Help with the feeling of guilt

[Rayleen]

in # 20.....Not feeling any guilt about crossdressing, My so knows here too and agrees.

Perfectly normal for us . Very enjoyable for both of us.

[Tina_gm]

You feel guilt when you do something you think is wrong. If you're feeling guilt about dressing, that implies that internally you think you're doing something wrong. No amount of us telling you that you're not doing anything wrong will help -- you have to tell yourself and believe it. Are you doing something different this time than other times? Something that crosses an internal line?

I was thinking similarly Pat. It is not going to help much saying to anyone they are not doing anything wrong, or don't feel or they don't need to feel guilty. Guilt is an internal mechanism of emotion. It may often be a misaligned feeling, but it is there never the less. I think too many of us try too hard to not feel guilty when what we should be doing is to adjust our lives in some way, which I am not in any way implying not dressing or expressing ourselves in a feminine manner, but to adjust what and how we are going about doing so. Either further communication with those who know, specifically our partners, or different times, different ways, more or less etc etc.

One last thing I would like to add, and that is the social pressure of being told what we are doing is wrong, weird, perverted, mentally ill etc etc. The negative connotations go on forever. The mostly negative responses from people in general about it make what it is about us (being feminine) to whatever extent hard to overcome when society screams at us that it is wrong. We are forever having to swim upstream with just our own acceptance of ourselves. Maybe one thing that helps us is to surround ourselves as best we can with more open minded people, in areas or a community that does not object so strongly. I live in an area that has a very low tolerance to us. If it wasn't for how close I am to retiring I'd be gone. My wife is as eager to leave the area (for different reasons) as I am, but a full retirement is what it is. So, I am sticking it out where I am at for a couple more years. When I do travel, and especially when I have traveled to areas where there is vastly more acceptance It helps tremendously. Those areas are not so filled with toxic masculinity and it is amazing how much happier and friendly people are in general, even the most vanilla of people in those areas just have a different and much more positive vibe to them.

[kimdl93]

Most of us here are experts at feeling guilt. The question of why you feel guilty...I suppose each has their unique version, but in broad strokes we can feel guilty about doing something we have believed to be bad, or doing something that may not be bad in and of itself, but for some reason we believe has been or will be hurtful to others. Neither feeling is wrong.

Perhaps you feel the latter....as you say...that progressing ‘too fast’ may hurt your relationship. That’s a reasonable concern. If you fear you’re obsessing over dressing, perhaps some counseling might help. If you feel what you are doing is too much too soon, slow down. And since you are out, ask your wife how she is feeling about this.

[Tina_gm]

Kim, sometimes we need to hear their thoughts even though they may not be what we want to hear. At least that way we have a better understanding of their view, and can avoid certain awkward or uncomfortable situations. They will still occur, I definitely run into them at times, but maybe not as often and that truth even though unpleasant when it comes to our partners does help us in the long run.

[Ms. Maybe]

So this year has been a crazy year for me and my dressing. I came out to my so last feb and ever scince i have been very obsessive with my dressing. I have freedoom that i never had before. We agreed upon that i will just dress when she leaves to visit her folks. Which she does a couple time a year. Well this week she went to visit. Why all the sudden this time i feel so much self guilt. I some what feel im progressing to fast. But i dont really know becuase its all so new Have you ladies experienced this before.and how do i deal with this

You feel guilty because you're doing something your SO doesn't like. If she fully supported it, there wouldn't be that "only when I'm out with my parents " rule. You've done nothing intrinsically wrong. The guilt (imao) would be no different than if your SO asked you not to swear around her and then you dropped an f bomb. Neither are harmful in an absolute sense, they're just things other people may not like.

[Becky Blue]

Leslie, I have never felt any guilt about anything Becky has done, be it dressing, going out even buying myself things. I do feel some guilt about not telling my wife, but my reasons are what I believe to be in her best interests. It would seem to me that your guilt probably relates to your wife's reaction to your dressing. Although she is accepting, the fact that you have agreed to only dress when she is away would indicate she is not that happy with it all, thus your guilt.

[Fiona123]

I feel guilt along with depression, stress and anxiety. I am dadt with my spouse and like you I came out in early 2017 to her. It's not going well. I deal with the guilt and depression by hitting the gym almost daily and seeing a therapist.

[ClosetED]

Did she make comments about your dressing time that makes you feel guilty? That you are spending too much money or not doing other things she wanted done? That she was Ok with a "man in a dress" and now you are looking too feminine, that you feel guilty about how she might feel about that?
Hugs, Ellen

[Devi SM]

I feel guilt along with depression, stress and anxiety. I am dadt with my spouse and like you I came out in early 2017 to her. It's not going well. I deal with the guilt and depression by hitting the gym almost daily and seeing a therapist.

Fiona I really feel sorry for you because I had been in your shoes more than once but not depressive which, IMHO, if persist takes the form of a mental illness and must be treated.
I learn that we have so much power in our mind.
I was a Christian pastor and saw so many miracles happen and supernatural stuff but not related with any God.
So I learned to deal with guilty Wich is from the Bible perspective a lie, the more we think on it, it grows more and have more power to make us weak enough to see the about who we really are.
So all the bad feelings must be erradicated from the mind as well fear and preoccupation .
We usually preoccupied on things that never happen.
Now may be the DADT with your wife being consuming your peace, so you should be able to insist in opening ways to talk about your cding with your wife trying to find common points between you both on this, like love to each other, if she loves you, she should be able to make efforts not to understand you (which is hard even for ourselves) but try to support your need as well I'm sure you support hers.
The base of a relationship is communication, affinity and reality. If one of them doesn't work this relationship will be for sure seized and weaked and your fears will be truth.