I am super thrilled at all the responses I’ve received with this thread. I’m glad to see that this topic has sparked so much conversation.
I am super thrilled at all the responses I’ve received with this thread. I’m glad to see that this topic has sparked so much conversation.
Wow I'm surprised this thread is still here, but in reality it is a strong and real part of crossdressing to recognize this side and being curious how everyone here reacts to these feelings even though everyone dresses for there own different reasons.
I'm a hedrosexual man and to be honest my wife brought it up to me one day when I got all dressed up and looking myself in the mirror, she asked me why does everything have to be so perfect am I going somewhere.
She said when I dress she believes that I believe I'm a women and she wonders what would happen if I did get out and get attention from a man what I would do.
My wife is very interested and infatuated with my dressing, her theory is its all hormonel for me, more about the feelings of the clothes, because everytime I dress it ends with orgasm, and believes I love being a man.
But on the other hand my wife brought up a Halloween a few years back when we all dressed up and we went house hopping, of course I was dressed as a prostitute. When we were at my brother in laws friends house, his friend told me what great legs I had and he put his hands on my ankle and ran his hand up my leg and lifted my dress all the way up exsposing everything and felt my leg up and down and even between my thighs. I was frozen I just stood there, but I remember getting so aroused. My wife seen this and told me she seen by the look on my face that I was enjoying it and I didn't try to pull my skirt down or pull away or do anything to stop him. I believe honestly is the best policy so when she asked me if I enjoyed it, I was straight and told her it did and I felt his hand for days later.
For myself I had no attraction to him, I didn't want to go to bed with him, I guess I just enjoyed the attention. My wife thinks that when I'm dressed I believe that I'm a real women and if opportunity came that I would like to be felt up but doesn't believe I would have sex with a man, in which I did confirm I have no intention of that and never thought of it.
BUT, and there's always a but, because she's not 100% sure of this, she has some things and she told me if I have any temptation or if I want to experiment on my own she told me which one I could use. I'm not going to lie, I do experiment with it and trying to keep an open relationship with my wife, as hard as it is I tell her about it.
I don't know if I went out of line here but I thought I would give some of my experience with this and at times we go through different emotions.
After reading everyone's response, we all dress for different reasons and we all have different destinations and goals we want to reach. It's hard for you to get a straight answer because we are all different. Thanks great thread.
Last edited by Shelly Preston; 01-02-2018 at 05:47 AM. Reason: Please remember the rules when posting
I too have the same feelings and thoughts Stephanie. As you have read, there are many of us that feel this way when dressed, as our other persona comes out and wants to experience the true essence of being a woman. I think on a whole we are all more generous, loving, and softer than our male friends, and i know that my wife understands that Maria is part of me, and helps define who i am. I too have thought about having sex as a woman too, but am afraid to ask my wife .... she has been very understanding after finding out many years ago about Maria, but is only ok as long as Maria stays in the house.....
I'm going to buck the trend on this. I had a gf about 10 years ago who had no limits. Was bi, but more inclined to men. While at the time I was still in my denial about myself, she was convinced I was something other than cis hetero. Out came her toys as she was going to show me this and that and basically thought I would enjoy it, and it would lead to a 3 or more-some. I did try with the toys, and the fantasy talk, but it was all a complete no go for me. It had the reverse effect for me. Imagine having a girl who wants you to do anything and everything. I ended up just waving off after a couple of tries, which included copious amounts of alcohol with the 2nd try. Figured it would lower my inhibitions. I guess if I was born female I would truly be a lesbian.
Other women have had the no way no how, my wife hates it backdoor as well. I said don't worry I have no interest in any of it giving or receiving. I've told her this story btw... I personally don't gender my love making with her, other than the a.c. part I have.... I do totally get that it must enhance the experience of cding.... but having visited it beforehand and someone actually pushing me to have sex with men, it just isn't a part of it for me.
The interesting thing for me on this topic is I desire to be orally pleasing to a man, not penetration. Not sure what this means if anything.
Stephanie, what you say makes perfect sense. In her excellent book 'Alice in Genderland', Alice, who lives a very happy dual life said that she needed to have sex with a man to complete Alice's experiences as a woman. Whilst I don't feel that way myself its completely logical to feel that way.
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
Stephanie43
You're making an interesting point. I can very much relate to what you say. When I'm out & about, especially in bars and places to dance, I get hit by quite a few guys. Sometimes they start touching me, feeling my legs, holding my hands, treating me like a woman. And it feels very good, I feel accepted and appreciated for what and who I am.
At the same time, I'm very clear about those guys. I'm not gay and don't feel any attraction to men at all, I just like that feeling. However, I can clearly see that the motives for those guys are very different. They like CD and TS people and have a certain fetish about us.
I'm not sure if they like CD and TS people or if they are just seeing the prospect of a BJ, especially when alcohol is involved. Alcohol changes everyone's perceptions, even yours.
Krisi
The same thought went through my mind as well...Originally Posted by Krisi
Lacy PJs
Stephanie, I'm another of the many who finds this idea attractive. In my case, experimentation (mostly "flying solo" as you put it) has not turned out to be quite as physically satisfying as I hoped. And for several good reasons I've never sought to try it with a male partner. Yet that fantasy still holds irresistible attraction.
I have a theory about this: specifically that the desire to experience sex in a particular role, whether it's the male ("penetrating") role or the female ("receiving") role, is a separate trait in its own right, independent of genetic or anatomical sex, gender identity, or sexual preference. I've never heard of anyone attaching a label to this trait, so I call it coital preference (or "coital role preference").
I presume a great many men prefer the male coital role exclusively. I suspect that's even true of some in the gay male world. Not that I know much about the gay world, so somebody may want to enlighten me on that question. But certainly some people like you and me can enjoy embracing either the male or the female role per se. In that limited sense we're "bisexual" (or "bi-coital") for want of a term.
I believe this trait has certain ramifications. For one thing a number of CDers fantasize about sex with a man, but like me, are never motivated enough to seek it in reality. Or if they do, it turns out disappointing or worse, a disaster. That could well be because some of us are really only attracted to sex in the female role, and not truly androphilic. "Men" as such are not erotic to us in the fuller sense they would be to a woman or a gay or bisexual man. But it's normal to want to play the female role with a female partner, which is what you're seeking and which undeniably appeals to me too.
For another thing I'm a little different from yourself insofar as I do find sexual pleasure in dressing. But when that's true for a CDer, what's the source of that sexual pleasure? Traditionally it's often ascribed to fetishism, and I know very well that's a factor--though not the only one in a complex array of motivations for crossdressing. Alternatively this pleasure is ascribed to something dubbed with the jawbreaker term "autogynephilia," an explanation I gather is controversial. There may or may not be something in that, for some of us anyway. However, I'm strongly inclined to believe coital preference plays a part in making dressing so erotic for some of us. If the female coital role is sexualized for us, then dressing facilitates that female role, or the fantasy of it. No matter whether our partner is male or female, real or imagined, dressing makes us feel deliciously "girly" and "ready to receive"!
I would suggest talking with your wife about this. You never know: she might be willing to accommodate you!
Stephanie, I couldn't find your question but I think that you're just wanting to share your sexual curiosity or sexual preference behind a question that I couldn't find. but if support in your desires is what your looking for or sympathy, you will find it, no worries, you're not the first man with homosexual desires...
Whatever, in my case I usually define myself bisexual but I'd haven't sex with no more than 4 women all my life and I lost the count on sex with men. May be the heterosexuality in my case was just to deny my homosexuality, so finally, living in a point where, I realize that while watching porn what really turns me on is the man and not the woman, that sex with women is limited just to my wife but with my mind with a man, I can conclude that I'm homosexual.
Now talking about the physical thing, I firmly believe that sex is in the mind. The proof is a violated woman. she will not experience pleasure with the sexual organ that in other situation should provide her pleasure, but now is just pain and all the feeling associated, fear, shame, etc.
The same with anal sex. In the very first time is not pleasure but pain but if the person is looking for pleasure she/he will find it.
But inside we have the prostate that is one of the strong sexual organs that confides pleasure to any men. Now if it can be rhythmically stimulated will create or produce an orgasm, independently if the mind of that man is heterosexual or gay.
There are many men that experience pleasure behing without even have homosexual thoughts or feelings but just open their minds.
To finalize my comment that can be dangerous for the openness, I don't understand when many as you here say:
" I don’t dress for sexual pleasure. I dress to be female. (what does mean to be female if you don't experience sex as a woman?)Anyway, when I feel like a hot, sexual woman, I want to have sex as women. Since I obviously don’t have a particular lady part, the sex is anal"
If you dress as woman is because there is some grade or bigger femininity in you than other men, if you don't go further is may be just for stupids conventional isms or fears that are rooted very deep in your mind that doesn't allow you explore new things.
May be some thing is dangerous and I respect that, Be careful, Once you cross some bridges in life there's no bridge to come back and to really finalize, the culprit, the cimax of feeling as a woman is to be seduced have sex with a man that can treat you as a real woman not a prostitute or object.As I said, the sex is in the mind but our body respond to that and I'm not going to limit myself on this life...
I support you and call you to don't feel embarrassed and just feel good...
Last edited by Devi SM; 01-03-2018 at 06:42 PM.
HRT 042018; Full time 032019
Orchiectomy 062020; gender& name legal changed 102020
Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
Breast augmentation surgery 012022
GCS 072022; BBL 022023; GCS revision 04203;END TRANSITION
I have never had any desire to be with a man, nor to have anal penetration, and dressing as a woman does nothing to change that. I would love to have sex with my wife while dressed though, but I know that's never going to happen.
Male feelings about sex are almost always with the goal being orgasm, as that is what is most important in spreading their dna line as wide and as far as possible.
Female feelings about sex are primarily about connecting emotionally, as that is what will be most important in THEIR dna line of progeny surviving. This is perhaps why we see women who are content to have sex without orgasm, but very, very few men would agree with themselves being happy with that. And men who are preoccupied in trying to make sure that his female mate reaches orgasm, because to HIM, there's no possible way that he could ever consider sex without orgasm as satisfying. So he believes that all women feel that way, too. And while women DO enjoy orgasm, immensely so, it's quite apparent that they don't require it all the time the way that men do (well, almost all the time; there are rare situations where a man will fake an orgasm just to end the encounter, but it is RARE; I've done it: ONCE).
I get this desire because my abuser would keep my head in his lap, stroking my hair and neck after he was 'done'. The link to receiving affection after giving oral sex was pretty clear, so like pavlov's dogs and the bell, I associate oral sex on a guy with the affection that I got afterwards. And THAT feeling has never gone away, either. Drives me almost mad sometimes, how past events can shape the rest of our lives no matter how much we know about why they don't make sense.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I actually had the flip side to what you describe: in my case, there came a point where my wife approached me about the idea of her taking on the "man" role in the bedroom, prior to which I had never really given the matter much thought. When we eventually did give it a try, we found that we both enjoyed it more than we expected, but I honestly believe that that was mostly due to it being us, if that makes sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I suspect that if I had tried it with a man or even by myself I think I wouldn't have found the same pleasure in it.
I don't know if that helps in any way, I just thought that sometimes having the exact opposite perspective to draw from can be helpful. If not, sorry to waste your time. 😉
It's all a very real feeling. I definitely think prefer everything else about women compared to men, but I think sexually I'm more geared to want receive than give. It's something that I often do myself and I do find when my desire to dress is higher, so is my desire to be a girl in bed (even if just by myself).
Last edited by Shelly Preston; 01-05-2018 at 01:47 PM. Reason: trying to keep this as clean as we can
Really love to be the woman in bed and my SO takes care of my needs. I will be the one wearing the lingerie. PM me for details if you like.
I myself have only been sexually attracted to one man in life, but never acted on it nor did he know of it. I would have done anything for him as I loved him with all my heart. I gladly would have gone through hormones and grs just for him. I don't find the male body attractive. females, yes, so I guess I would be a lesbian. that's just me.
I'm so glad that this thread is not being closed. This is important because there are some here who are dealing with so many emotions that get stirred up by dressing. For many here dressing is a wonderful and needed outlet for so many things and just like girls growing up and struggling with their sexuality we struggle also, just sometimes later in life. I was molested by a priest at 15 and than again at 17 by a New York artist. That being said I find that the ultimate expression of love for some of our female personas might be some form of penetration which is a very feminine way of offering yourself to another. If it makes you feel complete and loved or simply sexually fulfilled than what's wrong about it. Just be safe.
Add me to the list of crossdressers who are sexually stimulated when I dress. I have some of the same urges and desires as others do on this thread. In the past I had a former SO who enjoyed sharing this experience with me, but for now when I dress, it is self gratification. I don't where this is taking me, but as long feels right, I am going to enjoy it.
In male mode, I have no desire to be with guys, but in female mode, I have been with male, female, and trans, more often than not being penetrated. Yes, the clothing helped me feel "more" female during the act, especially the beginning of it. Afterwards it was all fun and games and lots of cuddling. (Hope I've been sufficiently vague but informative here ... )
"You are who you are, that's all right with me,
But I am who I am, that's all I can be."
-Trace Atkins, "Rough and Ready"
===========================================
Just call me Kaylie
From being a CD and then to come to the realization that I'm really TG, I became incredibly Bi-curious. Due to my advanced age, I can no longer function in the male role nor satisfy myself, but the sex in my mind thrives. My sex fantasies, now, are as a female with an understanding, acceptable male and giving him total pleasure as a female. So, yes, I join the ranks of those who have the same feelings.
I consider myself a straight guy, but when dressed up also have urges to be with a man sexually. I't not really that I find guys attractive, it's more on how they make me feel.
I guess I like to be treated well, and feel attractive to him, feel safe with a guy, and when I find a nice guy that I feel safe with, I like to be the women in and out of the bed.
I'd like to find a guy that makes me feel attractive, and safe. I could cook dinner, watch a movie on the couch cuddled up with some wine.....
But finding a guy that is nice is a lot harder than it seems.......so till then I 'fly solo' as well....
There is much truth to what u say, Kristi. While I'm not every guy's cup of T dressed, I have been hit on quite a few times.
Those that were verbal all wanted the same thing, a BJ!
I've been touched by a number of men, and some GG's out dressed, Maria. I use the "toe test" to see how interested in sex with a person I am. I imagine me sucking their toe and they sucking mine. Since I'm not a foot person, I'd have to be very attracted to someone to be willing to do that!
So far, no men have passed my test and only a few GG's!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
My partner and I do as we feel. If your wife is accepting and supportive(?) of your dressing then why not suggest it? Maybe pass it off as a “heat of the moment” thing if you play en femme with her and she doesn’t respond well? It doesn’t have to start as you saying you want the full works, more suggesting something smaller you could try together to experiment with.
Incidentally, you may find more answers and support that can be a little more... erm... detailed if you post your question on someof the CD groups in Fetlife (apologies in advance if I’m not allowed to promote that particular site). Going by some of the replies saying they’re surprised this thread is still going I’d say it’s definitely worth a try!
What you are feeling is not at all unusual and for many cross dressers the emotional fulfillment can be huge. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed of what is a natural need for many of us. If you wish to understand more about this read ALICE in GENDERLAND by Richard Novic.
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