The good and bad of DADT

[Sometimes Steffi]

My wife doesn't like my crossdressing, so we're deep in the DADT world.

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil is our mantra.

That being said, I can't always guess what she'll do next.

A couple of days ago, she was cleaning out her stuff. She gifted me a feminine bar of soap with lavender and basil scents. She also gave me a mineral that is supposed to balance my male and female sides. I personally don't believe that minerals have any special powers, but I will treasure the thought and carry it around with me.

On the other hand, she's been insistent over the last few days that I trim my nails. They were way longer than a typical male, but not nearly in the female range. But, I obliged her and cut them.

This last one is the most unusual. I'm mostly wearing tighty whitey men's underwear these days, but I don't have that many pairs left. Some of them tore in the crotch and I threw them out. I don't mind going to the ER in panties, but I wouldn't want to be caught in torn male underwear. LOL For as long as I've know her, like over 40 years now, I've often worn men's cotton bikini underwear, and I still have a large selection left. when I run out of tighty whities, I switch to bikinis until my white ones are washed. My wife will wash these, but she hides them from my daughter because she's afraid of what she'll think.

And they really are men's.

[Lydianne]

Hi Steffi,

I couldn't comment about DADT in general. I probably also can't split hairs over the logic of the 3rd situation because my need to look female is anything but logical.

But I have lived with parents. I don't see why a non-TG child would take a detailed interest in the underwear of the other gender parent. With the season, gift reasons come to mind, but do children gift underwear to parents? I've never done it; I've never considered it, but if this is accepted to be normal, then I'll retract my thoughts. If the underwear is encountered during the laundry process, for example, I would think that its appearance would either be assumed female for the mother, or in the event of further inspection ( maybe while checking laundering requirements ), the manufacturer's branding of the underwear as men's would be accepted by the child; maybe after a short surprise. I wouldn't think the child's imagination would run off unless there were already suspicions about CDing.

But I'm discredited as an authority on logic .

Bitter with the sweet, I guess . Enjoy the gifts and try to do your best with the other stuff. I applaud the honesty of your efforts to give-and-take i.e. cutting nails .

- Lydianne.

[DaisyLawrence]

Ironically, your daughter is probably the last person on the planet that would have a problem with it.

[Teresa]

Steffi,
That is the trouble with DADT the goalposts keep moving , no two days are the same .OK the two sides of it , give most of us an inch and we will try and grab a mile, let the wife/partner have all the say and you will be taking one step forward and two back .

Once the cat is out of the bag for most of us there's no going back , the damage is done all DADT becomes then is short term compromises which maybe OK if you don't have GD but to me DADT was like solitary confinement , no where to go and no one to talk to , you can't live that life long term it's mentally destructive .

Yes I admit I love decent nails but they usually end up broken before they can be cut , on the odd occasion she has noticed I was told not asked to get them cut .

[Krisi]

There are briefs or panties that will pass as men's or women's. Buy some of these and everyone will be happy.

Hint: These are the ones without the lace and they are usually black or white. Possibly nude.

[Sarasometimes]

I agree that your daughter is likely on her own to not care or even think they are cute. DADT has its pitfalls but at lease in my situation it is workable and the potential drawbacks to telling are too great to risk it.

[Samantha981]

Regarding the underwear, JCPenney sells men's bikinis but I think only on line now

[Tina_gm]

Our partners aren't so quickly outsmarted by something on the rack in the male or female section. We wearing something that is feminine in basic appearance regardless of which rack it comes from, say mens thong underwear.... or any other example... If we once wore only boxers then after our big reveal, started wearing something different, more feminine yet coming from a men's rack, it still means the same basic thing to them. Moving in a direction away from masculinity and toward femininity.

Different triggers for different people, and sometimes just different times for the same people. It may not make sense, softer more feminine hygiene ok, mens more feminine underwear not ok. It is what it is. My wife is ok with my leg shaving, a distinctly prolonged effect of feminizing, not permanent but a couple of weeks worth at least, yet on then off in a matter of moments clothing not ok. Why, I don't know, and really neither does she, but it is what it is.

[phylis anne]

frankly I like the mens version of panties from wal mart both bikini and hi cut, technically they are mens in fit (junkyard) but cosmetically they are panties which support the inner me , as I am non binary according to my dr, it just feels right sort of having my cake and eating it too

[Kayliedaskope]

There are briefs or panties that will pass as men's or women's. Buy some of these and everyone will be happy. Hint: These are the ones without the lace and they are usually black or white. Possibly nude.

BUT but but ..... we like lace ....

[Dana44]

Nice of you to cut your nails for her. I would say that she was nice handing you those gits. My nails are quite long. LOL.

[suzanne]

It took a long time for my wife to get comfortable with my CDing. One really big day came when she was folding the clean laundry (I'm the one who usually does it). She had folded all my panties and put them in my underwear drawer, like it was no big deal. Not a big thing, perhaps, but it did feel like a milestone.

[Vikky]

Hi Steffi
My SO is in a similar situation with my CDing. It’s a DADT situation and I don’t go out. But right now I am in my ‘man’ cave “doing the usual” as we refer to it. But sometimes she has bought items for me from charity shops and then wants to see me in them, and is also quite happy to do my femme washing. I can live with it.
Vikky