Leona, I hope nobody minds LONG posts here! But I did feel your questions were worth considering in detail. In response to Ilene's and others' concerns about privacy, I can only say I hope any wives reading this post would find it reassuring rather than otherwise!

I have to answer No to your first question. I've never had sex with a guy, but like some here, I do find it an attractive fantasy. Mind you, at this stage of life I don't believe I'll ever seek to try it in reality, and there's more than one reason for that! But your situation is different, so I hope my thoughts on the topic might be helpful. How are we similar and how do we differ?

First, I am a straight guy although I do have that fantasy of being with a guy as Marianne. In your post on this topic back in August of 2015 you also said you were a "straight guy." But now you seem less certain of that, as if you're still exploring your sexual orientation as well as your gender identity.

So what does it mean to be "straight"? Well, as you said in your earlier post, you'd "never ever ever thought about [sex with] a guy before," and that was true of me too for a long time. When I hit puberty I promptly became conscious of an attraction to girls, and never for one moment to guys. I wanted to "make love" to girls in the usual way, never in any way to a guy.

People don't always pay enough attention to the multiple dimensions of our sexuality. It wasn't just that I found girls erotic, "sexually arousing." There's a whole social and emotional dimension, a far larger "romantic" element to this attraction in terms of hearts and flowers, huge and kisses, "you're the darling of my life" and "Come live with me and be my love," as Shakespeare put it. In other words, relationships and marriage. I always felt that way toward girls (and women)---and never had feelings of that kind toward a man. I still don't. I can't imagine having those same "romantic" feelings toward a man, or wanting to live with a man in the same way as I've enjoyed living with a wife. To me, that's all part and parcel of what it means to be "straight," irrespective of whatever oddball fantasies I might have as Marianne.

What all this meant in my mind was that from puberty onward I always saw myself having a girlfriend in the future, being in a "relationship" of some kind--and eventually getting married, which is what I did. That's of paramount importance because it's about our major life goals. So it's a matter of priorities.

At the same time, I've been CDing in secret since I was twelve or thirteen. This was always erotic for me, though I'm sure there was always more to it than the fetish factor. It also became bound up with fantasies I had about "lesbian" sex with a more dominant female partner. I don't know if that's anything like your own attraction to "women of power," but at that time I never thought at all about sex with a guy. It was years before I ever began to entertain that idea.

An interesting question here is "why did that change occur? What made the difference"? I can't be sure of course, and I sometimes wonder if certain aspects of "who we are" and "what we want" simply take time to emerge as we mature, not just in our teens but through our twenties and all through life. However, it seems to me that our sexuality makes itself apparent quite early. I gather for instance that most people who are gay realize it early on, just as I realized my own urge to crossdress early on. So if some aspect of our sexuality seems to be delayed in emerging, it may be because we're actively repressing it, or anyway inhibited from exploring it fully.

I think that's part of what Samantha described here, and I suspect that was true for me. Certainly I regarded my CDing urges as uncomfortable and inconvenient all through my teens, and went through the same cycle of periodic purges just as she did--just as so many of us did! Back then I wanted this urge to "go away," and hoped one day it would. And what I hoped was that it would go away once I was in a "normal relationship." I hoped it would disappear when I got a "regular girlfriend." I hoped it would disappear when I had sex for the first time. It didn't, as we all know. Finally I hoped it would disappear when I was having sex regularly.

Well, that didn't happen either! In my mid-to-late twenties I was in a relationship with a woman I was living with, but after the initial surge of excitement about that, back came the old impulse to dress, and since I'd purged my feminine wardrobe when we moved in together, I couldn't resist the urge to slip into her skirts and blouses, dresses, bras and panties when she wasn't around. The trouble was, judging from her reactions to certain things, I was pretty sure she would never have accepted my CDing. In any case we did have other incompatibilities, so the relationship did not turn out to be permanent. Luckily the woman I was later to spend my life with was much more accepting.

It was only after that happened that I started entertaining the fantasy (at least) of having sex with a man as Marianne--though not (again, for more reasons than one) any serious intent to actually try it out. My theory about that change, for what it's worth, is that full and free self-acceptance is an essential prerequisite to fully exploring one's personality, needs and desires, especially in the sexual arena, which can be a minefield of guilt and inhibitions.

What I believe is that sometimes we're forced to come to terms with ourselves when we're face to face with reality and there's no longer room for "denial." In part that's what happened to me when I learned that nothing was going to make my urge to crossdress "go away." I had no alternative but to accept that reality. However, I do feel that being in a later relationship with greater compatibility also helped with self-acceptance. I do see parallels with the eventual self-acceptance that Samantha described in her own post, which I very much appreciated no matter that we may be treading different paths in life.

In spite of that fantasy about sex with a man, which first emerged when I was thirty years old, I know I'm still not, in any sense of the word, "gay." The emergence of the fantasy never changed the fact that I still could never imagine "falling in love" with a man in that broader, "romantic" sense, or wanting to "live with" a man in a mating relationship. Nor would I ever want to have sex with a man in a male role; only as Marianne.

And if I never sought to experiment with making the fantasy a reality, perhaps the biggest reason for that was a matter of priorities, as I mentioned earlier. My first priority, what I always wanted for myself, was to be a "normal male" and to live with a woman I loved. That's what I wanted out of life--career and other goals aside. And being lucky, for which I'm grateful, that's what I got. But sex with a man, even as an experiment, doesn't fit with those priorities.

Now, how does this relate to you? For one thing you're single, which I was not at your age, so right now you're freer to experiment. For another, whether or not you're thinking of transitioning at some point, being "out" as a crossdresser and in public is apparently a more important goal for you than it was for me. But how about the sex angle?

Four and a half years ago you said you were a virgin, and I don't know if that's ever changed. Then too, although you called yourself a "straight guy" in 2015 when you last posted this questionnaire, this time you said you "don't feel attracted to girls like a man does." What's more, it sounds to me as if you turned down the chance to date two beautiful girls who liked you. I'm not precisely clear what happened there: whether you declined the opportunity for some reason connected with CDing, or whether you told them you were a CDer and that led them to back off. What I do think is that in your situation I would never have done that, especially if I'd reached my late twenties without ever having sex with a girl. I'd be raring to go! As for the crossdressing, while I appreciate that honesty with a potential partner may be high on your list, my approach would have been to explore the dating relationship first, find out if this was a girl I could not only get on with, but also trust with my "secret," then let her know.

If sex with a woman is less important to you than having your crossdressing accepted, it does seem to put CDing at the top of your own priority list, which is different from mine. But does it also mean that sex with a woman is less important to you than it always was to me? As I said up front, could it also mean you're still exploring your sexual preference (or "sexual orientation") in addition, perhaps, to your gender identity, and finding your priorities changing as you do so?

Of course these are questions for yourself alone that I hope you find helpful. Whether you choose to try answering them here is entirely up to you! But one question to come out of all this is "how erotically attracted are you to men as men?" If you want to try sex with a male partner, where exactly is that urge coming from?

You could be discovering that you are androphilic to some extent, or bisexual, let's say. But if you're anything like me (and, I suspect, a fair number of CDers here), the urge may be driven more by considerations of gender roles or--more to the point--coital roles. I know there are theories about "autogynephilia" and the like, which may or may not apply to some of us, but the way I see it for myself is slightly different. Specifically, part of what makes crossdressing erotic for me is that it's bound up with the wish to experience sex in a female role.

So for instance I would never want to have sex with another man while in "guy mode." The idea of two men having sex together does nothing for me. "Gay porn" is not to my taste at all. In my own mind a sexual scenario has to have a woman in it to be arousing. Here too it's interesting that two years ago you were talking about "being with" a guy "while a girl is present," a fantasy that appeals to me too. But even if sex involves only a man and a woman, I can imagine as Marianne that I would enjoy being that woman.

I suspect something of this kind might be true for you too, from the questions you posted this time about whether being with a guy reinforces dressing or makes it feel more natural. I can only speculate on those questions, and as Pat and others have implied here, "gender identity" and "sexual preference" are separate personality traits that are not necessarily linked and can vary independently of one another. But in my mind a key phrase there is "not necessarily." If the desire for sex with a man springs from a desire to experience a gender-related role, then the two are bound up with one another.

To answer your remaining questions in that light:

2. Yes, as long as the experience was OK I would expect sex with a guy to make me feel more feminine. Deliciously so, to be "taken" by a guy and give myself up all the way to his pleasure. And I expect it would reinforce crossdressing in the sense that it would encourage me to repeat a behavior that came with pleasurable associations, and with the ability to excite a man with the power of my own femininity.

3. Guilt is something you have to work on getting rid of, separately from anything else. That's up to you, though I'm sure therapy can help. In the unlikely event that I ever did have sex with a guy, I imagine I wouldn't feel guilty about it now. But see 5 below.

4. Never having tried it, I have no idea whether I'd find myself "addicted" or not. That would depend on how intensely pleasurable or otherwise I found the experience, and whether or not I wanted to repeat it. I imagine that it would be worth trying once as a learning experience, to discover how I felt about it, but might not have any insistent desire to pursue.

5. This is the question some people may have quite rightly had a problem with, because gender identity is not necessarily linked with sexual preference. I don't believe having sex with a guy would ever have helped me to "accept" my crossdressing. If I were at the stage I was in my teens, when I still felt awkward and uncomfortable about dressing, I suspect having sex with a guy might very well have made me feel worse, with more conflicts to sort out!

If there's any interaction at all between these two factors, for myself at least I'd say it's the other way round. Sex with a guy wouldn't necessarily make crossdressing feel "more natural" or "more acceptable" to me, but crossdressing would make sex with a guy feel "more natural" and "more acceptable." Not just that, but crossdressing for me would be essential to having sex with a guy! I'd never want to do it in "guy mode," but as long as I could feel "female" and be seen that way, that's the only thing that could make sex with a guy feel "natural" and "acceptable" to me.

So the most I can say about Question 5 is that I would expect the experience to give me insights into the social and sexual aspects of my gender identity, the feminine part of that identity at least, as well as whether I do have any androphilic tendencies. Of course, those aspects alone may be important for you to explore.

6. I dare say that standing next to a man all dressed up in heels could make me feel delightfully feminine, as long as he knew who I was and accepted me in a female role. If I was at all nervous that he might not only discover my true sex but be shocked by it, that would ruin the experience!

Of course, much of this assumes that the sexual experience itself would turn out to be pleasurable enough, which I could never guarantee. In a fantasy we can make things happen any way we like in our own heads, but reality can be totally different. Even if the guy in question behaves reasonably enough, there's always the chance that the full sensory input of sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell during sex might turn out to be repulsive after all. The chance that such an experiment could turn out disappointing or worse, a disaster, is just one more reason why I've never felt driven enough to seek it in reality. Some wishes may be better left fulfilled by fantasy alone!

But your situation is different from mine, possibly your life goals too, if indeed you do know "where you're going" at this stage of your life. I can't know whether you might go as far as transitioning. Probably you don't know either. I'll only echo what others have said: that your enjoyment or otherwise of sex with a guy should not be a deciding factor, especially if crossdressing is motivated in part by sexual arousal. Deciding to transition should depend only on feeling comfortable in a female gender identity at all times. I for instance never wanted to abandon my male identity. It's just nice to be female "at times"!

Could it be right for you to transition--and live in a lesbian relationship? Or with a man? Or would you be better off staying male, dressing part time, and persisting until you find a nice lady who does accept your dressing? Who knows?

However, I do think that if I were in your position (as opposed to mine, which was and is different), and if I were so driven by the need to find out what sex with a guy was really like, I'd go for it! What have you really got to lose? Yes, I know there are certain risks--two more reasons for "not trying it"!--and posters here are right to advise caution in choosing a male partner. But risks aside, you've been dithering about this for over two years, and I suspect you'll never be satisfied until you have tried it. I'm sure it's more important to you than it is to me. It would have bothered me if I died without ever seeing Paris (among countless other things), and certainly if I died without ever having sex at all. It won't bother me much if I die without climbing Everest (as thrilling as that would be), or without ever having sex with a guy.

For you I'd guess it's different. If you don't do it, you'll always be wondering "What would it have been like?" And you don't want to keep putting it off while the years roll by, when you could be doing it while you're young and you'll never be prettier than you are today! That's my advice for whatever it's worth, however well considered or ill-considered.

But I do have one other piece of advice. Stop making excuses not to have sex with a woman! How are you going to know what you really want until you've tried it?

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!