.
    I also wonder if Yoga may be a contributing factor. I know, What? You are in a female lead class so the pose demos are likely elegant and soft which you may be carrying over at times. In just a few barre classes, I noticed that my posture is better (women tend to stand more upright, shoulders back than men), many of the exercises have me with my elbows tucked in near my body unlike out and looking broader... Just a thought.
    Sara

    I am DADT, but my wife does know that I dress and meet up with other crossdressers. Ever since she found out about my crossdressing, she's misinterpreted guy things as girl things. I used to wear men's night shirts instead of PJs. She decided that wearing these made it look like I was crossdressing right in her face, and I had to toss all of them and replace them with traditional male PJs when in her sight. That doesn't mean that I don't have many traditional women's nylon nightgowns, flannel night gowns or PJs that I can wear when I'm on a business trip.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sarasometimes View Post
    Back in high school (anyone who doesn't think those experiences stay with you is wrong) an English teacher (why I don't recall) planned to go around the room and asked each person to look at their fingernails. I, very unfortunately went first and apparently looking at them with my palm down and fingers straight was , and I quote him "You just did it the way girls do it." He blurted that out almost immediately so only a few others were asked to demo their method which oddly followed his theory.
    My point is you may have just done a few little things that no one else would notice but your wife did.
    I had almost the same experience in high school, except it was a group of students, not a teacher.

    I was asked first, and I just happened to be sitting down at my desk with the palms of my hands on the desktop. I just tilted my head down and looked at my nails "the girl way". But, since I looked down, rather than holding my hands up, they decided I didn't pass either the boy test or the girl test. Too bad they never figured out how right they were.

    Those who misgendered the test were razzed mercilessly.
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 11-19-2017 at 09:31 PM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

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