This last week my life has been an emotional rollercoaster.

[Jean 103]

I have been separated for about three years now.

I have not dated or been with a woman other than my wife in more than 30 years.

I’m going to keep this as brief as possible.

Last Wednesday night just before close at the bar I met someone. I walked her home and we talked till I had to go to work.

She called me the next day, we decided to get together Friday night. I totally forgot that my best friend was going to be celebrating her birthday at the bar. It is mandatory I be there.

Friday I got off early, this was good because nothing was working, nothing felt right. My bed is now cover with clothes. I reach into the closet pull out a dress, no time left this is it.

Part of why it took so long is I had stopped to pickup up some fabric with my best friends favorite team logo on it. When I got home I made her a scarf out of it, she loved it.

I called my date to let her know I has on my way, I told her about the birthday party and we needed to stop by the bar first. I get to her door, it opens and she is gorgeous.

At the bar we walk in, my best friend and her boyfriend are playing pool. I had grabbed my stick, I didn’t have it with me the first time we met. I introduced everybody. No I didn’t introduce her to everyone in the bar, just a couple of close friends. She stayed close to me all night, this was defiantly a date.

I put up quarters and play a couple games of pool. Yes I showed off a bit, yes I won. The third game I was trying to lose but was still winning. I had an easy shot on the 8. I way overpowered the shot, on purpose. I made the 8, the cue jump straight up, and I thought it was going off the table but it dropped in on top of the 8. I put my pool stick away.

My best friend had arranged for the DJ to play 80’s music. My date loves the 80’s so we danced and danced. Around 10 we went back to her place talked for a couple hours, than went to sleep.

She was still asleep when I left in the morning. I had promised a friend I would help him with a project that I couldn’t get out of.

I haven’t heard from her and she is not answering her phone. She is like in the Stone Age, just a house phone with no machine.

What has me so upset is I keep telling myself that I don’t want another relationship with a woman. Up until now I’ve been ok with that. I have actually turned down a couple.

I’ve been talking to my friends, they say they knew it wouldn’t work and inside I knew too. Still that doesn’t take the pain away.

Yes I still have my boyfriends along with all my other friends. It is not the same.

I’ll be ok, tomorrow night is karaoke at the bar, and I’ll be with friends.

[alwayshave]

Jean, when you left in the morning did you leave a note to tell her where you were going?

[Jean 103]

No I didn't. I think I told her but I'm not sure.

I left allot out. There are a few red flags. She wants me to move in and live with her. She has some problems that I told her I could help her with. She wanted to pay me. We are talking like I could quit working and get my surgery if I wanted. I told her I would never take any money from her, that just would not be right. I do worry that someone is going to take advantage of her.

I bought her a Christmas card and I'm going to leave it on her doorstep, today after work.

My best friend and Mr K are both jealous, they both told me so in separate conversations. I will see them both tonight.

She wants a man, but she is fine with my dressing. It's just happening too fast and is too perfect for me.

I like my independence, and my new life. I broke up with a boyfriend I was living with shortly after he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me , last New Years Eve. We had been living together for a year, that was not quite a year ago. I think I just freak out, he wants to get back together, I have been avoiding him.

[Pat]

The good news is life is messy so you're doing fine. She may have her own personal issues to deal with and that's why she's out of touch. You won't know until you hear back from her or quit trying. My whole life experience says just relax and take what comes in its own time; don't push, don't set up win/lose conditions; just see what life is planning for you this time. It's good that you didn't ditch your friends for a new sweetie. It's good that you're keeping your life on track. Good luck.

[Rowan Ailbhe]

I am a bit cynical....the world of being polyamorous will hone your instincts that direction.....

"wants me to move in with her" One date. This screams to me....."RUN!"

"Many red flags" Neauxpe....I gotta dental appt....gotta run.

I, of course do not have perspective to know everything going on.....but....I also rarely get burned.

[Teresa]

Jean,
I guess the first point is do you really want a new relationship or not , if so what kind of one , do you feel she is appeasing you for her own reasons or is she genuine ? I understand those questions must be washing round you own mind .

Somehow you've got to meet up again but this time take a step back and try and get a clear picture.

OK I admit I could be in a similar situation myself soon so I'm possibly putting myself in your shoes and wondering how I would deal with it.

I know I'm only separating from my wife and after 43 years of marriage not intentionally looking for a new partner but I'm afraid a part of me desperately wants to love and be loved again , on top of that I would love to find someone to share my CDing with . It's not so much the fear of being alone but more the thought of knowing I still have something good to offer another person , I want the best of me to come out and enjoy it with someone .

[Rowan Ailbhe]

I separated from my wife....and the love of my lie waltzed right in..YMMV...

[Lydianne]

Hi Jean,

To be clear, I am not married.

I just want to say I loved reading your report, and I'm really happy for you that your night out was so enjoyable. It's not every day that one finds somebody with whom one can stay up the whole night just talking.

It would be a shame if it has to be move-in-or-bust. It sounds as though there could be a great friendship there, and then if something further develops organically, then so be it ( subject to both of your comfort with that ). I hope you are able to reestablish contact with her. All the best .

But again, I am not married.

- Lydianne.

[Jean 103]

Teresa.

I like the life I have now, it would have to be someone pretty special for me to give up my independence.

You see I rent a room from a lady a bit older than me. We have become friends. We go shopping, out to eat, whatever we have fun. It’s perfect for me.

There’s my best friend that I also do everything with.

A few close friends and way too many acquaintances to count

My boyfriends and admirers

I like it, it’s not boring. I don’t look to one person to fill my needs or to satisfy.

I will likely she her again.

[Tracii G]

Moving in with her after one date are you crazy??
You don't know the person well enough at this point in time.
She is already asking you to do things for her? Be smart and run she is already trying to use you.
Who knows how many guys she has pulled this kind of thing on?
You slept with her on the first date so that right there speaks volumes.

[SamanthaToday]

I put up quarters and play a couple games of pool. Yes I showed off a bit, yes I won. The third game I was trying to lose but was still winning. I had an easy shot on the 8. I way overpowered the shot, on purpose. I made the 8, the cue jump straight up, and I thought it was going off the table but it dropped in on top of the 8. I put my pool stick away.

At least you arent competitive.

I admire you for living the life you want. It sounds like you really liked this girl even though She has issues, but hey who doesnt.

Most likely She had a really great time too , if the date sucked it would have been so much easier.

Sounds like a little bit of cold feet from her.

Me thinks you will hear from her soon and you will have to make a decision.

[faltenrock]

Hi Jean, I kind of understand where you are now and what happened to you.

I've also met a woman when I was out dressed. She also has many issues, and there were red flags allover her. It felt great to be accepted and appreciated having been dressed. I think my friend has a strong personality disorder which is Borderline and perhaps even more issues.

However, I can only advice you to not get too close so fast, usually things are not real if everything seems more perfect than imagination. Moving in with someone after one date is not 'normal', a relationship needs time to develop.

I meet a lot of young and attractive women when out. Most give me very nice compliments on how I look and dance like a woman. But I'm not looking for a new partner as I'm happily married to a great woman.

Good luck

[Ressie]

I know two people can meet and get swept away with each other quickly. Wanting to move in and live together that quickly sounds romantic, but if you do, you'll soon find things that you don't like about each other. Then you're stuck in that situation until you either adjust or break up. Take it slow and get to know each other's problems and quirks!!

[Jean 103]

Ok, I didn’t want to go into who she is as a person. I spent two nights with her, no sex.

I have run in to these type of woman before, at work. They don’t know anything because their husband did everything for them.

She is from Denmark. Not sure when she got to this country. She was married at 16.

I think she was dumped here by her husband. It is one of the cheapest places for housing here on the coast. They were living in a beach city 45 minutes north of here.

I did leave a card on her door step last night on the way to the bar, karaoke night.

Samantha,
Last night

I walk into the bar with my best friend, there was these two guys playing pool. A group of twenty somethings with their backs against the bar. My BF puts up quarters, I get the drinks. One of the guys comes up to me and says “Jean right, do you remember me, you’re like the best pool player I’ve ever played”. He’s young. I meet lots of people at the bar, I know I have seen them before, then it comes to me. They were a couple of privet contractors working on the Base, here for a couple of weeks, about 6 months ago. Slow start I miss on my first two attempts. I than run most of the table, one of the twenty somethings yells shark.

I don’t know this group but, I know one of the girls has seen me before. This is because a close friend Mr P came up to me and told me he use to date her Mom. I remembered him telling me this before. If your twenty something and cute that’s one thing. If you’re forty, or older, now that gets my attention.