So today I forced myself to walk where there where tons of people, I wanted to see if there where any reactions (video here)
I know people generally don't notice and don't even care if they do but I find it so scary to do, I don't know if I'll ever pluck up the courage to go into a shop or talk to someone, I don't know how some of you do it
You'll get used to it. Honestly.
Daisy
Hmmm, thinking back I had similar fears at first. I guess at one point the need to ask for help from an SA forced me to interact.
It feels more ‘normal’ and I suppose appears more so as well, when compared to how odd one might come across avoiding eye contact and interaction
Samantha ,
If you have gone this far why not find a social group where you can open up to like minded people .If you are anywhere near our group in the East Midlands why not join us at the Ramada near Grantham. It's the best way of integrating into meeting the public , going to the bar and ordering a drink and a meal proves fairly painless . I now arrive early dressed and order afternoon tea and relax in the lounge area before the meetings .
At least it gives meaning to being dressed , rather than walking aimlessly round just waiting to see if people will react. I overheard a conversation between a couple debating if I was a woman or not, I found it amusing and settled the argument when I walked over to them to offer the local newspaper which I had just finished reading .
Well Samantha, I think you looked fantastic. Well done girl !
Nice video. I noticed near the end where you mentioned that crossdressing is not a path he chose or wanted to take, but was chosen for him. Nice to see that I don’t fit into another generalization, as I did choose to dip my toes into crossdressing after seeing how much fun was being had from the local crossdressing social group’s website. How did I come across that website you may be scratching your head about..... my girlfriend had a Halloween idea to dress me up and introduced me to the website in which she came across while researching on the net (Masquerade). It kind of shocked me how the members looked. The quote “Where Boys have fun being girls!” kept my mind opened on her suggestion and got me curious whether it may ring true. I enjoyed the time of being dressed up for the Halloween party, however came to love the activity even more when I decided to take up crossdressing and became a part of the social group.
Hi Samantha,
You seem so near to your desire to just exist and I think that you're only a single move from fulfilment. I broke my duck by going into a motorway service station on my way home from Cheshire, a few years back. Toilet and tea but, not at the same time. Hell, I'm British, what oh! That Next shop you walked past? Go in next time. I hadn't shopped until I saw a skirt online and then thought, Dorothy Perkins (in up-market Croydon). Skirt tried on, loved it, bought it. Seriously, I know how hard it is and would happily escort you if I could. You'll be surprised how easy it is.
You look great by the way. Tidier than this wreck but, that's no big ask.
Becky
Hey Samantha, First off ... great video.
I too had a lot of anxiety about going out in public. My latest thoughts on the subject are in this recent post. Hope it helps...
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...t=#post4173835
Oh! You Pretty Things ... Come join us for:
Paint the Town Chicago (Feb 23-26, 2023)
More info here -> https://linktr.ee/PtT2023
Samantha
I once thought as you do. Now several years after taking that first step into a shop.
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...41-Interacting
The truth is we create demons in our own mind. Shop assistants aren't going to be rude to you. Not if they want their job. And. ....most folks ARE NICE!
There are enough UK gurls dotted around who will meet up and act as a wingman if you want support in getting out there. Can I suggest you amend your profile to show the general area you live in and post asking for a good samaritan to meet up with.
Yeah, you look great and carry yourself well.
So, there is no reason to be scared .
You may think of yourself as a male is wearing female clothes but, others will just see a women wearing the clothes that women wear, and have every right to wear...absolutely nothing out of the ordinary .
So, just walk about as any other female would .
BTW, not every female is a runway model and some females are rather masculine looking. The public is well aware of this.
Last edited by Barbara Jo; 11-24-2017 at 06:25 PM.
Samantha,
You are off to a great start, those that may have rumbled you may have been thinking of some other situation entirely.
I have walked past other women only to find that their attention was directed elsewhere when laughing and giggling.
As for talking to others it becomes easier when you are addressed a few times by others wanting your assistance.
The gremlins really do shrink after a while.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I saw the video and that outfit is so cute! Good job!
First off, let me say that I understand. The unknown is often scary. You have yet to experience what it's like to interact with "the normals" and the imagination can draw some pretty ugly pictures. The reality is otherwise. I can repeat that all day long, but you have to experience it to know it fully. Like Kandi and Jeri Ann have always said, an honest smile will disarm almost anyone who might be even the least bit taken aback by you. I wont' rehash it but I will point you to Julie's recent post along those lines. Go read it, then figure out how you will prove to yourself that the world is far, far less hostile than your imagination would have you believe.
Hugs,
Kelly
Samantha;
You look great, you walk is real good; I do not see any reason you should be taken
for anything but a girl out walking around.
The two GG's by the car where most likely admiring your dress, after all one hardly
see's a girl walking around in a dress and heals. You where superb.
Rader
Be honest with yourself and ask yourself that question not us.
Is it you being trans or homophobic? Let that sink in for a while
Same goes for issues like you wondering how to walk among so many people.
Its a fear of the unknown more than anything and its up to you and only you to deal with it and overcome it.
Now please people don't jump all over me for saying that because you know its true.
Last edited by Tracii G; 11-25-2017 at 05:46 AM.
I think you did very well too.
I find it hard to believe that anyone would pick you out unless they really studied you. Your walk is good, but try loosen up a bit, put a bit of sway or wiggle in the hips, your walk looked tense to me. Your face is a bit manly, but not too bad, again, it would take more than a casual glance to pick you out as a man. Perhaps better makeup, maybe different eye glasses might help? You are so very close! I wonder if the two women were just looking at something else because i find it hard to believe they made you as you walked across the parking lot, unless they caught a good look earlier.
At any rate, good going, you are so far ahead of me in appearance, walk and style! It frustrates me to see some of you gurls you do it so well!
I encourage you to go out and do it again. You have gotten over the hump with your accomplishment. You will probably still feel scared, but I bet it will be a little less so.
Sami
My new blog: The Crossdresser Report
https://crossdresserreport.com/
The video is great. Nothing about your outfit or movement would arouse any notice. And as you can see in the video, it's very unlikely you would get any negative reactions. Just relax a bit more - and pop into a few of those stores where you were window shopping!
- Diane
I was scared stiff the first time I went out amongst the muggles, Sam. Because I don't pass I get a lot of stares and sometimes negative comments or guffahs.
Since then, I've been out there countless times. And, u know what? IT STILL STRESSES ME OUT EVERY TIME!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I definitely won't be jumping all over you for asking it, I think its very helpful to be asked difficult questions.Originally Posted by Tracii G
I'm certainly not transphobic or any other kind of phobic for that matter. In fact the funny thing is my wife and I are quite liberal thinking and we are absolutely fine with how anybody chooses to express themselves, in fact we actively encourage it.
No I think the difficulty comes from how ingrained gender expression is in our culture. I am from a military family with 2 brothers and we had a full on boys upbringing with some proper boys adventures, and adult ones for that matter, and I love that male part of my identity. Crossdressing didn't fully come to me until about 5 years ago in my late 30's so its been a uphill struggle to adjust the perception of myself.
It's not just my perception thats needed shifting, my wife is also having to change hers. She fell in love with the man bit of me and we are a typical vanilla couple! she is quite a petite feminine female and I'm a 6 foot manly man (mostly
We are getting there with it but we still have a way to go, she still hasn't seen me dressed yet. I think it will all seem less scary in the future as my wife gets more comfortable with it and I get more confident.
Anyway thanks for all the kind comments, not sure when I will get the chance to do any more vids but hopefully I will soon be able to do one of me talking to people
Last edited by Samantha uk; 11-25-2017 at 02:33 AM.
For the life of me I cannot figure out where the comment "transphobic" is coming from when reading Samantha's comment. What I got from her statement is fear of others being transphobic (or homophobic) and acting on that hatred or bigotry or whatever one wants to call the feeling of negativity. It only takes one person to really mess up someone's day.
There is fear of the unknown and there is also fear of the known. Information is also learned from others' experiences. If I have not taken a stroll wearing women's clothing late at night through an unlit park should I not have some fear of doing this or should I be apprehensive based on the bad experiences of others?
It is not unusual to be scared or nervous being out in public in the beginning. You worry about being embarrassed or challenged etc. However after a while you learn that most people are in their own world or just don't see a reason to make a issue of it.
I do agree that safety is important, I know many members here do late night deserted walks, to me that is asking for trouble. Better off being out in daylight and with crowds. It's easier to blend in and there is safety in numbers
As someone who is out with the muggles as Nikki at least once a week, it has now become normal for me. One of my last fears that I had to conquer was supermarket shopping. I did a bit of gender blending at first, to get myself comfortable and now I go as Nikki usually right after church. No problems, no comments, hakuna matada. Funny thing recently, I was trying to reach something from the back of the top shelf and I could balance myself on the lower shelf to reach it. Another younger lady, more limber than old me came over and reached it and got it for me. Clocked or not I thanked her for her assistance and we went on our way. So don't be scared, but be careful,
Samantha -- Lots of great replies so far. As to "Why am I so scared" -- it's because this is your identity. You've been carefully hiding it for decades and now you're bringing it out in front of strangers. I know the fear -- it's the same fear you have when you first sing in front of strangers; the same fear when you first step on stage or play an instrument in front of strangers. You are putting yourself out in front of everyone, raw and defenseless. That's the fear -- that who you are is not sufficient. But the fact is that who you are is sufficient. And just as the world needs singers, actors and musicians, they need you. They haven't known it up to now, but they do.
How do we find the courage to go into a shop and talk to people? I think you're going to find out.
The concept is "internalized transphobia" -- that is, the internal belief that we don't deserve to be who we are. Fear can come because we don't give ourselves permission to be who we really are inside. The more optimistic slant on the same thing is "self-acceptance." You grant yourself permission to be who you are. When you achieve self-acceptance, others lose the ability to ruin your day because we realize we are correct in what we're doing and they are wrong. It's like hearing someone say the sun goes around the earth -- you hear their words, but all you can do is marvel over how foolish they are.
Last edited by Pat; 11-25-2017 at 10:31 AM. Reason: second response
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
Well done Samantha
we all fear the unknown this is what keeps us on our toes it's like our built in radar always checking and checking where we are, what's around us what other people doing what they are thinking about, looking at us.
like Helen said sale assistant can't not be rude to you or any one else they are only doing there job, i was looking for false nails to fit my big hands gave up walk out the shop thinking why don't i ask
s a (yes scared) but if i don't ask i won't get any could not have been easier no problem madam come this way. right nails and got pink nail varnish as well (i was like a dog with two tails) i was so please
i told BOOTS head office i was Transgender (another label )what great service and how help full the young girl was and without a titter or laughter.
as the saying said TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WISH TO BE TREATED YOURSELF!.
WELL DONE SAMANTHA
Carolyn
p s waiting for the next one
Even when a person fully accepts who they are there may be a nagging feeling that some in society will act negatively toward them. Do we not see it all the time on this forum? How many times have we read spouses quickly divorce a husband? Or family member shun them or not invite them to family gatherings? Or they are passed over for promotion or are fired? Anyone can read the climate of non acceptance in society for transpersons. The administration is outright hostile toward transpersons. You can accept yourself as much as you want, but, that does not confer acceptance by anyone else. Do other classes of people have the same challenges? It seems fairly evident African-Americans, Latinos, immigrants, gays and lesbians, women in general, etal can have legitimate fears based on non acceptance of others while fully accepting themselves.
Yes, there are many transgender men and women who have doubts about their own sexuality or sexual identity due to a lack of knowledge. However, that is compounded by a lack of knowledge or ignorance by others around them. My wife is an elementary school teacher and she has seen learned transphobic and homophobic behavior in children as young as kindergarten. She has seen girls belittled just because they are girls and not boys. Learned behavior.
I think "when you achieve self acceptance, others lose the ability to ruin your day" is pie in the sky. When you do not get the job because you're African-American, Latino, Jewish, gay or lesbian, speak with a foreign accent, etc someone's day has been ruined.
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