CD coming up in unrelated arguments w wife/SO?

[broadshoulderedbroad]

while we have a wonderful marriage most of the month, there are those few, difficult hormonal, emotional days when we sometimes get into heated arguments.

my wife has sometimes, in the heat of the moment, revoked her permission for me to dress and use her makeup or to see my boyfriend. eventually she calms down and we smooth things over.

luckily, it is fun for her too and she really does understand that it's more than just time to play dress-up for me, so i don't think she'd ever pull the plug but it concerns me that she would use something like this (unrelated to what we argue about, which is usually in-laws) as leverage or a way to hurt me during an argument.

has anyone else experienced this? or perhaps a wife/SO who actually did revoke permission to dress for reasons unrelated to crossdressing itself?

[docrobbysherry]

U mite want to explain your "boyfriend" remark, Broad. Or, be prepared to get slapped around!

[Kelly DeWinter]

Boyfriend ????????????????????

Louie (1 of our dogs) and I joke about heading for the Hills occasionally. I think these times it's best to say as little as possible, cook dinner when asked, do laundry when asked and be supportive and forgiving.

[Teresa]

To bring it up in unrelated arguments suggests she's not 100% happy with some or all aspects of it. Something related to it does hurt her and in the heat of an argument she wants to hurt you back .

Ok sometimes we can overthink these things and assume it's always associated with CDing , they do have their own problems and need to vent themselves . It's not a perfect World and most of us are are far from perfect .

[Micki_Finn]

I think Teresa pretty much got the nail on the head. Sounds like maybe it bothers her more than she lets on...

And I caught the Boyfriend reference too. While every relationship is unique, you could just be compounding problems on problems.

[suzanne]

It sounds as if your marriage is open to some degree, but you did not say whether it is physical or emotional only. This is exceptionally tricky territory if not discussed in minute detail beforehand to determine boundaries and limits.

I applaud you on gaining the freedom to get your needs satisfied in areas that your wife cannot meet them. It takes a ton of open mindedness and emotional security to agree to permit this. But it sounds like your wife has her limits or may feel like you've gone beyond what she thought you had agreed to. Best to have another refresher conversation.

[Marianne S]

BOYFRIEND??? Oh, wow! If your wife tolerates you seeing a BOYFRIEND, you're dead lucky, pardner! (Or should I say "sister"?) Not to mention borrowing her makeup! Does she let you wear her clothes as well? Too many people like us have trouble getting their wives to accept any aspect of their crossdressing at all, let alone having a BOYFRIEND!

My advice to you is that you've got a JEWEL of a wife, so treat her with sympathy and DON'T ROCK THE BOAT! Look at it another way: how many wives would cheerfully tolerate their husbands having a MISTRESS? Put yourself in her place! How well would you handle it if SHE had a boyfriend? She's thoroughly entitled to a little insecurity now and then. Maybe it would help to talk with her about that, and never mind the inlaws!

[Pat]

U mite want to explain your "boyfriend" remark, Broad. Or, be prepared to get slapped around!

By whom? (Asks the moderator) Nobody on this site I'm sure, since we have explicit rules that specifically forbid ridiculing members, trolling and/or personal attacks. Please be sure to see The Main Rules and Guidelines for all Forums in the FAQ link at the top of every page. Wife + boyfriend is not a unique arrangement on this site and it won't become a topic of discussion.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Most wives, even if they say they don't mind the dressing... they actually DO mind. This is something you learn when you have been in the trans community long enough. People generally overestimate the acceptance of their wives (some radically overestimate...)

Some people have open marriages... some may even make them work (jealousy and human nature make it difficult.) But in your specific case, I'd wager your wife is really, really not happy about that.

[alwayshave]

My fiancee has thrown my dressing at me when we having a pretty ruff period. We got through it.

[Jillian Faith]

My first wife would use my cross-dressing against me whenever it suited her purposes (cross-dressing only I had no boyfriend). She even tried to blackmail me during the divorce by threatening to out me to friends and family. My current wife has never used my cross-dressing during an argument or for any other negative purposes.

[Rowan Ailbhe]

I think the idea of letting her participate to the extent she wants to is a really good one...

I am going to recommend that you (and everyone else who deals with ethical nonmonogamy..) read two books..The most important one is called More thanTwo (there is alot of good info on their website as well) and the Ethical Person.
Both are goto guides for issues in coping with a life of having multiple partners,and doing so ethically. It sounds like you are in a wonderful situation, and it is easy to screw something like that up through lack of communication or
misunderstanding.
R and I are polyamorous and often, although not just now,have a few partners out there and we deal with it well, even though we are very centered on each other.
If anyone has questions about such things, please feel free to shoot me a message...If I don't have an answer, I can generally find one.

[Stephanie47]

My wife does not bring up my desire to wear women's clothing- EVER. It's totally DADT. Nada thing about cross dressing. Any discussion or elevated discussion stays on point.

[Heather J]

My wife brings up my CD'ing during arguments too.

[DaisyLawrence]

Most wives, even if they say they don't mind the dressing... they actually DO mind. This is something you learn when you have been in the trans community long enough. People generally overestimate the acceptance of their wives (some radically overestimate...)

Some people have open marriages... some may even make them work (jealousy and human nature make it difficult.) But in your specific case, I'd wager your wife is really, really not happy about that.

I am with Vickie on this one. I am not a gambler but if I had to I would wager your marraige does't have a long term hope in the form it is now. Sorry but I've seeen it before. You ask too much of her.

[Karen RHT]

During heated discussions, it's not unusual for one partner or the other to reference a subject or subjects totally unrelated to the discussion at hand. For example, during heated discussions over the years, my wife would complain about how much time I spent playing hockey, or how many fishing trips I took in a given time frame. Hockey and fishing had nothing to do with the subject at hand, but she would try to make a connection to support her position.


Karen

[NicoleScott]

It may be a tactic (one of many) used to sway an argument her way.
My wife used to threaten divorce during arguments, but at no other times. It was a fight tactic. So I dropped a phone book in her lap and said "call a lawyer". She never threatened divorce after that. I know she never wanted a divorce, nor do I, but I called her bluff. Removing such distractions allows zeroing in on the real issues.
I could have said let's discuss divorce another time. You could say let's discuss my CDing another time.

[RADER]

My wife was OK with my dressing, as long as I did not go out.
I could live with that rule, I would never pass anyway.
I did have a sense when she was about to have her time of the month.
I always lay low during that period; it was safer that way.
Rader

[LeannS]

You are very lucky that your SO lets you do both and I do hope you show her that you love her for that flowers, extra duties?
I am stuck in a pure DADT oh she knows what I do but we sure don't talk about it so no argument on that subject anyway

good luck
Leann