Change in reasons for crossdressing

[Gillian Gigs]

You are not alone! In my early years dressing was totally for sexual reasons, and remained that way for many years. In my case change has not happened quickly, but has morphed over a long period of time. Over the last 10 years it has jumped back and forth a lot. It is now at about an 80% to 20% split in favour of the clothes only. I have always thought that some of this change has to do with the 'change of life' which men also go through. There is a lovely sensual feel to my clothing choices and to me this is what makes it all feel so peaceful.

Pat's comment,"The sexual aspect of dressing, though common at the beginning, has been identified by psychologists as "an extinction behavior" meaning that the behavior disappears over time but the crossdressing remains." This is an interesting thought! To me, I believe we all have varying degrees of masculine and feminine traits, if someone is truly transgender, their feminine traits should manifest in many areas, not just in their clothes.

[Micki_Finn]

Welcome to the club. I believe a LOT of the members of this community followed the exact same or at least very similar development.

[Dana44]

Jasmine, I think we all had that start. But as we grew older. It is a more calm and felling pretty. It is just nice to be feminine.

[kimdl93]

Extinction behavior...I like that! Although I would have thought it might be behaviors that contribute to extinction!

But anyway... my personal observation, evidently common one, is that the interest in dressing began long before any sexuality, and the emerging sexuality of the teens became intertwined with the interest in crossdressing. Its easy to understand why...for a teen, those raging hormones give almost everything a sexual connotation.

Later er in life, sexual desires may diminish with hormone changes, kids, various life stresses, simply untangling the parallel threads. Or so it seems to me.

mu other observation is that it may be easier as a teen or adult to attribute crossdressing to sexual fetish or ‘just a kink’, rather than accepting the possibility, “gasp”, that I might be one of “them”!

[Jasmine Rose]

I am so moved my everyone's responses! I woke up this morning hoping to see that maybe one or two people had seen what I wrote and felt the same way. I was blown away by how many responses there were. I didn't have time to read them before leaving for work, but now that I have, I am feeling a lot better about myself.

While each and every one of you that has responded contributed to the warm fuzzy feeling of acceptance and normalcy, there is one particular person who I would like to quote because their words resonated with me so perfectly:

When the sexual component was part of the deal, once I had the thrill, the session was over and replaced with shame and emptiness. Now a dressing session lasts as long as the time I have available (and when my wife is away it can be measured in days).

JeanTG, you described my feelings so perfectly!

Thank you everyone for all of your kind words. I wish you all the same warm and fuzzy feelings that your words gave to me.

[Maria_mtf]

Hi Jasmine.

I am a bit late to the party but in a very similar boat to you. I am currently forcefully trying to ingore the sexual aspect by spending 3 days a week dressed fully for most of the day.

Thank you for the post I have enjoyed reading all the comments on here.

[Ina Girdle]

Wow, what a great thread. Jasmine you have really stuck a chord with many of us. A couple of points.

I am in the camp with Jamie too, my earliest memories of crossdressing at 5, I would search through my mothers underwear drawer for bras and girdles to dress up in, any chance I got, I did this for 7 more years before I discovered the self gratification aspect (separate from crossdressing), which quickly became intertwined for MANY years.

There was the naughty / dirty aspect of crossdressing and the rush of doing it and not getting caught, first by parents or siblings then my wife. Once I found this site and great community, I came out to my wife, which instantly removed the getting caught theme. I don't know if it is residual denial or what, but I still have a slight feeling of embarrassment when I crossdress in front of my wife. She accepts and supports me, but is not crazy about it.

Thanks, Ina G.

[Krea]

Hi Jasmine,

I was a late-starter (~40 years old) but like you and many others here, i went thru that same stage of CDing being a bit of a thrill. Then i started to settle down and enjoy it without just feeling turned-on.

Coming-out to my wife and her wish to try and be supportive may have taken away some of the "forbidden thrill" aspect, so now it feels more natural (and enjoyable) perhaps.

I no longer try to work out why my CD feelings go the way they do. I have simply accepted that it is who i am and now i feel much happier as a result.

Best wishes, Nic

[Sabrina.K]

Yup, changed for me too. It was a sexual fetish until my thirties, where it just turned into a love for the clothing.

Saying that though, there are still a few clothing items that can get me "excited" :P

[Territx]

Reading these posts I see myself as I have aged. I guess it just confirms that while we have a lot in common, though there will always be some variations.

[CONSUELO]

Welcome Jasmine,
What you are experiencing is something many, if not most of us here have experienced. Even now I often have strong feelings of arousal when dressed but not always. I just don't worry about it any more. It is what I am.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I don't know if My reasons have changed, only that I have obtained more INSIGHT into why I Cross dress. Different "authorities" often state different reasons for CD that we may buy into and later change our opinion. I finally was doing my own research and study--Not just CD, but brain function in general. and made a discovery that there are SEVERAL different reasons for CD. But we may not be aware of all of them. I finally discovered that I am an "ESCAPIST" CD. An escapist essentially CDs to "take a vacation away from himself". A guy can't get farther away from himself than to become a whole different person--a woman! I suppose a milder form of escapism is in disguises and acting where a man would play another character, like Sherlock Holmes or a warrior Character, like a Medieval Knight (as in SCA or Cosplay) But CD might take the deliberate "disconnect" up to another level.---This might also be connected to CD in men who wear Uniforms in their work, like policemen, Firemen, etc. They need a way to disconnect from both their identity and "manhood" obligations, from time to time. I find CD very "Stress relieving" as well as a sexual "turn on" on the side, and it feels good to be (somewhat) "pretty" too.

All In all, I don't think that the reasons for CDing change all that much, but rather we get NEW INSIGHTS as to why we CD.

[JeanTG]

Oddly, I have been dressing sporadically lately and recently had an episode with a happy ending and I felt the same shame afterwards. It still happens from time to time (usually with no shame though), but I'd say that out of 25 dressing sessions, only one ends up that way. Today I'm dressed: panties, bra, blouse, pencil skirt, wig, some neutral lipstick, shoes, pantyhose. I'm just feeling calm and content, and plan to leave it at that. I'm going to work out this aft so will change then (I don't have any feminine workout gear except for a couple of sports bras).

[Julia1984]

Marina. You make a good point. I was wondering about "reasons why" recently and the escapism thing occurred to me too. Oddly enough I also do a bit of acting, as well. There may well be a connection. We are doing a potted version of Lysistrata soon, with blokes playing gals, so that will be interesting!
Hugs
Julia

[JeanTG]

Well I often do not like being a guy, sometimes I don't mind, but I figure I have a strong feminine side that needs expression. Escapism might be a trigger no doubt: times of anxiety or stress have often driven me to dress. But I'm not sure that escapism is the sole reason. Most people have hobbies for that, and I don't think I'd escape into crossdressing if I didn't have a strong affinity for the feminine.

But these days I just give up trying to figure out the whys and wherefores. Just enjoy! It is how/what we are. Nobody knows how we got here, but here we is!

[Shely]

After reading most of the posts, I have little to add. I guess i'm in the mainstream here. I just love to wear women's clothes and in my late 60s I guess i always will. It did start in my early teens ans was entirety sexual in nature. HUGsss

[Jaymees22]

I first dressed when I was 7, I played one of Cinderella's ugly sisters (type casting?) in a second grade play. No sexuality then but I was happy about doing it. Then I dressed again at 17 and was very aroused. Then after I retired at 67 I decided to try dressing again and hopefully find that aroused feeling again, but I found something better "myself".

I also like the explanation of escapism. I had discussed that theory with my therapist and she seemed to agree that that could be a component of crossdressing.

Occasionally I too have a happy ending or a happy middle or a happy beginning, there is still a sexual component even at 73.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Well, it's the sexually "flavored" HIGH I get from the "escapism". I think originates from crossing "forbidden" "Mental Boundaries" when one "Disconnects" from one's self. Ironically not "Finding one's self" as SOME say, but the exact opposite ----- escaping myself--which would naturally give one "funny feelings"

[NancySue]

As an early starter, 5-6, I,too, have followed the same identical pattern described by so many of you. It’s all about comfort, looking as good as possible, relaxation, even doing my own laundry is a fun experience, doing my things by hand, hanging things to dry, taking my dresses to be dry cleaned. My wife’s advice has been greatly appreciated. It’s a new world and I love it.

[jacques]

Shocking news! - we are not the same people we were when we were young.
When I was a child I liked sugary treats. Later I smoked tobacco and got drunk on beer. Now I like to go to a bar for a cup of coffee.
When I was a child I wore tights to be a superhero. When I was a teenager I wore tights for their eroticism. Now I wear tights and a dress to relax after a stressful day at work.
Crossdressing is no different to many other things in our lives (or in anyone's life)- it changes as we change.
Embrace it!
luv J

[Marianne S]

For me, crossdressing can still be sexually arousing, and I haven't seen that diminishing with age. However, I've also found nonsexual ("gender-related") motives for crossdressing have emerged over the years. So my motives for, and feelings about, crossdressing have changed over time--if not on the same timetable as some here--and I do see parallels with what others have said. Although sexual motives still play a part, one thing that's changed is the source and nature of those sexual motives.

This is where I appreciate Marina's observation of the multiple reasons for crossdressing, and kimdl93's remark about "untangling the parallel threads"--of these multiple reasons, sorting them out, separating them from one another and identifying them individually. The fact is, we don't always think "atomically" enough, "analytically" enough about many things in life, including the reasons for crossdessing and even sexuality itself. To "analyze" means to break something down into its component parts, separate them out and identify them.

Unlike kimdl93 and many others, I didn't have any particular urge to crossdress as a child, except for trying on my mother's nightie when I was only five, which I attribute to normal childhood experimentation rather than any transgender motives. It was only in my early teens that I started dressing, and then it was for sexual thrills. A lot of that thrill was downright fetishistic: the clothes in and of themselves were sexually arousing. My first experiment was with my mother's skirt, but soon I was putting on all of her clothes and underwear. Naturally, slipping into her panties was the most exciting of all. I would put everything else on first--bra, girdle and nylons, slip, blouse and skirt--before "saving the best 'til last" by pulling on her panties underneath my skirt for the supreme thrill.

At the time, I didn't know "why" it turned me on to do this, only that it made me different from other boys who were not aroused by wearing female clothes. I knew I wasn't "gay," since I was perfectly aware that it was girls and not boys I was attracted to sexually. But I knew nothing about transgender phenomena. However, at some point I learned about other sexual deviations, probably first from Maxine Davis's book Sex and the Adolescent, which I bought a copy of and passed around in school to other friends who at our age were naturally interested in anything to do with sex! Her book had a brief mention of "fetishism," and since that was the "best fit" with what I was experiencing, I decided that's what I must be: a "fetishist." I know some people hate labels, most of all when they "don't fit," but labels can be useful if they seem to fit well enough. At the time, I was happy enough to have a label that seemed to fit me, rather than being some kind of outlandish weirdo that nobody had ever heard of!

At that earlier period of my life I could certainly identify with what JeanTG said, When this sexual component was the whole deal, once I'd had the thrill and the session was over I felt very uncomfortable crossdressed and wanted to get back into "guy mode" right away. Later on that did change, as others have experienced, so that now I like to crossdress just for the "enjoyment" of being in female clothing, quite apart from any sexual motive. So despite remaining comfortable in "guy mode" also, I do mirror the experiences of others insofar as my motives for dressing do seem to include a "transgender" component. And it is a component that I might never have explored if I hadn't been "woken up" to that feminine side of myself in the first place by more insistent erotic motivations.

It's also true for me that the original, purely fetishistic motives for crossdressing seem to have waned over the years. That component seems to be nowhere near as intense as it once was, in my teens above all.

In spite of that, this doesn't mean crossdressing is "less sexual" for me today--or that the sexual component weakened due to testosterone levels dropping with age--or that the nonsexual, "gender" component became apparent only due to the fading of the sexual component that was overshadowing it. Instead, I'd say on the one hand that the nonsexual, "gender" motive emerged due to increasing self-acceptance of the "feminine me"--a slow process to be sure, but one that was well underway by the time I was thirty. Meanwhile on the sexual side, if the purely fetishistic motive faded with time, what is still there---and had been there from the beginning--was the excitement of fantasizing sex in a female role, which was facilitated by crossdressing. Even at fourteen or so I was doing this, though I was imagining myself with female (not male) partners: a "lesbian" role. That's a third component. So I think it's important to figure out where all these "pieces" of our motives come from, whether they're sexual or nonsexual.

[Gwen M]

It is interesting that we all go through the same progression. Sexual gratification sexy cloths in private. Then we think going out in public is ok wearing wrong clothes. To finally realizing we just want to be comfortable as a female is ok. Shame is , as my case , it took so many years.

[Julia1984]

Marianne
That is one of the most honest, most perceptive and most helpful posts I have read here, or anywhere else, in a very long time. Thank you for articulating your own position so clearly.
Julia

[gunta]

At a begining that was truly and only sexual reason and after orgasm I even hated what I have done. Now I'm in midle 40 and it is 50/50, no hate anymore and I can remain dressed and even can get orgasm without touching 'below'(with no so much excitement, but it returns after an hour)

[JeanTG]

While there seems to be a separation between sexual and gender reasons with age, it goes without saying, I think, that gender identity and sexuality are somewhat intertwined. I do feel more "sexual" when dressed. It still can occasionally lead to a happy ending, but that's now fairly rare. Mostly it just feels nice, and all my senses seem sharper when dressed.