Fess up or Dress up

[BayBeeBlue]

Well ladies, had the talk this morning which lasted hours & hours.
And I don't think it's over yet.
I told her exactly what was on my mind and what I wanted - selfish me.

I'm sorry for wearing your clothes it won't happen ever again.
I want to wear my own clothes, get a wig, wear make-up and I want to get heels.
I was asked did I want to become a woman - No.
She said I have given her this burden to her & her only to keep secret from the kids & family - not fair.
I was asked if I had to choose would I choose "lady clothes" & "prancing about the house in them for an hour or so every week" over the love of my kids & youngest child especially - I would choose my kids.
I told her I regretted telling her anything about this in the first place - mature!
Honesty is the best policy....hmmmm?

I had all my life to sort this out (my cd-ing) but I chose to pack it all up over the years & keep it in storage in a freight train to wait for the right moment to run her over with it....in her words more or less.
I need to take a step outside of myself and look at what I'm doing....I need to sort out my mental health issues...I may need to go on medication...all her words.
I'm not in touch with my feminine side as if I was I would be more nurturing...and being in touch with your feminine side is not just about wearing women's clothes.
She's not willing to accept this s**t from me anymore. Not what she signed up for.
Was told just because I told her all of this does not give me the right to go out & buy heels or wig or dresses.
Separation was mentioned but she mainly wants me to work on myself and my issues of selfishness, lying, mental health, etc etc.
She probably right though in some aspects as life lately has been pretty mundane, monotonous and overall s**t.
I've probably let this get in the way of everything else.
So, overall I was given plenty of food for thought - I just have to figure out how hungry I am.
At least I didn't get hit !
I probably shouldn't even be relaying this on the forum as she has been scouring the internet in relation to cd-ing.
She has told me that if I wanted validation for what I'm doing to go onto any CD forum/website & I will be told I'm not doing anyone any harm by fellow cd-ers but she could find little or nothing from wives of cd-ers who can't or won't cope with it.
So it's out there now....something to be sorted.

[Kas]

Baybeeblue,

Once again, that sucks. It seems she is not even willing to consider it... It just depends on what's more important to you. I am lucky that my SO is accepting and supportive, but if she wasn't, I would always put her and the kids first, even if it means never dressing again.

The problem now though could be that even though you might tell her you will never address and actually mean it, she still has this altered view of you and will never be able to get it out of her head that you want to wear women's clothing.

[BayBeeBlue]

Baybeeblue,


The problem now though could be that even though you might tell her you will never address and actually mean it, she still has this altered view of you and will never be able to get it out of her head that you want to wear women's clothing.

Very true. She will never get it out of her head. She knows it's going to be lurking in the shadows. I need to man up and try to reassure her in whatever way I can verbally & physically i.e. I need to occupy my mind (& hers) with other stuff like paying more attention to her & her needs. I'm such a sap really....it took me to do all this typing from the start to make myself think about what's going on and what a mess I've potentially made of her life. I suppose it's therapy in a way too. Fingers crossed. Thanks again to all for your time & input & help.

[Samantha uk]

Sounds like you should let things lie for a little while, be a husband and dad for a few weeks. You might also want to think about counselling too.

The other thing you have to be aware of, and I'm speaking about my own experience, is that CD'ing can be an addictive behaviour. Most CD'ers are not free to express our feminine sides and when we do finally get the chance we get a rush of endorphins. It then becomes a reinforced behaviour, the more we do it the more we want to do to get the same kick again.

The trouble with that is you can find it hard to focus on the other parts of your life and the only way your wife can support you with this is if she feels supported herself and remember you will be a lot further down the crossdressing road than she is.

Experience has taught me that if I'm a good husband and I reassure my wife that I love her at every opportunity (which is what I should do anyway ) then she not only feels she's not alone with it but she also knows her husband is still the man she fell in love with and then slowly but surely you can both find a way through.

She may never be able to accept you as CD'er but if you try and force her she will kick back, it has to be collaborative not confrontational.

[nikkim83]

Well it's out in the open, and ultimatums have been given. You need not choose between your children, and the fem side of you.

In my case my gender dysphoria is my burden, I have chosen to share it with my wife as a respect and honesty thing, if I could wake up and this be gone and I have no memory of it I would be relieved.

Documented domestic abuse trumps wearing a dress all day every day.

There is no medicine to take, well there is but that's a different tale for a different day and different section of the forum.
To a certain extent its my da$%$$ money and I have a right to spend it as I choose.

There are counselors to talk to but they cant make it go away.

I am guessing she told you what to work on? There are two sides to every compromise? What is she willing to give to get in return.

If you are a good dad, and loving with your kids. The nurturing side is there.

Remember yes you are the one with the problem(if you want to see it that way) but you came to her with openness and honesty.
You are reaching how far does she wanna reach back, you may even propose a DADT setup.

[BayBeeBlue]

I watched my youngest girl happily run into her school as I dropped her at the gate...and I thought how lovely and happy she is and how innocent too. I welled up inside - maybe that's part of my feminine side right there. She hugs me at EVERY opportunity she can (nearly every 5 seconds - it feels like) and I thought to myself - I could quite easily lose her by what I'm doing - and yes it is VERY addictive & I have a very addictive nature anyway so I realised then that I should relax a little with my CDing and stop obsessing about it all the time which I've been doing a lot lately. If she knew she might not understand and it could possibly ruin our relationship. When I'm in my obsessive mode I realise that I consider nobody around me only myself and what I'm doing. She's only 7 and is my best little helper - no matter what I do she is ALWAYS by my side watching, questioning & offering help. I love her to bits. Actually a couple of weeks ago I was with her - she was sorting her bits & pieces & found lipstick & nail varnish & asked could she do my nails - I was very tempted but just said no thank you. I didn't say "no men don't wear nail varnish or make-up" but did say that "mammy might think that would look silly on daddy's nails".
Anyway, went off topic there sorry...
I couldn't have got to where I am currently in my head without all the advice, experiences & help from everyone here ... So yet again I thank you all.
I'll still be around here though visiting reading & hopefully helping others too.
If anyone wants to chat I've no problem with that at all.
Will keep you posted with what's going on.
I'm not saying goodbye just saying goodnight really.
Virtual hugs to all. 🤗��🤗🤗🤗