The talk

[Pumped]

My wife came home last night and said we need to talk. Oh no here we go again! Those words send chills up our spines and we about have a heart attack wondering what now.

I had emailed her information on a pair of boots I liked and she wanted to ask about them and added she was concerned about how far I was going with this "dressing" thing. I assured her I love heels and lingerie and no interest in going any further and that was it. We sat and cuddled on the couch and had some lite related discussion plus some other family talk about the holidays. It was a nice evening even with starting out with those words that can put fear into the strongest CD'er.

[Tina_gm]

Those words can have that effect, but we need to learn that they shouldn't. When our partners sometimes unknowingly become negative toward us, and it can happen and does frequently we should be able to sit down with them and say to them, we need to have a talk. Them to us as well. It is perfectly normal for a partner to sometimes wonder about the direction we are going in and to sit down and discuss it. We should not fear this, but embrace it.

[Teresa]

Pumped,
Maybe it's more to do with my situation but I would still be thinking there's more to this. Your wife like many of ours will have those thoughts in the back of her mind, she will be thinking what is the bottom line of the driving force behind your dressing needs ? It's best not to make promises you can't keep, I don't truly think we can put hand on heart and claim that's the extent of our CDing .

[Linda E. Woodworth]

The term "We need to talk" has nothing but negative connotation with my wife and I.

How it got that way neither one of us really knows. Yes, some of the conversations were not pleasant and voices were raised at those times. No, things discussed usually didn't have anything to do with dressing. Kids, money, car, etc....

Now, whenever we need to talk I try my darndest to phrase it in a less confrontational way. I'm not always successful but things usually don't get as tense.

Lastly, I agree with Teresa that we shouldn't make promises we can't keep. While your love of the feminine is currently only lingerie and heels, that may very well change. You may get an itch to start going further.

Be aware.

[Pumped]

I have tried dresses and other women's wear and I get nothing but fustrated so I don't see going that far. I would like to, but I don't like what I see so it is just a big let down. I do some women's jeans, leggings and shorts but nothing else works for me. My wife is ok with these items too.

The man in a dress is not a good look on me.

[Kayliedaskope]

The man in a dress look is not a good look for a number of us, but some can rock it well, like phili.

[Pumped]

Trust me I am very envious of others here whether they try to blend or just rock the man in a dress look. Many here pull off the look very well.

[Jaylyn]

Lol yep the talk can give us the cold sweats. Be careful because I promised my wife I’d never go out dressed, now that’s what I’d love to experience at least once in my dressing. I’d love to meet other cds and the GNO is very tempting, but I promised now and might never get to see the other part of dressing. Wish I could get her to go out with me but that won’t happen,

[LeannS]

Yea that we have to talk has always sent a shiver up my spine even when an old boss of mine would say we have to talk was always a walk of shame.

Pumped i know what you said about a miad but have you tried anything with a bra and a nice wig holy hell talk about changing.
My wife is afraid of me going out and embarrassing her as she knows a lot of people in our town it is real hard to go out with a mustache that she will not let me shave off.
and that she thinks it is saving her thank god for hygiene masks. and yes I have been out driving and even set up a camper for a weekend.

[Maria 60]

"We need to talk" is usually a bad thing, but for you it seems it was OK. A little cuddling and small talk. " We need to talk" doesn't sounds so scary anymore.

[Karen RHT]

Ironically, I wish my wife would "talk" more.


Karen

[IleneD]

Moustache, dress, surgical hygiene masK?
I'm attempting to paint the mental picture here.
Perhaps it would help if Ilene drove over and spent a ski weekend close by. You can shave for the weekend.
Looks like Delta Co is near the Gunnison forest, etc.; south of Grand Junction. Are you close to Aspen? I'm thinking of having a dress-up weekend in January in Aspen (go visit a friend).

[phili]

I noticed the kind words for my MIAD looks- which are of course only the ones I pull off.

I was shopping today and tried on a blue dress that fit really well, but something about the neckline, business-like sturdy fabric, and solid color framed my head and shoulders in a way that made it look like a muscle tank top and riveted attention on the top third of me. I looked like a MAN in a dress, rather than a man in a dress. There wasn't enough room for a necklace to create some visual complexity and counterpoint- so I had to leave it behind.

I've been studying men and asking myself what kind of dress would work for them- and I think there is always an answer. It is the one that causes our visage to soften and show our femininity, rather than the one that speaks about strength and assertively commands attention. I've watched my face change in the dressing room mirror when I put on the clothes that release my mirliness.

I am certain now that nothing about being a man prevents us rocking feminine clothes. It is a design problem- cut and style and fabric, and what we are doing in it. The challenge is to figure out what story we are projecting, and owning it.

That said, I and other MIADs are simply showing that we do exist, and are valid, and many of us claim space that is simultaneously manly and womanly. We don't have to choose to try to conform. Our message can be that we are all man, and we like dresses or lingerie. Or that we are male ut pretty and girly. People understand it- strange as it is, and I can say that just letting myself be the way I feel is the most precious experience of my life.

[Beverley Sims]

The only time my wife and I need to talk is when we are on holidays and can't decide which way to go... :-)

Yep! Everything else can be covered in emails. :-)

[Becky Blue]

Bev, actually I can relate to that, my wife and I have most of our really complicated talks via email too, sometimes sitting half a room apart. We found that we can have very intimate and sometimes awkward discussions over a series of emails and the ability to read over what you have just typed and think before hitting send greatly reduces the likelihood of things turning into an issue. Of course we also talk a lot, but email has a great place for us too.

Pumped I would agree with the posts above, never say never in this caper as feelings can change and then its a long way back from there. Good to hear your talk turned out to be a good one.

[char GG]

I agree with Teresa,

It's best not to make promises you can't keep, I don't truly think we can put hand on heart and claim that's the extent of our CDing .

We all see it time and time again on this forum, sometimes it feels like some CDers are rolling a ball downhill and it just gathers more stuff as it goes. It may start out with a few item of clothing such as heels and lingerie, but morphs into the CD wanting to go out fully dressed, etc...., you get the picture. Unless you are able to absolutely, positively, without any doubt, confirm to her that this level of CDing is the full extent, you may be smart not to promise.

[Pumped]

I am on the road for a couple days so my wife and I talked on the phone last night before bedtime. She asked about the boots and asked if she should order them or if I could, after all the Amazon account in in my name. Plus, I pay the bills so she doesn't get away with much! She commented on them being a Christmas present but I certainly would know about them anyway. I told her I would order them and she can wrap them up, put them under the tree and I can open the package at Christmas when family is over! She just laughed and said "well, that would go over great!"

[Stephanie47]

Ironically, I wish my wife would "talk" more. Karen

Amen to that!!! My wife and I are so deep into the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' I would like it if she would just scream at me one day. She does not utter one word. No snide comments. No barbs throw my way. She is supportive of gays, lesbians and transgender rights. I guess I should consider the silence a blessing. It's better than what some are enduring.

[giuseppina]

You must be reading the same threads as I do, Char. I see things that are not conducive to a healthy far too many times to remember from both sides of relationships.

On the other hand, there are quite a few postings that have me thinking the poster and partner accept if not celebrate each other as they are. That is one of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship, IMHO.

[Pumped]

My wife and I dress up together in our "naughty bits" stockings, garter belts and other various other goodies and have a romantic evening or maybe it is just simple horny sex! Either way we have found a way that it works!

And yes, it is much more healthy than DADT, or ignoring it!