New Christmas Traditions..

[Joan.Meredith]

So this year has been a ride. And lately, it's gotten a bit bumper than I'd like. So I've been informed by my Ex that the boys don't want to do the same Christmas Traditions with me now that I'm presenting more as Joan. They have said it's too painful to do the same stuff they did with Dad. I'm sure someone out there as had this happened to them before. How have you handled it?

Right now I'm trying to figure out how to tell my parents the boys don't want to spend the whole week at their place after Christmas till New Years anymore. We've been doing it for about 5 years now.. I'm not looking forward to this phone call with my parents. ugh...

[bridget thronton]

Sorry to hear - may be you should ask your boys directly if that is true

[Pat]

You should talk to your kids directly on this one. And make it clear that no matter what, you are and always will be their Dad.

As for not wanting to spend a week at the grandparents -- if it's truly their wish, that happens sooner or later. It's a normal and natural part of growing up. Your parents will probably understand.

[Sidney]

Definitely talk to the kids and make sure it is their wish and no the Ex wishes. As for new traditions ask the kids. And definitely explain hay I'm the same person inside and love them.

[LeannS]

Joan
Ex's can be very tricky and put things into your sons head. Ask them what they would like to do??
Alone with out the ex around. Been down that road and yes it is a bumpy one. One other thing as you boys get older they need different things
to do and grandparents seem to go by the way side sad to say.

but most of all Joan Merry Christmas to you and I do hope you have a very nice new year
Leann

[GaleWarning]

Perhaps you should turn up as Dad and spend the week as in the past.

[Brynna M]

To join the other conspiracy theorists, “too painful” isn’t really boy language. But regardless of where the sentiment might originate I think you should make as much effort to be there as new circumstances allow.

[Brynna M]

Did you find any new traditions.

[CarlaWestin]

Personally I find that traditions are too much of a source for anxiety and ridiculous conformity. Wifey and I had spaghetti and meatballs for xmas eve dinner.
It was wonderful. How many people do you know that return home from holiday travel totally refreshed and rejuvenated?

[Sarasometimes]

I you don't mention your kid's ages which is a factor in how you approach them about this topic. It could be conveniently perseved by your Ex or it might be the grandparents part of it. But I can't see a downside to inquiring in a open minded way. Maybe offer to present less as Joan when they are around?

Carla, so your Christmas tradition is to non conform to tradititions? Isn't that tiring and stressful too? JK.

[CarlaWestin]

No, not at all. We still do some traditional stuff like decorations and making cookies but, we're more open to anything we would rather be doing.
Of course, that's easy when the closest family member is 3000 miles away.

[Joan.Meredith]

Hello again,

I just wanted to let everyone know that my ex/wife brought the boys to my parents. We hung out all day, and did presents, went bowling, went to Dairy Queen and had food and ice cream of course. It was good, yet I missed my boys for the rest of the time I was at my parents.

[CynthiaD]

Let's see -- Christmas traditions.
We never go anywhere, we make everyone come to us. Most of them do, but not all.
I got a nice Christmas dress from my dog again this year, and wore it while opening presents.
I gave all the ladies in the house some nice jewelry again this year. (I'm one of the ladies.) We all got gold chains and dangle earrings.
We usually have turkey with dressing and cranberry sauce. This year we grilled steaks.
I spent a fortune on presents again this year.
So yeah, the same but not the same.

I welcomed in 2018 wearing a red lace dress and a long blonde wig.
I made yet another new year's resolution to dress more often. That's going to be tough. I'm nearly 24/7 now. But I'm sure I'll find some room somewhere.
Same as the last few years.

I can't really call anything a tradition, because everything just seems to happen as it happens.
Maybe that's a tradition. I don't know.

Happy new year to all.

[ReychelleC]

This was the first year that Reychelle received presents from the SO. We had to have a private exchange since there were other family members present, but it was still fun. Maybe some day I'll have presents under the tree!

[Beverley Sims]

Christmas traditions change for everyone, we get a little older the children want to see their friends so some things are put to one side.

It seems sad but as the years go by children even get married and then they revive the old traditions with their own children.

As a grandparent you should peek in the window and see just how similar the Christmases they have are similar to those you held in the past.

[Stephanie47]

I'm going to tell you as a grandparent maintaining traditions is a total pain in the butt. It was great, although tiring, to have the traditions when the kids were growing up. I still put up outside lights and lawn decorations because I like to do it. Of course, my wife hides, afraid I'm going to fall off the ladder and kill myself. The tree decorating still goes on, but, I swore this year will be the last for a six foot tree (fake) and will be chopped down to four feet next year.

But, why has it developed the kids have to congregate at our house. Tradition has it my wife assembles a lasagna the day before so on Christmas Day it will just be tossed in the oven. It's the preparations and cleanup before and after the kids go home with their young ones. So, really, part of the kids tradition is to put the burden on mom and dad. My wife declared to me that she will stop when she hits 70. Right! I'll believe that at the same time Stephanie wears a dress around the house!!

Kids need to establish their own traditions without burdening others. If kids or grandkids want to really establish traditions, let them do it in the summer by pushing the lawn mower and weeding the gardens for the old folks.