To come out or not to come out,I there's the point

[jennifer0918]

I'm a little nervous,today when I got home from work I noticed a piece of heavy furniture moved from in front of a storage closet in the attic where I have my femme stash. My oldest put up the Christmas tree so I don't know if she moved this piece to make room or she was going through the closet. No decorations are stored in this closet,so I started to wonder if she found my carry on,and 2 gym bags of cloths,wigs,shoes,and makeup ? My wife was off work today so she helped my daughter with the tree. When I got home about an hour ago no one said a thing neither looked at me funny no weird comments everything seemed normal. I'm freaking out a bit so I told my wife I'm going to the gym and I'm here writing this thread,I'm not ready to come out and I don't want to come out but under these circumstances I guess I may have a lot of explaining to do tomorrow or in a couple hours.
P.S.ladies I'm going to a lot of support to get through this one,please advise me I will keep you all posted . Crossing my fingers

[Christina E]

Its a tricky situation, my initial thought is wait and see if anyone else blinks, being outed would be tuff and as you say you dont want to come out yourself so holding off and waiting is best.
How likely were they to see/look into the bags when getting the tree out? If they were just going for the christmas decorations and knew where they were and your stash was hidden inside something in front, I’d be inclined to think you're safe, here's hoping there isn't more than one supprise stocking in your near future X


Maybe a new secure stash is needed.

[Kas]

I would just wait if I were you. Even if they did see, if it was THAT big of an issue I'm sure they would have said something the second you got home.

[Stephanie43]

To come out or not is 100% your decision Jennifer. I would venture to guess your secret is still safe. At the same time, I think you have to ask yourself if you want to risk being discovered or if you want to come clean and reveal. None of us really know how our wives will react, but I can tell you from a personal standpoint, I was relieved when I told my wife. She’s excepting, but still processing the idea as this was a recent coming out for me. Good luck.

[Stephanie47]

Just roll with it for now. You have no indication they found your stash. If you want to 'out' yourself, please do not do it before Christmas. The last thing anyone needs before Christmas is a big confrontation.

[jennifer0918]

Thanks ladies,I see a cloths line full of femme and I want to paint black,black,on black is how I'm feeling now.
Correct me if I'm wrong woman will not keep this discovery quiet ? A husband with a secret closet of womans clothing. It's true what Kas says the second I walked in the house I would have gotten served? A new hiding spot I need to find one .

[sometimes_miss]

Thanks ladies,I see a cloths line full of femme and I want to paint black,black,on black is how I'm feeling now.
Correct me if I'm wrong woman will not keep this discovery quiet ? A husband with a secret closet of womans clothing. It's true what Kas says the second I walked in the house I would have gotten served? A new hiding spot I need to find one .

If you were looking for a reason to come out, and then using the possibility that someone might have found out but is not saying anything, then perhaps you need to reevaluate your own inclinations to out yourself.

Each woman is an individual. There's no way to know what anyone will do with a secret. As many here have found out, we simply cannot know beforehand whether a woman will accept a family member who crossdresses, or not.

[Teresa]

Jennifer,
Been there and done this one !

Those assumption are killers in your mind, it was one aspect my first counsellor tried to stop me doing. Those what if's and buts , do they know or not ? what are they going to say or do and how am I going to deal with it ? One little voice is telling you to reveal all and the hell with it but the other is telling you all the things you are going to miss out on if it goes pear shaped !

A couple of questions , does you wife know anything about your CDing and how old is your child / or children ?

I'm glad all this is behind me know, OK I'm still in a DADT situation but my wife knows where all my things are and all my family know about my dressing needs. It's better they do know because it's mostly the reason we are separating and moving to different homes .

In the end you have to consider yourself first otherwise you just stop functioning , OK it depends how bad your needs are and if you're dealing with GD as well . I consider how different I feel dressed and how happy and comfortable I am , it does make you a better person when that part is allowed to come out . I know you will have follow up questions to answer , where do I go from here is it where it stops ?I still can't fully answer those questions so I'm not going to make any promises can't keep .

[Abbey11]

Hi Jennifer, it's the internal mind games that are draining, I wouldn't preempt anything, the chances are nothing was seen. Wishing you luck and hoping all goes well

[KymG]

Thats a tough one.
I know that if i was in yr shoes, it would kill me not knowing if they know or not.
How do you think she would react? Badly or would it be a blessing in disguise?
Best wishes on this one, either way.

[DIANEF]

I think it is probably unlikely things would have carried on perfectly as normal if you stash had been found. I do sympathise as all my femme stuff is stored in my attic. I wouldn't worry too much if nothing has been said.

[donnalee]

There were 2 people who might have seen something and neither of them showed any reaction? I think you're home free.

[Pat]

Jennifer -- Right now you're experiencing fear of discovery. It seems to have driven you from your home and made you feel pretty bad. If you were not discovered this time, do you really want there to be a next time? Your call, of course, but the conventional wisdom is that disclosure it 'way better than discovery.

[alwayshave]

Jennifer, If your wife did see something, she may be playing it cool because of your daughter. Unfortunately, you will not know until you know.

[Jesskm]

Not to scare anybody, but I feel like we all get caught sooner or later. What happens after that is a big question mark.

But it seems like you might have narrowly avoided disaster this time.

[Sami Brown]

I echo the sentiments of the others here. If the stash was found, something would have been said by now.

I wish you well,

Sami

[Shely]

I think Jesskm may be right. It seems we all get caught sooner or later, it's too much to hide for ever. My SO knows and we have a DADT situation, no one else knows and I am sure my SO want's to keep it that way. I have no idea how my youngest daughter (40s) would react especially with a beautiful teen age grand daughter. It seems to me if the stash was discovered something would surface as soon as you and your SO were alone. Good Luck, and try and find a way to bring it into the open after the seasons with your SO.

[jennifer0918]

Nothing was said this morning she was her normal self no issues what so ever. She stepped out of the house for half hour to run some errands and I got busy moving things to a different spot. I got ready for work and left so nothing has been said,I hope I avoided disaster.

[Sandra_Dodds]

Sounds like you can chalk this up as another near miss.

Every time I dress and pack away, I'm anxious not to leave any trace and to make sure my stash remains hidden. A few years ago I slipped up and left a gorgeous pair of peep-toe heels out. My SO (knowing full well the answer) asked in front of my eldest who owned them and she replied "Not me, but I love them!". It caused tension and tears with my SO for a few days but my daughter never said anything more. At times I wonder what she knows or thinks.

[Tamsin Secret]

Hi Jennifer,

I'm glad it seems this was just a close call for you.

When I was closeted the feelings that you could have been discovered or left something out that has been found were horrible. As is the feeling when you get the chance to dress but as no-one knows panic that they may walk through the door early or have come back as they forgot something.

Ultimately these things led me to telling my wife about my CD life recently.

Was I ready to 'come out'? I don't think emotionally many of us in the closet will be fully prepared for the possible outcomes of such a revelation.

My personal experience is still raw. I'm still married, we still talk and do the things we used to but there is a definite 'air of change' but that is possibly due to us both adjusting to the new reality.

In other ways I do wonder if I should have said anything at all but I always come back to the same conclusion that I have done the right thing. Not only for me but for my wife too.

When all is said and done I was hiding/denying (what I am coming to understand) a huge emotional part of myself from her. I just couldn't burden that secret anymore. After all what we do is not wrong in anyway but it does affect our being and if we are unable to explain our various moods/responses/thoughts/actions because we are keeping secrets, for me, is not a healthy way to continue for either of us.

Sorry to ramble on, your post struck a chord with me so that's

Miss S

[jennifer0918]

Christmas tree is all put away kids back in school,yes indeed it appears I dodged a close one. Still not ready to come out to my SO,still not ready to ask for her permission to dress or not to dress.

[Beverley Sims]

Yes you have probably had a close call.

Just keep quiet and act normal, no searching questions to anyone and you may be okay.

In future just be careful and watch what you do.

[Cassiek]

Kind of in the same situation as Jen but a bit worse. A couple of days ago I dressed while everyone was at school and work. I apparently left my bag of jewelry in dresser to be found by my wife. Naturally I tried to lie about it saying it was old stuff from a friend to be given to granddaughter. That backfired. My wife has been avoiding me since until leaving a note for me by my phone last night while I slept explaining that she saw pictures of me dressed on camara card also in the bag. I had to leave for work and could not have conversation with her face to face plus I think this is going to require more time needed during morning rush so I sent text apology and very brief explanation to her to begin conversation. I pray now that I have not ruined our marriage.

[Judy-Somthing]

Coming out was tuff for me, after finding this site two years ago.
I started to accept myself more so I told my wife I liked to dress now and then and had some hidden clothes.

It didn't go well, she said quite a few hurtful things now and then for about a year. I guess I deserved them since I kept such a big secret for over thirty years.
Well I haven't dressed in about a year now and it's starting to catch up with me!

Things seem pretty much back to normal now, accept when she sees a cross-dresser on TV she'll make some negative comments.
If I get caught dressing I'm sure all Hell will break loose.

Good Luck!

[Monique65]

I'm quite meticulous about tidying up after a dressing session. I keep my things in a very inaccessible "hidey hole" behind a hvac vent in the bedroom closet. If I borrow anything from my wife's panty drawer, I try to make sure I left it as I found it. Of course, this doesn't mean I might not slip up at some point and forget something. If this were to occur, I would be truthful and regard it as an opportunity to begin "the talk".