Explaining why it was a secret with A packet flower seeds

[barbara gordon]

Recently ,in conversations with my ex wife , she asked why i didnt tell her that i was into crossdressing .we were married for about 15 years before i told her what i was doing with feminine style clothes . She asked over and over since the time we split up. I told her at the end of our marriage instead of at the beginning . Things really blew up at the end, partly because of my telling her.

I have probably always known that i wanted to crossdress and at times in my life i have i have thought about transition. But for the most part , i have lived as very much a man . Shifting to female when time permits .
Since my divorce , i have really developed my fem side to the point that i go out and have made friends with girlslikeus in real life.

Yesterday i had dinner with a few crossdressing friends .we talked about how much we each have developed our feminine personas over the past few years. Something occured to me about my exwive’s question. Imagine that crossdressing is a packet of seeds .. like tomato seeds , or flower seeds .. this packet of seeds has pretty pictures on the envelope.its manageable. You can keep it like that indefinately ..just the envelope with the seeds rattling around inside forever.. for some thats ok . Its enough.. but curiosity takes over. Now imagine if you plant the seeds and they become something . Maybe plant just one or maybe the whole envelope . Now add water and light .. and see what happens . I kept my envelope hidden away for so long.. as i got older i just had to plant it .. now here i am with a small garden..

[Nikki A.]

Barbara I like it and it is a wonderful analogy. We really do "bloom" when exposed to air and sunlight.

[docrobbysherry]

I always thot of it this way, Barbara:

Like Alice in Wonderland. Everything was fine when she just looked with wonder down the rabbit hole. But then, she slipped down into it. And, things got curiouser and curiouser!

It least, they have for me!

[barbara gordon]

Yes indeed sherry , curiouser and curiouser it is becoming .

the thing about my exwife is that she says that i was lying about or hiding it from her . in some ways I was , but it was also very much in neutral , and mostly undeveloped when i first met her . I didn't understand it enough at that time to be able to talk about it with anyone . so it was a completely solo activity , loaded with shame and fear . I had no idea what it really was for most of the time before we met and even early on in the marriage, I didn't really embrace crossdressing completely as part of my identity . like so many , I thought and hoped that it would just go away .

[Jaylyn]

Barbara that's a good way to explain how many develope into full transitioning and living or blooming into what they have planted deep inside. Mine is more I think of a flower that blooms and dies then blooms again. I'm always weeding the garden but can't keep my bloom because of the outside influences in my life. Thus I CD only at times when I can. Will never be a permanent bloomer because of the outside influences.

[Dana44]

Barbra, nice way of explains of us as it take us a while to bloom. But once we do we are a beautiful flower.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I love your analogy Barbara, that's beautiful.

Long may your garden grow and may your nicest dreams blossom and flourish.

[Milli Montanari]

What a beautiful analogy, Barbara. My packet of seeds is open and the seeds are planted but, sadly, there's no water or light.

[Becky Blue]

Great analogy Barbara, my seeds were planted watered and started growing only to wilt and apparently die... but given some more water and some sun it seems as if there is still some life on the saplings.