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Thread: Therapist help

  1. #1
    Member Katie Ellen's Avatar
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    Therapist help

    I'm 67 and have been dealing with gender issues for most of my life. I know that I'm more than a crossdresser and I need help.

    Does anyone have any actual experience with a gender therapist in the SE Michigan area that they could recommend?
    Last edited by Katie Ellen; 11-09-2017 at 11:31 AM.
    Katie

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  3. #3
    Member Katie Ellen's Avatar
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    I've already found one and have my first appointment in a couple of weeks. Thanks anyway.
    Katie

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    For others watching this thread for tips. I have a great relationship with a therapist that I went to the city for the first visit and since has let me do video call appointments. It’s a huge help if you’re not near many trans specialized drs

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    I'm driving a couple hours each way to mine, but she does do video conferencing as well. Been thinking about it to get 4 hours back, but I'm wondering if I would still connect with her and her me without the in-person energy and non verbals. Thoughts?

  6. #6
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    During my questioning phase, I finally decided to see a therapist to help me figure out if I should transition. Prior to that, I had been going to trans group meetings for several months. I had meaningful conversations with TS women, non binary women, and self-identified CDs too. I read countless articles and watched many videos online in an additional effort to figure it out. I still didn't know what I should do, so that's why I reluctantly sought out a therapist.

    I found one within 10 min driving distance from my home, who was part of a group practice. I deliberately picked a male therapist because I felt like maybe a male would discourage me from transitioning to the other gender. He also said, before I met him, that although he had experience with trans patients, they were basically all teenagers. I guess another part of me wanted him to tell me that I was too old to transition. Or that not realizing I'm trans until an older age did not make me a TS woman.

    During my therapy sessions, he let me talk most of the time. Every once in a while he'd ask me a question related to what I was talking about. He never told me I was this or that, and never diagnosed me with anything. And yet after just three weekly sessions of therapy, I realized I was unequivocally a transsexual woman. It was shocking but also felt so right. That I was able to get this result so quickly surprised me. I saw my therapist for a few more once-a-month sessions after that, but it was mostly just to check in and say how I was doing.

    I haven't seen a therapist since, other than to get my SRS referral letters. But I'm still amazed at how much my therapist helped me despite him not fitting the 'norm' of a gender therapist for a middle aged trans woman. And looking back, I also find it kind of amusing at how confused I was back then. I am totally female in personality, interests, and relationships. Most of my friends now are cis females, and although a few know I'm trans, it's only because I told them. They were all surprised and said there was nothing about my looks, voice, social skills, or mannerisms that indicated I was trans. It's all been very easy for me to blend into society as a woman, because my behavior as a female, even conversationally and socially, just came naturally to me. And yet less than 2 years ago I had no idea if I was even trans enough to transition. lol
    Last edited by Mirya; 11-16-2017 at 07:45 AM.

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    In my experience doing the video calls does take a little more focus. I have to make sure I schedule them for a time when the house is empty. Occasionally I do still go in person just to have an excuse for a day out. But my doctor noted during our last session That it’s interesting to see me more relaxed And tho I focus on him if I get up to take the phone with me to get a drink or sit outside for a smoke It helps me to not overthink how we spend our time. But that’s me

  8. #8
    Member Katie Ellen's Avatar
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    I'll be driving about an hour each way. I'll be seeing a lady who specializes in gender identity issues. I explained my situation to her and she seemed very nice, as did the staff when talking to them on the phone.

    I actually want to meet face to face, at least right now. I went through many years of therapy starting around 16 years old for anxiety attacks. Gender issues weren't talked about back then. When I finally brought up the dressing topic he immediately went to the subject of latent homosexuality and fetishes. Then dropped it. I spent many wasted years looking for the wrong cause.

    So, I want to make sure I'm talking to someone who knows what they're talking about. I'm no spring chicken. I think my last push came by reading DevorahK's recent post on starting HRT at 70. For that I thank her.

    Funny thing is I'm not really scared. We'll see how that goes though as we get closer to the day!
    Katie

  9. #9
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nikki_P View Post
    I'm driving a couple hours each way to mine, but she does do video conferencing as well. Been thinking about it to get 4 hours back, but I'm wondering if I would still connect with her and her me without the in-person energy and non verbals. Thoughts?
    When I first started therapy (as a requirement to stay married, if you catch my drift) I was travelling almost continuously. I made a lot of audio calls (before video calls were widely available) and they worked out fine.

    But another possibility is to alternate video and FtF.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  10. #10
    Member Katie Ellen's Avatar
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    Well, I went to my first appointment a few days ago. I'm glad that I went face to face. She was absolutely wonderful. Very supportive. She is a gender therapist, so she knew why I was there. That made it a lot easier to get right to the point.

    I basically told her my life story. She asked some questions, mostly related to what I brought up. I was actually surprised at how easy it was for me to open up. I think we'll be dealing with my guilt and fear for a while.

    I look forward to going back. Wish I hadn't waited so long.
    Katie

  11. #11
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    That must have felt so wonderful to talk to somebody directly about what's been inside of you for so long..

    Im glad you had the courage and perseverence to make the appt and make the drive

    I drove an hour to my therapy...it was worth it for sure
    I am real

  12. #12
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    I found it funny how I spent most of my life being neurotic about someone learning my terrible secret of wanting to be female. Then on my first appointment I just barfed most of out in a 30 minute rapid fire monologue. And I felt better afterwards. She definitely didn’t have to coax it out of me!

    Someone posted on another forum that when it’s our time to deal with it, it’s our time to deal with it. Tautological, but true.

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