My Normal & its been awhile

[Mykaa]

I am well, I woke at o dark 30 this morning wearing my nightime bedwear, yes I am dressed, I know I'll not walk away from this as many dont it is a part of "me & my normal" I hadnt bought anything for quite awhile, last anyone who knows me I bought a new/used car, its a pretty car by most peoples definition and I love the car,( I bought a pair of beautiful stiletto boots from ebay, red/brown, brushed metal 4 1/4 heel by Aldo in size 40) I suppose my "focus" could be viewed as a fault by some, I tend to focus 110% in directions of interest, I was and am still thankful for the car as it brought me a passion and anchor back into my life I really needed, I found some acceptance in public thru some car clubs and new friends, its funny what you observe in people and can see when you know yourself, we all seek and need some amount of acceptance. So my "pretty" car lead to a second, many things I feel great attachment for Ive realized I aquire 2 or more of, lol, the 2nd required more attention than the 1st requiring a full repaint along with bodywork, she yes they are she's, (to pretty not to be if you ask me) My local friend who knows about me pointed out my focusing... I apologize to my "friends" here as I suppose we all have our comfort factors and or reasons for behavior, I found acceptance here for what most in public would deem abnormal or weird, I found this in myself as well by coming here, I am still happy & doing fairly well, I still get restless, for the most part Im not lonely and enjoy being solitary as it allows me to be me, also being a Leo I have the traits of the sign both good & bad, Ive been trying to explore me, understand me, I think we all do, I am grateful for being able to come here , share my thoughts and gain the level of happiness in my life we all deserve. So the car lead me to new friends and activities, Ive always liked cars and they do give me something to do I deem positive, I need my anchor, the 2nd was bought to fix and sell, which lead me to a situation in a female friend looking at the car and me asking her out, which in later thoughts lead me to being terrified, after 2 visits to court with the ex, being miserable for so long I dont always find somethings that most would want so fun anymore, she is nice and not hard to look at, we are friends on facebook, I know she has had ex problems like I have and been in court as well, I havent followed thru which likely has also lead me to dressing more... its winter & I fall back into routine still anyway, having incorporated girl clothes into my daily wear anyway, I wear girl jeans pretty much all the time now, and sometimes underwear too, the 2 go together better, Ive gained weight which I dont like much, middle age spread finally coming on, disappointing as the wardrobe that followed my acceptance doesnt all work anymore, clothing isnt a cheap need, lol, I have a the layer of fat most people have now and am not happy with the way somethings look on... I still think about here, just not daily anymore obviously, I got my definition, yes I am a guy with a fetish, but I like to own pretty things and wear them, my sneaker collection is about where it was, yes I love shoes, always been a weakness, especially heels, I need to thin my boots down some.
To be comfortable with and unashamed of me is priceless and again I thank being able to come share my thoughts and the relations Ive gained being here, I am still a work in progress, forgive me my faults please.

[Lydianne]

We're all different .

We're broadly like-minded in terms of being TG and/or CD ( ironically, the accepted definitions vary ), and through that, we are here, but we are different.

You like cars, and you developed like-minded friends and acquaintances through that. That's healthy, I think . . unless you think the 110% focus is to the detriment of other things. You didn't state this, and from reading, I didn't get that impression. I actually got the opposite impression as it gave you another outlet for expression of passion within your means. You said you are "happy", "doing fairly well", and "not lonely". That's good! But only you know for sure.

I can't say I'm familiar with the traits of being each star sign, but I would think you would need to have the traits of both sides of the sign in order to be typical of it, no? ... Otherwise you wouldn't be typical . Astrology breakdown, right there! . No, seriously, I do not know about this .

The potential relationship is also something I can't say too much about. Would she accept your dressing? For me, that would be #1, but TG has me by the throat. This is the reason I did not make an attempt at family life. You already know a bit about how family life works alongside being TG, but from the terror you say built up after you asked her out and things you didn't find fun anymore, it didn't sound as though you were ready at that time. Only you can judge that, though.

If you're not happy about the body fat, it should be beatable if it's not medically rooted. If there's no medical condition, then the motivation should be high: reuniting yourself with your wardrobe, eliminating the need to spend more on new stuff, looking good in case you and your lady friend feel ready to give it another try . I agree that restocking a wardrobe can be expensive , and it's difficult to make peace with buying something you know you already have just to get it in a bigger size .

We're all different. We all have our other pastimes. We all have different ideas of what's "normal". We are all imperfect. From my point of view, nothing to forgive .

Welcome back to the community .

- Lydianne.

[Mykaa]

I dont know Lydia, thats the 20k question always, what I do know is how my ex has treated me and the misery that followed afterwards, I have 2 kids I dont see due to what their mom has said & done, no its not all her fault but the things she said got her way for her. I know last year when I was more actively exploring the community I talked to the owner of a local beauty supply who told me women were more open to this than most realize, I have a couple friends living a different life style so I do know things always have a chance, I know Ive been happier since I got off the rollercoaster of the guilt this cycle of cding can have. Ive always enjoyed cars and have since I was getting old enough to think about what I wanted and the why's, they say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, Im not sure thats always true, I do get lonely at times and miss having a companion, I stay busy and concentrate on good things daily instead of negative this alone is very helpful I do enjoy pretty clothes and shoes sometimes just to wear or relax, some of a Leo's traits "Generous and warmhearted
Creative and enthusiastic
Broad-minded and expansive
Faithful and loving
Leo On the dark side....

Pompous and patronizing
Bossy and interfering
Dogmatic and intolerant" its not me exactly but I have most of them, I know people can just have traits but I seem to fit most of my sign in general, I try to be more open minded than I used to be as I am different than what most consider the norm, honestly Ive learned to like being different in some ways as Im not always doing what the "in crowd" does, Im not big just packing extra skin and belly typical for being around 50, I imagine some would enjoying being as thin as I am still, lol.
Thanks for the welcome back and the reply.

[Jean 103]

There is nothing here you need to apologize for.
I’m glad you have accepted this as part of who you are. That can be a hard thing to get past.

You are who you are, an individual, what makes you different is what makes you special.

Having interests you can share with others is one of the joys of life.

Relationships require time, the amount of comment depends on the type it is. There is nothing wrong with just being friends for now. If you feel at some time you need to tell her then tell her then.

Thank you for sharing

[Beverley Sims]

Don't overthink things, go out and have fun.

Think of any problems that may arise when you are out and stay safe.