Wow...I did it! My wife and I some days ago went to a mall in a nearby town, I was fully dressed as a woman, for the first time in public. I can't believe it... No more than six months ago nobody ever saw me dressed. But now, mostly thanks to my wonderful encouraging wife, I was in the middle of other people.
Those of you that already tried it probably know what I'm talking about... I wasn't enjoying anything in the first hour or so... I was frightened to have people watching me, I couldn't imagine to enter in a shop or talking to someone. I was just sticking to my wife asking if I was all right! All of a sudden we entered in an H&M store and, slowly, I gained some confidence. We picked up some dresses and we went to the changing room. Watching myself at the mirror was really a moment of peace and self-confidence. It was crazily joyful, to have her keeping my bag while I was in the changing room, and we discussing about what I was trying... And she tried something too... I entered in a new state of mind. I felt beautiful and acceptable. It was amazing. I started smiling!
I came out completely different, went to the cash desk, exchanged some easy words with the shop assistant. At that moment I felt I could do anything... I wanted to have a coffee, and enter somewhere else; I didn't care much of the (scarce) looks by other people. But time was over.... We had to come back.
I felt as my first scuba dive, years ago: when I just started to feel comfortable, the dive was ended; but I kept desire to do it again, to feel so good again.
I must say people don't care much... Some notice me, obviously, mostly because, even without heels, I'm 6 ft high; but nothing else happens. I understood that I felt comfortable when I started accepting myself as I am. It's a new public image of me, that I strive to fully accept; it took time to get accustomed to it. Not a lot of time (an hour isn't that much) but somehow I feel it had to happen slowly.
Next time I hope i will feel better some time earlier... I think I will spend more time at the mirror at home, to gain confidence and self-acceptance.
My wife was really right (aren’t wives always so?) showing me that much of my closeted CD wardrobe wasn’t suitable for going out at the mall, simply because I don’t need to attract attention. Attention on me was already more than enough.
And now? A lot of projects for the future…
Once again, I can’t thank you as it should for all I learned from this forum. I am really glad when I read here something like this:
I feel the same. This forum helped me a lot to understand it!Originally Posted by Cheryl T
I'm happy you're talking about "next time." 
