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Thread: Baffled by female attention

  1. #26
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Don't confuse attention with attraction.
    Best piece of advice on here. Nobody who sees me can fail to understand that I was born and lived a long part of my life as male. But these days I integrate well with the women around me. They're not looking at me as a mate, they're looking at me as a (potential) friend. And that's OK by me, my dance card is full. As to why women might or might not like trans folks, it doesn't matter really, they get to choose and all you can do is speculate.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  2. #27
    Member Lynn Sealy's Avatar
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    I’ve noticed that as well. Granted, I have only been out in public on Halloween in a costume, so maybe women have viewed me as a man in full drag. But, I to say, in each situation, ggs were friendlier and open with me then than when I am in guy mode. We talked about cute shoes and how much high heels look great but hurt your feet, they wanted to feel my breasts (bird seed in hose), and told me they were jealous of my legs. Conversations with women I didn’t know would just start up out of the blue. They loved it when I said I enjoyed getting dressed up and feeling beautiful. Several said we should go out for a girl’s night but nothing came of it (Darn!). Told my wife that if I had known how much women liked men in drag, I would have gone out back when I was single.

    Please don't take the use of the word drag as derogatory. It is the context in which I have gone in public.
    Last edited by Lynn Sealy; 11-09-2017 at 10:26 AM.
    Lynne

    You can friend me at on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/lynnesealytx. I don't post often, mainly lurk

  3. #28
    I dress for myself! fashionisto's Avatar
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    Wow, great to see so many reactions! So, it seems most of you have had positive feedback from women, although the general theme is that there's usually no romantic relationship in it for you, with some happy exceptions. Most of the posts could be summarised thusly. Women who react positively:

    (1) are just curious / see you as a novelty
    (2) see you as a "sister" rather than a potential partner
    (3) may be sexually interested/curious but don't consider you relationship material
    (4) may find you seriously attractive but don't dare "show up at their parents'" with a crossdresser

    I think all 4 are very plausible explanations in particular cases. Let me try and compare it with my own experience.

    From reading your stories, I am pretty sure that I live in a more tolerant environment than most of you, so that means (4) is less of a problem here. For example, gays are very visible in our society, as most people know a gay friend or neighbor. When I told my mom I wore dresses, she seemed completely accepting. I showed up at dinner in a restaurant in feminine attire, and she was initially shocked but recovered quickly. Now, she is actually telling her boyfriend that maybe he should wear dresses too (it was half jokingly, but all the same! He does look rather drab, admittedly).

    About attraction, I can say that's definitely there. Since you are understandably skeptical, I should give some details. I guess I may be somewhat of an atypical CDer, a drag queen type. It appears drag queens are very attractive to some women, even really campy ones, although I don't quite understand why. I like a "natural" look, no fake breasts, minimal make-up. But I grab every opportunity to dress flamboyantly, fishy drag queen style. Enough to make some women make comments like, I wish I dared wear something like that (at a fancy dress party). I've been lonely and a shy wallflower for most of my life, so I still often feel like, I can't believe this is happening!! But the more outrageous I look, the more women seem to like it.

    The first time I went to a dress-up party in drag (as usual I was the only one in drag), my girlfriend had to "drag" me along, reassuring me that I looked great and everyone's going to love it. And she was right! At a recent party I came up to the bar to get a drink, dressed in drag, and the barmaid gawked at me so long and hard that I thought her eyes were going to pop out of their sockets. Then she exclaimed "Wow, what a gorgeous man!". This more or less repeated itself with two other barmaids. One started chatting about great dress-up parties she's been visiting and showed me some pictures. All the time they kept looking at me with wide eyes and showering me with compliments. All in all I find many women have a rather welcoming attitude towards my more flamboyant attires. Apart from numerous raving compliments, I got comments like "it looks very natural on you", "I love they way you wear what you want and not care about gender barriers", "do you get paid gigs?". One woman taunted another guy (wearing a smart suit) for looking so "boring" compared to me. Another wondered how I got so adept at fashion, I "must have had help from women". One even bowed to me like I was some kind of god (goddess?).

    And then there's a whole bunch of things that happens when I dress at least a little outside of the male dress code. All teenagery stuff that never happened to me before I started CDing. Women chatting me up in an eager, upbeat tone, touching me, asking for my phone number, etc. Some examples. After a dress-up party, one woman said, "I think you have done this more often, haven't you". I was going like, oh shit, she's on to me. And then she invited me to come and meet up with her, and she was really nervous. On another occasion, I was in a drag bar, and there were three girls who kept touching me and telling me I looked so beautiful. One of them asked me for my phone number. At a party, one rather demure looking woman with whom I had a great conversation said, it was great getting to know you. And then later, she looked at me intently and said, you have such beautiful eyes. Another girl at a party kept smiling, like, really sweetly at me all the time. I got a lot of hugs from her and she said we will meet again.
    Last edited by fashionisto; 11-09-2017 at 11:52 AM.

  4. #29
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fashionisto View Post
    Hi all, thanks for sharing your thoughts, keep em coming! In my case some women definitely want more than just fool around for a night, and want to keep in touch. I can't tell you in every case what exactly each woman thinks, but I do have accepting GGs in my life who love me dressing up and like to show me off dressed up sometimes!

    @Majella in the incident you described, are you sure that she doesn't want to keep in touch because she thinks CDs are not serious relationship material? Or have you had similar experiences?
    This chick was out for fun, as was I. I had a great time, although she wore me out on the dance floor. Her entourage included an obviously gay man and an obviously gay female, not too sure what her preference was. When I was introduced to her, as I thought she was very attractive, I told her that I liked girls and she said so do I. So I'm not so sure of her motivation, I don't care, I had fun having her feel me up and feeling her up. But truly I would prefer a relationship.

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
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    Women observe other woman how they dress or what they're doing quite often, so they also notice crossdressers. Because we are not considered as competition, they're ok with us and since women are by nature more curios and talkative, they often engage in casual conversations with crossdressers.
    But one think is curiosity and general acceptance, quite the other is attractiveness of crossdressers as partners. Because of that women are usually ok with crossdressing as long as it is not her men who is a crossdresser.

  6. #31
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I found that women were fascinated in a guys ability to pass himself off as a woman, my most recent episode was three years ago on a visit to pearl harbour, some girls working at a concession stand were impressed with the style of my dress.

    It was a boots, skinny jeans and top combo.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  7. #32
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    I would guess that those women that come over and talk do feel more comfortable that they aren’t being “ objectified “ by most guys walking down the street. Sure I will look but too many like I see at work take it a bit too far and gg’s end up being uncomfortable because of it.
    Maybe I am just seeing it with the shoe one the other foot kinda deal.




    Pretty in Pink

  8. #33
    Junior Member Dressing up's Avatar
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    I ran a few errands the other morning dressed. I did not try to pass, no wig, or breasts forms. I am not sure I can, but I was wearing a gray skirt with a pink and gray sweater, and the cutest pink flats. I have become quite skilled at the makeup as well. To start my morning i decided to hit a Donut shop for coffee, as I was paying the cashier asked to see my nails. We compared our nails and she complimented me on my color. I truly believe she was showing empathy to me. I left there smiling, later I hit a supermarket and a female employee passed by me and asked me if I needed any help. I declined, but then noticed that she walked off and gathered a few other employees to gawk at me from a distance. Not very cool, so a mixed bag.

    I do think the few times I have had positive reactions in public, it is because someone understands that it is tough for some of us to express who we are. I would love to dress how I want whenever I want, but I am not comfortable with that. It still takes me some effort to make brief outings. It has made me much more empathetic to others, not just trans gender, but anyone who may feel uncomfortable in society for any reason.

  9. #34
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    The challenge remains; if you really believe that there are all these women out there that are turned on by crossdressers, start a crossdresser dating service; after all, you'll be a millionaire. As there are millions of us out here who would jump at the chance, you'd only have to charge a few dollars, with the stipulation that if we marry someone that you find for us, we'll pay you much, much more. I know I would. But the reality is, or seems to be, that those women don't really exist in any great number. Friends? Sure. Lovers? Nope. Remember, MANY women have gay male friends. They're OK with that. But having a crossdresser as a husband? That's another thing entirely.

    So, stop with the stories already. We all await the arrival of the many women you refer to, to our forum, desperately looking for a nice crossdresser to catch. The forum has been around for quite a while. Seems any woman who wants us, could just arrive, post a message, and get swamped by responses.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  10. #35
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    So, stop with the stories already.
    Lexi -- Sorry for your frustration. But I think it's better to have stories of women who accept us, of couples that survive, etc. because it provides role models. Maybe someone here will be so influenced by hearing that they can find an accepting mate that they'll go out and do that rather than settling for a life in the closet. Maybe some women who find crossdressing husbands are OK for them will tell their friends that it's OK. It's part of how societies change -- first people have to understand that it *can* be done and then they go and do it.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  11. #36
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pat View Post
    But I think it's better to have stories of women who accept us, of couples that survive, etc. because it provides role models. Maybe someone here will be so influenced by hearing that they can find an accepting mate that they'll go out and do that rather than settling for a life in the closet. Maybe some women who find crossdressing husbands are OK for them will tell their friends that it's OK. It's part of how societies change -- first people have to understand that it *can* be done and then they go and do it.
    Periodically, we get a thread where the OP declares how simple it is to get multiple women who are just fine with crossdressers, to engage with us socially and even sexually to some degree. My point is that while this might happen occasionally, it's certainly not the norm, and it's certainly not something any one of us could easily duplicate on a regular basis. Really want to know just how accepting a woman is? Ask to meet her family, especially any young children. Or mention that you like to babysit, and see how that goes over. Sure, you might luck out. But more likely, she will think you're a pervert.
    Now, I'd LOVE to believe that there are all these crossdresser friendly women out there. But it simply doesn't seem to be the case. There are millions of single women out there on the dating sites. Virtually NONE of them profess any interest in dating a crossdresser, no matter how good he may be in every other way. We have to deal with the fact that this is a sexual turn off for nearly all women. Nature has somehow put the predisposition for the desire for alpha male behavior into women's genetic code; we are the anti-alpha male specimens; we're everything that they are not attracted to. Sure, we make great nurturers, but that doesn't get a woman's sexual desire up (though, during phases when she's not fertile, many women find 'beta males' to be preferably interesting as long term partners, but when it comes time to reproduce, she will go find an alpha).

    Generally, you cannot change something unusual sexually that is a turn off for someone, which is what a change in gender appearance/behavior usually does. So even if a woman's friend tells her, oh, that it's fun engaging in 'water sports', that's not likely to make her want to run out looking for a man who enjoys giving golden showers. Sexual attraction and repulsion is a very individual thing. Despite all the girl/girl fantasies that men have, there aren't a whole lot of straight women out there just yearning to get it on with another female, any more than there are straight men looking to try giving oral to another guy. When they look at us, if it's a turn off, there's not much of a way to switch that around and make it a turn on for her.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  12. #37
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Lexi, why such a negative attitude?

  13. #38
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
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    I can see content regardless of delivery. I don't think I have a vested interest either way, but some might disagree, and that's totally fine. I don't think either side makes a difference to me, but one can never know for sure until one is in each situation. I definitely don't hold any hopes. I am not married. I never made the attempt to search for a wife. That might disqualify everything I have written.

    That being said . . .

    I find it easier to reconcile the content of Lexi's post with the proportions of non-acceptance, DADT and supportiveness that I have seen on this board than the content of the OP if we're talking about anything that develops beyond friendship.

    I cheer from the sidelines when I read about a supportive wife in an intro thread. In my opinion, we should appreciate this, but I don't think that situation should be promoted to the point where it might be misinterpreted as the general rule for relationships. I think the OP over-promotes.

    We (I) can't gloss over the number of DADT reports.

    Hearing about acceptance could encourage another to search for an accepting partner. It's cuts in both directions, though, because that path could be a very long one, and some of the attempts that don't succeed could involve the other person telling the reason for breaking it off to everyone they know.

    Again, I'm not married, never made the attempt, etc.

    Just for the record, I have a lot of sympathy for those whose TG awakening happened after marriage. There is no way that could have been avoided.

    - Lydianne.

  14. #39
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    First, we must accept that attraction has many threads to it. I have a lot of experience with girls/women over the years. Quite a few of them knew I wore the same clothes they did. When young dressed passing and shopping girls were fascinated and a few became friends. I even dated a few of them in guy mode. But, none of the relationships went far. I have women friends today that know, but they aren't looking for romance.

  15. #40
    Member biancabellelover's Avatar
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    I think you're all telling the truth (as you see it). The OP is from the Netherlands, and I'm guessing that most of the responders are from the U.S. I'm an Aussie.

    U.S. society, morals, and mores are VASTLY different to that of Continental Europe. It could well be that in Holland women are far more accepting of CD'ers as potential life partners than in the U.S. Europeans have very different attitudes on sex, religion, alcohol, drugs, etc, than does the United States.

    Just my 2c.

    BBL.

  16. #41
    Aspiring Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Maybe, just maybe, so's are afraid we would look better than them dressed up.

    For a woman, she is proud to look her best and I tell mine so !

  17. #42
    Banned Read only terza's Avatar
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    i can easily believe that there are more progressive social norms, and the states is way behind, and falling further w/ emboldened zealots. progress are the responsibility of all who would benefit --us.

    "anti-alpha" --intriguing term, i wonder how many cross-dressers are alpha in their male role. i'm not equating alpha to machismo, which is just another word for neanderthal bully.

  18. #43
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    To me sometimes the best realionships
    start as friendship and acceptance . So why. not just
    go with that and see what develops ?

    JAS

  19. #44
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    BBL,
    Quote Originally Posted by biancabellelover View Post
    It could well be that in Holland women are far more accepting of CD'ers as potential life partners than in the U.S. Europeans have very different attitudes on sex, religion, alcohol, drugs, etc, than does the United States.

    BBL.
    Your insight on the differences in attitudes of the US versus Europe is along the line I had when I read the OP. Only I thought there was something in the water in Holland.

    Thanks for sharing.

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