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Thread: Crossdresser Vs Transgender

  1. #26
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
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    Dec 2007
    Utah, north of West Jordan, south of North Salt Lake & west of South Salt Lake
    My two cents in on a dollar discussion.

    As soon as we begin to explore our gender identity we are starting a personal transition. Where that ends is a personal choice, but it may involve anything from wearing a single article of clothing designed for the other gender for 20 minutes to social, legal and medical gender reassignment. I suggest that anywhere along that wide and winding path the term Transgender is appropriate to some extent and obvious in others. If we have not made the personal evaluation that tells us we are no longer the gender we were born with, we are crossdressing in some form or another. When my wife would wear one of my sweaters or a fleece shirt to stay warm, or when I used women's trouser socks as liners to prevent blisters when I was backpacking, I could have been crossdressing. As Sara says, that is an activity independent from our identity.

    The need for labels seems to come from two primary places. First is the medical/psychological/insurance community and is needed to properly direct care and get paid for it. The second comes from within the community as we attempt to closely define which "tribe" we belong to and where we look for the kind of support we desire.

    It's this second source that seems to be the problem here because as we closely define who we are and want to be associated with, we are at the same time excluding others. Those of us being excluded are often struggling on our personal journey and that exclusion tends to feel as though we are no longer valid or our feelings and ideas are no longer real. Intended or not, the process of exclusion has a negative side.

    Be who you want and associate with who meets your needs. Just remember that we are all making a journey and could occasionally use a hand up rather than a door shut in our face. Explain why you are limiting your definition in ways that demonstrate the value of inclusion. Just don't use that to diminish the value of someone else and their life.

    Okay, maybe it was 4 cents.
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  2. #27
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    May 2013
    Central Coast, CA
    I hope you are not referring to me. The two I refer to I know very well. They are in the transgender support group that meets every week I'm a part of. I don't mean to refer that all transsexual's are this way because they are not, but these two are. One is divorced the other widowed, one young the other old, one working the other retired. So even they are differant. Just on this one point they are the same.

  3. #28
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    East Texas for Now
    Its always dangerous to ascribe intentions or motives to others. its much more informative to express what a term that applies to you means to you. I define myself as transgender. I probably have multiple dimensions to my desire to experience and express myself as a woman...even as I recognize my physical and emotional limitations. I doubt my specific mix of such stuff is identical to others who deem themselves to be transgender but I suspect the similarities out weigh the differences.
    You're a daisy if you do!

  4. #29
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
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    Jan 2011
    s.nj near Berlin
    GretchenJ, thank-you I could not agree with you more.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  5. #30
    Member Diane Taylor's Avatar
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    Feb 2017
    Why are so many of us so worried about labels? Just be who and what you are and don't worry about whether you're trans this or trans that. Just my two cents.

  6. #31
    Gold Member Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Sep 2013
    Dallas Ft Worth metro
    Yes the word transgender means many things, for me I do seperate a CD verses someone who is going to live fulltime presenting as a women, now that includes those who donít opt for surgery, which I find for some in here is like sacrilege.
    For some who are trans that live as women they dont go complete for many reasons, doesnít mean they are not trans.
    Like Diann says I donít like labels but Iím a trans women and thatís me. I dress at home when no one can see me and I
    present in public itís not sexual for me itís just me.

  7. #32
    I am my Fantasy Female docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    "Thou protestith too much!" I've been accused of not being trans enuff quite often. Online and here!

    Almost all dressers of every ilk at one time or another have been turned on by elements of their dressing. Or like me, by the complete female image in their mirrors!

    Many trans would like to forget that "dirty" side of dressing, and come down hard on us "fetish dressers" as being "completely different". That's easy for me to understand. Altho, I don't appreciate their negativity.

    There r times I get turned on by dressing.
    Others when sex is the last thing on my mind!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  8. #33
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Feb 2008
    Even though there are other threads with pretty much the same topic, I think there's a good discussion going on here. It might help some of us take another look at our selves and also better understand where others are coming from.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  9. #34
    Aspiring Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    Oct 2017
    What ever you would like to call me :

    one day I feel Girly and dress up ...destresser.

    another day I hate my male organs and wish I was Femme.

    so do not like me in male mode on other days

    I'm a human being sensitive and caring

    Lets call it somewhere someone in between.

  10. #35
    Senior Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    Nov 2012
    It is arguments over labels, which mean different things to different people. Rather than go by actions and reasons.
    I could make an argument that a woman wearing pants is a crossdresser, even if made for women. Because in certain times in the past, only men wore pants. A woman now wearing pants would say it was due to choice of comfort and warmth. So a man wearing pantyhose could make the same argument. But he is labelled a crossdresser and she is not.
    I did start off fetishistic, but not in many years. Now my reasons are to feel feminine as it is for many of us, and for me, I like to think I also look pretty. Some do not aim for that. Some may say the reason is not to feel feminine, but simply to break the societal norms of gender thru clothing or makeup.
    I did see a person yesterday in a store, male clothing, but feminine eyebrows with eyebrow pencil and some makeup.
    Trans is not specific enough, while transexual is much more specific. Transgender is very vague to me, but others may have assigned a specific set of actions/reasons to that label, which is not how I view the label.
    Hugs, Ellen

  11. #36
    Gold Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    This one just keeps going round in circles, the use and misuse of labels.

    Sara is correct we all crossdress, but our reasons are so varied , we all have a slightly different angle with our needs.

    The sexual side is bound to come into it , many of us start that way , again some use some very strong language and put those down who admit their dressing has a sexual content , I'm stuck with aspects of that and there's nothing I can do about it .

    I did raise the question of who is using or misusing the labels , a recent TV program in the UK told the story of the transgender community but used the term to explain those in transition , so should they have used transsexual rather than transgender in their program ?

    We all have to live with various aspects of Cding why do we have to get so heated about labels ? In truth we don't need them among ourselves it's only when we come out to general public that we need to describe ourselves in some way. The problem is there are too many labels and we keep invented new ones , they are only going to confuse people more.

    I still believe that the public think a CDer is someone hidden in the closet possibly wearing his wife's clothes for whatever reason . Someone who appears in public must be somewhere on the transition road otherwise why would they do it . OK there are some that assume we dress to attract men so we must be gay, as we all know it's fairly rare .

    The person who voiced their opinion hadn't fully engaged their brain before sitting down and typing that load of crap, we just have to treat it with the contempt it deserves .

  12. #37
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    May 2013
    Central Coast, CA
    Fair enough Pat. But these are their words . I have sat through many meetings listening to their long drawn out explanations of their life and how they feel. These are people I know, meet with face to face. Not someone hiding behind a computer, but accrual people leading accrual lives. Not some fantasy.

  13. #38
    Dandizette LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    In the total animal soup of time
    There is the Transgender Borg that wants to assimilate everyone under it's umbrella so it can speak for all of us, then there is the Transgender Cult that wants to exclude everyone that doesn't meet it's standards of TG purity. In the first case, I ascribe to the Marxian (Groucho, that is) principle that I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. In the second case, there is absolutely no benefit from belonging to their little cult so exclude me please!

    A large percentage of fetishistic crossdressers are in complete denial about the eroticism that lies at the root of their CDing. That does me no harm so I don't care. But, if you want to know if someone is a fetishist, don't ask them, ask their wife.

  14. #39
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Feb 2011
    Central Alberta, Canada
    Pats quote, "You say what you feel/experience. Do not assign motives or experiences to others and then everyone is on solid ground."

    I'm a guy who likes several articles of clothing that are found across the aisle from the men's section. I cross the aisle and buy what I like to wear. I crossed to the other side making me a cross dresser! The fetish side was very much a part of it all, when the hormones raged. As I have gotten older it's mostly about the clothes, than about sex, occasionally it is about sex, I'm not dead yet. In my youth it was often referred as transvestism, as in one who wears clothing usually worn by the opposite sex. I'm not going to get hung up on words, but I have believed that this does fit under the transgender umbrella.

    PS: the word fetish has a negative connotation to it. Don't get hung up on it. Would you get hung up if a guy had a boot fetish, or a hat fetish? A fetish is something that stimulates an individual, usually in a sexual way!
    Last edited by Gillian Gigs; 11-14-2017 at 03:45 PM. Reason: addition.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  15. #40
    Member ChubbyLeahCD's Avatar
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    Nov 2011
    Knoxville, TN
    I have had a therapist tell me that I am transgendered because of my crossdressing. I can also be considered gender fluid because when Iím en femme or dressed like my male self I take on the full characteristics of the gender Iím dressed as.
    So Iím bisexual, transgender and gender fluid. Now whereís the damn glam glitter!


    "Man, I feel like a Woman!"

  16. #41
    Senior Member
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    Jan 2016
    Orange County, California
    Centuries earlier, maybe of labels, Willie the Shake said, "What's in a name ....?"
    Nuff said.

  17. #42
    Gold Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    Your last paragraph is the sort of comments we shouldn't be using to describe another here on the forum, If someone's CDing is sexually linked from an early age there is nothing we can do about t, we have to learn to live with it .I agree with Gillian don't get hung up on it especially if it doesn't affect you , OK I'm going to put my foot in it and say it's to do with AGP , I don't intend to sidetrack this thread but it's partly what makes me tick and I live with it , I don't have a problem now I understand it .

  18. #43
    Senior Member Jaymees22's Avatar
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    Jun 2012
    somewhere over the rainbow in NJ
    OMG if this keeps up I'll have to get a new label machine my old one is wearing out. My previous support group was run by a therapist in my introduction I said I am a crossdresser, she said no your trans, I'll go with the professional opinion.
    I enjoy being a boy, being a GIRL like me!!!

  19. #44
    Member VS Fan's Avatar
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    Oct 2009
    Chi town burbs
    I have a very simple take on all of this:

    I daydream about what it would like to be a woman, I even wish I was/were a woman at times. I'm definitely one of those who would take the red pill or whatever and become one overnight.

    But I don't think I am one inside. Yes, I'm sensitive and all that, but I'm still a guy, and am ok with that.. and that's the rationale that I gave my therapist (not a gender therapist, just a general one)... she didn't push the issue at all, so it seemed good enough for her also.

    So do I consider myself part of "LGBTQ.."? Sure, I think that I have plenty in common with others in that collection of letters, and I would even put myself on the "transgender spectrum" if pressed. But with no intention or desire to take a (non magical) route to transition, I feel firmly entrenched in the "just a crossdresser" camp.

    VS Fan

  20. #45
    Be Visible! Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    Dec 2014
    Kandi's Land
    Why does it matter? We are who we are, regardless of a label placed upon us. To answer the initial question, I consider myself a crossdresser, but that it only because I do not wish to become a woman. But when dressed, I consider myself a woman. Who cares? I go about my life, loved and accepted by so many, smiled at, complemented, not being considered one thing or an other. Just a person. A valuable person. It is arguments about which box to be placed in that have caused me to pull back quite a bit in my online activities. To answer the second question, my motivation is simple: happiness. I have never, ever been happier and I've been around for quite a while.
    Pictures and stories of every time out:

    Visit my blog, Kandiís Land at for positive and uplifting posts!

  21. #46
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    May 2016
    North Carolina
    I agree with Kandi! On my journey I have learned that I am me! Male mode or en femme, I am me! Like me or hate me but I am me! YMMV Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  22. #47
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    Jul 2008
    Wherever there is a Sale or Macys, but mostly Baltimore MD
    The OP said

    "Apparently there are a large number of transgender woman who complete skip dressing as a woman before actually deciding to become woman"

    I've read a number of stories of women who have regrets after transition.

    I'd think that being absolutely sure of what you are before transitioning would be a good argument for labels.
    Kelly DeWinter
    Find Kelly at:
    Kelly's Blog

  23. #48
    Rusholme Ruffian DIANEF's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
    Manchester UK
    I recall a story in the UK several years ago of a male who transitioned to female. After a few years of that she decided that being a woman was 'too much effort' and reverted to being male. (I'll let the medical experts work out how) Then a few more years later wanted to become female again, all courtesy of the NHS of course. Strange. As far as labels go I don't think I'm totally sure myself which one I'd fit, but if someone feels the need to put one on me I won't exactly lose any sleep over it.
    All men have secrets and here is mine, so let it be known (What difference does it make?- The Smiths)
    I can't help the way I feel (Is it really so strange? - The Smiths)
    He's not strange, he just wants to live his life this way (Vicar in a tutu - The Smiths)

  24. #49
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    As is almost always the case, if you don't personally know someone in the (insert classification here) category, all you have to go on to make a judgement is the stereotypes, which in the case of us crossdressers seem to be generally negative. We are "Other". In the past we have been labelled as perverts, child molesters, gay, sick, twisted, mama's boys. (Ever see the movie "Psycho"?) These stereotypes can die hard for those who have never seen one of us in person. In this light, it's no wonder a SO can sometimes have a hard time accepting us. So being dismissed as "not one of us" doesn't come as a surprise.

    I think the answer is to ignore the flak and barbs from the naysayers.They are no worse than any other kind of hater. And just keep on with your own thing. If enough of us are out there behaving like civilized humans, the hate speak will die down.

  25. #50
    Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    May 2016
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    I attended the Transgender Spectrum Conference about 10 days ago. I signed up because it was an opportunity to be out dressed AND an opportunity to learn.

    It was called the Transgender Spectrum Conference because the term Transgender covers a broad range of personal traits. There was a session called Transgender 101, where the presenters presented a slide called the Transgender Umbrella, which included CDs, trans men and women, drag kings and queens, intersexed, and other categories. In short, if you crossdress, you fall under the Transgender Umbrella.

    It's not an either or. There are transgender individuals who just wish to dress as the opposite sex, and there are transgender individuals who's gender identity doesn't match their biological body, and transgender individuals who have both male and female biological components. But they are all transgender.

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