I'm out!

[Dana44]

So very good that she is accepting. Take things slow and communicate well with here and all would be good, hopefully.

[Kayliedaskope]

another +1 on the taking it slow part. Congratulations on finding a keeper.

[BrendaPDX]

Congratulations! Not my first choice for how to come out, but you are OUT!!!! I am so happy for you, and you are very fortunate to have such an understanding and caring wife. Don't abuse her trust again; you don't know how lucky you are. Thank you for sharing. Brenda

[faltenrock]

Don't stress her and give her enough time to come to terms with your dressing. Communication is the real key.

[Barbara Joanne74]

Congratulations, as all the others here have said, take it slow, they may be many ups and downs in your relationship as you both come to terms.

Barbara

[Kendalli]

So a quick update. It's been close to two weeks since getting discovered by the wife. What an emotional roller coaster. Things started off great with the SO while she was trying to wrap her head around the whole thing. But as time has past, she has become less sure about it. She has been under a lot of pressure from her job recently which isn't helping. She is still trying to be supportive but she can't seem to wrap her head around as me more femme. I have only been underdressing and sleeping en femme. Trying to take it slow. We did set up a Stitch Fix subscription together, to start expanding my wardrobe and figure out my styles. The intimacy in our relationship is gone for now. She said it was weird kissing me now, even when I am in guy mode. She says that I feel like a stranger. I keep telling her that I'm still the same person she knows, just that I like to dress slightly different sometimes. So that is where we are now I guess. She's not leaving me by any means, but we are definitely working through a lot of stuff here. Sorry for the ramble again. And yes Kas, there will be pics eventually. Probably when the first Stitch Fix box comes in, since I don't have any real outfits to wear other than undies right now. ;P

[Rayleen]

Kendalli, the thing for me was good communication and explain your feeling to her and as others have said,
go slow and let her absorb what you tell her.
Hope the best for you two.

Rayleen

[Kas]

Hi Kendall,

That's a tough situation. It sucks about what she said about the kissing thing. That's pretty harsh IMO if its JUST for the fact that you wear women's clothing occasionally.

Are you sure you're not moving too fast? Even though it may not seem like much and she may have seemed supportive at the time, I think even trying to browse women's clothing together within the first couple weeks might be too fast. I think until she has her head wrapped around the idea completely and she has made up her mind if she is accepting or not, I think it would be best to leave the ball in her court for a while and wait to see what she wants to do. If she wants to talk about it she will. If she doesn't, might just mean your stuck in a DADT situation.

If I were you I would not dress (in front of her) until she has decided. If it already feels weird for her to kiss you in guy mode then I don't think you can push it much further honestly... Best of luck!

[Leelou]

Thanks for the update, Kendalli. I'm sorry that she's pulled back on the CD issue, but it's understandable. She learned after the marriage, so that's hard. I couldn't agree with Kas more, I think you're going too fast considering how she found out. It's only been a couple of weeks. My humble suggestion would be to stop wearing women's sleepwear for now, at least not every night. If she's having trouble even kissing you now, she needs some more time to process what she just learned.

Best of luck to you two.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Wow, encouraging outcome- congrats!

But proceed with caution. Be very sure that your wife is truly onside and not just saying what she thinks she ought to say. It's all very new for her- stay well within her comfort level. Hopefully she's solid, but it does sound very encouraging.

*****

Ok, just read your 2nd post. You need to back right off and remove as much stress from your wife's shoulders as you possibly can. She's trying, but she needs a lot of time. Think 6 months to start.

[Pat]

That's a tough situation. It sucks about what she said about the kissing thing. That's pretty harsh IMO if its JUST for the fact that you wear women's clothing occasionally.

It does suck, but I don't think the issue is clothing -- it seems much more likely that it's her being off-balance because she thought she knew Kendalli completely and now has discovered a hitherto unexpected thing about them. It's the old "if I didn't know this, what else don't I know?" I know it wasn't intended that way, but the effect is that the emotional rug has been pulled out from under her. This sort of thing needs time to heal. She has to re-orient herself to a world with this new fact in it. She may not have any experience of a situation like her own and not know how to proceed. It would be great if you could find a gender-friendly couple's cousellor or support group to help her find some examples of couples who have made it through this successfully.

[suzanne]

Im happy for you that it went so well with your wife. I hope it continues. But be careful about showing her everything all at once. Women sometimes fluctuate in how they feel about their husband's dressing and you might find out the hard way that she has hard limits on how feminine is too much. But so far so good!