Any advice on next steps?

[Mary]

My wife has let me wear and share her panties hosiery and slips for several years when we are intimate. For me it is very exciting. She asks me if I would like to put something on or suggests that I put something on. And lately for the past three years or so she has bought me some very cute and sexy lingerie. Slips, pantyhose, panties, and teddies. She took my measurements and she picked out the right size and evertyhing. But at my request. I just get so embaressed shopping or even asking her to buy these things for me. I tried buying at the store and online but I chicken out. The whole thought of wearing women's Intimate excites me to no end, and while wearing it I just feel so good and a particular closeness to my wife that I can't explain. But at the same time, I also feel an extreme sense of embarrassment. Maybe even shame. She says it is o.k. If I want to wear lingerie and she enjoys it very much when we are intimate. But lately I want to wear more than just lingerie. I want to wear breast forms, wig, dress, heels. Everything. I am just too embaressed to bring it up. Has anyone else had a similar situation or does anyone have any advice?

[Amy Lynn3]

Mary, welcome to the forum. I think your embarrassment is normal, because I have saw many post from others who feel the same way. Not sure I have any advise for you, but maybe others will have.

[Sidney]

Mary, there is no need to be embarrassed. I held my feelings and embarrassment inside me until five years ago when I started coming out to my wife of 26 years. if you have these negative feelings about yourself I suggest you find a counselor who deals with gender issues if possible. That is what I did and now the guilt and shame are gone and I'm enjoying the rest of my life. By the way I'm six foot three, slinder build, 189 pounds and 71 years old. its never to late.

[RADER]

Welcome Mary to the forum. I am glad you found us.
You are not alone, there are many just like you, that enjoy wearing fem clothes.
Ask your wife to get you a bra, and maybe a dress. Tell her you always wanted to see what it feels
like to wear a dress. I am telling you, you will love it.
My wife always had me wear a baby doll nightie to bed each night. I loved it.
Rader

[alwayshave]

Mary, Welcome. I dress and go out from time to time, my fiancee goes with me, but I am embarrassed if she sees me in lingerie.

[NicoleScott]

Ask her "would you like me to wear something other than or in addition to lingerie?" Then let the conversation ensue if her answer is encouraging, or shut it down if there is resistance.

[Sami Brown]

First, I want to welcome you to this forum. As far as the advice you seek, it is perfectly normal to feel embarrassed and scared. I have an encouraging wife myself, and I still feel weird about getting dressed in front of her. The key is to face your fears.

For example, you say that you are afraid to shop, including online. I think buying something online is a great place to start. The person filling your order has no idea who you are, so there is little to no risk. So start with something you are already comfortable wearing, and that you already know the size for, such as the undies you enjoy. Once you do it a few times, you will get over that fear. Then try something else, such as heels.

I agree with some of the others that you can ask your wife for ideas too.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

Sami

[Pat]

Welcome. The embarrassment/shame usually indicate that you think you're doing something wrong. If you can develop some self-acceptance, the feelings will go away. Since you're new to the forum, I'd suggest reading around and getting a sense of the people here. You'll find lots of things that resonate with you and help you understand yourself better. With understanding, self-acceptance will develop. It's also comforting to find out that you're not alone. This is a good place to explore a potentially difficult topic.

[jack-ie]

Since she obviously enjoys her girl and shops for her, why not tag along when she shops. Nothing embarrassing about a man shopping with his SO and a well placed question about certain items might arouse her interests too. Shopping can be a great way to develop a "girlfriend" side to the relationship and lead to "more open" conversation.

[docrobbysherry]

As Pat explained, many of us have suffered shame and embarrassment dealing with our own dressing. It took me nearly 20 years to get passed that!
I am what they call a "fetish dresser" here. Because I admit getting turned on by my dressing regularly.

I suggest u run your dressing fantasies by your SO, not us!

[Isabella Ross]

Mary, you're like me...15 years ago. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you how my life evolved in a few words. Looking back, I can see I was the victim of society's expectations, and my own rigid interpretations of what I thought men and women were supposed to be. When I realized that the rest of my life was going to be hell if I didn't accept myself, I made the first real effort in my life to do that. I was completely honest with my wife for the first time. She is very understanding person who believes, like me, that you get one kick at the can in this life...so you better make the best of it. Seems like your wife is already in this camp. Over the course of a couple of years, with her encouragement, I came to see this as an incredible gift. Slowly, the feelings of shame disappeared. It became clear to me that submitting to those feelings of shame was a complete waste of time and effort, and probably the sole hurdle preventing me from being truly happy. So...I think you know that you'll get to the same place, but all I can do is urge you to do it faster. Every day is precious.

[deebra]

Mary I could have written your post word for word back when I first started just like you. I think you have two choices. Buy your stash of heels, dress, etc. hide it and dress in private or tell her you want more and see if she is O.K. in taking it further. I know your hunger and embarrassing feelings that makes you want to go further. Also know you will one day want to go out dressed. Your wife is pretty much the key, it's what she can live with. You can help this out by keep telling her how much you appreciate her acceptance and how much you love her for it.

[Helen_Highwater]

Mary,
As ever lots of sage advice from the forum. The one thing I would add is, if you read threads on a regular basis, baby steps is a term used often here.
One possible way to move forward is to let her know you'd like to wear femme underwear more often. However you don't want to just wonder around the house just in a bra and pants. How would she feel if you wore a dress, something you could slip on over your head so it would be easy to remove if someone comes to the house.
From there dresses look better if the bra is padded out........see where I'm going with this?
Take it steady and be considerate of her reactions. Push too hard and you risk a back lash. However who knows as others have said, she may welcome having a new girlfriend to go shopping with. Keep us informed.

[Charlotte7]

Welcome Mary. Yes, that acute sense of embarrassment, I remember it well. I used to be near paralysed when I went into shops to buy things for me, and I too have an accepting SO. As Pat says, it comes down to self-acceptance, that inner feeling that you're not doing anything wrong, you're not actually doing anything that unusual. I remember in my early days, when I went into a women's clothing shop, I felt that everyone, every single person was looking at me, not only looking at me, but also knowing why I was there, and thinking bad thoughts about me. But, then, one day, it occurred to me, that they're not all watching, that they're not all knowing, that they're not all thinking anything. Most people when they are out and about are wrapped up in their own world with their own concerns and their own thoughts. There aren't really any people out there knowing and judging, it's all in the mind. I cracked it with a simple exercise: I went to a busy shopping centre and I walked around, I wasn't there to buy anything, I was in drab (I don't go out dressed), I was just watching the people. And what did I find? People just going about their own business in their own way. And could I remember anyone from the other end of the shopping centre when I got to the far end? No, not really. There were vague thoughts of what they were like, but nothing more. So now, I don't care, that's not to say I'm not careful, that's a different thing. But, this is me, it's what I do, and after 50+ years I'm not going to stop. So, for me, what worked was accepting who I am, and realising that people in the real world hardly see and hardly care. As for your second thought, taking things further, that's a great idea and you're starting from a good place with an accepting SO. The advice I would give is to go slowly, don't be too radical or try to move too quickly. I have an accepting SO and I have found that I can get more or less anything I want but the key is to be slow, and not push the envelope too quickly. Don't try to do it all at once, add an extra layer gently, maybe suggest that you have a dress to wear, you wear underwear now, so adding a dress would be a logical next step. Then get used to that, get your SO used to that, and it becomes the new normal. Then, after a while, move slowly on to the next thing. In my experience, doing it this way works, and to prove it, downstairs I have a new pair of breast forms which have just been delivered by the postman, and a couple of days ago, ordered by my SO. Accepting as she is, that wouldn't have happened 30 years ago. I have to keep telling myself, even though I have the keys to the sweetshop, I can't eat all the sweets in one go. All the best and I hope that you find the girly happiness you desire.

[leannejacobs]

Welcome first of all, you've come to the right place. I'm with NicoleScott, just ask, no beating about the bush or dropping of hints, she's good enough to accept and encourage the lingerie so I dare say she'd also be willing to go further, ask and see what kind of response you get then take it from there.
There are many on here who do not have the support you have, you're very lucky, my wife is the same though I've dressed fully in front of her for some time now.
Your embarrassment at buying clothes is natural but as others have said there's no need to be, when in drab I spend more time browsing in the women's section than the men's, I can tell you for a fact, no one gives a toss, they seldom even acknowledge you are there, as for Sales Assistants they're there to serve and sell, again they don't care if it's for your wife or you, it's a sale, end off.

[Krisi]

For the clothes and such, why not go shopping with your wife? Nobody will say any thing or expect anything if you are by her side in the women's section of the store. I have even been complimented by strangers for being such a good husband shopping with my wife. Of course they didn't know those skirts and blouses on my arm were for me!

As for breast forms. if you already have a bra, why not start stuffing it just a bit. when she says something just say something like "Well it looks better with something in it." If she doesn't object, you can eventually move up to actual silicone forms. Take things slowly and go by her reaction. For the wig, once you get all dressed up, look in the mirror in her presence and comment "This just doesn't look right with my crew cut (or bald head)." See what she says.

Before you spend a lot on clothes, realize that you'll want to pad your butt and hips and that will change your size.

[Jenny22]

Hi, Mary, and welcome to this sisterhood. For many years, I've only ever shopped in drab for all of my pretty things, including lingerie. Many times females and I have been looking at clothing on the same sales racks, and I strike up conversations, sometimes ... "do you think this is pretty", or "what a great price" for example. Once, I described the type of sun dress I was looking for to one lady and she helped me to find one! Shopping in guy mode for femme things is easy to do, believe me. BTW, I'm expecting my Xmas present to myself to arrive today .. new, self adhering breast forms! Ta Da!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Ask her "would you like me to wear something other than or in addition to lingerie?"

You could take this approach, but you'd be putting yourself in the position of submissive to your wife's dominant. You and she may be fine with that, but are you sure that's the way you want to cement your respective roles?

Perhaps a more emotionally honest way of putting it would be, 'It means a lot to me that you're so understanding about the underwear. I'd like to experiment with wearing other female items - how would you feel about that?'

Putting it that way you are respecting her feelings, but not discounting your own.

If she's encouraging, don't overdo it. Just try to find out how much latitude you have.

Welcome!