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Thread: Getting past DADT

  1. #26
    New Member Karen Lee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Genni View Post
    Welcome, Karen!

    DADT is "Don't Ask Don't Tell." The significant other knows, but is not accepting or tolerant and does not want to participate, see, or even discuss their partner's crossdressing. Many of us find ourselves in this situation.
    Oh... thanks Genni :-)

  2. #27
    Sarah Adams Vintage4sarah's Avatar
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    Many years ago when my wife found out my female side (which is another stressed filled story for both of us), we both went to counseling to work things out. From those meetings, we evolved into a DADT style of relationship that worked for many years, but did lead to some secretive activities on my part. Over the last several years, we have agreed for me to be more open and it is now progressed into a agreement where Sarah attends gatherings such as First Event and smaller venues with my wife's full knowledge. We now talk more about media events like Jenner, The Danish Girl and other political issues of our day. She has still not seen the real Sarah and is mostly concerned with my safety while out with Tgirl friends.
    Sarah Adams, mature girl from NH. My photos are on Flickr under vintage4sarah !

  3. #28
    Aspiring Member Julie1123's Avatar
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    I'm also in a DADT situation. I doubt it will ever change. I think one reason that it works very well for my wife and I is that what I want and need to do is pretty close to what she's ok with me doing when she's not around.

  4. #29
    Member Monique65's Avatar
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    While not in a true DADT relationship with my wife of forty years, I have tried to keep my dressing well hidden from her. She is very perceptive, though, and I believe she has had her suspicions over the years.

    Since retiring several months ago, I have been underdressing in a bra and panties around the house, which meant there were far fewer of my tidy whiteys in the laundry. I would occasionally toss a clean pair in the hamper, but since I did the laundry, I didn't think much about it. I went to town the other day, and while I was gone, she did a load of clothes. On my return, I was quite pleasantly surprised to find four pair of panties folded neatly on top of my stack of clothes. Neither of us commented on it, and as I placed them in my drawer, I took it as a tacit acceptance of my need to dress.

  5. #30
    Member BettyMorgan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    Each individual situation is unique, that’s a cliche I suppose. So generalization from group to individual is almost impossible.

    Maybe be another way of asking is....did any one’s SO go from DADT to full acceptance and participation? That seems the Holy Grail.
    Hi Kim,
    After a year or so with my SO, I finally came out to her about who I was (or who I was hiding). She thought about if for a while and was OK with it, but did not want to see me dressed. I accepted that.
    However, I was able to underdress and use a nightgown once in a while with her understanding. I know she had doubts as to whether she would be able to stay in a relationship with me. But she decided that she loved me and that love outweighed everything else. "It's just fabric.", is what she once said. Things improved over the following year until the point came where she was inspecting my makeup and outfits before I went to a local CD social club, which escalated to shopping with me, which continued on to going on a girls' weekends out of town. She is as supportive as I could ever hope for.

    One side note. I won't take her on any more girls' weekends. She finds it difficult to be with me when out, because other people stare, point and make rude comments that bother her. I pass, for the most part, but I won't cause her that much stress anymore.
    They/Them
    I love dressing as a woman.

  6. #31
    Yendis Sidney's Avatar
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    Sounds like you have a keeper, treat her good.

  7. #32
    Member BettyMorgan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yendis View Post
    Sounds like you have a keeper, treat her good.
    Here's the thing.
    I've ALWAYS treated her good. I always treat ALL women, good. That's why she stays with me.
    They/Them
    I love dressing as a woman.

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