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Thread: Advice on the MENTAL component to making love during transition

  1. #1
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    Advice on the MENTAL component to making love during transition

    please read closely what I’m asking. I am early in transition and I define myself as a lesbian trans woman. I think my attraction to women has enabled my denial because as far as relationships it’s easier to find and date women in a male body.

    I am to the point now that I feel disconnected from my male parts, so making love to a woman like a man would is less exciting than before. But for better or worse it is how I’m currently choosing to relate to my SO just because of the practicality of it.

    I don’t want tips on any actions or physical things. I am asking how other trans women may have mentally made peace with their bodies early in transition. I look at my male body like a rental car. The female body I will have one day is in the shop so for now I have to use the rental car. On a day to day I can handle that. I just can’t connect with this body sexually.

    I hope I don’t feel this way for months or even years until I feel more physically able to relate to women as a lesbian. Has anyone found a mental trick to feel less dysphoric.

    Again please understand I don’t want to discuss any sexual acts. Just your approach mentally or emotionally to connect with your body for the time being while you wait for transition to change your body. Once I have completed a physical transition this will all be so simple or if I chose to live in denial and just act as a cis male it would be simple but realizing I’m in this temporary body and waiting for my new body is really confusing me.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 01-09-2018 at 12:51 AM.

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    Hi! I have not transitioned physically and for a mountain of reasons I don't know if or when I will. I feel like I understand your situation very well though. For me, With the help of a willing and mostly understanding partner, I've coped through what some might call fantasy. I feel like I have transitioned mentally, or almost, and this has helped a great deal. They say the most important sex organ is the brain. I usef to roll my eyes at that but I believe it now. Once I accepted and allowed myself to be a woman mentally my body became less of an issue. Still is, but just less. If I and my partner both regard me as female, the mechanical bits are less of a problem. I am able to feel, even physically, fully female during intercourse (I won't share details since you asked not to). It is still discomforting after the act to see my "parts" and sometimes leaves me grumpy. But it is a huge improvement over the days of sleeping with unknowing or disapproving partners. I think just changing your mindset and relationship won't fix everything but it's a big help and too often overlooked. Likewise, I think having the body you want won't fix everything either, on it's own, I used to think it would, I think a lot of people do. But if it's connection to another human you want, most of that happens in your heart and brain. I won't say all, but a whole lot of it does. I hope this helps. Peace.

  3. #3
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    Thank you for sharing. Over the last year with therapy and medications I have become comfortable conceptualizing myself as a woman. It has brought a great deal of peace. Before this I always felt out of place but with out the idea of changing my body it was simple. My sexual experiences have been somewhatlackluster because of my feeling out of place and now i understand why but it was just how it was for me. since I have committed to changing physically it’s
    Like a switch went off and I feel completely disconnected from my body.

  4. #4
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ashleymasters View Post
    I don’t want tips on any actions or physical things. I am asking how other trans women may have mentally made peace with their bodies early in transition. I look at my male body like a rental car. The female body I will have one day is in the shop so for now I have to use the rental car. On a day to day I can handle that. I just can’t connect with this body sexually.
    Again please understand I don’t want to discuss any sexual acts. Just your approach mentally or emotionally to connect with your body for the time being while you wait for transition to change your body.
    Hi Ashley,

    I'm also identifying as a transwoman, lesbian because I am happy/in love with my SO and desire no-one else sexually. Like you, i am seeing this body as a vessel in transition, like a chrysalis before emerging as the real butterfly me.

    This is what I have done, and I am doing. I am admiring my, albeit very slow breast growth, and gradually more bare, smoother, softer facial cheek/chin/neck region. In my mind's eye, while lovemaking, I am visualising my presently male equipment as the female equivalent, literally feeling/seeing as if what sticks out is inside. I have found the area behind the scrotum erogonising, which helps, and also my nipples have erogonised since a few weeks now. These feelings help with and identifying as a female body during love-making. Another thing I've tried once, is to consider the present appendage as a toy, and to overlay the feelings from there as if inside me. It's a little more tricky to do, but it does help.

    I hope i've kept to the mental side as requested.

    best wishes Pam
    Last edited by Sandra; 01-09-2018 at 11:01 AM. Reason: sex toys are not allowed
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  5. #5
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    I imagined myself as the woman every since i've had sex...frankly it made it much less intimate but functional...i was not present for the connection....kind of sad actually.... ..i identified the same way as you but if i am honest and i just close my eyes and listen to my body and fantasize...im totally straight...

    even tho men kind of gross me out... my therapist tells me that i would not be the only woman that felt that way..

    no doubt my gender coping screwed up my understanding of my own sexuality...

    in any case, a strong fantasy component is great, but it can detach you from the deepest part of the intimacy unless the partner is totally into it...even a partner that is willing to give it a go for you gives up alot

    take good care of yourself, its an awkward time
    I am real

  6. #6
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Ashley I’m going through much of this as well, while I’m not really concerned much right now about relationships I am more
    attracted to cis women. I am more interested in realating to them in all ways than any man. Going thorough my transition
    this could change but doubt it. I suspect most trans women deal with these issues as this is a big change in how we relate
    to everyone. So I guess I don’t have an answer but has been said the more I become my female self the more it may change my relationships

  7. #7
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    Dear Ashley:
    I am not in transition, but am hopelessly Dysphoric. I have often thought if I could have SRS I would be lesbian. Over the years I have been able to get my head around the idea of being a woman loving a man. Because of mainly religious reasons I will not have SRS and am married to a woman. I am really quite incapable of functioning in bed thinking of myself as a male. I think of the process from the perspective of what I would be experiencing if I were my wife. We have a very active sex life. We are into an adult nursing relationship ANR or ABF so that leads to frequent activity. I have found seeing myself as the female recieving is very effective. You may as well.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 01-12-2018 at 06:00 PM. Reason: Let's not go there

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