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Thread: Does Lana Mae need counceling?

  1. #1
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Does Lana Mae need counceling?

    I have been thinking about all this in the last few days! It seems so right but is it? How do I still be daddy and be Lana Mae? What kind of stir would coming out in this community cause? I have looked up local councelors and some of their stats! Phone calls would be next! I do not plan on starting until next year, but... Any hints would be helpful! Only found three possibilities in this area and one has only practiced for 3 years! One sounds like she is greatly possible as she wants a 20 minute phone call to see if she is a good fit! Any help is appreciated! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  2. #2
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    Well, that is a difficult question to answer. Have you talked to your daughter about it? I think that her feelings should be considered before doing anything. Look at all of the pluses and minuses.The final decision is up to you.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I do not know what the pluses or minuses will be as I have never gone to counceling! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  4. #4
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    It never hurts to go to counseling (except maybe the pocket book). Worst case scenario, you walk out of there thinking “well THIS person certainly doesn’t get me”. From what I’ve seen of you on the forums I think it could be beneficial to you have someone to talk to, and sometimes that’s all counseling needs to be. Give it a try. If you don’t like it, you can always stop.

  5. #5
    Yendis Sidney's Avatar
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    I'm all in favor of counceling. I was very lucky as mine was in the LGBT spectrum. Without her I don't know where I'd be today. The oNE thing about counseling is I feel you need to be 100 percent open and honest to be able to get any benefit from it.

  6. #6
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
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    What exactly are you looking for? Confirmation of your CD/TG, are you normal?,should you transition? etc...personally I don't think counsellors are anything other than good listeners and tell you what you want to hear anyway.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  7. #7
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    Lana, I've been in councelling for years, for CDing, coping with my life and surroundings and I would encourage you to go if you think it may help. I think you have a bit of a challenge to find gender councellers in NC. try looking in Psycology Today mag site they have a directory by specialty. A question you may wish to ask when contacting the therapist is " Do you have any clients who come to sessions dressed?" If they work with gender variance this should be the case and if they say no you could follow up with, well could I if I wish to?
    Good luck and PM me if you have other questions.

  8. #8
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    Lana as you know I just went to counselling . Just like you I looked at several until I found one that seemed right.

    I deliberately scheduled so far into the future that I felt less pressure.

    You say next year, so you could contact one now and still have lots of time to think about it.

    One thing the therapist left me with was this is just a baby step, next time I will take another.

    It doesnt mean you will suddenly leave the life you have now, it just gives you a chance to hear your own thoughts.

    Go to the session the way that fits you and what makes you comfortable.

    You will still be a Dad after trust me.

    Good luck.

  9. #9
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Lana, I did a number of sessions with my daughter. They helped us both see the other's side and gave us things to work on to improve our relationship. When we had nothing else of importance to work on, I pulled the plug on our counselor.

    That's what a good therapist does. He/she won't be able to smooth things over with your child unless she is with u at at least some sessions. I'm assuming that's what your looking to accomplish? If it's simply to learn how u mite handle your role(s), just go alone!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  10. #10
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    If you are having issues dealing with anything sure why not?
    Sarahsometimes whats with you north easterners anyway saying it would be challenge to find a gender therapist in NC how rude of you to say that.
    NC is not a backwards state like you must think it is.

  11. #11
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Micki- Thanks for your input!
    Yendis-I plan on only being honest as possible on this! Thanks for your input!
    Allisa-Thanks for your input!
    Sara-I found 3 possibilities in my home town! That is without expanding the search! Thanks for your input!
    Samantha-Thanks for your input!
    Doc-It has a lot to do with roles and my own expectations! Thanks for your input!
    Tracii-I was actually surprized (pleasantly) to find three in my home town! I was expecting a 30 mile drive! It could still come down to that if these three don't pan out! Thanks for your input!
    Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  12. #12
    Member Diane Taylor's Avatar
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    I've always felt that it's the "others" who need counseling to see if they can figure out why they are not accepting of those who are different. But, as for you, I think that only you can answer your question.

  13. #13
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    You're the one who has to answer those questions, the counselor can work with you to come to your answers. Just a point, yes you're a father, and yes in the last year you've had your ears pierced, grown your nails out, and have started wearing them polished (I assume) 24/7 since you're wearing them done at work.
    Probably folks in your neighborhood have noticed by now.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    My question to you would be why do you think you need counseling? What is it you're looking to get out of the process?

    Reading your posts it seems to me you know the person you are. Are you looking to counseling to give you advice as to how to proceed or to put a label on the person you are. Lana Mae, you've read so many posts here that lay out the possible paths you can follow. For me it down to you to give the time needed to know what's right for you. If you're worried about the impact upon close family members, talk it over with them. Whatever a counselor says, that's a conversation that will need to happen if you're to avoid a any possible rift with those closest to you.

    I understand that a counselor can be a shoulder to lean on. That however suggests to me that what they're really doing is providing clarity of what you've already come to know.

    What also stuck me was that you were selecting the counselor you felt would meet you needs the best. Or to look at it another way, the one that will give you the answers you want.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  15. #15
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    Hi Lana Mae,

    My wife and I have been seeing a counselor for the past year and it has been a very good experience for us. I know YMMV but I can only go by my own experience and it had been very positive for my wife and I. As for a 20 minute phone call - I would consider it a very wise investment.

    Elizabeth
    Last edited by Elizabeth G; 12-08-2017 at 08:29 PM.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    Lana, I beat the drum for counseling. I think a 1000 reasons can be found for going to one. I feel the most important one is having someone to talk with who understands you. One you can feel comfortable and compatible with while you share. As others have said, when it is over it is over. You will know when their service is not needed anymore.

    The area of the State we live in has so many capable counselors and sub counselors, such as grief counselors we can enjoy the benefit they offer. I know many people around me who are under the care of a counselor. Some are in my family that only a professional can help. I say seek a professional as soon as you can. They can answer any question or concern you have. It is no different than going to a MD with back pain. They are there to help, so don't delay in seeking the help of one.

    Concerning your daughter....why not let the professional tell you if she needs to attend the meetings with you. That way it takes the burden off your shoulders. Good luck in whatever you do.

  17. #17
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Diane-Thanks for your input!
    Rachael-Not sure but they may have noticed the blonde driving my car! Thanks for your input!
    Helen-I am not sure how to proceed with all of this! I am out to so many as the male me and now must figure out about how that goes with the "female" me and tying it all together and i know the answer is in me but don't seem able to draw it out at this point! Thus the counceling! Thanks for your input!
    Elizabeth-Thanks for your input!
    Amy-Thanks for he input and advise!
    Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  18. #18
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Most counselors like to talk to potential clients before seeing them. This is what mine did years ago. You get out of therapy what you put into it. Basically you do most of the talking and use them as a sounding board. They will interject if they feel they need to. They are not pro or con to the issue, that is what you decide for yourself. You as the client have to decide what is best for yourself. When I went in it wasn't about if CDing was right or wrong, I had no problem with who I was. I went to try and figure out how to deal with friends and family who DID have a problem with it. In the long run, I realized I could be both Dad and Ericka without a problem and it was my choice who I wanted to be at any given time. Still is. This works well for myself anyway. Good lick my Dear friend.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  19. #19
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    I can't add to the pile of good advice. Counseling can help you to answer some of those questions. You have to do the work to find those answers.
    Good luck.

    Hugs,


    Kelly

  20. #20
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Lana Mae -- I think I wrote most of this recently in another thread, so sorry if this is a repeat... Give each of them a call and see what they have to say about themselves. It's totally fair to pre-screen a therapist -- it saves you both from investing time in something that's not going to work. They can fill their time slots without you, so you don't have to feel bad waving them off if they don't seem like a good fit. I wouldn't worry too much about the one who's only been practicing for 3 years -- Just ask them what they've been up to. They have to do extensive training and field work before they get licensed. And maybe they're really engaged in the community. Ask all of them if they have actual experience with transgender people at all; with transgender people your age; whatever you think makes you special. If you're thinking you might be interested in hormone therapy, ask if they've written letters for their other clients. If you think you're going on to surgery ask if they have clients that have done that. I thought I was non-binary (still do) and wanted to make sure whoever I talked with understood that aspect of our community but also wanted them to have good exposure to other parts as well in case I was wrong. Most cases of "trans regret" that I've read of are people who didn't know there was an option out there that fit them and they tried to wedge themselves into treatment for the wrong thing.

    You say you don't want to start until the new year -- start calling now! The new year is close and they have to find a spot for you in their calendars. It's not too early.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  21. #21
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Look at my signature, "I accept and celebrate both sides of me."

    That's the result of years of counseling. I needed that much as counterweight to my wife's constant negativity.

    Now, I'm happy where I am, and my wife is missing out on a lot of fun. Her choice.

    I had some very good CD friends go the TS route, which got me to thinking a lot as to whether that was my destination. Therapy helped me determine that I'm "just a CD" and it helped me get a balance between boy time and girl time.

    If I'm really honest, I'd classify myself as bigender.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  22. #22
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    I think therapy would be good for you Lana Mae. I would call them and pick the best one.
    Part Time Girl

  23. #23
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    Lana,
    My way into counselling was through my GP, he wanted to update his notes and sent me to check I had no more thoughts on self harming ( which I didn't ) it was still good to talk to an impartial person , it did open up my thought process and help me deal with the destructive cycle of the assumption I was living with. That helped me to come out to my son , much to the relief of my wife as it went OK .

    I still wanted to see a gender counsellor and again my GP referred me on , again it was good to get all that out in the open which has enabled me to move forward.

    The point I'm making is the NHS paid for the service but I had no choice in who I saw but it made little difference , I needed help and as they were professionals they did their job and I'm very grateful.

    To me you are OK with being Lana, the problem you are having is believing it enough to openly come out to people, maybe it would be better to find a social group, that has been a great help to me, it will open doors and make you feel more comfortable being Lana . You may find it much easier coming out to your daughter , I doubt very much you will lose her .

  24. #24
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allisa View Post
    ...personally I don't think counsellors are anything other than good listeners and tell you what you want to hear anyway.
    Allisa, I'll have to disagree with your opinion here...

    While it seems like that's about all they do, In my experience I've found that their greatest value is in asking seemingly simple questions- that I had a devil of a time answering. I had to THINK about what I was going to say, and to take an honest look at myself first. Often the answers even surprised me! That seems to be their greatest talent, knowing what questions to ask - and calling BS when the answers are false or otherwise 'what's expected.'

    I don't think my counselor ever actually TOLD me anything. But he did guide me to finding MY answers - helping me see what was nonsense and what was real. Being too involved in my own life, I don't think I could have sorted things out on my own.

    IMO - counselors should be thought of as mental/emotional tools available for our use. If you find the right one and "use" them properly (be honest and tell everything) they are of tremendous value and make it easier to do what you're trying to do with your life. If not, you can waste a lot of time, money, and effort.

    Of course, as always, YMMV
    Sara

  25. #25
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Kate-Thanks for your input! My needs are similar to yours but not the same!
    Aunt Kelly-Thanks for your input!
    Pat-Sounds like some good advise! Thanks for your input!
    Steffi-I may be bigender or non-binary or? Thanks for your input!
    Dana-Thanks for your input!
    Teresa-I will never lose my daughter regardless of anything! I have not found a Trans group, gay, lesbian and bisexual but not trans! Thanks for your input!
    Saralin-Thanks for your input!
    Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

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