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Thread: Face to face counseling

  1. #1
    Junior Member Jasmine Rose's Avatar
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    Face to face counseling

    I go to counseling sessions every two weeks. It has helped a lot with dealing with many other (non CD) issues in my life. Still, I have not ever been able to talk about my crossdressing with her (counceler is female).
    I feel like this is the best opportunity to try talking to someone face to face. People in her profession should not be judgemental, but you never know. I see her in about six hours, and I have considered talking with her about it.
    Talking here on the forums is safe. If people had rejected me, I could have just disappeared from the forums and no one would have known who I really was. You have all been so supportive, but I was prepared to cut my losses if it had turned out differently. This is different. I will have to deal with rejection personally.
    How have you dealt with talking to someone face to face for the first time? Is it a mistake to try this? Should I get more comfortable with this online community first?
    Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    Member Genni's Avatar
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    Welcome Jasmine!

    I would think that any counselor worth their salt would want you to share and to be open about all the challenges in your life, including those that your CDing brings. That discussion may help put some of your other issues into context. Our life's challenges tend to build off of one another. The more open you are with her, the better she can see the big picture and help you to deal with it.

  3. #3
    Junior Member Jasmine Rose's Avatar
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    I think part of my fear is that things will be weird between us after talking about crossdressing.
    I also fell almost terrified of saying these things out loud to another person. I can feel my heart racing right now just thinking about it.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    She is a professional. Take a deep breath and say that there is an element of your life that you think she needs to know about in order to help and guide you. Take another deep breath and then say, "I am a cross dresser." She will guide you from there. She will not reject you or if on the extreme slim chance she does, she is not a professional and you need another counselor.

    I, also, feel your anxiety. It was the same for me exactly five years ago when I wrote in the introduction to this site, "my name is Laura and I am a cross dresser."

    Best of luck. You can do it.
    Last edited by Laura912; 01-09-2018 at 02:15 PM.

  5. #5
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    I agree with laura!

    Keep us informed how it goes

  6. #6
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
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    Jasmine,

    The first time I went to a counselor I had a bucket full of issues that needed to be addressed, mostly from work and family. Like you I thought about bringing my crossdressing up but held back out of fear. Then once the other issues had either been resolved or I had recovered my coping skills I stopped going. My gender dysphoria was much less of an issue than everything else and I had on line resources and friends in the T community I could work with when I had questions. That all helped for a while.

    Fast forward to a couple of years ago when my world had become a pit of despair with the unexpected end of my career, cancer for my wife leading to her death and the deaths of in-laws and my brother all in short order. By then my gender dysphoria had become much more of an influence in my life and I had to get a handle on everything. This time I went to the therapist with the intent of dealing with All my concerns. I picked a therapist from a list of professionals recommended by the local LGBT center, so I knew he would be familiar with trans people. I laid everything out on the table and we worked through them one by one and it was the best choice I've made in a long time. I stopped going when it all seemed to be under control once again, but things have changed and I start going back tomorrow.

    Our lives and the things that trouble us are a reflection of lots of different things. Often stress in one area is manifested in how we deal with some other area. If you don't bring all the issues you have to the table, you will be limiting what the counselor can do for you. And you are likely writing off the possibility of coming up with solutions to your other issues. Sometimes that first step of trusting one person leads to learning to trust ourselves and others as well, skills a lot of us seem to have lost to fear.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  7. #7
    Yendis Sidney's Avatar
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    I started counseling about a year ago about my CDING and family issues. The counselor was female said at the first session that she could only help me if I was completely open with her. I was and it worked for me.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Sami Brown's Avatar
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    I probably can't add too much to what the others have recommended. I just want to reiterate that a professional will not use anything against you. I think you should do it. It will probably bring a sense of relief once you do.

    Having said this, the professional's reaction could depend upon training. Someone who is not familiar with transgender issues may not know how to address them correctly. A professional will still be professional about it, but the advice could be tempered by training.

    If the counselor is neither professional nor has good advice, you may need to switch counselors after divulging your crossdressing. I still think it is worth taking the risk, both to gain good advise for all of your issues while considering your crossdressing, and also to determine whether this is the right counselor for you.

    Good luck, and be brave!

    Sami
    My new blog: The Crossdresser Report
    https://crossdresserreport.com/

  9. #9
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Jasmine, your therapist has been helping u find answers to issues in your life, rite? If not, u should find another counselor!

    My point is, do u want to mention crossdressing just so u can tell someone? Or, is it causing problems in your life? Therapists r trained to help u solve problems.If dressing isn't causing issues, maybe u shouldn't mention it to her?

    I'm suggesting that from my experience. When I first mentioned my dressing in a session during couples therapy, the therapist asked what kind of issues were involved? At the time there were none to do with my dressing. So, she crossed it off the list and moved on to things that were issue related!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  10. #10
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    My only question I have is does your dressing have anything to do with what your there now, if it will help your problem now or maybe you just want to be totally honest with her. That would be fine also, almost like all you cards are on the table and that your not hiding anything could also be beneficial. That's my opinion and I'm no expert but please let us know what you decide.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member ShelbyDawn's Avatar
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    As others have said and from personal experience, Tell your counselor. This is a part of who you are and for her to truly help you, she needs the whole picture.
    I am Me and Me is OK!



    Shelby

  12. #12
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Jasmine, do it! It will be such a relief in the long run! (If she is a good counselor!) Just to have someone face to face is different than being on the forum! I believe both are very beneficial but in different ways! You've got this! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
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  13. #13
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    Obviously, I concur with the others with the professionalism and non-judgmental attitudes of licensed counselors, male or female, whether psychologist, licensed professional counselor or licensed clinical social worker...here in The states. Nomenclature may vary, but professional standards are broadly consistent. People in these professions are trained NOT to judge. It would get in the way of doing their jobs...and potentially impact their licensure. They also learn from education and experience that EVERYONE has something going on. No one is perfect, no one exempt. Been following #metoo?

    That said, not all personalities work well together and not all communication styles work in all situations. Its a bit of a crap shoot in that respect. But if you’ve done several hours of counseling already, you’re at least somewhat at ease in talking with your therapist and, I would bet that she is ready to start helping you peel back one or two more layers of the onion

    my therapist let me beat around the bush and vent for several sessions, did some standardized tests, and finally flatly asked me what I thought therapy was about. I glibly replied that it was to make me feel happy. She rather firmly replied, No, it’s to help you accept reality... stung a bit, but it was necessary. We all can retreat from unpleasantness and conjure up comfortable illusions of one type or another. We all hide parts of ourselves we fear will elicit disapproval and rejection.

    When pressed to to acknowledge my ‘secret’ I finally forced out the words I’m a cross dresser. Her reply was, “it’s not a crime, you know!

    That moment was just a start. I’m sure at time she felt like she was pulling teeth instead of getting me to look clearly and unashamedly at myself. three years later, I pronounced myself all better. And for a time perhaps I was, but old demons and fears worked their way back into my mind. And after another broken relationship, I’ve been fighting my way back to some semblance of self awareness and self acceptance.

    Honestly, I envy people who at least seem to have a more natural sense of self, are less conflicted or tormented, but I only see these apparently fortunate souls from the outside. Its oddly humanizing to realize that everyone has got something...some just have learned to accept and cope more effectively than others. Its also reassuring to know that such self awareness is a teachable, learnable, practiced part of existence...not an innate capacity.

    You, and I, can learn and get better at this with time and effort.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 01-09-2018 at 08:38 PM.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  14. #14
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    Jaz, just a word of caution from my experience. I met a counselor at a dance, dated her for a year and a half so I got to know her pretty well. She was very insecure but hid it. She felt inferior to everyone. She would drag everyone she met down to her level and then do what ever it took to make her self look superior. One case she told me about, this female came to her and was drawn to wanting to have a relationship with another woman, she was also drawn to my very attractive girlfriend. My friend put her down, made her feel ashame, tear up a potential females pic and offered no positive direction for her to see if she would be happy as a lesbian. My friend after her second divorce had a relationship with another woman. She was also looking for a meal ticket, me. So glad I dumped her and didn't become her whipping boy. So go with your gut feeling, if they aren't helping, curt them loose and move on. This forum is free, comprised of crossdressers and most try to be helpful with good advise from years of experience, something counselors don't have. And they want you to keep coming back, more $, and back, more $$, and back, more $$$$.

  15. #15
    Member Shayla's Avatar
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    Hi Jasmine. I was so nervous when I told our marriage therapist that I "had a lingerie fetish". To which she replied, "that is actually pretty common." If your therapist is trained to deal with LGBTQ clients at all, she will have seen many crossdressers before you. It was a huge relief to talk to someone face to face. We have since had a few solo sessions where we discussed it further. Although it is only a small piece of the marriage counseling it is a big piece for me personally, and has been educational and very positive. I encourage you to discuss it, and if she does not appear to understand much about crossdressing/transgenderism (all the same to me), find another therapist. In reading your posts it seems like ur CDing is a significant thing to you. Good luck!

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Mykaa's Avatar
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    Jasmine I know it seems like the hardest thing youve ever had to do and it may well be, Ive survived going to court twice over cd related issues, things my ex accused me of which were false by the way, we have 2 kids together, yes I wont lie I was scared to "discuss" certain things with people who have judged me, but my ex was manipulating the oldest and yes it sunk her good, take a deep breath be confident and things will get easier as time passes, a lot of good advice here and always people here who are alike and know how you feel, big hug, hang in there.
    Mykaa is me! Discovering Peace throughout from the Girl within.
    David Bowie "Don't stay in a sad place Where they don't care how you are..."
    Disturbed The Light "The truth is waiting there for you to find it
    It's not a blight, but a remedy"

  17. #17
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I've seen several counselors, most for many months to over a year.

    The counselor's office should be a judgement-free zone, and if it's not, I would suggest another counselor.

    I told all my counselors at our first meeting that I was a crossdressser.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  18. #18
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    Just to make a very short statement, a judgmental counselor is not worth her salary.

  19. #19
    Junior Member Jasmine Rose's Avatar
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    First, let me say Thank You to everyone who has commented.

    I have been to my session, and after the first few minutes of talking about other issues we have discussed in the past I got real quiet. My therapist could tell that whatever I was about to say was big, and she told me to take some deep breaths and to say what was on my mind. I got out the piece of paper where I wrote a few words that I wanted to open with. After another deep breath, I started by saying that I had never told anyone face to face about what I was about to say. After a few more deep breaths, I just said it. "I am a crossdresser."

    Her reaction was to simply reassure me that she was not there to judge me. She continued to listen to what I had to say, and we discussed things for the remainder of the session. I think it went extremely well. I am no longer terrified to talk to her about this stuff. I will see her again in a couple of weeks.

    I will post more thoughts about this tomorrow, but for now I need to go to bed.

    Thank you again everyone for all of your support, and have a wonderful night!

  20. #20
    Member Genni's Avatar
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    That was very brave, Jasmine. Great job! There has to be trust between you and your counselor for her to be effective. You've shown that you trust her, and she showed that she would not judge you. I trust that your sessions will continue to go well and hope you will get from them everything you are looking for!

  21. #21
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    If the counsellor rejects you for being a crossdresser, he/she has no business being in the counselling profession.

    Counselling is a classic example of you gets out what you puts in. Opening up about something so important is likely to be a tremendous weight off your mind. Don't be surprised if you burst into tears! - I've left sessions sometimes feeling I was floating 6' above the ground.

    Hugs and best wishes, Nikki

    PS only just read your latest post - WELL DONE!
    Last edited by Nikkilovesdresses; 01-10-2018 at 11:05 AM. Reason: Added PS
    I used to have a short attention spa

  22. #22
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    Nicely done Jasmine. I suggest that you soon inquire about her training with gender issues. No therapist should judge a client, but if you want to delve into your feelings about gender you need someone trained and hopefully experienced. Ask her how about her experience with gender even if you want to continue working with her you need to know her skills. I spent too much time and $$$$ training therapists who claimed to be skilled. I unfortunately couldn't realize that until I found one that did, big difference!
    Good luck.

  23. #23
    Member Lucy23's Avatar
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    It's really good that you opened up in front of the counselor. From this point forward she can help you. I can imagine the stress and fear that goes with doing so because a few months ago I did the same. I found myself a new counselor because I couldn't afford to pay the former counselor. The main reason I see a therapist is my depression, and what it does to my life. I opened up on the very first meeting, shaking, with my face down, fearing what she might have thought of me. The main reason I decided to tell her was that although I thought that had accepted this part of myself, I later realized that I was deluding myself and pretty much still hate myself for that.

    Turned out she has never met someone like me before but was more that happy to help me accept this part of me. We have talked about it many times, about what does it mean to me, how I feel about it; and although my spidey sense was out of its way to pick up a slightest sign of distaste or disapproval, it failed. And believe me, I've tried to pick up anything. On many occasions my therapist assured me that there is no way she could think any less of me because I liked wearing women's clothes. She even tried to encourage me when I talked about it being a waste of money and I looked like a fool, that she was certain that those clothes were beautiful because I always look put together in my clothes.

    Anyway, it helps. Having someone to talk about it, someone who is non-jugdemental, is amazing.

  24. #24
    Member VS Fan's Avatar
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    Jasmine - so glad you were able to open up to your counselor about it. When I FIRST saw my therapist (also for largely unrelated issues) I laid it all out on the line... she didn't even bat an eyelash, even let me know that she had other TG clients. It was definitely a relief... since there was no mention of LGBT experience in her profile. Best of luck!

  25. #25
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    For you ladies who feel they need a therapist for gender or other issues, but can't afford the cost, your medical insurance may cover the bulk of the cost, less co-pays or deductibles. Call your insurer to find out. Don't be specific as to why therapy is needed. You just have some major issues you need to get help with.

    NOTE... the therapist will not divulge your issues in the billing, so you will not be outed by it.

    I hope this may help someone.

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