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Thread: Would you ask a CD/TG the question?

  1. #1
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Would you ask a CD/TG the question?

    I was shopping the other day with my wife. I was in drab with a morning beard stubble, except for my gold ear hoops and a brightly colored silk scarf I wore.
    I noticed a couple (M&F apparently) in the women's dept and then in another part of the store (a Target). "She" was slender of build; slight in the shoulders and narrow waist. She wore jeans and ordinary t-shirt and a jacket. Her long natural hair was pulled back and braided into 2 pigtails. She had large gold ear hoops. Except of the slight hint of beard growth around her nose and chin she would have passed splendidly. Her slight man-hands (not prominent) and the fact she had "shadow" on her chin too, and not just that "woman moustache" that some GGs get, were my only hints.
    She was with "male" partner who possibly could have been a FtM transgender himself, but I couldn't quite detect it; though he had but a slight beard growth of soft fine facia hair.

    I was intrigued, because this was in a small town and not a cosmopolitan center. I got up the nerve to approach them.
    She was a bit surprised when I came forward and introduced my self in a low voice. "Hello, my name is Ilene." I wish you could have seen the surprise registered on her face. "....my name is Ilene, and may I ask you a question?" Are you a T-Girl?" She was for she instantly knew what I was talking about. Her surprised expression turned to even more surprise and a smile. Before she could answer I explained, "It's OK. I'm a transgender person myself." Again, more surprise on her face because I clearly was not presenting in a femme form. But she smiled, looked at her mate and replied in the positive. "Yes, I am", she nodded.
    I told her, "It's OK dear. I'm sorry to put you on the spot. I'm also TG and I just had to let you know how beautiful you are."
    She smiled again, and I didn't wish to beleaguer my encounter in the middle of a retail store. I shook her hand (with both hands), thanked her and went on my way.

    I don't spot that many TG's or CDs in public. And for the life of me I don't know what possessed me to get "personal" with a stranger. But I had to know; and I had to let her know that she was "OK" and a beautiful person.
    But.... would you go up and introduce yourself to someone you thought was TG, or would you admire from a distance and let them go on?
    Last edited by IleneD; 12-10-2017 at 05:43 PM.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
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  2. #2
    Aspiring Member
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    No. This is fraught with so many potential problems, it shouldn't be done. Be happy with what you saw, but respect their privacy.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Fiona123's Avatar
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    I too would respect their privacy as i hope folks would resoect mine.

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member MindiB's Avatar
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    I would have to say no. If anything if I was walking by and made eye contact I would just said hi like I do any other stranger.

  5. #5
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I too would respect their privacy! I would not want someone putting me on the spot! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae Well, maybe if it was someone from this forum who I know...?
    Life is worth living!
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  6. #6
    Junior Member MissPaula's Avatar
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    With the huge "bathroom scandal" we've had here in North Carolina where some ciswomen were accused of being transgendered, I'd have to say no I'd never approach anyone and ask. I have complimented women before on their appearance as I do some males, but beyond that, no I wouldn't.
    "the sex is in the HEEL"

  7. #7
    Member Jess S.'s Avatar
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    Ilene, I understand the urge to be nice and connect with others. Once I was in a some what similar situation and asked others what they thought. But as I found out after a bit of scolding.Guess its best to give privacy.

  8. #8
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    No Iilene, I spot CDs every so often and I don't approach them. I had an encounter with one at the grocery store as she was in the exact location I was in and actually I kind of caused her blind friend to fall down. We exchanged words politely, but I didn't mention anything about her being TG.

    That said, it sounds like you were quite diplomatic and congenial with your encounter.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  9. #9
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
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    Ilene, I am going to be the contrarian here and say that you did the right thing . The proof is in the result. I understand the reluctance to put another person on the spot, but obviously your instincts were correct, and you were sensitive in the way you approached her. The best friendship I have ever had with another tg spectrum person resulted from my being candid about myself as a crossdresser when we first met.

    That being said, I would not recommend it to everyone. It is a sensitive situation, and it requires a delicate touch.

    Still, we are a minority, and it takes us courage to live, day by day, and even more courage to connect. But connect we must, if we are to survive and thrive. Bravo to you for having the courage to try.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  10. #10
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    I am of two minds on this.

    On the one hand, I can relate to IleneD's desire to recognize and engage with another CD/TG. There is a visceral comfort in knowing that we aren't alone. That there are others in our area that share our path.

    On the other hand though, I cannot help but wonder how the other girl felt about the encounter. Did she feel that her presentation wasn't effective enough? Did she feel uncomfortable that her privacy was invaded? Or was she as thrilled to meet another 'sister' as the OP was? Did the companion of the woman feel the same?

    What if IleneD was mistaken? What if the woman was a genetic female and resented the implication that she was less than a woman?

    Please note that I am not making a judgement against Ilene, I am simply pointing out the thoughts I would have in that situation. I am not sure, but I think I would have restrained myself and honored the woman's privacy.
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  11. #11
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    Personally I wouldn't approach anyone. I have worked in retail a lot and served many obviously trans or CDing customers. Much as I would have liked to say something I chose not to, as honestly when I'm out I would not like any stranger approaching me to talk about being, for want of a better phrase, a little different. Not saying it's right or wrong, just I wouldn't do it.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member ToniG's Avatar
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    Probably best to leave others to have their privacy, unless its a planned mtg or encounter. "Results" could have gone south in a hurry. Especially if there had been any "mockers" nearby in the store.

  13. #13
    Member Rowan Ailbhe's Avatar
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    I would not be overt. Been in that situation. I tend to be alot warmer and more attentive and polite though...with correct pronouns.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member natalie edwards's Avatar
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    Well that's kinda ballsy! (pun intended)

  15. #15
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    I would not ask the question. I would not rule out a quite smile and nod though.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Samantha981's Avatar
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    I guess I would only approach if I was also en femme, and then only if I was sure and maybe start with eye contact to sense their nerves. Last year I "think" I saw a CD/TG shopping in a dept. store in the women's clothing area, but just a glance. Was in guy mode and w/ my wife, so no chance I was going to approach in that case. Anyway that is me.

  17. #17
    Seasoned Member Rhonda Darling's Avatar
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    Ilene:

    I'm reminded of the person at work who walked up to a co-worker he'd not seen in awhile and greeted her with: "You look great. When are you due?". His funeral service was the next day. Her weight gain was none of his business.

    The point is, you never know whether you've correctly read the situation.

    You were lucky this time.

    Rhonda
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    . . . and now, On With The Show!

  18. #18
    TrueNorth Strong & Fierce Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    Eventhough I wouldn’t approach someone and ask, I have been approached and questioned a few times from those in the transgender community and numerous times from other folks. When I first started going out in public (years 2002/2003) and had the primary focus on blending in, I felt offended. By the middle of 2004 I became proud of my crossdressing and with a smile on my face am (and have been) very welcoming of being approached and questioned. My intentions are not to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes, but to enjoy my crossdressing to it’s fullest.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member LaurenS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by April Rose View Post
    Ilene, I am going to be the contrarian here and say that you did the right thing ...and you were sensitive in the way you approached her.

    That being said, I would not recommend it to everyone. It is a sensitive situation, and it requires a delicate touch.
    Agree. Don’t think I have the skills to pull this off, and I certainly would not want to make a mistake, but it shows you are a kind, caring, and empathetic human being. Not going to pan what was a beautiful experience for you both, Ilene. Kudos.
    You are you. You are beautiful. Labels are worthless.

  20. #20
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    IleneD, when I read your question, I asked myself how I'd want to be approached if I were out dressed.
    The answer was that for me, I would definitely NOT want to be approached and asked that question.
    When I'm out, I just want to disappear into the crowd and be just-another-woman. Being spotted as T* anything would be mortifying. It would feel like I had failed to pass/blend in. My head would be screaming "Failure! Bail out before something worse happens! RUN!!!"

    For that reason, I'd say that no, I wouldn't do it.

    Now, if some stranger walked up to me and told me how much they liked my dress (or something such), and never let on that they thought of me as anything other than female, I'd be floating on cloud nine! I still remember something that happened in my early days, and a man held a door open for me. I don't think my feet touched the ground again for hours. Silly huh?

  21. #21
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Ilene, I live in the city was a large TG population and I have never approached.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  22. #22
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    I would not.

    I can only remember once when someone asked me similarly. I was having lunch at a mall restaurant and a female patron sitting close to me asked, "Do you prefer being addressed as male or female?" I don't remember how I was dressed at the time. If I'd been trying to pass, I probably would have been less than pleased at the question, but I've got a pretty thick skin, so maybe I was. She told me she was a hairdresser at a mall salon and would love to do my hair. I went to her many times after that, following her to a couple of different salons, then lost track of her. She was genuinely nice and genuinely interested, and really liked doing my hair in feminine, sometimes elaborate styles, regardless of how I was presenting. She was one of the very few people who I allowed to see me and know me in male and female modes, I guess because that bridge had already been crossed on our first meeting. Since my answer to her first question was "female", that's the way she always addressed me, even in male mode. She worked at a Regis salon and a Penny's, then a large privately owned salon. They were big salons and always busy, and even if I was in male(ish) mode, she'd always call attention to me by saying to her coworkers something like "Doesn't she look great?" or "Isn't her hair just gorgeous!" In this case, because she asked it led to a positive and better understanding between us. She had a reason for asking, though. I think for a random meeting like you had I think it would be appropriate for you to compliment her, but any mention of the "T" is probably not appropriate.

  23. #23
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    Ilene, I was in WalMart early one morning dressed feminine in drab and noticed a CD in a skirt looking at women's clothes. Couldn't let this opportunity pass so I walked over to the clothing rack beside her and said something like I'm looking for a blue blouse but just haven't found it in my size, then we made eye contact and the ice was broken. We had a nice conversation but didn't exchange phone numbers. This way they have the choice to be at ease knowing you are both CD's or just ignore. If you ease into it with "class" you just might end up having a new CD friend.

  24. #24
    Senior Member faltenrock's Avatar
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    I would never ask anyone that question if I spot a CD or TG person. I've seen quite a few other CD and TS during the last few years, but I think it's not the right thing to ask that question - just my opinion.

  25. #25
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Deebra's post reminded me of an experience I had earlier this year. I posted this somewhere before, but it's about a TG/CD I talked to at Goodwill.

    At first sighting we were both near the dressing rooms and I was intrigued with her clothes and look. I gotta say I wasn't absolutely sure that she wasn't a GG. One of the SAs let her into a dressing room as they lock them now. Meanwhile I went to the other side of the store and found a couple of tops I wanted to try on. All of the SAs were busy and it turned out that the CD was exiting a booth so I asked if I could slip into the dressing room before the door locked. She said, "I won't tell if you don't".

    When I got in the cashier line I just happened to be in line behind her. I talked to her a little more about clothes and sizes, and she had to realize that I was also a CD in male mode. I never asked her any questions about her gender identity, in fact I didn't ask her any questions - just kind of related that I also wear women's cloths. Of course she saw what I tried on and what I was buying too!
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

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