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Thread: Man in the mirror

  1. #1
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Man in the mirror

    This is a topic I suspect many here deal with but just wanted your perspective on it.
    It’s seems now more than ever I find myself looking in the mirror even after makeup and wig are on
    and it seems I see so much of the man in that mirror. It can be quite disturbing especially when I’m heading out my door into realville.
    Is this just normal or are there solutions to it?
    Just to have you understand I’m not on HRT yet but hope to be soon.
    Thanks for your responses ladies
    Rachael

  2. #2
    Silver Member
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    It’s hard to un-see what you’ve seen before.
    Lea

  3. #3
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    Hi Rachael,

    I don't think any of us can answer for "normal", just for ourselves, if this can help? I see me in the mirror, so a woman with still plenty of electrolysis to go. 4 months HRT has already feminised my face somehow and is creating real boobs rather faster than i'd ever hoped. But, perhaps now I just really see my inner woman coming out?

    xxx Pam
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  4. #4
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Another perspective is that before you finally determined who you are and where you fit on the transgender spectrum, it was probably a different image registering in your mind from that mirror. I knew that I was so surprised and elated the first time I saw what a little bit of makeup, lipstick and a bad wig could change my appearance. I was satisfied with everything I saw. That was during my trans start up, starting from zero at age 60. Over ten years into this discovering who I am, I hardly ever really look at myself in the mirror. With my own natural longer hair, I am still elated at how I look to myself. However, that may not be the same for others, including you. Now that you are ready to start HRT and eventually go full time (right?) you may be subconsciously realizing that you may not be as self satisfied with your looks as you were before during that exploration phase. My only recommendation is to try to go back to that previous satisfaction, as in "Wow, I clean up very well!" stage where you were satisfied as best that you could. I truly believe that you need that attitude now and in the future, including when contemplating whether FFS may be in your future too. FFS can be a game changer for many. However, it is not a magic pill and can only improve your existing looks so much. If one is expecting a miracle, they may be in for a huge disappointment.

    I say love yourself as you are, warts and all. Any physical improvements (FFS or others) can only add on to a strong base versus being a do or die, need to change, approach. I hope that helps.

  5. #5
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    To me, the mirror is sort of a Rorschach test -- what I see in the glass is my state of mind. 90+ percent of the time I'm thrilled at seeing the authentic me, but every so often, if I'm depressed or stressed or feeling like I'm failing in other areas of my life, I see "him" looking out from under my face. It's still better than before when he was the top layer, but when I'm feeling bad, I see him. I try to take the stance that I am what I am and I look exactly the way I should -- I accept every mark life has put on me and the rest of the world has to accept them too.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  6. #6
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Like any other woman, you have to live with your feelings about your appearance in a world where you are judged for it.

    It stinks...I did my time pre FFS and i admit I didnt like it at all... I saw that man all the time...what i learned was to just be ok with it...its a part of me but doesnt define me...
    So i just went out and did my best..i worked on my weight and appearance to look my best...

    it stunk because i dropped the wig and it made me look much worse...after about 9 months i did the FFS and adams apple and it was a miracle for me
    ....i couldnt believe how well it worked..better than i ever hoped...i look just like my sister..LOL...

    if you cant afford it, i can assure you that with HRT and time, it will get better...

    even today, that "man" is still in my mind like Lea says...i see it all the time, but its like anything i see that passes through my mind and i dont judge myself for it..
    and dont judge yourself for judging yourself either!!! LOL...sounds silly but dont be hard on yourself for feeling insecure or any other feeling about it..just work with it and keep doing what you have to do..
    I am real

  7. #7
    Living MY Life Rachel Smith's Avatar
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    I didn't have FFS so I am working with what I had before. It's been 3+ years for me and I rarely see "him" anymore. I think it's like Pat said and perhaps it only happens when I am not feeling good in general. Other than that what Kaitlyn said.
    My parents should have known something wasn't quite right when I kept putting Kens' head on Barbies' body Rachel Smith May 2017

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC][SIZE="3"]Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. Dan Stanford[/SIZE][/SIZE]

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  8. #8
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    It took me a full year after FFS for me to stop seeing a male face in the mirror. It takes time.

  9. #9
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    Rachel,
    Sometimes it does happen, maybe the chemistry that fuels the basic need has changed , I know it won't stop my progress , there's no where to go in male mode that means the same anymore.
    I admitted that my new avatar changed my attitude, my arms and hands actually looked elegant , the clothes look looked nice, it all helped to reaffirm my female feelings .

    I wouldn't like to ask my wife the question but I wonder if women sometimes go through this affirmation feeling, perhaps that little retail therapy and a night out dressed up means as much to women as it does for us .

    There are two opinions on swapping wigs once you are out and about, a change of style could bring those old feelings back again .

  10. #10
    Reality Check
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    When I'm dressed and made up and look in the mirror, I see a woman. However, when I take a photo and look at it, I see a man in makeup and a wig. As I study this phenomenon, I believe women tend to smile a lot more than men. Women, for the most part. are more likely to show their teeth when smiling than men. And of course if men and women didn't naturally have male and female facial features, there would be no need for facial feminization surgery.

    If others see you as a woman, it's just something you need to get over. If others see you as a male, it could be makeup or you might need to consider surgery.
    Krisi

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Richelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    When I'm dressed and made up and look in the mirror, I see a woman. However, when I take a photo and look at it, I see a man in makeup...
    I feel the same as Krisi. I am lucky that I have enough hair not to wear a wig and when out about I am treated as any other woman, so that helps me a lot not to see a man in the mirror. I just need to get more comfortable with my true femmin self to not see a man when I am in a photo

    Richelle

  12. #12
    Aviatrix in Waiting Melanie Moxon's Avatar
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    I think most of us have spent so long looking in the mirror it is hard as LeeP said to unsee. I cannot wait for the day when I look in the mirror and no longer see a man, I realise this will be years down the line and until then I will have to learn how to optimise hair and makeup to conceal the male aspects.

    Its a while off for me yet though.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Danni Renee's Avatar
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    I still occasionally see the person I used to be but it is starting to fade. It took time. I just started HRT so I don't expect to see drastic changes for awhile but my mindset changed a few months ago and since then I have been able to see the real me more often.
    I'M FREE, I'M FREE! I GET TO BE ME!

  14. #14
    Gold Member
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    I came up with a startling revelation. Just, just, read this -

    You have to start with the man in the mirror. You have to ask him to make that change. And no message could have been any clearer.
    If you want to make the world a better place then take a look at yourself and make that change.

    Later on we can discuss this woman I love who is named Delilah. She is 1,000 miles away but tonight she looks so pretty. 1,000 miles seems pretty far but they have planes and boats and cars I will WALK to her if I have no other way.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Suzanne F's Avatar
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    I have been absent for a long time. I just had FFS 2 weeks ago I have been on HRT since 4/15. just tonight for the first time I saw a woman looking back at me. Not to say that I haven't liked how I looked before but there was always something that whispered imposter to me. HRT, SRS, BA, and FFS all in 2.5 years. It has been a long and tough road! Tonight I saw a glimpse of the end goal.
    Life Is One Big Dilation

  16. #16
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    Hey sweetheart, I get that. You are pretty normal as far as that goes. Typically those of us will less than huge egos are our own worse critics.

    Based on your recent avatars, I see a bit of a shift in you. I thought you had already started HRT. I need to keep up better.

    Rachel, you are a dear, and my first friend here on the forum. I hold you in my heart and pray for your happiness and much more. May you be blessed, and continue to be a blessing throughout the year!
    Last edited by Meghan4now; 12-28-2017 at 10:11 AM.

  17. #17
    Madam Ambassador Heidi Stevens's Avatar
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    You’re going to be fine, Rachael. Anyone who knew me when I finally figured out I was TG was bombarded by me asking if I looked ok, do I sound alright? It took some time and therapy to get me to accept myself. You’ll find that the HRT will help you overcome your doubts. Some folks it’s great, others not as much, but you will see improvements in your attitude.

    You have one advantage over me, since you are working on transitioning, in a few months your hair may be long enough to do something with it. That will allow you to see the true you and not just you in a wig.
    Facial hair removal does wonders for you too. You are in a position now to improve everything to change that view you see in the mirror. Make a list of things you can do now and start working on it. You’ll see a different lady before you know it.
    Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!

  18. #18
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Thank you all for such wonderful encouragement it helps a lot. The day I wrote this I went out shopping and well guess what? I was addressed several times as ma’mn, it improved my attitude very quickly.
    Yes we are our own worst when it comes to our appearance I think if we dress to blend and carry ourselves correctly
    it goes a long ways.
    Thanks all
    Rachael

  19. #19
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    Rach,

    Remember, you have looked at that "man" for most of your life. Your mental image of yourself is just a bit slow in adjusting.

    I had a mustache for about 35 years and while it has been gone for over 3 years, I still see it sometimes when it is not really there.

    Solutions, roll with it, you know you are a woman and are well on your way to proving it to the world.

    You are the best!
    Kandi
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  20. #20
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Rachael your eyes see your brain interprets. I am similar to Kristi, I see the girl in the mirror, but often see the guy in many of my photos.

    BTW I think you look very feminine in your pics!!
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

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