Alice I know this is a cheap answer but that doesn’t make it wrong..... you sound depressed. It sounds like you have so tough days ahead but if your own mind is telling you to give up on joy and good days that is a bit of the “tough” you could do something about to lighten you load. Good luck. To me it sounds like you still have some life left in you. Don’t give up on it.
I'm content being a once in a while girl.
If we lived reasonably close, I could probably buy some of the cassettes and LP's if it were anything I liked.
As far as having "stuff", keep in mind that no one else really cares what "things" we own. Besides, buying too many "wants" eventually gets boring.
Remember during childhood when something new was exciting to get but when we get older and buy another "want", that rush just isn't there? I hate to admit this but even when I do find something interesting and buy it, no matter what it is, it is no more exciting than buying a dozen eggs or loaf of bread.
About presenting opposite of birth gender - Some do it part time, some live it full time. They both have this in common - eventually the novelty wears off. Most CD and TS or whatever TG often say that. yeah it is fun, cool, calming or whatever at first but then it just becomes normal life. We end up missing the novelty. New clothes or another letter or whatever "firsts" are gone. I live this full time and honestly I kind of long for the days when going out fully dressed was a rush. Now it is like, "yeah whatever". I am guessing you presented as female more often than not? (I kind of hate labels so avoiding those)
As far as relationships, they just are not what they are cracked up to be. Part of the problem in even finding one is that many people tend to over-set their standards. Not everyone does this but there are a lot of would-be prospects who bring nothing yet want everything.
I do not know how true this is but someone once told me that as we age, our world gets smaller. The lady who told me that had to be at least in her 60's.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
Erin, In our generation, many GG's will die alone because their bars were set way too far, and required way too much.
As Nicole relayed , our lives can become smaller as we age. Its true for me, on a personal level, but professionally, the world still seems crowded. But to her point, as we age we don’t need quite so much. We can focus on the things we personally are interested in.
Alice, Like all of us, I know you have curiosity and interests that are boundless. As you look forward, imagine you’re freed
to explore all those subjects that you never found time for before.
Thats is my plan for the last third of my life. What came before be damned!
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Alice, I got twenty years on you, deal with some of the same issues. I also RV full time, which means limited storage and the often asked question: "do I really, really NEED this (insert name of product)?" And, yes, it can be painful to get rid of stuff I've had seemingly forever. Yet, after another donating trip to a Trift store or Goodwil, I know someone will be happy to find what I left. I live alone, no GG, no DADT, can do as I please. Lonesome at one end, liberating at the other. I've reached a somewhat pleasant, minimalist plateau. I own four mini skirts (ex-skorts), two peasant skirts, a couple of blouses, homemade boobs and, of course, colorful panties 24/7. That's all, and it is enough. Whenever I am home I switch to en femme as in MIAD, change into en homme going out (84 year old "ladies" don't look too good in mini skirts, LOL). I've reached a level of relaxation and acceptance. I hope this can work for you too.
Good luck with the surgery and stay in touch here.
Ineke
I remember the good old days when I had a stash that fit into a small suitcase. I wouldn't say my life has become smaller 25 years later! I have many more possessions at 64 than I did at 40.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
I enjoy reading your comments, Alice. Getting rid of a few things is fine--just don't get rid of all your girly stuff. The way I see it is don't get rid of stuff--until--I run out of storage. True, I had to take a few things back to my favorite thrift store last month. But the girls there were nice about it as usual.
Alice, I can feel some of your pain. I'm divorced (my dressing contributed to it) and live alone. I have family, but in other states. I go through mood swings. On one end, I love dressing and how it makes me feel and the other I'm a bit depressed and guilt ridden. I think that quite a few of us here go through or have gone through the same. Don't give up. Things may seem a bit bleak, but hopefully 2018 will be better. I wish you the very best.
"It is so easy to exist, instead of live. Unless you know there is a clock ticking."
--Anna Quindlen, writer, journalist, columnist
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