To come out or not to come out,I there's the point

[Sarah Doepner]

I was visiting an out of town support group once upon a time, long ago and when I mentioned I didn't plan to come out to my wife I was greeted with pretty much universal amusement. They all seemed to agree that it wasn't "IF" she finds out, it would be "WHEN" she finds out. I scoffed at the suggestion that my skills in hiding and timing my dressing interests were not up to the task. It took about 4 more years, but she found out. Now I'm with the group saying how unlikely it is that anyone with a significant interest and draw to crossdressing will be able to hide it from a spouse for ever.

You may not be ready for it now, but it's good to think about it and consider how you will respond when that moment arrives. Being prepared mentally and emotionally may help guide the revelation to a much better resolution.

[Monique65]

Thank you for your insightful comments, Sarah. I have been considering my response if (OK when) the situation arises. In a way, it would be a relief, which ever way it goes. I am not proud of the fact that I am keeping such a major secret from her. It may turn out to be a case of "do you really want to know", but whatever the outcome, I'll be honest and forthright with her.

[jennifer0918]

Thank you ladies for all the support and all this good advice. I know from reading threads on this forum that it's "when"she finds out and I'm preparing to face it head on,face up,shoulders back,and chest out. I'm sorry ladies and I know a lot of you disagree with me and a lot of you think I'm wrong but I will remain closeted for as long as I can.

[jacques]

I have never "come out", except to my wife, so I cannot advise you. I am sure that my crossdressing has "escaped" on may occasions.
As well as dressing up in private I have kissed my wife in bed but I don't tell other people about that but assume they might guess.
No one has ever asked me if I crossdress or confronted me about it, I suspect my reply now might be to not deny it but ask why the other person thinks she/he has the right to judge what I do in private?
BUT you have to do what is right for you... do it and move on (no regrets)
luv J

[kkaye]

Christmas tree is all put away kids back in school,yes indeed it appears I dodged a close one. Still not ready to come out to my SO,still not ready to ask for her permission to dress or not to dress.

I had a similar experience with my girl friend when she found some videos of me. That was out of neccesity and , I don't do it around her, We share makeup and shoes, Oh yeah. I love it. We wear the same size. But as to others. I feel it is a need to know thing. Some people will just ignore it.

[Pat]

I'm sorry ladies and I know a lot of you disagree with me and a lot of you think I'm wrong but I will remain closeted for as long as I can.

It is first and foremost your life -- you're living it, you know the context around it, and you are completely in charge. If we only did what people agreed with, none of us would be here. I think we all just want to think you're heading into a happy result and we each give our opinion on how that might be done. At the end, each of our lives may be a role model or a warning to others. Good luck!

[CONSUELO]

Jennifer,

You need to calm down. I doubt that your "stash" has been found so just relax.

I have always been open about my transvestism. I still have had many issues but I don't think I could have hidden something that is such an integral part of who I am.
Keeping a big secret must be very stressful so I hope you have ways to relieve the stress.

[Meghan4now]

Nothing was said this morning she was her normal self no issues what so ever. She stepped out of the house for half hour to run some errands and I got busy moving things to a different spot. I got ready for work and left so nothing has been said,I hope I avoided disaster.

I wouldn't count on it. Actually I think more women would not say an thing to someone else because of the embarrassment factor. Also just because the hammer didn't drop may only mean she is biting her toung or burying her head. That can be dangerous because thing could build till they explode. But every woman and relationship is different. If nothing else, this situation should be a cause to seriously consider the eventuality of discovery. Right now, you control the situation, but later you may not.

[sissythings]

For sure, it's a sticky situation. I'm now not married but in my prior two marriages, both ex's were very aware of my crossdressing and even participated on a limited basis. I myself can't imagine not being completely authentic with the woman I loved. That being said, I realize that every situation is different and can be complicated.

I echo the thoughts of some of the others expressed in this thread in that you may want to consider being more proactive with your situation. If your wife does stumble upon your secret by accident, she could react in several ways... some that could spell dire consequences to your marriage. On the other hand, if you pick a very strategic time to reveal your CD activities in a more controlled, loving setting, she may not be quite so shocked. It's a big risk for sure but the upside is you wouldn't be spending the rest of the relationship in 'fear-of-her-finding-out' mode. Who knows, she might even embrace your crossdressing and begin buying you clothes.

Of course you know her far better than anyone but still... she might surprise you. In coming clean, you would have to weigh the risk of her reacting negatively and possibly leaving you against your penchant for dressing up. Listen to your heart and go where it leads you.

[marilyn m]

hi jennifer,
i came out to both my ex wifes, who accepted the way iam and enjoyed shopping and sharing girly thoughts and clothes,
but eventually it became too much for them, if i married a third time i would never tell them, instead i would get a lock up, i never realized how much of a big deal it is too them, until i watched the kardacians and bruce jenner telling his family, and the emotional reactions, of his family, although not on the same scale but can be quite a shock, first thing they ask are you gay, then they ask do you want a sex change, quite traumatic, and difficult,for them and you ,good luck

[jennifer0918]

Ladies thank you all for your advice.
@marilyn even "with permission "doesn't mean they are completely cool about this whole cd rendezvous being on online cd forum drinks at big shot kinda thing,she may tolerate for a while but at the end she will be questioning her own sexuality. My SO was all into the Jenner transition yet she made negative comments about Jenner she couldn't stop watching it. I was "banned "from watching Kardashians or iam Kaitlyn, go figure. But I'm not a kid so I did what I had to do and watched it anyways.

[~Joanne~]

Still not ready to come out to my SO,still not ready to ask for her permission to dress or not to dress.

I have always had a problem with this. Why, as a grown adult, would you ever ask another grown adult for permission? DADT has always been a sword to me, either they accept or they don't but it changes very little about who you are. I am wondering, does she ask for your permission to wear anything certain? My SO likes guy's shirts, she has never asked for my option about her wearing them, let alone my permission to wear them. In return she respects me the same way. I am still "Me" under this dress and hose, it hasn't changed and you hurt no one.

[Monique65]

Joanne, I am happy for your good fortune in having a SO who respects you for who you are. Unfortunately, not all of us share in your situation. I have been happily married to my wife for over forty years. We have been through many of life's trials and tribulations together. I have kept my femme side well hidden, and I am not willing to take the initiative in revealing my secret. If the situation were ever to arise that I would be found out, I would, like Jennifer, be honest and attempt to explain my reasons for dressing. It is my hope that she will recognize that I have a feminine aspect and come to accept me as the person I have always been.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Well, I might have received my first glimmer of how my wife may react to my underdressing today. I have been wearing a bra and panties under my sweats for several weeks. This means, of course, there have been very few of my tidy whiteys in the laundry. Since I have been doing the laundry most of the time, I didn't think much of it. I went to town today ands when I returned, she had done a load of clothes, and folded on top of my stack of clothes were four pair of panties. We didn't speak of it, and I put them in my drawer, with a feeling that we might be making progress.

[jennifer0918]

Joanne I agree with you 100% we are both adults and "with permission "don't need it.

[Becky Blue]

I would imagine that your OK Jennifer, I can't see how your wife would be acting totally normally around you if she had seen anything. That is unless she already knew due to an earlier find...

I have to disagree with posters who say eventually everyone gets caught, it really depends on the risks you take. The more one pushes and takes chances the greater the likelihood you get caught. For example storing your stash at home is far far riskier than storing it somewhere else.

[jennifer0918]

Thanks Becky your right I need to start looking for a storage unit to keep my secret.