Does Lana Mae need counceling?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Counselling is always a good idea Lana Mae, for everybody. If you find the right one they can help tremendously. With heavy emphasis on the 'if'.

Don't be discouraged if it takes a couple of goes to find the right one.

[Bobbi46]

Lana Mae at the end of the day it will still come down to, do I tell or not ? Over her all my friends and many more beside know I am CD and also I have spoken to my nephew and niece regarding telling my son and daughter and still it comes down to the fact of "Well I cannot tell you if it will right in the end or not".
By all means yes go to a counselor and try and find the answers you need but whoever you go to will listen, give you options but none will say "this what you have to do and how to go about it". i think where direct family members are involved it is a difficult thing to come to a concrete answer.
But as i say and so have others here find a good counselor and go from there.

[Pat]

Lana Mae -- Once you've found your therapist, one of the first questions they'll ask after all the boilerplate issues are done is "What do you expect to get out of this?" or words to that effect. It's a good thing to reflect on while you're calling around. In your mind, what does a successful outcome look like? The answer to the question is non-binding -- it just sets a direction. The therapist (if they're any good) is never going to tell you what you are or what you should do. They'll ask questions that are very simple questions and amazingly difficult to answer. Finding your answer will move you further along to that goal -- that thing you said you expected to get out of therapy. The goal will change as you learn more about yourself and you have to be your own advocate. Part of the reason for that is that when you say things aloud to another person they become more concrete (or they become more obviously wrong -- "It sounded a lot better in my head...") So if the day comes when you think you want to go on hormones, for example, you're going to have to say that. You're probably going to have to ask for that, which is a way of making you confront the need. Therapy is a very selfish endeavor -- you'll have to talk about you; you'll have to admit the things you want; you'll have to get over worrying about what people will think -- whoever they are, they're going to have to adjust to the you that you're becoming. It can be scary. The therapist is never going to tell you what you want to hear -- because you're going to do all the telling. The dynamic is really that they will hear what you want to tell. And if some part of it seems like it's contrived or not well-thought out, they'll ask you a question and get you to fill that part in.

I think I've been at it weekly for about a year and a half now. And I totally look forward to every session. I didn't think I had enough in me to talk about for more than a session or two, but we're still going strong, still finding places where I need to fill in the picture. The thing I wanted to get out of therapy that first day? (I wanted to wake up in the morning and see "me," not the character I had been playing, looking back in the mirror.) Long since got that -- the goal has moved to other places now.

[Rayleen]

Lana Mae, my suggestion is if you're asking questions, follow your way to some counselor to help you get answers my friend.

Hope it works out for you .

[Lana Mae]

Nikki-I will keep on trying if they do not seem right! Thanks for your input!
Bobbi-Thanks for your input!
Pat- Thanks for all of that! It helps me get some idea of what will go on!
Rayleen-Thanks for your input!
Hugs Lana Mae

[IleneD]

Lana Mae,

We all need counseling, dear. We all do.
Of course, pursue it. Always ask questions. Asking is cheap and the worst anyone can say is no.

And don't be dismayed by reticence or baby-steps. I'm right along side you on this, having gone from what I considered strictly CD status to an awakening that is driving me to a transgender conclusion. I am excited about the prospect of living my life as a woman, but it scares the crap out of me too. I have so much good invested in family, etc. I don't want to lose it. I'm selfish that way.
On the other hand I know that NOT talking about my condition or doing nothing but dress up is untenable too. I have to so something. I made my first trip to our local Denver Gay-Lesbian-Bi-Trans Center. It's a resource, meeting and counseling center for LGBT folks. The mere fact that I stepped into such a place it a personal milestone. I didn't schedule any appointments or sign up for any group sessions. I just want to scout the place out. See what they have to offer. I think I'll be back, but it was a huge leap for me to even consider walking into a center like that. Huge.
GLBT Center of Denver and me-FC.jpeg

Me outside the GLBT Center of Denver last Wednesday. (sigh)

[Lana Mae]

Ilene-Unfortunately, the only social group that I know is available is LGB and not T! It is also 30+ miles away in the middle of Raleigh! Thanks for your input! Hugs Lana Mae

[IleneD]

Take those baby steps, Lana. Take them now.

[Lana Mae]

Ilene, Thanks! Hugs Lana Mae

[Anne K]

Lana Mae, I did a Google search for “gender dysphasia therapist” and had a lot of avenues to pursue. The Psycology Today referral website was the best for me. I found a fabulous therapist. Best thing I have ever done for myself!

[Becky Blue]

Lana, only you really know if you need counselling. I don't think I need any counselling. I am a middle aged happily married father who has dressed as a woman countless times and been out as one almost 30 times, at time I believe I am more of a woman inside than a man... most people out there not in our world probably think i need to be locked up in a thickly padded cell never mind seek help. But I am happy with my life and feel gifted by having Becky so why would i see anyone?

[Lana Mae]

Becky, thanks for your input!
Took the next step and tried to contact the 3 counseling services I found! One has either moved or whatever as not at address I have and no answer on telephone! Two office is there no one home called and no return call yet! Three called and sounded promising on recording, takes Medicare, has trans counselors, is in town! Great! No! $125 initial visit! No local Counselor qualified for Medicare! Must drive 30+ miles! I will wait for call back from #2 at this point! Not happy about a 30+ mile drive to Fayetteville! May have to check a few more local towns yet! I am not giving up! Hugs Lana Mae

[Sarah Doepner]

Lana,

It sounds like you are committed to talking to a counselor, and I'm another one who believes that can be a good thing. I've been twice, but the first one was to deal with all sorts of others stresses in my life at the time; work, family, money, you know the common stuff. Just getting the chance to talk to someone who was not vested in my problems, but willing to listen was a great relief. It gave me the first chance in years to cry and just let go of many of the things I'd been holding close, so close they were blocking my vision of my options.

A couple years ago I started seeing a therapist with my intent being to get a handle on my gender identity issues. Once again, I feel like I hit a home run. Part of the success I've felt I had was because I spent a lot of time writing a journal. It gave me the opportunity to work out some of the questions I wanted the counselor to help me with and also gave me the chance to reflect on what we discussed in the sessions. We met for several months and he finally suggested I didn't really have much else to work on and maybe we didn't need to schedule anything for a while. He was right and I went quite a while being comfortable with the progress I'd made. A month ago I started writing in the journal again and it seems I have a new raft of questions I need some help with, so I'm scheduling an appointment with him in the near future.

The counselor won't make choices for me. It may sound like he's telling me what I want to hear, but that's only after I've made the decisions about what will make my life better. Professionals will be more than willing to ask questions and if your answer is based on shaking ground, they will keep asking questions. Try to be open to questions that may seem to come from left field or from a position of ignorance. It may be they are testing your foundation. Good luck.

[Alice Torn]

It is an ok thing to do, can help.

[LindaAnne]

Lana Mae, it looks like you've received lots of excellent advice already but wanted to add that I have debated going to a gender counselor for a long time. I found a million excuses not to make that first call. However a few months ago I did. It has been such a wonderful experience. I was very fortunate and found the right counselor the first time. We did have an initial phone call but it was the first meeting that I realized 1) I had the right counselor for me and 2) I had made the right decision to go. We've explored so many things together and it has been so nice being able to share my inner feelings and exploring more about who I am inside. I've been very happy to learn more about my inner girl and am excited about where I'm going in the future. Please go and like others have said, make sure you are comfortable with who you connect with. I wish you the very best of luck.

[Shayla]

I am a big proponent of counseling...with the right counselor. In my case our counselor has been key in explaining to my wife some of what is going on with me in a clinical way that I was not able to- my wife trusts professionals so the counseling has 'softened the blow' of my cd-ing some. Good luck!!

[IamWren]

I’ve started listening to a number of different podcasts lately and one of them has a sponsor called TalkSpace. TalkSpace is a unique method of counseling that is done online. So I did a search for other similar services and came across one called PrideCounseling. Same sort of thing.

It sounds like distance has been something from prohibiting you Lana, as well as the cost, of finding a therapist? Is that right?

These two services might be an option for you to consider. Evidently there are thousands upon thousands of counselors who work with each of these online counseling services and after answering a bunch of questions you are matched with one.

The biggest problem I see with either of these two services is you as the client and the counselor as well have to be extremely good at written communication so that ideas and concepts can be conveyed exactly as intended.

It’s worth looking into. Hope this helps.
S.

[Lana Mae]

Sarah-Maybe I need to go back to my journal! I used one around the time I went for my transformation! Thanks for your comments!
Alice-Thanks for your comments!
Linda-I am hoping this is the right one but I can always change if necessary! Thanks for your comments!
Shelley-Thanks for your comments!
Sue-I am going to try this one,since she takes Medicare and she is only 5-6 blocks away! Podcast sounds like a good idea but I prefer a face to face! Thanks so much for the info and your comments!
Thanks everyone! Hugs Lana Mae

[kimdl93]

Sounds like the location and insurance issues are resolved. Now the fun part. And actually, I mean that. I grew to look forward to each counseling session. Once you have gotten past the nervousness and reticence, you’ll enjoy being able to speak freely and ponder those questions honestly.