CDing with a young child.

[Kas]

Hi girls,

So I want to know what are your experiences with crossdressing while having an infant/toddler son/daughter.

In my case, I have an accepting and supportive SO who lets me dress around the house as much as I please. I also have an 18 month old daughter. At the moment because of her age, she does not understand the difference between men and women's clothing and obviously does not bat an eyelid, yet...

I am worried though that as she gets older and learns of these things, how she will take it. I am also worried that she may out me to the world (unintentionally) by saying something like "oh my daddy loves to wear a dress" to her teacher or family friend.

Anybody been in this situation? What came of it? Did you sit your child down when they were old enough and have a "discussion" or did you just see where the wind took you?

[carbonara]

Got to be careful there as my own experience tells me kids learn about gender and clothing real early.

I myself have a 2 year old, and I remembered when I was up early on sat to have some CD time when she woke crying. The first thing she said when she saw me was “Papa so princess!”

[CynthiaD]

I have some experience with this. Your child will be very accepting and never bat an eye. Will she out you? Most definitely yes! She will out you. I personally don't give a hoot about being outed, but you need to decide how to manage the situation.

[Kas]

Will she out you? Most definitely yes!

Great...

[nikkim83]

Hi girls,

So I want to know what are your experiences with crossdressing while having an infant/toddler son/daughter.

In my case, I have an accepting and supportive SO who lets me dress around the house as much as I please. I also have an 18 month old daughter. At the moment because of her age, she does not understand the difference between men and women's clothing and obviously does not bat an eyelid, yet...

I am worried though that as she gets older and learns of these things, how she will take it. I am also worried that she may out me to the world (unintentionally) by saying something like "oh my daddy loves to wear a dress" to her teacher or family friend.

Anybody been in this situation? What came of it? Did you sit your child down when they were old enough and have a "discussion" or did you just see where the wind took you?

Guaranteed, your toddler will out you. My 5 year old commented more than once on my shaved legs and painted toes.

My two year old has seen a picture or two of me completely fem, and doesn't even recognize me in the picture.

[Ariana225]

Another thing you have to worry about is blackmail. Once she gets to an age where she understands it's a big secret she may try to use that against you. "Let me stay up late tonight or I'm telling grandma about your secret"

[Kas]

I would like to see her try! I would make her life not worth living lol

She may have blackmail but I have coercion!

[Jean 103]

My exroommate , has a daughter that he has split custody of, three days a week . We lived together for a year. She was six at the time. We became like sisters. I couldn't understand why her mom hated me so much. That was till I found out that when she would go back to her mom's all she would do is talk about me. What can I say I'm a kid at Hart, and it's not hard to out think a six year old.

[brittany]

I also have a supportive SO and a 2 year old i decided I would stop dressing around him around his 2nd birthday when he told me my yoga pants were pretty dont want to risk getting outted by a toddler

[Kas]

Hey Brittany,

Do you think you would act differently if you had a daughter instead of a son?

[faltenrock]

Hi Kas,
Yes I've been there. After my wife learned about Doreen, we had our first child, a boy. My wife was a little supportive and accepting when I dressed at home. We had another son three years later, that was when things slowly changed. My wife wanted to protect our kids and asked me not to dress at home anymore.
It's been that way since.
Both my sons have actually seen me dressed, even for a second, but it had some impact. I try to hide it as much as possible at home. I dress when I'm absolutely sure I won't be surprised.

[Kendalli]

I have been wondering this also, as my daughter is 15 months old. As of right now she obviously doesn't seem to care or notice, since I am not fulling transforming my looks, and it is just clothing I am wearing. But I'm sure once she is stringing words together, I am going to have to be a bit more careful around her. My experience of children though, is that the bigger deal you make of something, the more likely they will talk about it. So there will be a fine line to walk here. We will see though I guess.

[Sara Jessica]

If the intent is to fully disclose to a child from any age...

Another thing you have to worry about is blackmail. Once she gets to an age where she understands it's a big secret she may try to use that against you. "Let me stay up late tonight or I'm telling grandma about your secret"

There are a couple ways to help prevent this, as unlikely as it might be.

• When having that open & honest discussion as part of the disclosure process, explain that something such as this shall never be used as a weapon.
• Explain that although you are proud of who you are and have nothing to be ashamed of, others might not see it that way and could hurt you (the child) with words if they were to know.
• Even the youngest child can understand the concept of "family business", things that are not repeated elsewhere.

[Kas]

Thanks for the tips girls. Looks like I've got a lot of thinking to do about how I am going to approach this hurdle. Of course if it were up to me, I would continue to dress, despite the high chance of being outed.

I would stop dressing however, if it was affecting her social/school life in any way. I don't want her being the kid that's gets made fun of because her dad wears a dress... Anyway I'm hoping by the time she's in school it will not even be an issue, but I have a feeling it will...

[Linda E. Woodworth]

My wife and I discussed this after are first daughter was born.

I am not out so we agreed that Linda would be hidden from the girls, 1 have 2 daughters. To this day they know nothing about my feminine side and I remain closeted with occasional feminine trips out of town.

One other consideration concerns being revealed by your children. Is it right to burden them with the "secret" about daddy's dressing? I feel no it's not.

[ellbee]

I don't have any kids, but since I could potentially see myself doing so someday, I have thought about this off & on for a while now.


Even though I'd love to have either... Honestly, at least when it comes to the whole CD'ing thing, I pray to God that it's only girls. I feel it would make things *sooo* much easier with all this.

But if it's one or more boys? Yeah, I'd seriously consider toning it down, some. I'd simply have to. Would be more mindful of where/when/what/etc. And I'd probably have to tweak my wardrobe, and stick with the more "masculine" colors, for example.


Granted, I don't do 100% en femme anymore, and never say never, but I don't foresee myself going down that road ever again. So, in that sense, I'm already way ahead of the curve, in that department.

I don't believe the leggings-&-hoodie look, in guy-mode, for instance, is really far out there, either. I'm no longer a "full CD'er," and haven't been for years now... But if I were, like some of you are, then yes, it would be a whole new can of worms to deal with. And I don't believe it would be particularly easy... Save for Halloween every year?


Personally, if I ever get to that point of having kids, I'd expose them to this from the very start, without missing a beat. It's what Daddy wears -- they're just Daddy's clothes. Yes, some may look sort of like Mommy's, but that's okay! And yes, not all men wear clothes like this, but some do, and that's okay, too!


And not for nothing, but they even make & sell little leggings for infant/toddler boys. And obviously, I don't see anything wrong with that. Kinda cute & makes sense, actually.

With girls, it's like, whatever. Would be kinda fun, IMO, to have a house full of GG's -- plus Daddy, the guy-mode CD'er.


Would they have issues with it, as they grow older? Possibly. But if the parents raise them right, while being open & honest with them throughout, that at least hopefully decreases the odds of that happening.


Anyway, excellent thread!


P.S. Keep in mind, kids *will* naturally poke around in all sorts of places around the house. And should they even happen to stumble upon some sort of locked-up chest or something-or-other? Their curiosity will be piqued that much more -- and perhaps attempt to find out what's inside.

[nikkim83]

Thanks for the tips girls. Looks like I've got a lot of thinking to do about how I am going to approach this hurdle. Of course if it were up to me, I would continue to dress, despite the high chance of being outed.

I would stop dressing however, if it was affecting her social/school life in any way. I don't want her being the kid that's gets made fun of because her dad wears a dress... Anyway I'm hoping by the time she's in school it will not even be an issue, but I have a feeling it will...

This is the one and only reason I have not fully transitioned. It is a personal decision that you make. I can't really think of a good comparison that follows. I can say I have three young children 5 and 2 year old twins. It is nothing for me to walk around the twins with fresh polished toes. I have done it since day 1 and they have never mentioned it at all in fact my daughter likes my color choice sometimes. Remember children aren't biased and they dont care your clothing means nothing to them. You are still dad, they still love you but until they hit a certain age they won't know/care and by the time they hit that age its just normal.

[Michal82]

Hi
I have 2 small children that know nothing about my CDing.
The way i see it, CDing in front of small children poses 2 issues:
first thing, you have to take into account that they will out you. for me and my wife it's big no no.
second thing, you have to remember that we are their main role models, and it affects the way they precive how man and woman should look and act. So by CDing in front of them, they may shift their view on man towards femminity. whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, that's for you to decide. i think we all want to be "normal" (even though we are clearly not) and we want the same for our children, so exposing toddlers to their parents CDing is not something i would do.
If this was consential SM (non-sexual) between a couple, would you expose your infant child to it?

think about it.
Michal

[Robertacd]

I prefer to let children be children. I hid my crossdressing from my son when he was growing up. But raised him to be open and accepting of all people.

It's not fair to expect or demand children to keep your secrets. Telling a child to not talk about how daddy dresses when we are alone is really no different than telling them to not talk about when daddy hits mommy or where daddy touches you when we're home alone.

Putting this kind of pressure on a child robs them of their innocence.

[Phoebe Reece]

My wife has known about my crossdressing the whole time we have been married and is OK with it. We have been married well over 40 years. We made a decision before our children were born that we did not want to have big secrets between us and our children. Secrets have a way of not being secret any more. If we tried to keep my dressing a secret and it was found out by the kids, the kids could think it is OK for them to keep secrets from us. We thought that would be a bad situation. So, we raised both our daughter and son with full knowledge of my dressing. As they grew up we let them know that there are some things that go on in our home that are not to be discussed with friends. It was never a problem for them. When they were teenagers they had friends that would drop by the house to see them unannounced just about any day. For several years I had to refrain from dressing at home to prevent any potential embarrassment for them. Otherwise there were no problems with them knowing. The daughter is now 42 and the son is 38. I am still "Daddy" to them, no matter which way I am dressed.

[JaymeCD]

Awesome Phoebe, I hope I have a fairy tale ending just like you.

So I have a 3 year old daughter and I have been wearing printed leggings at home for the last 3 years during the winter and female shorts during the summer. A couple months ago my wife came to me and said that I need to stop dressing because she'll be teased and what not when she gets into school. Plus she misses her manly man but that is a different story. Anyways, she is a conservative type but has jumped out of her shell a lot. I have a don't hide anything attitude because that'll give someone else the impression it is okay.

Another point I am trying to teach them is not to be ashamed of yourself. I'm showing them that I am comfortable with myself and seeing the world and people as it is. When I see something out of the ordinary to some in public, I don't bat an eyelash because everyone is different and it should be let be.

Sorry to ramble, but I'm trying to show my daughter that daddy wearing fem things at home are nothing out of the ordinary. It's only when you teach them negativity that it'll be a problem. I am comfortable with myself that some people out of my family know that I dress. Do I want her announcing it to the world? I really don't care! I am who I am and I don't want to hide and I cannot change it. I don't want to say to her what happens in this house stays in this house because again that is permission to hide things.

[gina shiney]

Hi Kas
Things are changing where we live, acceptance is occurring in media, schools and now politics. How I envy you. You are aware and accepting of crossdressing so early in life, many here didn't accept or have the environment to be accepted. Ok that out of the way.
Your partner accepts the lifestyle and unless you are having to live in one of our less than progressive neighborhoods, I would not hide it from my children. (Diversity is very topical in our younger generation)
Gina

[JamieG]

I have two daughters, ages 9 and 12, but I was out to my wife before they were both born. We jointly decided that I would not come out to the kids, but at the same time I'm not exactly in the closet either. My wife and I have frequently encouraged them to be accepting of all people, and they both know that I support the LGBT group at my workplace. They've also seen me in drag a few times: one Halloween and a couple of charity drag shows. As far as I know, they think this is just something dad does for fun sometime, but not a lifestyle. That said, I have taken to wearing leggings to sleep in and I've explained it to them as I simply find them comfortable. I am careful to not wear the leggings when they have sleepovers or are expecting a friend over in the morning. If we ever get to the point that coming out to them would be appropriate, I hope that it won't be much of a shock. I also hope that if either of them discovers that she is a lesbian or trans, that she'll be comfortable talking to me and know that I won't love her any less because of it.

[Kas]

Thanks again for all the helpful responses.

Phoebe,

Your position is definitely the dream outcome for me. I agree being 100% open with her and raising her to be accepting of everybody would help in normalising it, hopefully to the point where it's not even worth mentioning to other people. I am happy it has worked out so well for at least some of us

Gina,

Thanks for the kind words. I know how lucky I am to have accepted myself at this age and be open with my family about it. I see some of the others who are having a much harder time with it, decades into their marriage.

[ShaunaTossaint]

Hello Kas and everyone.
As said in other threads my wife knows and accepts my dressing but is not 100% encouraging. We have a 12 yo daughter who does not know, so I only dress when she is at school. She does know that I only wear panties and thongs and sees me in them at home all the time. Sometimes I wear tights or girly short shorts or a long tight vest that fits like a mini dress, and while she does comment, its not negative or condemning. We have had the “what happens at home stays at home” talk with her and we keep reinforcing it that certain family secrets stay with the 3 of us. She fully understands. While I have no plans to ever tell her, we are raising her to be open to all sexual and gender preferences, just like her parents. The world is changing, and teenagers and young adults are more and more accepting today. (if not crossdressing themselves) While I do agree that It would be too confusing for a child up to maybe 10 years old to be exposed to a crossdressing father I do believe as your child matures you will know when they have reached the stage of already knowing the difference and learning the new difference of a man in a skirt. It would be a dream come true if my two special women in my life come to know and accept and encourage me in my dressing and fem ways.