What's in a name?

[Helen_Highwater]

On my last outing I encountered a situation I'd given absolutely no thought to. I took a skirt into a repairers to have a new zip fitted , no problem, ready on Saturday, can we have a mobile number so we can text you to confirm it's ready and a name for the receipt.

I'd never been asked for my name before under anything like these circumstances and without thinking said Helen Highwater, my name here. Well you may ask what's wrong with using that? Well I choose it partly for it's slightly comedic phrasing (Hell and High Water for anyone who's not cottoned on). The guy serving me got the joke and it made me think that while it's fit for purpose here, for real world situations I need a more suitable surname.

I don't want to use my real one as it's a little uncommon and there's that stupid little worry that I'll be outed as a result. Daft I know but we all have these little voices.

I've now settled on a surname for Helen, one which is a truncated composition of my initials and actual surname. So my question is I suppose a two parter. For those who go out have you had to deal with anything similar and how/what did you do. For those yet to step out is this something you've ever given thought to?

Also one thing I need to explore is getting a debit/credit card with the same details. It should be OK but in the UK banks have to satisfy themselves there's no intent to commit fraud or launder money when setting up new accounts.

[DIANEF]

Although I am yet far from interacting in the same way you do Helen, I have given it thought. Some time ago I wondered about a surname and settled on Fischer (I heard it somewhere and thought Diane Fischer had nice ring to it), hence DIANEF above my avatar.

[Sarah Doepner]

I've used both my natal name and my adopted name from time to time when I've had to. The ladies at the wig shop call me Sarah even when I show up as Dave. Ordering things over the Internet, or buying/repairing something locally requires me to use my legal name since I don't have a credit card in Sarah's name yet. I just have to suck it up and let them wonder why the guy is doing 'that'. Charles is my middle name as a male and my last name as female, so I'm considering adding Sarah as a legal middle name. That would make it much easier to to get a credit card and have ID Sarah could use under other circumstances, like getting a players card at a casino and things like that.

[Pat]

When I was a crossdresser, I used an alias. In the US, at least, it's perfectly fine as long as there's no intent to defraud. However, getting "official" documents was a little weird -- my credit card company had no problem issuing a second card with that name on it (as long as the primary card was in my legal name.) My bank was totally happy to give me new checks with any name I wanted on them, but the ATM card (and bank statements) had to match the name in my Social Security records. So it can be kind of a patchwork thing until you do a formal, legal transition.

[Emily Barton]

Heh, I really like the "Hell and High Water thing - it's clever! When I first settled on "Emily" and had to set up an email account I didn't have a surname, so instead went for "emilyisonfire" because of the band (Alex is my real name).

Later, I settled on "Barton" when a friend of mine decided that my grin really reminded her of someone. After a few days she messaged me to say it was Mischa Barton which was a pleasant surprise! Never had to use it out and about though.

[Micki_Finn]

I’d have gone with “Helen Flood” to keep the pun in abstract form. :P

[Teresa]

Helen,
If you recall your name came up in a Doc Martin episode , he stood in the surgery and clearly called the name out , obviously the writers though it suitable to write it into the script , ( possibly one remembered Wogan's use of the term !) why change it ?

I know it's something I'll have to consider, my passport is coming up for renewal this year and I still have the old style driving license , but I'm going to use a female derivative of my male name and use the same initials , my surname is also unusual but I'm stuck with it . It's all part of the coming out and acceptance process and I'm not ashamed to be going down this road .

[Tracy Irving]

The writers of Doc Martin are known for using celebeity and pun names.

There is nothing wrong with your name Helen. If a poll existed, I would vote to keep it as is

[SaraLin]

Helen, if anyone asked or commented about your name, you could always give a smile and say something like "Well, my parents had a good sense of humor" (which might even be true) or "I know, silly isn't it?"

I don't see any need for you to change it if you're comfortable with it.

[Helen_Highwater]

I’d have gone with “Helen Flood” to keep the pun in abstract form. :P

Hey girlfriend, I like ya thinkin'! That's me gettin down wid the kids BTW.

Helen,
If you recall your name came up in a Doc Martin episode , he stood in the surgery and clearly called the name out , obviously the writers though it suitable to write it into the script , ( possibly one remembered Wogan's use of the term !) why change it ?

I know it's something I'll have to consider, my passport is coming up for renewal this year and I still have the old style driving license , but I'm going to use a female derivative of my male name and use the same initials .

Teresa,
For you it's somewhat different. While I'm not 100% sure changing names on things like passports may require a formal process and as a new style driving licence can be used as proof of id when flying internally that may have to be registered also.

To those who say keep it I understand your thoughts. The reason I want to change it is while I in no way passed when I talked to the SA in the zip shop, when I go out I dress to blend and seek to represent out community in the best light I can. Hence having a name that is let's face it, is intended here to be a little flippant, I don't want that out in the physical world.

When out and I assume 99% of us are the same, I want to be taken seriously and hence treated as such. So anything I can do however small to achieve that is one more step to garnering greater acceptance and understanding from the muggle world.

Every little helps.

Now Helen Flood, Mmmmm, that's growing on me.

[DaisyLawrence]

Indeed, whilst we have enjoyed the pun Helen, it is time for a change to something more serious if you want to be treated with the respect you deserve. I had a friend at uni that changed his name legally to Pink Dandelian. It was a talking point but not the inspired life choice he may have wished for. Had no problem getting bank cards etc but couldn't get anyone to accept a cheque because they just wouldn't believe they were real!

Daisy

[Pat]

To those who say keep it I understand your thoughts. The reason I want to change it is while I in no way passed when I talked to the SA in the zip shop, when I go out I dress to blend and seek to represent out community in the best light I can. Hence having a name that is let's face it, is intended here to be a little flippant, I don't want that out in the physical world.

If you wanted to keep it you could always blame your parents. My Mom used to fly with some folks who named their daughter Shanda Lear. When my wife and I were expecting our first child, she wanted to name it "Teahan" if it was a girl (family name.) I told her I'd only do it if we gave her a middle name of "Crumpet." Fortunately it was a boy. Parents can be horrible.

[DaisyLawrence]

If you wanted to keep it you could always blame your parents. My Mom used to fly with some folks who named their daughter Shanda Lear. When my wife and I were expecting our first child, she wanted to name it "Teahan" if it was a girl (family name.) I told her I'd only do it if we gave her a middle name of "Crumpet." Fortunately it was a boy. Parents can be horrible.

It get better. I actually heard for real of a vicar and his wife who named their son Richard Stains and actually then called him Dick for short. Apparantly, when as a young boy he wrote Dick Stains in huge letters in the snow on the vicarage lawn his parents could not understand why a neighbour complained. You couldn't make this stuff up but it's true.

[Krisi]

Other than my male name I have three female names. One I've used in the past, the one I use here and what I hope my wife will call me when I'm dressed (this is a variation of my real male name). Only the first has a last name so that is what I would use if I had to provide a name in a case like what you mentioned.

[Carole]

It could have been worse Helen, just imagine if you had the surname Back, you would now be Helen Back!!!!!!!

[Ressie]

Isn't Helen Hunt in charge of the lost and found dept? If you lose something you must go to her! Maybe you could go with Helen H. Waters?

I don't like coming up with a last name because I'll eventually think of a better one and want to change it. But the idea does cross my mind every now and then.

[Jean 103]

I have been there, at work I use my last name which is a girl’s name.

When I first started going out I hadn't given it any prior thought. I just used Jean and if needed with my actual last name.
I didn’t think about it at the time, as I was making new friends. It stuck, I am Jean. At one point I ask a close friend about changing my name. Ms. M said I could call myself anything I want, but she will always call me Jean, so I’m just Jean.
All my close friends know my legal name, I’m not hiding who I am.

I use Jean everywhere and have thought of changing my name. I hate when I’m called by my guy first name. This only happens at work as that’s how they know me. They also know that I go by Jean when I’m not working.

I use Jean at stores, and everywhere else that does not require my legal name. Most people don’t care, I did get a questioning look at the sewing store. I used a coupon from my phone in Jeans name. When I paid I used my credit card, guy name.

My best friend will use my guy name when referring to me representing as a guy, which I only do at work.

My advice is pick the name you want to be known as, before you start making friends in the real world.

[Beverley Sims]

Helen Waite. I get told that all the time.....
Teresa Green. Sherwood forest is full of them.
Helen Highwater. I have got used to it and would always identify by it.

It does not matter if you are called "Late for Dinner". the name always sticks.....

I have been Beverley Sims since I was eighteen.

[Aunty_Hazel]

I always figured Hazel Woods was a bit of a pun, but it was a common enough surname to also be taken seriously.

[Helen_Highwater]

Sorry, I may have caused a little confusion. On this forum Helen Highwater is here to stay. I've no intention of changing that. It's the real world, out there with the muggles that I feel I need a more normal surname.

If enfemme I choose to stay in a hotel , book a table in a restaurant, anything that requires me to use a name then I'd rather it be something people won't think of as being jokey or somewhat trivial. I don't want people to have any reason to consider me as anything other than just another person going about their business.

That encounter in the zip repairers was something I'd never given thought to and it took me by surprise. It made me realise just what strides I'd made in my dressing and being out and about. I was creating a place in the world for Helen and that place needed to be as real and as solid as possible.

Now, as for "those" names that do pop up. I know of a Hazel Smith who married a Mr. Nutt. Yep she became Hazel Nutt. We had a kid at school called Peter Brain so P. Brain. And I'll try to do this one tastefully. I worked with a Mr. Hunt. He was known as Izak .............

[Stephanie Julianna]

Years ago I worked for a candy wholesaler and once a week had to run a sales route. One customer had a photo development service in-store and I would get my film developed there with my picture dressed. After having done this for a few months she eventually put two and two together and I confessed they were pics of me. She became a very good friend and eventually asked if I would take her to the clubs in the city. At the time I had named myself Debbie but she convinced me that I was more a Stephanie. My real middle name is Julian after my Dad, thus I use Julianna. To stay with the fun side of the thread, I once dressed as a female nurse for Halloween (I'm a male nurse). My Director of Nurses had a name tag made for me that said, "Miss Diagnosed, RN". LOL

[Teresa]

Helen,
You've just reminded me of the first time I had some alterations done to a skirt my wife gave me, it was a lovely black velvet skirt but the waist band as too tight and the zip had broken . The seamstress always sends a text when the item is ready , so of course I carried my phone everywhere with me for days . On the one occasion I didn't my wife said your phone has been ringing and there clearly on the screen was the text message telling me my skirt was ready for collection .

[Aunty_Hazel]

Helen, I work with a Mike Hunt, which can also lead to some amusement in the office.
As for Mrs Nutt, if I were to steal her surname I'd have to hyphenate it with that of an old college friend, and be Hazel Nutt-Whipp.
:-)

[Krisi]

For those looking for a serious last name, I used my actual middle name along with the first name that my mother would have named me if I had been the girl she really wanted. That won't work for everyone but my middle name is actually the last name of an ancestor.

[Jean 103]

Helen,

I completely get it. I have been down this road, and not that long ago.

I enjoy your posts, Thank you